Behind the Mask (35 page)

For a long moment he said nothing while Abbi watched his eyes. A tangible warmth encompassed her, beginning at the top of her head and moving slowly downward, as if every nerve in her body had received the message that what he’d just said was true. She didn’t realize she was crying herself until Cameron touched her face to wipe away her tears.

“Abbi,” he said with reverence, “if God has brought us together, then surely He is with us in making a future. Just as you said, I can’t believe He would so unquestionably put His hand into our lives for nothing.” He took a deep breath and tightened his hold on her hands. “I’m trying to tell you that I will do everything in my power to make a life for both of us.”

Abbi considered his expression only long enough to be completely certain that he meant what he was saying, then she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly, silently thanking God for sending her here, for bringing this man into her life, and for blessing him with a change of heart. She’d never imagined such happiness! She only wondered how they could survive the months ahead until they might be able to marry.

“Abbi,” he said, easing her away with his hands at her shoulders, “I . . .”

Fear crept back into her as he seemed at a loss for words. She knew his moral convictions, and she admired them, but she wondered how she could cope with this distance between them. Spring was such a long way off. She ached to be close to him, to share their love completely—now, while the world with all its injustice couldn’t intrude upon them. Yet how could that be possible without compromising everything she’d ever been taught?

While she was expecting him to remind her that they needed to be careful, he stood and pushed his chair back. She wondered if he’d said all he was going to say. Would he leave her now to deal with so many different thoughts churning in her mind? She caught her breath when he went down on one knee, taking her hands tightly into his. “Abbi,” he said in a firm voice, “will you marry me?”

She smiled and squeezed his hands, touched by his gallantry and sentiment. “Yes, of course,” she said. “When spring comes, and—”

“No, Abbi, I mean
now
. Well,” he chuckled, “maybe not
today
. It is rather late to be planning a wedding. But please, Abbi, tell me you’ll marry me, and I swear to you I will do everything in my power to give you a good life, and always be there for you.”

“But . . . how can we, when—”

“Oh, I know it can’t be official without a man of God to officiate, but . . . if there were any possible way to marry you now, I would. I know it’s right. I’ve never known anything with such conviction in my entire life. I know it’s far from ideal, but as I said, we have to do the best we can with what we have to work with. And these are extenuating circumstances—to say the least. Tell me you’ll marry me, Abbi, and we will exchange vows. We’ll commit ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives, and then at the first possible moment, I will take you before a man of God and make it official. Under the circumstances, it’s really just a technicality, I believe.”

Abbi was so overcome with emotion that she couldn’t speak. While she struggled to come up with a coherent response, a sob erupted from her lips. Then another. She crumbled into his arms, going to her knees to face him, crying helplessly against his chest.

Cameron stroked her hair and held her, relishing her nearness, praying that she would feel the peace he’d felt when the idea had come to him. As she continued to cry he began to feel nervous, wondering over the source of her emotion. He lifted her face to his view. “Talk to me, Abbi,” he said, but she only shook her head to indicate that she couldn’t. “Do you think I’m mad, or . . .” She shook her head again. He smiled and asked, “Can I take that as
yes?
” Abbi nodded firmly, still sobbing. “Is that
yes, you’re mad, Cameron,
or
yes, I’ll marry you, Cameron?
”

“Yes,” she cried, “I’ll marry you. Yes, yes,
yes!”

Cameron laughed with perfect joy as he held her close, allowing her to cry while his own emotions consumed him. Her tears gradually ceased and he sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. He eased her against him and wrapped his arms around her.

“Abbi,” he said softly, “maybe you should take some time to think it through, to come up with your own answers. What I’m asking is no small thing. To expect a lifetime commitment when you know so little about me is ludicrous.”

“It’s not ludicrous,” she replied, nuzzling closer to him. “And I don’t need to think about it. I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life.”

They held each other for a long while in comfortable silence while Abbi allowed the changes between them to settle into her spirit. She’d never felt so happy, so completely at peace. Little was said as they shared an evening meal and went about the usual routine of cleaning the dishes. But Abbi felt the intensity in Cameron’s eyes every time he looked at her. She kissed him good-night at the foot of the stairs and went up to bed, in awe of what tomorrow might bring.

Abbi woke to find Cameron filling the bathtub with buckets of hot water. She listened to him go down the stairs and return again with more water. Memories of the night before came back to her with a dreamlike quality that made her wonder if it had really happened. Was it too good to be true?

“Good morning, my love,” he said when he saw that her eyes were open. “I thought you might like a hot bath.” She leaned up on one elbow and yawned. He sat on the edge of the bed and kissed her quickly before he smiled and said, “Every bride should feel pampered before the wedding, don’t you think?”

It wasn’t a dream
. The reality left her stunned. He kissed her again and she touched his face. “And what about the groom?”

He chuckled and stood up. “I’ve already bathed. Couldn’t sleep. I’ve got breakfast ready, too. I’ll bring some up, and you can eat while the rest of the water heats.”

Abbi stretched and yawned again. “You treat me like a goddess.”

Cameron grinned. “As I should,” he said and left the room.

After Abbi had eaten her breakfast, she sank into the steamy water and relished the luxury. She thought through all that had passed between her and Cameron yesterday, and a few stray tears leaked down her face.
She loved him so much
. And she knew in the deepest part of her heart that what they were about to do was right. Under any other circumstances, perhaps it wouldn’t be, but this was far from an ordinary situation, and instinctively she knew that Cameron needed the love she could give him, and the validity of her commitment to him to see him through whatever might lie ahead. She felt nothing but perfect peace and knew she could face God with a clear conscience.

She wondered what Cameron was doing while she soaked in the tub. After her bath, she spent a great deal of time combing through her freshly washed hair. She put on the cream-colored dress, liking the way it fit her since she’d altered it, although she’d rarely worn it for fear of soiling the light-colored fabric. Looking at herself in the mirror, she wondered if every bride felt this delightful tingling inside. She suspected that many women would not want to marry without an audience, without the closeness of family and friends. Beyond Georg, and perhaps Elsa, she couldn’t think of anyone she would want to be present—except perhaps her father. And he wouldn’t be able to come to her wedding anyway.

Gazing at her reflection, Abbi asked herself once more if what she had agreed to was right. She was committing her entire life to a man she knew practically nothing about. But it only took a moment to know beyond any doubt that this was right for her. She was putting herself into God’s hands, and instinctively she knew that her place was with this man, whatever that might entail. As Cameron had said, they were doing the best they could with the circumstances they’d been given.

She was startled by a knock at the door, since she hadn’t heard Cameron come up the stairs. “What are you doing in there?” he asked, a lilt to his voice that enhanced her own happiness.

“I want to look perfect,” she called back. “I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

Abbi finally decided that no matter how much she fussed with her hair, it wasn’t going to get any better. She hurried to pick up the bedroom and smooth the bed, and then she took a deep breath and stepped out onto the landing. The early afternoon sun streaked through the high lodge windows, creating shadowed patterns on the floor where Cameron paced methodically. He was dressed in his normal attire of black breeches and boots, but the white shirt looked brighter than usual and had a slightly different cut. He’d obviously had it tucked away somewhere; perhaps the same place he’d come up with a black cravat he had tied around the shirt’s high collar. He turned abruptly when she said, “Nervous about something?”

Cameron absorbed Abbi standing above him while he attempted to comprehend the bridge he would cross with her this day. She was so beautiful.
He loved her so much
. “No,” he said easily. “Anxious would be more accurate.” She smiled as if to say that she understood, then she started down the stairs. He watched her, mesmerized, until she stood to face him.

“I made some lunch,” he said. “Are you hungry?”

“I think so,” she replied. “It’s hard to tell.”

They shared a simple meal in silence, though Abbi could hardly eat. Together they cleared the table and cleaned the dishes, just as they had done a hundred times before. But the tension hovering between them was new and exciting. Abbi felt no fear or trepidation—only an intense anticipation of being his wife, and of sharing the rest of their lives as they were sharing these months of seclusion.

Cameron was drying the last dish when he asked in a soft voice, “Are you absolutely certain this is what you want?”

Abbi looked directly at him, saying with conviction, “Absolutely. I know how I feel about you. I know how you care for me; how you treat me. Whatever else life brings, as long as those things remain constant, I will be content.”

He looked up and she saw him swallow hard. His voice held a trace of emotion. “I don’t understand . . .”

“What?” she asked when he faltered.

“How can you trust me so blindly?”

Abbi stepped forward and touched his face. “Because you asked me to.” She smiled. “And God sent me here. I trust Him. It seems very clear to me that He wants us to be together.”

Cameron squeezed his eyes closed and drew in a deep, sustaining breath. He had never comprehended that he could feel so blessed. He opened his eyes and smiled, saying, “Shall we, my love?”

Abbi absently put a hand to her heart, realizing what he meant. “Just . . . give me a minute.” She hurried upstairs to freshen up a little and smooth her hair better now that it was dry.

When she walked back down the stairs, Cameron was waiting at the bottom to meet her, now wearing a black and red brocade waistcoat. She recalled seeing men dressed similarly at the social she’d attended at the castle. He looked indescribably handsome and dignified as he took her hand, saying, “You are so beautiful.”

“So are you,” she said with a smile.

Cameron guided her across the common room to the fireplace where she noticed several candles burning on the mantel, even though it was mid-afternoon. He’d clearly given this a great deal of thought, which made her realize that she’d not thought about it at all—at least concerning how to actually go about getting married.

“Oh, wait a minute,” he said and hurried up the stairs. He returned quickly with a length of ivory lace.

“Where did you get that?” she asked.

“Oh, there’s a trunk full of some odd things upstairs. It’s a tablecloth. But I believe it will serve the purpose.”

Abbi wondered what purpose exactly until he folded it, not quite in half, and placed it reverently over her head, much like a wedding veil. He knelt on the rug in front of the fireplace, and she followed his example, kneeling to face him. She listened in awe as he closed his eyes and prayed aloud, a brief, simple prayer, asking for God’s blessings to be upon their union, and for the guidance and strength they needed to get beyond whatever obstacles might keep them apart. He promised God that he would make these vows again in the proper way at the first possible opportunity. When the prayer was finished, Abbi echoed his amen.

He looked deeply into her eyes. “I’m sorry I don’t have a ring,” he said.

“It’s all right. I have the bracelet.”

He glanced at it and smiled. “So you do.” He lifted her arm and removed the bracelet, holding it in his left hand. He took her right hand into his, and their eyes met with unspoken intensity.

Abbi’s love for him filled every part of her as he spoke in a firm, but gentle voice. “I Cameron, take thee, Abbi, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, to honor and to obey, in sickness and in health, in prosperity or poverty, giving myself to thee and forsaking all others, till death do us part.”

Abbi was so mesmerized by his conviction that she was startled by a silence that made it evident she needed to speak. She wondered for a moment if she could remember the words without stumbling, but they came to her mind with perfect clarity and she was able to say them with certitude. “I, Abbi, take thee, Cameron, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, to honor and to obey, in sickness and in health, in prosperity or poverty, giving myself to thee and forsaking all others, till death do us part.”

Cameron seemed as entranced as she felt. He glanced down, pushed the bracelet over her left hand, and looked into her eyes, saying with a little smile, “I may now kiss the bride.”

Cameron wondered if he’d ever felt such unmatchable peace as he closed his eyes and kissed her meekly. He pushed his arms around her and held her, attempting to comprehend the full spectrum of what they had just done. It seemed so brief and simple without all of the pomp and ceremony he’d seen attached to the weddings he’d attended in his life—including his own first wedding. But the course of both their lives was hinged on this moment. He marveled at Abbi’s trust in him. Even the absence of surnames didn’t seem to bother her. And he swore in his heart that he would prove worthy of her trust. He would find a way to see this through, no matter the cost. He drew back to look into her eyes, feeling a delightful tremor at the realization that he no longer needed to feel guilty for thinking about her the way he often did.