Behind Her Smile (34 page)

“Damn right,” Sara says resolutely.

The oven dings and I man the oven mitts to pull the first cookie sheet out and then replace it with a second. “I decided to stay in Adriana’s place a little while longer. She said I could live there as long as I want, but I feel like I’m mooching off her generosity.”

“Am I mooching?” Sara looks at me pointedly.

“Of course not!”

“There’s no difference between you and me,” she says. “I live at Willow’s House free of charge, and you live at Adriana’s place without paying rent. We are both relying on the kindness of others while we get our footing back.”

“You’re right,” I relent. “Still I want to pay my own way. The only good thing David ever did for me was pay off my student loans. Thankfully, I don’t have those hanging over my head.” With a spatula, I move the cooling cookies to a steel rack. “We’re a pretty good team.”

“Karolina.” Sara places an understanding hand on my shoulder. “No one expects you to leave your marriage and be completely unaffected a month later. It’s time to stop comparing yourself to everyone else. No two residents at Willow’s House have the same story. Comparisons create divisions among us and I believe, like me, you come to Willow’s House for a judgment-free place. I don’t think for one minute you’re judging me. I think you’re still judging
you
. Love yourself where you are—the person you are today.”

The temptation to indulge in a cookie is too strong. I take a bite before answering. “I don’t love myself, that’s for sure. But I’m learning to accept and that I’m a work in progress.”

“That means be kinder to yourself.” Despite her diminutive stature, Sara gives a mean staredown. “No more comparisons. We’re on this journey together.”

“Have you ever considered being a therapist?” I ask in all seriousness.

Dimples appear and a tentative smile. “Maybe one day.” The sweet expression turns mischievous, and her eyes start to sparkle. “Speaking of love—you haven’t mentioned Alec in a while.” Sara has the uncanny ability, like Adriana, to cut right to the topic that makes me giddy and scared all at once. The only difference is Adriana is close friends with Alec, and though I know she would never break my confidence, I wouldn’t put it past the relentless man to badger her for information. That’s why I haven’t spilled all my feelings to her. She reads me easily, so she probably already knows how I want the man as much as I want my next breath.

“It’s been a month since I’ve seen him. Oddly, it’s like nothing has changed and everything has changed since the last time I saw him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing’s changed in that still thinking about him gives me chills and makes me warm and content all at the same time. But everything’s changed in the sense that I don’t blame myself for what David did and I have a job. I can come to Willow’s House without having a mental breakdown and I can watch the news.”

Sara frowns. “The trial will be long and drawn out. I’m glad that you can turn on the TV without worrying about what you’ll see. The other day I saw . . .” she trails off uncertainly.

“The death penalty was taken off the table because David’s cooperating. I know. My lawyer had told me before I found out somewhere else. I—there’s been enough death.”

“Yeah, I agree,” she says solemnly.

And the topic is dropped because I have no control over David’s trial. I am putting his future in the hands of the law.

Sara brightens, and her eyes twinkle. “When are you going to see Alec?”

Glancing down at the leather watch on my wrist, I almost flinch. “Actually, I should go. He’ll be leaving work soon, and I have a feeling he’ll come to my place afterward. Do you need help moving this weekend? I’d be happy to lend a hand or my car.”

Sara shakes her head. “Nah. My brother and his friends will be here. Maybe you could come up on Saturday, and we could go shopping for new home stuff?”

“I’d love that,” I say sincerely. We embrace again with me offering her more well wishes.

When I walk outside, my steps are as light as they’ve ever been.

Karolina

B
almy night air lies still around the balcony. A round, jubilant moon blankets the Earth in a tranquil light. From this vantage point on the balcony, it’s easy to identify the people and cars drifting along the streets. I didn’t intend to still be awake, standing against the balcony railing watching one day melt into the next.

Foolishly, I thought Alec would appear on my doorstep ready to sweep me into his arms. He did say he would give me a month’s time, and now, thirty days later, a little bug of insecurity bites at me.

Alec was right
, I muse over a cup of Sleepy Time tea. The warm liquid trickles down my throat, leaving a calming path in its wake. I am establishing an individual sense of self with a job and friends who I choose. Then there are the little things. I dress in the clothes I want to wear, eat what I want to eat, and exercise when I feel like it. I alone dictate my routine and priorities. I’m powerful and in control.

Except when it comes to Alec. I’m not a savvy connoisseur of men. Sure, I could have called him today and said, ‘I’m ready. Come and get me!’ Better yet, I could have gone to his work or his house and gotten his attention. Piece by piece, I’m putting myself back together, but I’m not done. Alec deserves the grand gesture; he deserves the woman ready to lay it all on the line for him, and I simply need more time to gain the self-confidence to tell him the truth.

I love him. The kind of effortless love that comes as natural as breathing. The kind of love that soothes even the sharpest pains. The kind of love that makes you want to be fully honest, even if it means revealing ugly and unattractive parts of your personality because you trust the love.

Buzz.

The phone vibrates against the outdoor coffee table. It shimmies against the glass with each vibration. My breath catches in my throat.

Alec calling.

“Alec,” I say breathlessly.

“Look down.” That husky, velvety voice sends delicious shivers against every nerve ending in my body.

Turning back to the rail, I search the sidewalk below until—“You’re here?”

His head tilts up to the balcony; one hand lifts to lazily wave. From twenty stories up, it’s hard to make out the lines of his handsome face, but I would know that confident, relaxed stance anywhere.

“It’s after midnight. The month wait is over.”

Realization hits me hard and I laugh. “Do you want to come up?”

“No.” My heart lurches.
There.
Insecurity in its purest form. “I want to take you to my house. Come down here, Karo.” As quickly as it filled my chest, the uncomfortable sensation goes away, replaced by hope.

“Give me one minute.” It doesn’t matter that I’m wearing old leggings and a thin, oversized white t-shirt or that my hair is a mess. Racing into the closet, I grab a cardigan, throw it over my shoulders, and shove my feet into the first pair of sandals I find.

He’s here. Alec came for me.
I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. A part of me wonders how he could find me desirable. Doubts be damned, I rush into the hallway and stab the elevator call button multiple times until it arrives. I shift from foot to foot on the ride down the twenty stories then run-walk into the lobby, past the doorman with a quick good-bye, and then out onto the sidewalk.

His arms are waiting for me. When I rush to him, he drags me into his chest and fuses our bodies together as if we were two puzzle pieces always meant to click together. His nose nudges my collarbone when he dips low to press closer still. Digging my fingers into his trim waist, I inhale his raw, masculine scent.

“It’s like coming home after the most harrowing journey.” Somehow, my lips are a few inches beneath his left ear. The words stall him. Stock-still. I whimper at the loss of contact when he straightens to his full height. Thick stubble on his chin and above his lip make him look more formidable than usual. “Did I—was that too much?”

Alec looks tortured and elated. “My sweet Karo,” he growls. His lips slam over mine. I gasp at the intense contact, his opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. Rising to my tiptoes, I slide my fingers through his thick hair, urging him down. I breathe him. Soak in his warmth, his
dýnami̱.
This kiss is my redemption, my release, my greatest joy.

I’ve been searching for this all along. Even when I didn’t know what I wanted, it was this man.

Alec breaks the kiss first, though he’s nonplussed, staring at me with those impenetrable black eyes. “My house.” Only his voice reveals the hint of an affected tremor. He weaves our fingers together, leading me to a waiting car.

I don’t pay attention to where he takes me. I can’t keep my eyes off him, watching the way he commands the car with ease. One hand stays on the wheel and the other catches mine and places it on his muscular thigh. His muscles are tight with tension, the only hint I can tell there’s more simmering under the surface of the confident driver. If someone were to ask me what kind of car he drives or where he is taking me, I could not tell them. All I know is at some point we drive across a bridge and onto a smaller island.

When he parks the car inside an inconspicuous two-car garage, I smile tentatively at him. “Now what?” Alec leans across the center console and presses the button to undo my seat belt.

“You have two options, Karolina. We talk or . . .” His gaze runs across my face as if searching for an answer.

“Or?” I tease him a little.

“Fuck it,” he growls. “We’ll talk later.”

A moment later, he slams the driver’s side door and stalks around the car. I almost want to laugh at the intense way his features draw together, but the second he whips open my door and stoops down to tug me out of the vehicle, I’m lost. A powerful rush of sensual heat hits me hard. Alec bends down to put one arm beneath my knees. The other curves around my back and he hauls me against his chest.

“You don’t move fast enough,” he grumbles.

I drop my head to the curve where his neck meets his shoulder. “By all means,” I tease in a husky voice I hardly recognize as my own.

He doesn’t bother turning on the lights. He takes the steps two at a time. Insecurity disappears with each step further into the home. Sensual awareness replaces all the lingering doubts. The little hairs on the back of my neck stand up, tingling against my sensitive skin.

With one bent knee pressing into a mattress for balance, Alec lowers me to the center of the bed. Hungrily, his gaze roves over my body as if he can’t get enough of me.

“Wait.” This moment calls for a whisper. Gracefully, Alec pushes off the bed and moves to illuminate the room in mellow light from a standing lamp. He moves to lie on the bed next to me; he stretches one arm out long, bends it at the elbow, and uses a big hand to prop his head. His other hand comes to rest on my waist. Layers of clothing separate his skin from mine, but each stroke of his thumb ignites a trail of dizzying sensation.

“I’m still trying to figure things out,” I confess.

“Yes, I would imagine so.” His gravelly voice is so sexy I can’t help the jolt that makes my body start. Aware of his impact on me, a languid smile parts his lips. “Karo, I’ll take you in whatever form you’ll give me.” The self-assuredness falters. “Take this step with me. Together.”

“I’m scared.” There’s no shielding my vulnerability; the way my voice trembles.

His hand tightens on my waist convulsively then relaxes.

“Not of you,” I hurry to say. “Of my own reactions and . . . and I want to please you.”

Alec dips closer. He drags his nose along the length of my cheekbone. Such an innocent touch yet it ignites my senses. “There’s no doubt in my mind you’ll please me, Karo.” His voice rumbles, touching every inch of skin. I shiver. “We’ll take it one step at a time.”

“One step at a time.” That settles around me like the warmest, most comforting sweater. “I can do that.”

His spicy aftershave swirls around me when he half pulls/half yanks me against his chest. “
We
can. No more going at life alone, Karolina. I’m beside you no matter what the situation or emotion may be. There’s all the time in the world for me to tell you the ways I’m yours, but I don’t think I can wait another second.” And then his warm lips cover mine.

Intimacy has never been like this before. His lips are everywhere. The curve of my neck, the line of my chin, the spot in front of my ear that makes me writhe.

Alec divests me of my cardigan and shirt with swift, purposeful movements. He’s above me, tracing the line of my bra strap with one fingertip, leaving a fiery trail in its wake. I tremble beneath him—with anticipation.

Twist.

Tug.

Wish.

Click.

The cotton t-shirt he’s wearing disappears with a few uncoordinated tugs from me. And then my bare skin is pressing against his and we’re kissing again. He’s warm. So warm and powerful. His lean muscles are everywhere. Surrounding me. Holding me but not smothering me. A wet trail of kisses starts at my collarbone making a focused route toward my breasts. My hands fist the blanket when his lips capture a hardened, highly sensitized nub. He teases me, toying with my breasts and eliciting little whimpers of pleasure from me.