BEHIND THE CURTAIN BEHIND THE CURTAIN BEHIND THE CURTAIN (25 page)

Uh-oh!
My gut was telling me a serious discussion about ratings wouldn’t work because many of the people in that room probably agreed with her. So I decided to talk business from the publishers’ point of view. I acknowledged that many people, including myself, considered David to be an artist. “But what we do at
The Tonight Show
ain’t art,” I said. “We wouldn’t be caught dead doing art. There’s no money in it.”

Then I said: “Funny thing about our viewers. They read and buy more books than Letterman’s viewers. I learned this from a recent internal survey I read, conducted by a major publisher here in New York . . . so if you want to book your authors on a show hosted by an artist, that’s great. Or you could book them on Jay Leno, who has an audience that will read their books. Your choice.”

A good friend in the publishing industry—and a Jay Leno fan—had shared this inside information with me in confidence. Of course, I made sure not to give away his identity. And the tip paid off. Going forward, I got considerably more celebrity author bookings. One of them was John Kennedy Jr., Jay’s all-time favorite guest. More importantly, he was an audience favorite, as well.

Chapter Fourteen

Jay Leno’s Garage

It just makes sense that a behind-the-scenes look at Jay Leno and his
Tonight Show
would also include a behind-the-scenes look into his garage. In many ways, Jay’s legendary collection of more than two hundred cars and motorcycles is as much a part of him as his late-night television program. Representing more than one hundred years of automotive history, it is valued at $50 million. Some would consider this a pretty expensive hobby, but to Jay, it’s a bargain: “It’s cheaper than hookers and cocaine. Most guys in Hollywood have twenty girlfriends and one car, and I have twenty cars and one girlfriend.”

He keeps his vehicles, classic automotive posters, and other artifacts at Big Dog Garage near the Burbank airport. It includes five attached solar- and wind-powered warehouses totaling seventeen thousand square feet. I’ve toured this amazing facility, which is comparable to the world’s finest automobile museums. Then again, it technically isn’t a museum because Jay’s vehicles aren’t just for show. He drives them all and would take a different one to the NBC studio every day.

Truth is, Jay doesn’t even think of his vehicular possessions as a collection. He just buys the cars and bikes he wants and never sells anything. As a result, his “non-collection” is wide-ranging: “I like anything that rolls, explodes, and makes noise. Motorcycles, cars, steam engines, trucks; I love ‘em all,” he said during my tour.

Jay particularly loves fast cars—and has plenty of them—but he’s not the racing enthusiast many people think he is. Even so, he has the distinction of being the first person to have driven the official pace car at all the major NASCAR races. And he’s one of only a few people to have held that honor for both the Daytona 500 and the Indianapolis 500.

He once set a speed record . . . well, sort of. He was clocked for going 76 in a 55 mph speed zone while driving his 1906 Stanley Steamer, making it the oldest car ever pulled over by the California Highway Patrol. It’s also the oldest vehicle he owns, one of many vintage cars in his garage filled with Duesenbergs, Bugattis, Lamborghinis, Bentleys, McClarens, and more Stanley Steamers. Jay’s collection of contemporary vehicles features a jet-powered motorcycle with a 320-horsepower engine that can go up to 260 mph. It literally sounds like a Boeing 737.

The Leno fleet is overseen by a staff of three mechanical wizards, including the head mechanic, an engineer who designs and makes parts, and an automotive body man.

Jay is also an excellent mechanic in his own right. He once did new-car preparation and light maintenance for Foreign Motors, a Rolls Royce and Mercedes Benz dealer in Boston. Part of his job involved driving new Rolls Royces to customers in New York, where he would also do his stand-up routine at comedy clubs such as The Improv or Catch a Rising Star—all while he was still a student at Emerson College in Boston.

Like most of Jay’s cars, the parts he needs to keep them running are no longer manufactured, so he also has a state-of-the-art shop in the garage to fabricate them. It includes a computer-controlled mill, a water jet cutter, sheet metal equipment, a lathe, and welding equipment. The shop even has an industrial, refrigerator-sized 3-D printer, which literally produces computer-designed parts by a process known as plastic extrusion. It’s ironic that such a futuristic device makes old car parts.

The garage itself has a huge gourmet kitchen where Jay often prepares meals for his crew as well as the many celebrities and others who stop by for a tour. And yes, it really is gourmet in an automotive way. Jay once did a cooking segment in his kitchen for Martha Stewart’s show, preparing
his Uncle Louie’s Chicken Wings Marinara for twenty guys. He used a sixty-ton press, applying four thousand pounds of pressure, to crush a clove of elephant garlic. He also proudly showed off his unique salt-and-pepper shaker, made out of a
carburetor.

Jay is truly an expert in all things automotive, including restoration, mechanical repairs, and the history of the industry worldwide. He writes a car advice column for
Popular Mechanics
and has an Emmy-winning web series called
Jay Leno’s Garage,
which features his and others’ vehicles as well as commentary from automotive experts.

The anecdotes he tells when he’s giving a tour make his vehicles fun to learn about, even if you’re not interested in cars. And, of course, he always has lots of funny stories. That’s why the best part of Jay’s garage is Jay himself.

No tour led by Jay would be complete without a reference to the first car he ever bought—his beloved 1955 black-and-white Buick Roadmaster. He paid $350 for it in 1972 after reading about it in a PennySaver ad. He literally lived—and often slept—in that car during his early days as a struggling comedian. He and Mavis took it out on their first date, and in 1977, he drove it to Studio 1 at NBC, where he made his first appearance on Johnny Carson’s
Tonight Show.

Jay eventually moved on to another car, but he never sold the Roadmaster. Instead, it sat in his mother-in-law’s driveway for almost sixteen years. In 2002, he decided to restore it and soup it up with a 620-horsepower engine, a Corvette suspension system, shiny chrome, new interiors, and custom hubcaps.

During our tour, Jay talked about the classic film
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
, which was based on a famous children’s novel about a magic car. The story by Ian Fleming, creator of James Bond, was inspired by an actual series of racing cars named Chitty Bang Bang that was designed in the 1920s by racing enthusiast Count Louis Zborowski. No one knows for sure the origin of the cars’ odd name. It’s thought to have come from the sound of their Maybach aero-engines.

According to Jay, though, there’s another explanation: the name is a British slang expression dating back to World War I that means having sex in the back seat of a car. Jay was bemused that the Brits have probably had quite a laugh about this at the expense of the Yanks, who associate
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
with Dick Van Dyke and a cute, flying car.

In a world of electric and hybrid vehicles, Jay proudly claims ownership of three alternative-energy cars. His, though, aren’t hot out of the factory. His newest was built in 1925. The oldest is a 1909 Baker Electric car that can go eighty miles on one charge.

Unlike other cars of its day, the Baker didn’t smell of gasoline, and it didn’t need any cranking, which greatly appealed to women. As a result, the Baker became the first car ever marketed to women. Jay described the interior of his model, which even featured a makeup kit, as “froufrou.” The women who bought Bakers tended to be well off, including Henry Ford’s wife, Clara, who wouldn’t drive a Ford Model T.

Baker was ahead of its time with both its product and its marketing techniques. In fact, they were too far ahead for the company’s own good. Baker Motor Vehicle Company went out of business because, at that time, men bought the cars, not women. And no man was going to buy a car that had cut-glass flower vases in it.

People often ask Jay which of his cars is his favorite, a question he usually deflects with one of his own: “Which of your children is your favorite?” Nevertheless, he does have his favorites.

He once wrote in his
Popular Mechanics
column that he prefers old cars, ones that need him: “To me, cars are like screen doors. I know that if I jiggle the latch and move it this way, it will open for me and no one else. And that’s the kind of cars I like.”

He’s partial to Duesenbergs, Packards, and Bugattis. His 1932 Duesenberg Model SJ is at the top of his list because of its sturdiness and strength: “You can drive it like a modern car even though it’s sixty-five years old or more. You can comfortably go 70 to 80 mph on the freeway.”

My favorite is a classic fire truck, which looks like a big toy, similar to the one pictured on the cover of the children’s book
Number 9: The Little Fire Engine
by Wallace Wadsworth
.
It turns out this truck—a V-12 American LaFrance—featured state-of-the-art technology when it was built in 1941. Its 256-horsepower engine was the most powerful one made in its day, and its aerodynamic design was tested in a wind tunnel, a first for a fire truck.

Warner Brothers Studios in Burbank was the truck’s original owner. After twenty years of service, it was passed on to the Burbank airport, where it served for decades as a wind shield for a runway. By the time the airport offered the truck to Jay, it had seen its better days. The price was right: he could have it for nothing if he towed it away. This was a vehicle that definitely needed Jay’s touch, and he predictably agreed to the deal.

Jay’s crew did a basic cleanup on it, using ten-ton jacks to hoist it, and had the engine running in no time. The body, however, was another story. It was in horrible condition after baking in the California sun for years, but the crew was able to restore it to mint condition in only ten days by using sand paper. They also pulled out the water tank in the back and put in a tailgate lift, making the truck the most useful vehicle in the garage. Now it’s used to pick up broken-down motorcycles on the road.

But practicality is not what makes this fire truck endearing to me. You can’t help but smile at the site of Jay driving around Burbank in a big, old fire truck, waving at everyone. He once took Tom Cruise for a ride in it.

Jay even drove it to a movie screening at Warner Brothers that my wife and I attended. Afterward, Jay, Mavis, and a few of their friends took it for a spin around the parking lot, sounding the siren and the bell several times. I still regret that we didn’t join the ride in Number 9 that day. All I had to do was ask.

Jay and his team also restored another classic fire engine called a Christie, named after the engineer who built it. This one is a 1914 steamer that had been refurbished by the Burbank Fire Department and put on display. The truck didn’t run, so the firefighters took it to Jay’s shop for help. He and the boys got to work, and soon Jay was driving the steam-powered Christie on the streets of Burbank at speeds up to 25 mph.

This amazing machine, one of only six in the country, was originally an adapted version of a horse-drawn cart (the horse bit was replaced by the engine). Horses had been a fixture in the fire department for about seventy-five years, and the firemen actually didn’t like the new technology at first. They thought it detracted from the romance and adventure of their job.

In 1928, “Christie” was acquired by Warner Brothers Studios in Burbank, making appearances in films with the likes of Charlie Chaplin and the Three Stooges. In the 1940s, the vehicle was given to the Burbank Fire Department. When Jay completed the job of fixing up and restoring the Christie (at his expense), he made a video of it for
Jay Leno’s Garage
and then returned it to the firefighters.

Jay is rarely mentioned in the tabloids and gossip websites because he doesn’t engage in behavior they would consider newsworthy. On the rare occasions when the rags do uncover something about him, it almost always has to do with one of his cars.

The
London Daily Mail
published some pictures of Jay riding around North Hollywood in one of his Stanley Steamers while talking on a cell phone, which is illegal in California. The online headline said in large, bold print: “Time to put the brakes on the chat! Talk show host Jay Leno appears to use his phone while out in his vintage wheels.” And the caption under a close-up picture of Jay said: “Surely that’s not allowed. Jay Leno was spotted chatting on his mobile phone in California. . . .”

Ironically, the article cast Jay in a positive light, calling him the “world’s greatest car collector.” It even had a touch of classic, wry British humor, saying, “His other love: In his spare time Leno hosts NBC’s
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
”

The tabloids have printed a number of stories about Jay as the Good Samaritan on the freeways, which he is. The
National Enquirer
reported that he came to the aid of a “damsel in distress” by the side of the road whose car had a flat tire. Turns out she was a production assistant for Conan O’Brien’s TBS show and was worried about being late for the show, which Jay said he would watch.

A man who routinely and happily helped staffers and stars get the best deal on any car, he also diagnosed their cars’ mechanical problems and was hardly ever wrong. I once owned a beat-up old van. One day during my morning commute to the studio, the van started stalling. By the time I got there, it died. Of course, I was grateful I wasn’t stranded on the freeway, but I was upset because I had just replaced the van’s defective starter.

What is it now
? I thought. I would never have imposed on Jay by asking him for help, but he overheard me telling my colleagues about my car problems and immediately identified the starter as the problem. When I told him I had just put a new one in, he said it was probably a rebuilt starter, and they’re sometimes faulty.

I dismissed his diagnosis because I was certain the mechanic had put in a new starter. Then he offered to take a look at
my van. His assistant, Helga Pollock, reminded him he had a phone interview with the
New York Times
in ten minutes, but he didn’t seem to care. He told Helga to have the reporter wait.

Jay immediately took off for the parking lot at his usual pace, which is twice as fast as a speed walker. I ran to keep up with him so I could answer the technical questions he was asking me on the way. As we approached the van, I wondered what Jay was thinking. Unlike him, I wasn’t a car guy. To me, a car served only one purpose: getting me from point A to point B with as few hassles as possible.

There it was: my old, banged up van sitting next to a Mercedes, a BMW, and a late-model SUV, all owned by my colleagues. Jay took one look at the van and paused. I knew a joke was coming: “Where did you get this piece of sh—? Don’t I pay you enough?”

First, he tried to start the van—to no avail. Then he looked under the hood. Next, he got down on his knees and began poking around the floorboard area on the driver’s side. By now I was a little nervous about the
New York Times
interview he was blowing off so he could work on my “piece of sh—.” I told him not to waste his time, but he ignored me.