Being Celeste (6 page)

“Yes!” screamed Kate.

“Number three, almost the same as number
two: No more
Monday Madness
over at the shop. We need our beauty sleep.
From now on we sleep and wake up at a normal time and make it to work at normal
working time. We need to be selfish and start thinking about us, and not the
hot guys that roam our complex in the morning. No more!” I filled in the
columns respectively. “Next is
confidence!
It’s time to add that element
into our lives because without it, none of this will ever be possible,” I said
while writing it down under
Transformation
. “Okay, now I’ll leave the
rest of the space for our individual goals and our individual transformations.”
I rushed over to her desk again and pulled out two sheets of lined paper and
two pens from the drawer. I handed her a sheet. “Right Kate, make yourself a
list. What do you think you need to do, or what do you think is hindering you
from having confidence? And what should you do to gain it? Write that down and
we’ll incorporate it into our Manila paper on the wall.”

Kate immediately went to work. She looked
as determined as I was. I loved all of this. This pity party was fun and full
of initiative. We were about to take over our lives and start taking ourselves
seriously. After about thirty minutes of silence and total concentration, Kate
got up and started pacing around.

“I’m done. I’m so excited Celeste, oh this
is good,” she said.

I was done as well, just revising the
possibilities.

“Why don’t you start?” I said to Kate. I
was a little nervous about her list, but I knew I wasn’t going to be shocked by
some of the things she had come up with.

“No,
you
start. You’re the ring
leader in all of this, you should go first,” she replied. Kate sat back on her
couch, her beady eyes, starring at me with anticipation.

Okay, if she insists. I don’t mind going
first. I’m too excited to argue with her. My list was rather short, but putting
some of the things into perspective, it was long.

1.
      
Join the gym: I am so tired of feeling fat all the
time. It’s time I did something about it. If it means my insecurities will
lessen, I am going to join the gym for sure. As soon as possible, actually.

2.
      
Get a new wardrobe: I’ve been wearing the same clothes
for over five years now. Some of them don’t even fit me properly anymore
because I’ve gained weight along the years. The only new items I purchase are
jeans because a pair lasts a year on me. My rubbing thighs ruin them.

3.
      
Limit my fantasising to non existence: No more
picturing myself as a girlfriend of hot celebrities or of guys I stalk. From
now on, I feel worthy enough for a guy, a real one that knows my name.

4.
      
Mingle: I’ve discovered that most people perceive me as
being a rude person because I don’t socialise. Look at the church situation.
Here I was, thinking that those poor people were stuck up, when it was me who
was stuck up. From here on out, I am a social butterfly. I should get involved
with projects in the community and meet people.

5.
      
Accept myself and being patient: I should stop giving
myself a hard time because I’m behind in the love department.

“That’s it,” I said. “That’s my list. Well,
what do you think?”

Kate gave me a standing ovation, clapping
like my biggest fan. I know she
is
my biggest fan, but it just made
everything seem worthwhile.

“Thank you, Katie pie.” A smile was planted
on my face. I think there was a giggle in there too. “Okay, your turn.” I went
over to the couch to replace her in her seat. This should be interesting.

Kate’s List

1.
      
Have courage to talk to people I don’t know. I think
I’m too shy for words.

2.
      
Start drinking alcohol. What’s wrong with a little
wine, once in a blue moon? Juice girl, I am no more.

3.
      
Clean my room.

Kate concluded with a curtsey.

That’s it, really? That’s her list? I gave
her a standing ovation anyway, not to ruin the mood. I thought she would have
in there something about changing her wardrobe and hair style. I don’t think
she gets the point of all this.

“Okay, now we should write this all down on
the Manila paper,” I said, proceeding towards my initial position as presenter.
I was trying not to show my disappointment in her list.

After a while of scribbling down our lists,
I said to Kate, “Now it’s time to list our goals. What do you want or what do
you expect after fulfilling the items on your list?”

“I want a man!” exclaimed Kate.

I hi-fived her. “Amen, sister! A man it
is.”

“What else?”

“Most importantly, Kate, we should have a
clear mind, clear enough to see what we are going to do in college.”

“Yes, find a college major to suit the both
of us. Write it down,” she approved.

“I think that’s it. Our chart is done, it’s
time to put it in motion,” I said. We both went for her bed and sat on it,
still staring at our chart so lovingly; the answer to our problems. Maybe we
should have it laminated so nothing ruins it. It will serve as a reminder not
to ever give up until we have accomplished exactly what we want.

Kate’s mum knocked at the door and yelled,
“Girls, come and get your supper.”

I have to admit, all the wishful thinking
had made me really hungry.

“So Celeste, are we still going to have
movie night tonight?” asked Kate as we left for the kitchen.

“Sure,” I replied. “We’ll say goodbye to
it. Besides, we can’t let all that ice cream and popcorn go to waste.” I
giggled, looking forward to our last chick flick.

“Does this mean we can never watch romantic
movies?”

“For now, yes, until we get the stuff on
our list done, that is. The aim is to stop living in the movies.”

Oh, I was back in the resort again. As soon
as we get back to Kate’s room, we are going to fulfil number three on her list.

I’m such a fool,
thinking that it would be easy to get over tradition that easily. I woke up
early this morning , having forgotten about the Monday Madness cancellation.
You should have seen us yesterday, Kate and I. I don’t think we have ever cried
that much while watching a movie. It
did
have a sad ending, I have to
admit, but I think that part of it, was knowing that it was the last chick
flick we’d ever watch. It was sad, heart wrenching. No more love stories,
bye-bye! Now this morning, we still lost our beauty sleep. Although it was freezing
cold, my eyes sprung wide open right on schedule. Kate was already up, taking a
shower. Either way, I still felt good about myself. This was the beginning, a
new Monday.

“Why won’t you join the gym with me again?”
I asked as we opened the shop.

“It was not on
my
list, Celeste.
Besides, I hate exercise, and I don’t really need it,” replied Kate.

She was right. Kate was really skinny and
tall. But skinny girls exercise, don’t they? I guess she would just have to be
my motivation. I look at her and I even feel more determined to test the waters
on the other side, the skinny side.

“Fine Kate, don’t come with me!”

She walked over to her station, her cash
register. “You know Celeste, see this as me allowing you to spread your wings
and discover yourself. Do this for you, not because I’ll be there with you.
You’re the one talking about confidence, right? How will you be confident with
me by your side all the time?”

Oh no, she’s suggesting a trial separation,
isn’t she? She can be so annoying. I should have known when she added wanting
to drink alcohol on her list. I’ll go by myself during lunch break. I don’t
care what hurdles will be in front of me then but all I know is that today, I’m
joining the gym! And I have the car too. I’ll just drive to the mall where the
gym is and just sign up. I feel like laughing and floating around the store at
the same time. I’ve never had this much direction in my life, or purpose. Is
this how it feels to have meaning in life? Yes!

************

That wasn’t so bad, it was great actually,
liberating. I walked into the gym, and yes, I was intimidated by all the
fitness freaks, working out during lunch time...Who
does
that? Well,
looks like I’ll get to find out pretty soon. I got a tour of the facility. It
looks rather intimidating (Wait, I’ve said that already). The machines are just
so big and they look like they can hurt me instead of burning calories. The
nice man at the counter was just blissful when describing them. I think it’s
that hormone you get after exercising that they say makes you happy. I’m sure
if I’d demanded a demonstration, he would have jumped on quite happily to show
me. He wasn’t all groggy and constipated like the rest of the world either. I’d
like to see him having a confrontation with a pissed off civilian. Actually
that’s quite funny.

“Hey, exercise is good for you!” he says,
jumping up and down with joy.

“Oh, fuck off!” says the civilian.

Oh, where do I come up with these things?
Anyway, the gym is full of machines. I have been assured that on my first day,
the trainers will show me how to use the machines. However, I get a week of
free personal training. I paid them. My last money, going into exercise! I need
all the strength I can get so that I don’t stop half way and quit. Apparently
there’s a fun aerobics class in the evening. There’s aerobics and tae-bo (some
sort of martial arts exercise). It’s exciting, I
am
excited. Kate and I
did our famous celebratory dance when I got back to the boutique. We just
frantically shake our bottoms while jumping around in circles, it is great!

I just got a text from my sister. She’s
coming to visit this week. That’s okay. I won’t allow my jealousy of her
accomplishments ruin my plans to finally get in touch with the man of my
dreams. I think I’ll also develop a vegetable patch somewhere in the yard. I
read somewhere in a magazine that growing your own organic vegetables is good
for the mind...or your finances, I don’t quite remember the exact words. I’ll
grow some spinach and tomatoes. I don’t like spinach, I hate it in fact, but I
have to eat it. I am going to be a vegetarian. Yes! No meat while I’m in the
gym. I want this to be effective, you know. I’m going on a healthy eating plan,
I prefer not to call it a diet because then I’m going to cheat. A healthy
lifestyle is more like it. I don’t want to be in the food prison called a diet.
I
am
this big because I love food. If I go on a
diet
, I’m sure
going to cheat; sneak in some chips or something once in a while. It’s a tough
business losing weight. I already told my parents that I’m changing my eating
habits. My father was horrified when I brought it up. He thinks I’m going to
starve myself. I restrained myself from informing him that trading a packet of
biscuits and sugary goodies for broccoli, is not starving myself, it’s saving
my life. I suggested he join me, but dad...he’s old fashioned. He claims he
gets his exercise when he herds his cattle at the cattle post. I’m sure by now
they have already informed my sister about my lifestyle change. Mum says I’m
being absurd and nonsensical. No, what’s nonsensical is them allowing me to get
this big without consulting me first. Yes, I blame my parents for being fat. I
would be skinny, if I knew what broccoli tastes like...well, I did have a taste
a while ago and I felt like vomiting. The stuff is disgusting, in that it has
no taste. It tastes like a watery leaf with hair on it, no wonder I gagged.

Ah, it’s all I think about now. The gym. It
just further proves how pathetic and uneventful my life has been thus far. I
have nothing to occupy my thoughts, since I cleared them up from the clutter.
My life is much easier to deal with now that stalking Taboka is out of the
equation. Shoot! I said his name. I have put five bucks in the
No Stalking
jar, Kate and I came up with. Every time we mention something about our past
imaginary boyfriends, or even think about checking out their Facebook pages, we
donate to the jar. At the end of the month we are going to use the money for
shoe shopping. I think my jar is going to fill up faster than Kate’s. It’s
going to make me broke too. I already got like a twenty in there or something.
I have to look for these gym tracksuit pants I bought a while ago. I’m sure I
put them in my wardrobe. If I can’t find them then my sister has them. She
likes taking my things without my permission, to wear them when she’s in the
house no how. I buy them to wear out, and she wears them to do her laundry. I
feel very frustrated. I don’t want to look like an idiot on my first day at the
gym...oh, there they are. That’ a relief. My tackies are clean and ready to go.
I wonder if I should go to sleep early. I’m going to be there at six in the
morning, and then rush to work before eight. Mum keeps calling me, I don’t know
why. I’ll just ignore her, pretend I’m taking a nap. I’ll wear a t-shirt as
part of my gym attire for now. Once I’m all trim and fit, bring on the tight
fitting vests that will show off my six pack. Ugh! She’s still calling me. I
should go and attend to her, or else I’ll never here the end of it.