Behind the Mask (120 page)

“I know well what you mean,” Georg said, putting a hand on Cameron’s shoulder.

A moment later, the captain asked, “Shall I spread the word, Your Grace?”

“Yes,” Cameron said, “thank you.”

“A pleasant duty, sir, I can assure you.” Lance grinned and hurried down the stairs.

Abbi was easily able to ignore the residual pain of giving birth while she held her new little son in her arms. Now that he had been bathed and officially declared healthy, his wispy red curls were irresistible and she kept pressing her fingers over his little head in some effort to become acquainted with him.

“Erich,” she whispered close to his little face and inhaled the precious aroma of new life. Examining his features with her fingers as well as her eyes, she saw a distinct resemblance to Cameron, amazed that even in this tiny stage of infancy there could be no doubt as to the identity of the baby’s father. For just a moment she thought of the precautions Cameron had taken to insure this child’s safety, and to see that he would inherit the country in the event of Cameron’s death. For a moment she wondered how it might have been if Cameron had not lived to see this day, and she would have been left to have Lance raise the child as his own. Concealing the child’s true paternity would have been difficult, given the obvious resemblance already. Abbi quickly moved past the moment of wondering how it might have been and instead relished in the way that it had all turned out. Erich had been born into a situation where he would know his father’s presence in his life and feel his father’s love.

Abbi recalled the words Cameron had spoken to her in the midst of the trauma, and his careful attentiveness through the ordeal. She felt hope that all would be well between them, although there were still aspects of the situation that she didn’t want to think about. Instead she focused entirely on her new little son. He was precious and perfect. And she would go through it all again just to have him.

Cameron returned to sit by Abbi’s side and together they admired their son and laughed over Erich’s silly expressions and funny noises. Cameron said little to Abbi beyond reminding her of his love, but he felt regularly choked up just to observe her with this beautiful child and to recount all she had been through to make this moment possible.

Within a few hours, the drama of Abbi’s ordeal settled into a pleasant respite. She had eaten a good meal and was resting. Though it was the doctor’s standard procedure to stay close for a few hours to make certain all was well, he’d been up half the night stitching a dog bite on a child’s arm, so Cameron made certain the doctor was fed and given a place to rest.

News came that there was celebrating taking place in the valley at the announcement of the birth of an heir. Cameron marveled that such an intimate experience for him and Abbi could have such an impact on the people. Then he realized that the last royal birth in Horstberg had been Magda’s. But
this
child would be the next Duke of Horstberg.

Just as they had planned, Elsa and Georg were settled into a bedroom on the other side of the nursery, where Elsa could be close by until Abbi got her strength back. While Abbi drifted in and out of sleep, and Elsa bustled around the room to put everything in order, Georg and Cameron sat quietly holding their sons. Han looked big next to Erich, and both men were amazed at how fast infants grew and changed. They speculated over the things their sons would share as they grew up together and laughed as they reminisced over some of their own antics as youth.

Elsa summoned Georg from the other room to help her with something, and Cameron was left alone with his wife and son, who were both sleeping. He looked into the little face of the blanketed bundle he held in his arms and tried to comprehend this child growing up and taking his place. He thought of Abbi’s dream of a son with red hair, and he marveled at the reality of it coming to pass, so literally, and so quickly. Little more than a year had gone by since he’d not been willing to admit that Abbi had anything to give him. And now she had given him everything.

Cameron’s attention was diverted to Abbi when she groaned. He leaned forward, holding the baby carefully against his chest. “Are you all right?” he asked as her eyes opened and focused on him.

“I don’t know.” She grimaced and attempted to shift her weight, as if to alleviate a growing discomfort. “Help me.”

Cameron laid the baby into his little bed close by, as if he were a basket of eggs. Then he turned to Abbi. “What do you need?”

“Help me . . . turn this way . . . and . . .”

He threw the sheet off of her and gently picked her up, easing her up further on the bed where she could lean more comfortably against the pillows.

“Is that better?”

“I think so,” she said, and Cameron eased back. His breath caught when he noticed the blood on his sleeve, then a quick glance revealed a huge, red stain on the sheet where she had been lying.

“Elsa!” he called with no thought to waking the baby or upsetting Abbi. “Elsa!” He called again and ran to get her when she didn’t come, but she rushed through the door and nearly bumped into him.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Is that normal?” he asked, motioning toward the bed, where Abbi’s discomfort was increasing in proportion to her concern.

“Good heavens, no,” Elsa murmured, then she turned to Georg, who had followed her in. “She’s bleeding far too much. Find the doctor.”

Panic rushed to Cameron’s every nerve, but he did his best to stay calm and not distress Abbi any further. “Everything will be fine,” he said, sitting on the bed at her side. “The doctor is still in the castle. He’ll be here in just a minute. Everything will be all right,” he repeated, wondering in his heart if it would be. He recalled how he’d once thought that even if he hadn’t survived the revolution, Abbi giving birth to a legitimate son would have brought something good out of his life. Now he wondered if he would be faced with the horrible irony of having Abbi give birth to his son, only to leave him alone. He forced his thoughts elsewhere, unable to even consider the idea of life without her. When the doctor arrived and hurried to wash up, Cameron convinced himself that he was making more of this than it was.

Just as during the birth, Cameron kept his focus on Abbi’s face, ignoring whatever the doctor was doing to try and stop the bleeding. Then he did something that made Abbi scream and turn pale. Cameron held tightly to her, as if he could give her his strength and free her from the pain. He heard the doctor talking with Elsa in hushed, frantic tones, and his heart threatened to burst out of his chest. Cameron didn’t understand most of what was said, but he distinctly caught, “We’ve got to get her uterus to contract, or she could bleed to death faster than you can possibly imagine.”

Cameron let out a breathy gasp, but he reminded himself to be strong for Abbi when he saw the fear in her eyes. He was aware of the doctor leaning over Abbi, pressing on her belly, which provoked more anguish. Cameron held to her tightly, concentrating on the way she gripped his arms and the strength he could feel in her hands. As her pain only worsened, Cameron felt hot tears trickle down his face. He looked into Abbi’s eyes, finding it odd that he recalled how angry she had been when his own life had been in danger, and how flippant and careless he had been. Now he understood how it felt to be faced with losing the one person who mattered more to him than anything—even more than the country bequeathed to him. He’d been confronted with losing her once before, when Nikolaus had threatened to take her from him. But even then he’d not felt any more afraid than he did now. He could feel the life slipping out of her. He could feel her weakening. He could see the light fading from her eyes. He thought of his recent neglect and his regret deepened. He wondered what it would take to humble him sufficiently. He prayed with all his heart and soul for Abbi to be spared, promising to always be there for her and to keep his life in proper balance. But he wondered if it was too late.

Chapter Thirty-Three

THE CHOICE

C
ameron was praying that Abbi’s suffering would cease when she suddenly went limp in his arms. He drew back to look at her, hearing an anguished protest break the air before he realized that it had come from his own lips.
That’s not what I meant,
his mind contended. “No,” he murmured, while his head spun with the reality of facing life without Abbi. They’d barely been married a year. How could he possibly go on? “No!” he cried, holding her face in his hand, as if he could wake her up. “Abbi! Abbi!” The emotion boiled out of him. “No, don’t leave me, Abbi! No!” He felt the doctor trying to ease him away, but he held her tighter, refusing to let go of her, ever! “No!” he howled, rocking her limp body in his arms.

“Cameron!” the doctor shouted close to his face to get his attention. Then in a softer voice he said, “She’s not dead.” Cameron held his breath as the doctor took hold of his hand and guided it to her throat, pressing his fingers tightly against the faint evidence of a pulse beating there. “She went unconscious from the pain,” Dr. Furhelm explained. “But her heart is beating, and she is still breathing.”

Cameron drew back to look at her again. A different kind of noise erupted from his lips, but still he didn’t let go of her.

“The bleeding is under control,” the doctor added gently. “I think she’ll be all right. But she’s lost a great deal of blood. All we can do is wait and watch her very closely.”

Cameron managed a nod to indicate he’d heard, then he just held Abbi and cried, praying that the miracle would continue, that she would hold on.
He would die without her
. He finally eased away so that the bedding could be changed, and the doctor could thoroughly check her. Word filtered through the valley that the duchess was barely clinging to life, while Cameron sat through the night, holding her hand and watching her every breath, oblivious to anything but his desire to feed his own life into her. He was vaguely aware of the baby crying, but Elsa assured him that she was able to see to his needs since she had a baby of her own. She took the baby away, and Cameron was left alone with Abbi, except for the doctor coming in and out, and occasionally he dozed in a big chair on the other side of the room. Gerhard came for a little while, and then he left, declaring he couldn’t sit there and watch her die. Magda came in twice to check on Cameron, but she too seemed hesitant to hover close.

A hand on Cameron’s shoulder startled him, and he looked up to see Georg at his side. “You should rest,” Georg said. “And you’ve eaten nothing since breakfast.”

“I can’t,” Cameron insisted. “I can’t . . . leave her.”

“All right, but . . . come over here for just a minute. I want to show you something.”

Cameron came hesitantly to his feet, feeling his legs protest from being cramped into one position for so many hours. Georg guided him to the window, where he could see the valley below. Scattered across the darkness were thousands of flickering lights, like stars where he knew there was no sky.

“Candles burn in every window,” Georg said, “while the entire country prays for her recovery.”

Fresh tears burned into Cameron’s eyes. He’d never seen anything so beautiful, never had anything gripped his heart with such a painful reality. He stared at the sight in silence for several minutes before he felt drawn back to Abbi’s side. He was barely aware of Georg moving a chair close to him.

“Are you all right?” Georg asked quietly.

“No, I’m not all right. I’ll never be all right again if I lose her,
never!”

“Are you still upset over the argument you had with her before—”

“I neglected her needs, Georg. I’ve been selfish and insensitive.” His voice broke with emotion. He couldn’t admit to the full depth of his regrets without completely crumbling. The issues between him and Abbi were much deeper and more complicated than even he could understand. He summarized his fears by saying, “Would God punish me this way for my weaknesses? Would he take away the thing that matters most to me because I became too obsessed with my work to truly appreciate her?”

“Personally, I don’t believe God puts struggles into our lives to punish us, Cameron. I believe struggles most often just . . . happen; they’re a part of life. I believe they are meant to strengthen us, depending on how we respond to them.” Georg moved a little closer and spoke in a hushed voice. “Cameron, have you ever heard the story of Joseph from the Bible?”