Behind Her Smile (3 page)

“She’ll be fine, honey. Once school starts, and she gets involved in things with her friends.”

“Yeah,” Michelle replied, with a smile. “You realize she’ll probably start dating pretty soon, too, right? I mean we did say sixteen.”

He nodded. “But group dating only. And I need to meet the boys first.”

She sighed. “I’d really hoped she and Luke would one day…” Her voice drifted off, leaving the rest unsaid.

Steve squeezed her hand. “Yeah. Remember what little love birds they seemed to be when she was in middle school?”

Michelle laughed as she remembered them sharing the earpieces of his iPod as they listened to music together. “They were a cute couple, weren’t they?”

“Yep.” He took a deep breath and let it out. Then he turned to look at her, putting his finger on her chin and moving his face toward hers. “We’re a cute couple, too, you know,” he said slyly.

“Are you going somewhere with this?” she asked, pretending to be clueless.

“Maybe,” he replied, pulling her into a kiss that began playfully and then deepened. Soon they were dissolving into each other’s arms.

Later, as Michelle drifted off to sleep, she voiced a silent prayer. Jesus, please watch over Maddie. Keep her close and help her through the letting go process with Luke. And, if it’s Your will, would You bring them back together in Your perfect time?

Peace replaced the concern that had gripped her heart, and she sank into a restful, uninterrupted night’s sleep.

Madison watched Luke sling his backpack onto the conveyor belt at the security checkpoint at the airport. He turned and gave her one final smile before walking through the metal detector and disappearing into the sea of people on the other side. “Bye,” she whispered to herself, and then turning and giving her mother, Lucy, and Kelly her best fake smile, she said aloud, “Time to shop!”

“Yep!” Lucy exclaimed in reply, taking Madison’s arm in hers and leading them toward the exit.

They headed out to the parking structure, piled into Kelly’s SUV, and drove off toward the mall. As Michelle and Kelly chatted in the front seat, Madison gazed out the car window, watching an airplane taking off and wondering if it was Luke’s.

“Did you hear me?” Lucy asked.

Maddie turned to her friend. “What?”

“I was asking if you’d seen the latest issue of
Sixteen
magazine. They have a big fashion section. Lots of cute dresses.”

“No. I haven’t seen it,” she replied.

“Well, lucky for you I brought it along.” Lucy reached down, retrieved her backpack from the floor, and unzipped it, pulling out the large, glossy publication. A cute blonde on the cover wore a turquoise tee shirt with a sterling silver heart necklace dangling in its v-neck. Lucy quickly paged through to the fashion article and then handed it to Madison. “See what I mean? I hope we can find some like these.” She pointed to a few of the pictures.

“Yeah, those are cute,” Madison agreed. I wonder how they’d look on me, she thought. These girls are all so thin.

When they arrived at the mall, Kelly and Michelle suggested the girls do a little looking at their favorite shops while they grabbed a cup of coffee. “If you see something you like, just ask them to hold it,” Michelle told Madison.

“We’ll meet back at the food court at noon, get some lunch, and then we can go see your finds,” Kelly added.

Turning to Madison, Michelle added, “Remember your budget, honey.”

“You, too, Luce,” Kelly said.

“Okay, okay. Let’s go,” Lucy said, grabbing Maddie’s hand and dragging her in the direction of one of the teen clothing shops.

As they walked through the first store, Lucy pulled multiple dresses from the racks, throwing them over her arm in wild abandon. “Everything’s so cute!” she said blissfully.

Madison found five dresses that appealed to her, and they headed for the dressing rooms.

“How many?” the attendant asked.

Lucy began counting her hangers. “Fourteen.”

“You can only take six in at a time,” the woman replied.

Sighing, Lucy replied, “Okay.” She began weeding through the pile, choosing her favorite six. Reluctantly, she handed the others over.

“They’ll be right here,” the attendant promised, gesturing to a rack nearby. Handing them each a number, she led them to their dressing rooms.

“Let’s come out and show each other each dress,” Lucy suggested as they walked into the adjoining cubicles.

Madison nodded. “Okay.”

A couple of minutes later, Lucy said, “I’m ready!” Madison could hear her unlatch and open the dressing room door next to hers.

“Just a minute,” she replied, perusing herself in the mirror. The dress was cute, but her hips looked fat in it. “I’m not sure I like this one,” she called out.

“Let me see,” Lucy said.

As Madison tentatively opened the door, she spotted Lucy admiring herself in the three-way mirror across from the dressing rooms. She looked really cute, and her dress fit perfectly. Seeing her in the reflection, Lucy asked, “What do you think?” as she twirled around to face her.

Madison smiled. “It looks really good on you,” she replied.

Lucy turned back to the mirror, gave herself another once over, and nodded. “Yeah. I really like this one.” Then, almost as if it was an oversight, she turned back to look at Madison’s dress. “That one’s cute, too,” she said, sounding like she was trying to convince herself as much as Maddie.

“It’s not for me,” Madison replied. “Maybe you should try it on.”

Lucy smiled. “Okay. Do you want to try this one on?” she asked.

Madison knew it wouldn’t look the same on her as it did on her friend. “No. That’s okay. I’ll just try on one of the others I’ve got in there.”

Lucy looked almost relieved. Probably didn’t want me to buy the same dress as her, Madison thought.

They both disappeared into their dressing rooms again, repeating their showing and sharing until all the dresses had been tried. Madison spent the last twenty minutes retrieving Lucy’s other dresses from the rack, a few at a time, as Lucy rejected the ones she didn’t like.

By the time they left the shop over an hour later, Lucy had five dresses on hold and Madison had two. They spent the next hour moving from store to store, trying on more clothes and then shoes before stopping at a kiosk and checking out jewelry and scarf accessories. Then it was time to meet up with their moms at the food court.

“How was the shopping?” Michelle asked the girls as they plunked down at a table together.

“Great!” Lucy exclaimed. “I found five dresses at one shop, some jeans and sweaters at another, and a great pair of boots.”

Michelle turned to Madison. “How about you?” she asked hopefully.

Madison tried to act enthusiastic. “I found a couple of dresses, a skirt, and a sweatshirt.” None of them were great, but she didn’t want to go home empty-handed. She knew they wouldn’t be back out to Portland before school started, and the shops in Sandy Cove were expensive. Besides, they didn’t usually have that much that she liked. Seeing her mother’s surprised expression, she added, “I’ll probably order some stuff online, too.”

Nodding, Michelle replied, “Okay. After lunch, we’ll go see what you found.”

The food court had a variety of cuisines. Michelle and Kelly both wanted French bread soup bowls. Lucy suggested pizza, but Madison opted for salad. “Is that all you’re having?” Lucy asked when she saw Maddie’s tray.

“Yeah. I’m not that hungry,” Madison replied, hoping she sounded convincing while her stomach churned. If she wanted to look good in her new clothes, she really needed to lose a few pounds.

After they ate, the girls led their mothers back through the mall to the shops where they had items on hold. After several negotiations with Kelly, Lucy was able to purchase most of the clothes she wanted. Madison was under budget, so Michelle encouraged her to look at a few more items. They found several sweaters and a pair of jeans that Madison agreed upon.

“I wish
my
mom was trying to convince
me
to get more stuff,” Lucy said wistfully.

“You got plenty,” Kelly replied with a laugh.

Bags in hand, they headed back to find the car and make the long drive back to Sandy Cove. As they wove through the countryside, Madison found herself thinking about Luke again. He’d be landing in Missouri soon and starting a whole new life at college. And although her friend was sitting beside her, Maddie suddenly felt very much alone.

Later that afternoon, Madison was sitting on her bed gazing at pictures of young models on her laptop, when her mother walked in.

“Almost time for dinner, honey,” she said, glancing down at the screen. “What are you looking at?”

Madison flipped the cover of the computer closed. “Nothing.”

Her mother just stood there for a moment and then asked, “Is something bothering you?”

The concern and compassion in her voice pierced Madison’s defenses. She looked up, and trying not to cry replied, “Guess you could say that.”

Michelle sat down beside her and rested her hand on Madison’s leg. “Is it about Luke?”

Madison hesitated. “Yeah. But it’s also this,” she added, pushing the laptop off to the side, her voice bitter.

Her mother picked it up and flipped it open. Faces of beautiful teens flashed on the screen. Super slim bodies with cutting edge fashions hanging on their skinny frames.

Madison could feel her mom’s eyes studying her. “See what I mean? I’ll never look like them. Not in a million years. Even if I go on a massive diet and dye my hair, I’ll still be too short.”

“Why would you want to look like them? You’re beautiful just the way you are.”

Maddie shook her head. “You’re just saying that because you’re my mother. If anyone’s the beauty in this family, it’s you, not me.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wished she could take them back. Her mother’s face looked stunned and even a little hurt.

“Madison, listen to me. When I was your age, I felt the same way you do. Really. And even if I weren’t your mother, I’d be looking at a beautiful young lady right now.”

She’s just saying that to make me feel better. What’s she supposed to do? Agree with me?
she thought. “Okay. Whatever,” Madison replied. “I’ll come down and set the table,” she added, hoping to change the subject.

Michelle reached over and gently tipped Maddie’s head so they were looking eye-to-eye. “Luke won’t be gone forever. And believe me, he thinks you are beautiful, too.”

Tears threatened again as Madison felt her chest tighten at the mention of Luke’s name. Afraid her emotions would come tumbling out if she said anything, she simply nodded, forced a smile, and gave her mom a hug. Then they both stood and headed downstairs.

As Michelle followed Madison down to the dining room, her heart felt heavy. Why did teenage girls have to be under such pressure to live up to the world’s perception of beauty? And where on earth did Maddie get the idea that Michelle was so much more attractive than her?

Later that night, as Michelle was washing her face before bed, she noticed more clearly than ever the toll of aging. She plucked a gray hair, and studied the weathered skin on her neck and smile lines radiating from her eyes. The beauty she’d once been told she possessed was clearly fading. So fleeting was youth, and yet at the peak of its radiance, insecurity often robbed young girls of the perception and confidence one would expect it to inspire.

“What are you thinking about, my brooding bride?” Steve asked, coming up behind her and nuzzling into her neck.

Michelle sighed. “Our daughter.”

“Something wrong?”

“She thinks she’s not attractive. I caught her perusing models on her laptop. You know, those hyper skinny girls with the gaunt faces that give them the big-eyed look.” Michelle paused and shook her head as if to shake off the images. “It concerns me, Steve. I’ve seen a few girls at school fall into eating disorders because of their determination to obtain that look.”

Steve sank down on the bed, clasping his hands between his knees. As he leaned forward and rested his forearms on his legs, he stared down at the floor and shook his head. Then, glancing up at her, he asked, “Want me to talk to her?”

“Maybe. She needs to hear from you just how attractive she really is. You’ve been her prince charming growing up. Now she needs that more than ever.” Michelle sat down beside him, and pulled one of his hands into hers. “It boggles my mind that she can’t see how beautiful she is. She actually told me that if there’s any beauty in the house it’s me. Can you imagine that, honey? To think your mother is more attractive than you are?” Michelle gazed into space and rolled her eyes.