Below the Line (8 page)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Nate flew down the road,
knowing she would head straight for her trailer. It was the only place she had to go.
Dammit, how stupid am I?
He had pushed and pushed, wanting her to want him back, wanting her to care and then playing a stupid game with her emotions when things didn’t go his way.

He couldn’t get that look on her face out of his mind. She was hurt. It was a misunderstanding, but how could she know that when he had been acting like he didn’t care for her at all this week?

It was after ten and the studio back lot was locked up tight. He didn’t have a key to the gate since he didn’t need to live on set. He couldn’t tell if she was already inside, her trailer too far from the gate for him to see it.

He drove around to the main gate and thanked his lucky stars that a security guard he had become friendly with this past week was in the guard station. He let Nate in after a minimal amount of cajoling. If he got caught, the guy would probably lose his job, so Nate told him how much he appreciated his trust.

He parked his bike and raced through the lots to where the trailers sat. Marissa’s truck was there but not her bike. He didn’t know what to do. He thought,
I can wait for her there but what if something happened to her on the way here? I can’t think of any other place she might go, but  I don’t know enough about her to know that for sure. I’m losing it. I’m worrying about her as much as I worried about myself when I was on the streets. If something happened to her because of my stupidity, I’ll never forgive himself.

***

The first crying jag in years had left Marissa feeling weak and shaky. Her legs felt heavy as she walked back to her bike. The exhaustion was total, weighing her down. All she wanted was to go back to her crappy trailer, climb onto her lumpy mattress, and cry herself to sleep.

She spent the drive home trying to figure out what to do. There was no way she was giving up her chance to do this movie because she got her heart bruised. It was also far too late to fire Nate and get someone new trained. Obviously, she was no longer going to have to worry about his on screen chemistry with Kate. She would just have to continue acting as if he didn’t matter to her, get the stunt work over with, and quickly find another job to move on to. Get out of Hollywood for a little while. Maybe find a good shoot in another country.

Time and distance, that is what it would take for the bruise to heal. By the time she returned to California her bruise would be healed. Besides, it wasn’t as if she was going to be running into Nate after this was over. He would go back to his life at the club and forget she had ever existed.

She made it home and got the bike parked and covered before the tears began again. She placed the blame for her pain squarely on her own shoulders. She thought,
It was a huge mistake to hire someone I found attractive. It had been tempting fate, and I deserve the burn. Lesson learned.

Nate stood the moment he had heard her pulling in around the back of the trailer, relieved that she was okay. Hands deep in his pockets, he headed around to meet her, trying to think of what to say to make things right.

The tears running down her face made his gut clench hard. “Marissa?”

She couldn't look at him. If she did, she would completely fall apart. “Go away, Nate. I don't want to talk to you.” She tried to make a run around him but failed.

“Please, just give me a chance to explain.” He pulled his hands from his pockets and reached out for her, but she jerked away from him so hard that he flinched. “It wasn't what it looked like.”

“I'm sure it wasn't.” Marissa made herself look him in the eye, pain be damned. “It doesn't matter because it's my own fault that I got hurt. I let myself feel something knowing that it would end badly.” She wrapped her arms around herself, holding the shaking at bay. “Please go.”

“No. You need to let me explain some things. Kate showed up tonight high and wanting to cause trouble. I don’t want her.” Nate went to her again only to have her sidestep him and walk away quickly towards her door. “Marissa, really, wait.”

She had her key out and in the door before he could react. He was coming up the steps, as she turned in the doorway. “I can't do this. It was all a huge mistake.”

Nate felt like she had slapped him in the face, again. “You don't mean that.”

“Yes, I do.” She closed the door, sliding down to the floor as the tears started to flow.

Nate could hear her sobbing from the other side of the door. It was killing him. She might not want to hear what he had to say, but he had to try. “I know you can hear me, Marissa. The only woman I want is you. If you will give me a chance, I'll prove it to you.”

On the other side of the door, Marissa shook her head. He couldn't see, but it didn't matter. She thought,
He can talk all night long and it won’t matter. I can’t let myself take that chance. Why won’t he just leave?

There was nothing but silence from the other side of the door. She had stopped sobbing, but he couldn’t tell whether she was listening. He asked, “Marissa?”

He waited several minutes, but she didn't respond. He hadn't heard her move either. Finally, he heard her get up, then he heard the lock turn on the door. She dismissed him for the second time.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Nate got up early on Monday, anxious to see Marissa and possibly get a few moments to speak to her alone before filming began. He refused to believe that she didn't care. She was afraid, and that was something he understood, something he could fight.

The guard at the gate told him to report to the main office before heading to the set. Frustrated that the unexpected side trip might cause him to miss his chance with Marissa, Nate parked and ran to the office building.

The other three guys that he had started this adventure with were also in the waiting room. The secretary offered coffee, but they all turned it down. Nate was getting more and more aggravated by the minute. Finally, a bigwig stepped out in his Brooks Brothers three-piece and asked them to come down to his office.

Nate knew something was up the minute the door closed. Marissa's crew was there, but Marissa was not. His stomach began to get a hard knot in the middle. “What's going on?”

The suit sat down and addressed them all at once. “I'm afraid that production has been halted, gentlemen. Our star, Miss Fisher, has been admitted to a rehab facility after an unfortunate mishap this past weekend. She will be there at least three months, possibly longer.”

Nate's head began to pound. He knew exactly what this meant.

“You will all be paid generously for your time, and we want you all to know that once production resumes your parts will be waiting for you. Of course, the confidentiality agreement you signed will remain in effect.”

The suit dismissed everyone but Nate. He knew what the man wanted from him. “It has been brought to my attention that Miss Fisher made quite a spectacle of herself in your place of business. I trust that the incident in question will be kept as private as possible?”

“No one will be getting any information from me.” Nate got up and shook the hand the suit offered, practically running from his office. He knew what he would find when he got to Marissa's trailer, but he had to see it for himself.

The door was wide open, the tape with her name on it gone. Everything that made the place personal to her had been stripped. Her scent lingered in the air but soon even that would be gone. Just like her.

***

Marissa sat on the tiny balcony of her residential hotel room, the lights of Vancouver doing nothing to ease the ache in her chest. She had stupidly thought that getting away from L.A. would ease the hurt and help her forget. If anything, she felt worse.

She had taken the easy way out. When the director and head of production had come to her Sunday to inform her that the movie was being tabled until Kate was out of rehab, Marissa had seen it as a blessing. She wouldn't have to face Nate and could be far away before he even knew that she was gone.

Regret sat heavy in her gut. It had been wrong to run off like that. It was wrong because he had been right, about everything. She
was
scared. Irrationally so.

Relationships are always a risk. They don't always last, even when both people want them to. But to never try? I thought that not trying would save me from heartache. So why do I hurt so much, now that I’m away from him?

She liked to believe that she was strong; but, in reality, she
was
a coward.
I use my career as a shield. Hiding from real life by playing the tough stunt chick. The loner that doesn't need anyone. What a joke.

This job was a small one, and she would be done in five more days. If she was going to take a chance on Nate, she had to make up her mind soon because he wouldn’t wait for her forever.

***

At first he tried to find her. It was nearly impossible to get information out of anyone in her group. They claimed that even they didn't know where she had run off to this time. It was like she had disappeared off the face of the earth.

He had two choices, wait until production on the film began again or let her go and move on. Talking it out with his second-in-command hadn't helped. If anything, it had just pissed him off. He realized that it didn't seem very rational to wait around on a woman that he barely knew, but there was something about Marissa that made him different. She made him more than what he had been before her.

Work was his only relief. He threw himself into the repairs on the club. The check he had gotten from the studio was more than enough to get several items checked off his list. What he couldn't afford to replace, he fixed as best as possible. It was a good start.

He was working bar back, tired and frustrated because the beer order had once again not come on time. It wasn't that busy for a Saturday night, mainly because several of the regulars were out on a charity ride in Los Angeles. He decided to shake off early, go home for a swim, and maybe try to get some sleep.

At first, he thought it was exhaustion. He didn't remember leaving the lights on in the pool, but it had happened before. Then, he saw movement, a flash of deep red. It was like he was walking through molasses. When he finally got the patio door open and stepped outside, she was climbing the steps.

“Hi,” she said, her voice soft and hesitant. She didn't move any closer to him or step completely out of the pool. If he rejected her--

“You came back.” Nate didn't move, still half afraid that if he did she would disappear.

“I did.” He hadn't asked her to leave, and she took that as a good sign. “I left here like a coward. I'm sorry for that.”

“You aren’t a coward, Marissa.” Nate put his hands in his pockets, unsure of what to do with them when all they wanted was to reach out and grab her to him and never let her go again.

“Yes, I am.” She took a step, reaching the top of the stairs. “I don’t have any excuses left, Nate, just truth.” She took the last step and then took two more. “I picked you because I was attracted to you, then spent the entire time trying to deny it. I punished you with my
rules
because I was too weak to stay away without them.”

Two more steps and she took his shaking his hands from his pockets. It was  another good sign. She continued to talk to him, “I got so angry the night you said I was afraid because that’s exactly what I was. Afraid.”

“Was?” Nate held his ground, but the band that had been around his chest since she had run from him was loosening bit by bit. “Was afraid?”

Two more steps and she was close enough to feel the heat of his skin and inhale his scent. “Was. I’m not afraid anymore. I thought running from the way I felt would allow me to go back to what I was used to being. Instead, I hurt even worse. I missed you like I haven’t ever missed any man.”

She was close enough to touch, but he didn’t. He waited for her to make the first move. It had to be her. “I don’t think I can stand another round of push and pull, Marissa.”

Looking down, Marissa nodded. “I know that. I do. I can’t promise you that I won’t ever be afraid again, but I
can
promise you that I won’t shut you out or run.” She took that last step, let her body touch his. “I want to be with you, Nate. I want to try and make this work because without you I feel like I’ve lost something very important.”

That was what he had been waiting for. Leaning down, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her up, pressing her tightly to his body. “Finally.” He whispered the word against her lips, unable to wait a second longer to taste her.

She wound her arms around his neck and let him hold her and kiss her, until the worry and stress of the past few days flowed out of her. He was so warm and so solid against her that there was no room for any fear.

Putting his hands under her thighs, he lifted them until they were around his waist and turned to carry her inside. “No more lumpy trailer mattresses for you.” Her laugh was soft and husky near his ear. He nearly stumbled when the laughter died, and she pressed her lips to the skin below his ear.

They had done flash and burn. This wasn’t anything like that. This was softness. Sighs, and long, slow touches. It was the remembrance of known places, and the exploration of the new. This time it was her hands that shook and her breath that trembled.

Where he was hard, she was soft. He gentled her when she tried to rush. She urged him closer when he tried to hold back. When he came into her body, there was a stillness, a moment of completeness that neither could nor wanted to deny.

This time her eyes were open because she wanted to see
him
. Not what his body was doing to hers, not the way they moved together, but what he was telling her without words. Even without the flash, the fire still burned, hotter than she thought possible.

The time came and he gathered her close and held on tight while she came apart in his arms. She did the same for him when he buried himself deep and pulsed inside of her.

He rolled to his back and pulled her over him, cradling her head against his chest. When his breathing was even again, he began to speak. “I looked for you after you ran. I haven’t ever thought of doing that before—chasing after a woman. Then, I realized, how do you find someone who doesn’t have a home?”

Marissa propped her head up on her hands and stared into his eyes. There was a lot there he wasn’t saying. She was surprised to feel tears filling her eyes. She couldn’t find the words she wanted to say.

“Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Nate reached up, thumbing the wetness off her cheeks.

“I’m not upset. I feel—I don’t know how to explain.” She lowered her gaze and stared at the lines and colors, as they spread across his chest.

“I know that you are worried that we won’t really be able to make this work.” She got ready to interrupt, but he put his finger over her lips to hush her. “I’ve never done this either, you know. I’ve never been with someone that I want to stick around. It was easier for me to keep things casual.”

He started rubbing his thumb over the fullness of her bottom lip and continued, “I kept women from getting close because I was always worried that some little part of me was still too angry to risk taking that rage out on someone that didn’t deserve it. I was worried that I was more like my step-father than I wanted to admit.”

Again, he could tell that she wanted to say something, but he shushed her. He needed to say these things, finally, and move past them if they were going to start something good together. “I hated my mom, Marissa. I hated the person she became when she met him. I hated the way she put him first over me, and I hated that she was so damn meek and accepting of his violence—blaming herself over and over for what
he
did. For what he felt was appropriate punishment for not having dinner waiting or for the crease being a half a millimeter off on his dress pants. I hated her for taking it and taking it and never once fighting back. For not fighting for me when he decided that I was as much fun to punch on as she was.

“I worried that the first time a woman showed any weakness around me that I would see
her
. I didn’t realize until I met you that I had all this darkness bottled up inside just waiting for someone to break it free, so I could finally let it go.”

Marissa rubbed her hand up and down the length of his arm for a moment before taking his hand and holding on tightly. She could tell this was so hard for him to admit. To admit that he wasn’t the tough, ready-to-handle-anything man that he projected to the rest of the world. His ability to admit that he had weak moments to her was a gift that she wasn’t going to throw away.

“When you ran off, all that crap I’d been holding inside came back up. I thought I could ignore it, but it wouldn’t stop. All these years I worried, somewhere in the back of my mind, that I was a monster like him. When you left, I missed you. I didn’t get mad that you left me before I even had a chance. I realized that you were doing what you had to do to protect yourself and that you’re nothing like her.

“I know you’re still worried that all this career stuff will get in the way; but, I’m telling you, it won’t. I won’t let it. If things fall apart, it won’t be because I resent you being gone. I admire your drive to be the best at what you do, so you can stop worrying about that. I will be here, every time you come back.” There were tears in her eyes when he finished, and he thought that maybe he had gone too far.