Beloved (35 page)

S
aber could scarcely bear the bright hope in Ella’s eyes. She stood beside Grandmama’s chair in the green salon at Pall Mall,
and never stopped gazing at him.

#8220;Such a fuss,” Grandmama said, not for the first time that evening. “And that man of yours is a savage, Saber. Turbans
and tunics and red chairs. The idea.”

“Bigun rather likes you, although I can’t imagine why.” Sometimes baiting Grandmama was irresistible. Saber leaned back in
his chair and stretched out his legs—and caught Ella’s dark eyes once more. “Bigun is my right hand. I’d probably be dead
without him. But that’s not a subject we need to discuss here.”

Ella smiled.

Saber could not take his eyes from hers, but he could not smile. “I wish you hadn’t banished Blanche before I had time to
remind her of her place, Grandmama,” he said. “She had no right to send that vermin, Wokingham, after Ella in the Park.”

Grandmama waved a hand. “Leave Blanche be. Doesn’t always think. She means no harm.”

“No more harm than a passing bee,” Calum said.

Saber did grin then. Ella giggled.

“I fail to see why that comment is amusing,” Grandmama said. “A bee often inflicts painful harm.”

Calum leaned on the mantel, crossed one powerful leg over the other, and said, “Exactly as I suggested,” with a completely
straight face. “Ella, I’m to tell you that Pippa intends to take complete charge of this ball we’re to give you.”

Calum had already explained that he was on his way to Scotland to assist Arran and Struan, but that Pippa would be in London
within a week.

When Saber first saw Calum, he’d thought to be relieved of the necessity to move into Pall Mall, but, as Calum seemed pleased
to point out, Saber’s presence would continue to be required for the ladies.

“Pippa and I want this to be an occasion to remember,” Calum said, winking at Ella. “We met at a ball, y’know.”

“We all know,” Saber said.

“I do like Margot,” Ella said. Her lips curved softly in Saber’s direction. “I’m very glad she thought to seek me out. I believe
we shall become fast friends.”

The idea pleased Saber too. Margot could use more friends, particularly any who could ease her way in Society. “She’s a charming
lady,” he remarked. “And brave.”

“Margot who?” the dowager asked.

“Countess Perruche, Great-Grandmama,” Ella told her, resting a hand on the old lady’s shoulder. “She’s delightful and very
sensible. I know you will like her. She shall come to my ball, of course.”

“Of course,” Calum said expansively. “You shall invite anyone you please.”

“And a great many more she neither pleases to have nor knows at all,” Grandmama said, sniffing. “Everyone shall come. Everyone
who
is
anyone.”

“Aha,” Calum said, propping his chin. “The famous people who are someone. How well I recall the days when I was not considered
to be anyone, as you put it, Grandmama.”

“Calum,” the dowager duchess said sharply. “There are things best left forgotten. How could I be expected to know you were
someone when I thought you were someone entirely different?… That is, when I thought that rogue Etienne was you and you were
…? Oh, you dratted boy, you revel in toying with a poor old woman.”

Saber and Calum exploded into laughter and Ella pressed a hand over her grin.

The dowager gave a small smile. “You will not allow me the small considerations of the aged, will you?”

“No!” Calum and Saber said in unison.

Calum added, “You have the wit of a statesman. Would that you were a man. I should promptly put you forward to straighten
out the mess in this country. A fine prime minister you’d make, Grandmama.”

She lowered her eyelids and waved a hand at him. “Don’t try to win me with flattery, my boy.”

“Flattery?” Saber said. “You are a marvel and you know it.”

“A marvel,” Ella agreed. She wrapped her arms around her middle and strolled—apparently idly—across the room, tapping out
the hem of her skirt with each step.

Soft gathers crisscrossed the bodice of her celestial blue tulle gown, drawing the eye to her breasts. Fleetingly, Saber’s
gaze settled there, on narrow lace that rested against the suggestion of full flesh above the neckline. A belt of woven gold
studded with sapphires surrounded her waist. This gift he had sent yesterday, openly, and she had thanked him with sweet reticence.
When he’d held the belt, he’d imagined it touching her—imagined his hands about her waist instead.

He would marry her.

He would marry and bed her.

When next he lay with her, there need be no drawing back. He tensed the muscles in his thighs. The memory of the weight of
her breasts in his hands stiffened his rod to bursting.

Saber sat up abruptly.

His rod would slip into her soft moistness while he held her breasts and looked into her black eyes.

He remembered to breathe.

Each time Ella moved, her skirts rustled. He heard the sibilant whisper of fine fabric against her legs. Her slim ankles showed
in brief flashes with every step.

The slightest instruction on his part as she lay beneath him and she would wrap her legs around him, cross her ankles behind
his waist, raise her hips to open herself to him.

He stood up and strode to the windows.

“Moon fascinating you, is it?” Calum asked.

Saber didn’t miss the amusement in the other man’s voice. “Fascinating, indeed. Always did enjoy a good moon.”

“There isn’t one,” Grandmama said. “What’s the matter with you, Saber? You haven’t been yourself since you finally decided
to put in an appearance again.”

He raised his eyes to the dark sky, a sky devoid of moon or stars, and felt the beginning of the darkness in his own soul.

“It’s been a long day,” he said. Facing people in daylight in the Park—tolerating their stares—had cost him dearly. “I think
I’ll excuse myself if you don’t mind. No doubt you’re tired, too, Calum. Journey and all that, hmm?”

“Don’t let me keep you up” was Calum’s response. “Grandmama and I have some catching up to do. I rely on her to keep my head
level on estate matters.”

The dowager actually made a gratified sound. “Are your quarters to your liking, Saber?”

He grunted, and continued to stare at the night sky until he felt Ella join him. She stood close enough for her shoulder to
touch his arm.

“I understand you chose to take rooms at the very top of the house. Those rooms haven’t been used in years,” the dowager said.
“Off on your own. Can’t imagine why. Harder on the servants.”

“Bigun will be the only one to attend me,” Saber said. He couldn’t risk alarming anyone with some irrepressible outburst.

“I’m glad you are to be here,” Ella said softly. “I didn’t think I should be, but I am.”

“Why wouldn’t you want me here? I thought—”

“I thought you didn’t want to be here. I was mortified at the prospect of your being forced to come because of me.”

He
was
forced to come because of Ella. “We shall have decisions to make shortly.”

“Yes.”

“I think we should marry without delay.”

She didn’t respond.

Behind them, Calum and Grandmama carried on a spirited conversation about who was or was not
anyone
.

Saber looked down at Ella. “Does that prospect displease you? Marrying soon?” He found he wished to hurry, for his sake as
well as hers. Since yesterday he’d become obsessed with binding her to him. Only a fool would believe he’d be able to hide
his deteriorating condition from her forever, but his heart told him that when she did know, Ella would defend rather than
abandon him. She might very well help him keep his secret from a world that would surely want to lock him away if the truth
became public. As long as his attacks remained confined to the night, making certain he remained in his bedchamber… Oh, God
help him. Let him do what was right, for everyone, but especially for Ella.

“Whatever you want pleases me,” she said at last. “I would marry you tonight, if that would make you happy.”

He turned back to the pressing blackness outside.

“But it doesn’t make you happy, does it?” she continued. “You are marrying me because you believe you ought to, not because
you …” She stopped speaking and swallowed.

Blindly, he sought her hand and pulled it beneath his arm. “I have already told you that I love you. There are things you
do not know about me and I’d hoped you never would.”

“But if we are to be married we must have no secrets,” she murmured. “What are these things?”

He’d already said too much, much more than he’d intended—yet. “Are you sure you love me, Ella?”

Her fingers tightened on his arm. “Yes, oh, yes, Saber. I have loved you from the moment I first saw you.”

Saber closed his eyes. “And I have loved you. When you were a child I told myself I must wait, and that I could wait because
I could do anything if I should eventually claim you for my own.”

“And that wretched war almost took you from me.” Her voice broke. “I thank God you were returned.”

He laughed shortly. “Returned. How appropriate. Rather like a parcel. I was returned, but damaged en route.”

“Not to me,” she assured him. “To me you are as ever you were.”

“And you”—he inclined his head to study her—“you have only become more beautiful. In your heart as well as in your beautiful
body. There is no part of you that does not make me long to bear you away.”

She blushed. Saber adored Ella’s blushes. “Does Calum know what’s been happening?” she asked. “About the chiffon? And—and
the letter?”

“Struan had already written to him about the chiffon. I think it better that we not share the contents of the letter if we
don’t have to.”

Ella felt giddy with relief. “I should rather no one else need ever know about it.” Her fingers traveled down to entwine with
his. “What did he say about the chiffon?”

“That we shall discover this creature and deal with him.”

“I have wondered about Pomeroy Wokingham,” Ella said. “He has made certain unpleasant suggestions.”

“The man is besotted with you. Justly so.”

She didn’t appear reassured, even by his little compliment. “He referred to my past. He said he
knew
things about me and that I’d best accompany him wherever it was he wanted to take me. There was a threat there, I know there
was.”

“The younger Wokingham is no more than a puffed-up popinjay. He may have got wind of something mysterious concerning you,
but I don’t think he’s our man. If he’d written that letter, he wouldn’t show his hand by approaching you direct. I believe
that if he knows anything at all of substance it’s no more than the fact that you were adopted by Struan and Justine. He may
have tried to find out about your parentage and discovered nothing. There is nothing to be discovered. But that wouldn’t stop
him from deciding to make evil trade upon unsubstantiated innuendo—just to force you to grant him your company.”

“I hate him.”

“Forget him. He is no threat.”

The shadows in her dark eyes suggested she wasn’t comforted. “What does Uncle Calum say about our being married?”

“That he approves. In fact, he is delighted. He will present my offer to Struan in Scotland.”

“I see.” If Ella was delighted, she disguised her enthusiasm well.

He brought their hands to his mouth and kissed her fingertips—and felt a tremor pass through her. “You are passionate, my
Ella.”

“Hush.” She colored again. “We shall be overheard.”

“Passionate, but not overwhelmed with joy at the prospect of our wedding.”

Her grip tightened until he frowned and glanced at her face. “What is it?”

“I should like to show you how overwhelmed I am.”

Saber raised an eyebrow in question.

“Tonight, if that will please you.”

She could not mean what he thought she meant. “Would you care to explain that to me?”

“May I come to you?”

She meant exactly what he’d surmised.

“May I?”

“I hardly think—”

“I do. You say there are things I don’t know about you. I wish to learn. At once. Rose sleeps too far away to know if I leave
my rooms. As you see, Max is involved in who-knows-what, but elsewhere. Why should I not be with you tonight?”

She took his breath away. Saber found he could not restrain himself from looking at her lips, at her neck and breasts. “A
lady does not share a man’s bed until they are married.”

“I have all but shared your bed already. For short periods of time, it’s true. I wish to rest with you, to hold you in my
arms and have you hold me. I want to stay with you all night.”

“My God,” Saber breathed. “You are a temptress, Ella.”

“Then I may come to you?”

“
Keep
your voice down.”

“I feel a darkness in you, Saber. A struggle.”

He stiffened.

“There,” she said. “It’s there again.
They
are there again.”

“They?” Sweat broke out on his back. “What do you speak of?”

“Please don’t pull away from me. Trust me, Saber. You harbor some devils. The night when I was so foolish as to surprise you,
you attacked.”

“Because—”

“Because you thought I was come to attack you. You did not know who I was and you expected me to be an enemy.”

“Ella—”

“And you once came to me in a trance. Did you think I didn’t know your condition, my love? When Papa and Great-Grandmama left
me alone at your house, you came to me with that dagger upraised and you were not yourself. When you first entered that room,
you did not know who I was. On that occasion, as on the other, it was my cry that stopped you.”

He rubbed at his brow. “We’d best say good night, Ella.”

“You are ill, aren’t you?”

Saber withdrew his hand from hers. “Don’t presume to speak about matters that are beyond your comprehension.”

“I would rather comprehend,” she told him. “So I shall come to you tonight and learn the cause of this darkness of yours—this
affliction.”

“I have no affliction!” The others would hear, but he no longer cared. He turned from Ella and walked swiftly across the room.
“I shall bid you all a good night. Kindly warn the staff that the doors to my rooms will be kept locked. A habit from living
abroad among strangers.”