Being Jolene (16 page)

***

I had gotten a text from June saying she was coming up to Gypsum for the day. No explanation or anything but I figured if she was driving all the way up she was probably having a June freak out. I loved my best friend but that girl could create worry like no one’s business. I took off early to meet her and as she pulled up and got out of her car I gave her a huge hug. I didn’t realize that while she had come up because she needed me, I also needed her. Apparently I was borrowing June’s ability to worry.

“Holy crap I’ve missed you,” she said as she squeezed the life out of me.

“I’ve missed you too,” I replied.

We walked out to the dock and sat on the little bench out there, watching people take out their kayaks and stand-up paddle boards out onto the lake.

“I have so much to tell you,” June said.

“I figured as much if you had to come up here instead of calling me on the phone.”

“Yeah and I needed to clear my head. I figured fresh mountain air would help.”

I nodded, because I was soon figuring that out. The fresh air and these mountains were a place that could help clear your head.

“Do you want to get out on the lake?” June suggested.

We rented a canoe and both of us paddled out into the middle of the lake. It was a calm day, not too many boats on the water. Few enough the water was calm and we are able to float there in the canoe. June turned around to face me. She reached into her bag and pulled out two bottles of beer, throwing me one.

“Alright girly, we’re on a boat, we have beer, now tell me what’s going on.” I said to June as I twisted off the cap from the bottle.

“I think Reece is going to propose.”

My mouth dropped and my eyes went wide. “June! That’s so wonderful! Congratufreakinlations!” Reece was an amazing guy and I knew he was head over heels in love with my best friend. Those two were made for each other.

My joy was written all over my face but June’s face was straight and had little joy.

“What? Why aren’t you happy about this?”

June paused. I counted down- in three . . . two . . . one . . .”I am way to young to get married! We’ve only been dating for like a year and half and part of it I was in South America. How the fuck am I suppose to get married right now? And I found out about the proposal by accident and what if he gets pissed off that I already know? I mean this is the rest of my goddamn life and I could be making a mistake. What if we out grow each other and get divorced after having two kids because we thought it was the right thing to do, but it wasn’t because we were too young to get married. We didn’t fucking know!”

She took a big breath but before she could continue I swiped my hand in the water and splashed her in the face.

“What the fuck was that for?!” June said as she wiped the water off her face.

“God, you swear like a sailor June. More when you’re in panic mode. Calm your shit down, bestie.”

June scrunched her nose and pouted her lips as she gave me a dirty look.

“Why in the world would Reece proposing bring you panic I don’t know. You two are in love.”

“Is it enough?”

I sighed. Was it enough? Was love enough to deal with everything life threw at you?

“June, I think marrying Reece is an easy decision. Yes, there are going to be times when life is hard, that’s inevitable, but you and Reece can get through anything. You are strong together.”

“I know. God, I know, but it threw me off guard when I found out.”

“How did you find out?” I asked her.

But then as I thought about it June and I both said at the same time, “Hannah.” And then we laughed. Hannah was Reece’s younger sister. A bundle of endless energy and happiness. The girl couldn’t keep a secret if her life depended on it though.

“We were having dinner at Reece’s house. When I saw Hannah she rushed up to me and gave me this huge hug, which for her isn’t too weird but then she whispered in my ear, ‘can’t wait until it’s official.’ I froze and then cornered her later in the evening. It only took a few minutes before she caved. I don’t know when it’s going to happen but soon.”

“And in natural June fashion, you freaked out.”

June shrugged. “Pretty much.”

I laughed. At least she owned up to her freak-outs.

“June, marrying Reece is a good idea. You two love each other and rest will figure itself out. I mean, you want to marry him, right?”

June looked out to the water. “Of course I want to marry him. I can’t imagine my life without him. I didn’t know if I could marry him so soon, but yeah I do want to marry him.”

“Then I think there is no reason for freaking out.”

June looked back at me. “You know, all you wanted was for me to be his friend. I even think your words were something akin to ‘you don’t have to freaking marrying him’”.

Now it was my turn to shrug. “Well, you are friends. I was right on that point. But honestly, I’m thrilled you found that person. Maybe it wasn’t in the plan or whatever it was you had going on, but does life ever follow the plan?”

June sat there for a moment. She slowly started to row the canoe mindlessly. It was quiet for only a minute when she said, “I don’t know. Does it? How’s your plan going?”

The problem being best friends like June and I were, we both knew how the other operated. We knew our strengths and weaknesses and weren’t afraid to call each other out on them.

“My plan might be making a small detour.”

“Does said detour have a hot body and an awesome beard?”

For some reason, those words put me on the defense. “Ty’s more than that,” I said with a bit of tone in my voice.

This caused June to give me this look, her mouth dropped open and her eyes went wide.

“Wow. It definitely is more from that statement.”

Now it was my turn to look out at the water. “I’m so fucked.”

I felt the canoe shake and looked over to see June shaking with laughter.

“I’m happy my woes bring you laughter.”

June would have responded if the hooker weren’t still laughing. I splashed her again, this time larger and practically drenched her with water.

“Knock it off!” she screeched back at me.

“Stop laughing or next time I’ll throw you in this damn lake.”

“You wish,” she scoffed. I lunged at her, which only set the canoe to teeter-totter. June jumped up, because she must have forgot she was on an unstable boat, and then promptly flailed into the lake, the splash drenching me. Of course, it didn’t matter because June falling off made the boat flip and me crash into the lake. Shit, what was it with these damn glacier lakes. I always found myself in them, freezing my ass off.

June surfaced from the water and her only words were, “Oh damn. My beer.” She frowned towards the dark abysses as the bottles of PRB floated towards the bottom.

Her head snapped up at me. “Tell me about Ty.”

“Really June. If we get into this conversation I’ll have hypothermia by the time I’m done.”

“Oh,” she said as she swam towards the capsized canoe. “It’s that bad, huh.”

I grabbed the side of the canoe and leaned my head against the wooden vessel. “Yeah. It’s that bad.”

***

I was sitting in the bar at the lodge holding a hot toddy. June and I swam and pulled the canoe out of the lake, both of us drenched. I went into the lodge’s general store, grabbed a couple sweatshirts and sweat pants and threw a pair to June to change into. Now we were in the bar, trying to warm up.

I raised my glass to June. “Hot toddy trumps PRB.”

June raised her glass to mine and said, “Cheers. Now stop stalling and give me all the details.”

I took a small sip of the drink. “Ty and I . . .” I paused.

“It’s okay, Jo. We can do this slowly. Sound it out . . . Ty and you are . . .” She moved her hands in a go ahead gesture. I didn’t say anything.

“Dating. You two are dating.”

I still didn’t say anything.

“Do you want to say it together? On the count of three? Because I know that you’re a big girl Jo and can do this.”

Another small slip.

June sighed.

“One,” she counted.

“Two?” she questioned.

“Three!” she slightly shouted.

“Oh for shit’s sake, June. Dating. Yes, I’m dating Ty, and I really really like him and it fucking terrifies me.”

June’s face softened, because she knew.

“It’s okay to be scared, Jo. You need to see how it goes. Right? Remember when you told me that?”

I had said those things, but that didn’t mean I believed them. It’s one thing to say something, but to also follow through? That was something else entirely.

“He has a kid.” My drink was gone and I needed another one. I got up and went to the bar, only coming back to June with her hand on her chin and her eyes soft and open, ready to hear it all. I set my drink down and told her everything, about his kid and my insecurities and how we hadn’t even had sex since the drunken night at the bar. June raised her eyebrows at that comment. She knew that was usually in the beginning steps, not something I waited on.

“Jo, I think it’s time for some tough love.”

“What if I don’t want it?”

June smirked. “Too bad. You need it and I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t say anything.”

“Alright, give it to me.”

“I think it’s time to let go. You hold a lot of anger towards your mom and I get that. You deserve to have that anger, but there comes a time where that anger doesn’t have a place to go and it suffocates you. I know because I did that. I held everything so close to me I couldn’t see anything and I drowned in it. I know what I’m saying isn’t going to happen overnight, but maybe it’s time to realize that life gave you a shit deal, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy because you can be.”

I frowned. “I’m happy.” As soon as the words came out, I debated if I believed them. I had played the role for so long I sometimes wondered where the truth was in me. Was it even there anymore? Or was I so lost in everything I built up that I didn’t even know myself anymore. Did I know what I want or who I was?

“Jo.” I looked back at June. She smiled at me and said, “You’ll find your version of happiness. It won’t be perfect but you’ll find it. I have faith in you because you are one smart classy lady who has an endless source of ambition. You can do anything you set your mind too.”

I let out a big breath because there were times where you needed your best friend to put everything in perspective.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Ty

I’d been the longest week. The crew had gotten back late last night and I only had a few days off before we were back out again in the field. Even with how bone tired I was, I was still looking forward to seeing Jolene. I was really looking forward to getting her all to myself as we got lost in the wilderness. Her and me and no one around for miles and miles; that sounded like pure bliss right now.

Paul shouted out my name.

“What?” I responded to him.

“You really heading back out there?” He leaned against the work truck.

“Uh . . . yeah. I really am.”

“Don’t get offensive, pissy sally.”

I shook my head at him. “Nice name. Why are you making it a big deal?”

“Because it’s summer and when it’s summer you find a chick to keep you warm at night Then come fall you hightail it out of here and go through the process again. Seasonal work is not made for relationships.”

My eyes narrowed at my so-called friend. “Have I ever mentioned how much of a jack-ass you are?”

Paul beamed at me. “No, but you should tell me more often, it will help when I can’t find a chick. Every girl loves the dickish alpha-male.”

I made a sound of disgust at Paul, which only made him laugh. “Dude, but really, getting serious about this chick will probably screw you over. Soon as the leaves change, that’s when the summer magic goes away and you start to find out that you have to support yourself. It’s hard with two people.”

“You know this from personal experience I take it?”

Paul shook his head. “Listen, you know I have my kid and you’re a parent too. You know how tough it can be. Well my kid was a result of a beautiful summer romance but an awful autumn relationship. We couldn’t make it work. I’m trying to look out for you.”

“I appreciate it, but I think this might be different.” Because I couldn’t get her out of my mind. The night before I left, I could still see her beautiful face hidden in the shadows, sleeping under the dark sky streaming through her window. This had to be different. Honestly, I knew it was different from the moment I met her when she walked into Caleb’s apartment wearing only his shirt. The fact that the first thought was I wish to hell she was wearing my shirt had to be a dead giveaway. Jolene was different and we could make it work. I was bound and determined to make it work.

“You’re shooting yourself in the foot, man.” Paul walked away with that statement. It was like everyone was against us. Hell, even Jolene was against us. Caleb had warned me she would never give in, Paul was pointing out how difficult summer romances are and Jolene wanted it, I knew she did, but she was resisting like no other.

Hence why I was excited for the next two days. No one to voice their opinions of what to do. It was just about me and only me needing to convince Jolene that we were different and to give us a chance. I knew it was a tall order, but I was up for the task.

The idea of being next to her, sleeping in a tent under the stars was a moment I never wanted to end and it hadn’t even started yet. I needed to touch her, find her and remind her that I could be her anchor in this crazy world, and together we were better than apart. All of that in two days, yeah I was up for it.

***

I was packing the last of our stuff when I heard a car pulled up. I had only given Jolene an address and told her to meet me this morning. Well, it was almost morning. The sun was about to rise but it was perfect time to take off. I glanced over to see Jo get out the car. My first thought was that her eyes would be on what was behind me but instead they connected with mine and didn’t let go. She closed the car door and walked over to me. She was dressed in jeans, hiking boots and a green flannel shirt that looked amazing with her dark hair braided to the side. My city girl had gone country. Jo briskly walked up to me and when I opened my mouth to say hello, she wrapped her arms around me and leaned in, capturing my mouth with hers.