Behind His Eyes - Convicted: The Missing Years (35 page)

If love is without sacrifice, it is selfish.

—Sadhu Vaswani

Brent stared at his wife. Finally he asked, “Are you seriously going to meet Meredith Banks, the woman who wrote that vile book, at this hour of the night? Tell me again why.”

Courtney reached for her purse. “Brent, I’ll be fine. I’m meeting her at Short’s Burgers in Iowa City.”

“You’re going to a bar—at 9:00 PM?”

“She said it was about Claire. She knew that Claire was getting better. I need to find out how she’s gotten her information. I know I should call Emily. I do, and maybe I will. But Meredith also knew that I hadn’t been allowed to see Claire. I mean, it was one thing when all Emily would say is that Claire’s
not well
. Now it’s different. Even though I can’t tell Emily, I know she’s getting better. Phil’s reports have tons of great information from her medical records. However, every time I ask Emily to put me on the visitation list, she has some reason why the time isn’t right.”

“I don’t like this,” Brent said. “I don’t like Meredith. Sometimes, I’m not thrilled with Emily, but I know that Emily thinks she’s doing what’s best for her sister.”

Courtney pressed her lips together before speaking. Finally, she said, “I think Emily won’t let me visit Claire because she knows that we still go see Tony every three weeks. She’s mentioned more than once that if I ever am allowed to visit Claire I’m forbidden—oh, yes, she used that word,
forbidden
—from mentioning Tony’s name in any form: Anthony, Tony, Rawlings, anything.”

Brent shook his head. “Okay, Emily is a bit excessive. That still doesn’t answer my—”

“Meredith said that if I came alone, she might be able to help me see Claire. I don’t even know how she has that ability, but for Claire, I’m going to find out.”

“Let me come with you.”

“She said
alone
. I’m afraid if I bring you, it may scare her off. Brent, I’ll be fine. I’ll text you from Short’s and before I head home,” Courtney replied.

Brent pulled her close. “I just don’t like my beautiful wife going off to a bar at night.”

Courtney giggled. “You know me. You’ll probably need to send a cab.”

With that comment, and a quick kiss, Brent watched his wife disappear down the hall toward their garages. There was something about this whole thing that didn’t seem right. He considered calling John. He’d never call Emily; she would most definitely freak out, but if he called John, and John told Emily. No. Brent sighed and recalled Tony’s request last year at Yankton.

It was settled. Brent would trust Courtney’s intuition. She hadn’t steered him wrong in over thirty years. In the meantime, he’d work on Tony’s latest request and wait by his phone. Brent didn’t plan to file the papers to revoke Emily’s power of attorney or request full custody of Nichol until Tony‘s release was assured. With that in mind, it could be in the next few weeks or it could be another year. Hell, if it were another year, Brent would undoubtedly do something else. The more he thought about Emily
forbidding
the mention of Tony’s name and restricting Courtney’s topics of conversation, the more it angered him. Claire was an adult. She’d been through hell, more than once, but he’d read Roach’s most recent reports; she’d made her way out of purgatory—again. As much as Claire was their friend, if Brent were to analyze his feelings, he thought of her more like a daughter. After all, she wasn’t much older than Caleb and Maryn. No matter what happened, he would do all he could to help her. Well, he had.

His phone buzzed.

“I JUST ARRIVED TO SHORT’S BURGER. MEREDITH ISN’T HERE YET. I THINK I COULD USE THAT DRINK! (Smiley face)”

He texted back:

“I DON’T BLAME YOU. LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED THAT CAB.”

“THE NIGHT IS YOUNG.”

He smiled and lost himself once again to the motions at hand. It wasn’t until nearly midnight that his phone buzzed again.

“OMG! IF YOU’RE AWAKE, YOU’LL WANT TO HEAR ALL I HAVE TO TELL YOU!”

“I’M AWAKE.”

Courtney didn’t wait until she was home, as soon as she was in her car, she called Brent. Instead of saying hello, he said, “Are you using your hands free?”

“No, I have two hands on the phone, and I’m driving with my knees. I was afraid I might drop it.”

Brent snickered. “You’re a smart-ass, but I love you.”

“You’re impossible, but I love you, too. Wait until you hear what Meredith has been doing…” Brent listened with bated breath as Courtney retold the story she’d just heard. It was unbelievable how Meredith had infiltrated Everwood. Truly, she and Roach should work out some kind of partnership. Between the two of them, there’d be no secrets left.

Courtney said that not only is Claire finally talking, she’s asking for visitors, and Emily still won’t let anyone in. It just wasn’t right. Meredith believed that if Claire didn’t get some positive reinforcement soon for her hard work, she’d decide that living in the real world wasn’t worth the effort. It wasn’t that Meredith was worried about Claire harming herself: she was worried about her mental stability. As it was, when Meredith left Claire’s room tonight, Claire was crying.

“It makes me so mad. I want to drive over to the Vandersols’ house and pound on their door until someone comes outside.”

Brent laughed at his wife’s vigor. That was one thing that could be said for Courtney: when she was in your corner, she was there forever, and most importantly, she was like a mother bear. “I don’t recommend that you do that. We’re still friends with Emily and John. I have to see John in the morning. I’d rather not start out the morning discussing news of how my wife was arrested on their front lawn.”

“I’m going,” Courtney announced.

Brent’s eyes widened. “To the Vandersols ’house? Please don’t.”

“No, to Everwood. I’m sneaking onto the grounds. Meredith has a place where I can park. I have to walk a bit, but that’s all right. Meredith’s responsible for taking Claire for her evening walk. She’s going to bring Claire to me.” Courtney’s words came in such a rush: it was almost difficult to decipher each one.

“When?”

“Is it supposed to rain tomorrow?” Courtney asked.

Brent hit the mouse on his desk. “Let me look. I’ve been working and didn’t hear the news.” After a few clicks he had the forecast. “No, it looks clear for the next few nights.”

“Then I’m going tomorrow night!”

“You know we’re going to Yankton on Saturday?”

“I know!” Courtney exclaimed. “I can’t wait to tell Tony.”

Brent’s smile widened. “I think it’s just the kind of news he needs.”

Tony’s dark eyes widened. “You saw her?”

“I did!” Courtney exclaimed. “She’s talking and… oh, Tony, she’s better!”

Brent reached for Courtney’s hand.

“W-what did they do? What happened?” Tony asked.

Courtney shook her head. “I really don’t know. All I know is that they started some new treatment regimen with new medications. Meredith explained that she thinks—”

“Meredith?” Tony questioned.

“Yes!” Courtney’s blue eyes shone. “As in Meredith Banks.”

Tony leaned forward, his baritone voice sounding more like a growl. “If she’s writing another—”

Courtney reached out and briefly touched Tony’s hand. “She’s not. I know. I didn’t want to trust her at first either, but she swears she isn’t. She said that originally that was her plan, but it changed. Tony, I think we should be happy that Meredith got to Claire. I know that I am.”

He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not sure I can ever be happy about Meredith Banks. How the hell do Emily and John not know that she’s there?”

“She’s not using her real name. Believe me, if I thought it was all for another of her sensationalized books, I’d report her.” Courtney leaned forward and lowered her voice. “I may have even threatened her a little.”

Tony’s laugh resonated throughout the visitor’s room. “You? Well, good!”

Brent interjected, “Don’t laugh. She’s pretty damn threatening when she wants to be.”

“It was so good to see her. I know Emily thinks that she’s doing what’s best by Claire, but not allowing her to see anyone isn’t what’s best. She can’t even go outside by herself. That’s what Meredith does: she takes her outside after her dinner.”

“You know my thoughts on Emily. I hate that she’s doing that to Claire. How can she think it’s for the best?”

Courtney shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m not giving up.”

Tony exhaled. “I’ve read Roach’s reports. Her prognosis sounds good. What do you think?”

“I’ve only seen her once, but I’m so encouraged. Oh, Tony, she’s back! And now if you…” Her words trailed away. “I’m sorry. I just want you to come home.”

Tony grinned. “I promise, I’m ready to come home.” His eyes widened. “Speaking of which, I’m pleased with the pictures of the new house. What do you think?”

Both Brent and Courtney nodded approvingly. “It’s very nice,” Brent said.

“It’s better than
nice
,” Courtney said. “It’s beautiful and so homey. I’m sure you’re both going to love it. Oh, and Nichol’s room is perfect. I want you all there so badly.”

Tony nodded, but his eyes were sad. Brent knew why, although he didn’t have the heart to tell Courtney, or Tony’s approval to do so. He’d known for a while. He’d prepared the preliminary petition for Tony and Claire’s divorce. It had all begun months ago when Tony asked him to visit alone. As Tony’s lawyer, he could see his client any day of the week, with approval. Truthfully, when Brent arrived, he was caught off-guard.

Prisoners are allowed more privacy when speaking with their attorneys. Therefore, when Brent arrived on a non-visitation day, he was led to a small individual room. Within no time, Tony was brought to him.

“Thanks for coming,” Tony offered.

“Not a problem, it’s your plane.”

Tony grinned, but Brent could see the sadness. It’d been building for some time. It seemed like with each visit, it was more and more difficult to elicit the smiles or even smirks that Tony had once had. “I need you to start working on something for me.”

“Sure, what do you need?”

“I want you to begin the petition needed to dissolve my marriage.”

For more than a minute, Brent didn’t respond. He stared. He looked around the room. Was this some kind of joke? After everything these two had been through. Finally, Brent leaned forward, and said, “Tony, I know they have you in some kind of counseling here, but I don’t think you’re thinking clearly. I saw the two of you before all this shit went down. I listened to you on the phone with the whole Patricia thing. You love your wife. I’m not sure why you think this is an answer. Is it because of her medical condition?”

“No. Don’t question me—do it.”

It was a tone Brent recognized. One he submitted to over the years, but times had changed. “I am questioning you. I did this once before and you regretted it. I’m not doing it again without some kind of explanation.”

Running his hand through his hair, Tony looked down at the metal table. Brent’s heart ached for the man before him. “I’m not good for her,” Tony said.

“And?”

“And nothing. You’ve read the damn book. Hell, you saw her testimony. You know the things I did.”

Brent couldn’t hide his surprise. “That isn’t an answer.”

Tony lowered his voice. “It’s all you’re going to get. Forget for a fuck’n minute that we’re friends and remember that you work for me. Remember that I’m the one who started the damn company, and I’m the one who ultimately decides who stays employed.”

“You’re threatening to fire me if I won’t start divorce proceedings?”

“I don’t make threats. Don’t start the proceedings. Don’t file it with the court yet. Just get everything ready.”

Brent stood. “Fine, fire me. I’m not doing it without more information. Did you decide to take Patricia up on her offer and now you’re feeling guilty?”

Tony’s fist pounded the metal table sending shockwaves throughout the small room. “Don’t even fuck’n suggest such a thing.”

Brent leaned closer and slowed his words. “Then tell me what’s going on. I’m not spending my time preparing a petition if you won’t tell me why.”

“Claire deserves better.”

Brent grinned. “All right, I’m agreeing with you.”

“That’s my answer. I’m no good for her, and she deserves better. I see that now. I see how much damage I did. I thought I could do what I did and then make up for it. I thought we could get past our…” he hesitated, “…start. Do you know the statistics for relationships when someone… when there’s a history of…” Tony looked down. “It can never work.”

“Well, excuse me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t it working? Those people who came to my house with their new baby? Those people were madly in love. Hell, I’m not some kind of romantic, but I felt it. I know what I saw. You tell me that you don’t love Claire. Tell me that you’ve
fallen out of love
. If you can do that, I’ll do as you ask.”

“You’ll do as I ask, because that’s your job. You want to hear my reason, fine. No, I haven’t
fallen out of love.
I love her more than I can possibly say. I’ve loved her forever, since before she knew me. The months before she left the second time, and those on the island were the best months of my entire life. I’m fifty-one fuck’n years old and I have—what?—one year that I can say was fantastic. That leaves fifty that were shit, and who do I have to blame for that? Me. I screwed it all up. Claire
will
get better medically. I will get out of here. I want her, Nichol, and I to be a family. I want that more than I want the fuck’n air I breathe, but I won’t do it to her. Claire deserves a hell of a lot better than me.”