Before Sunrise (47 page)

The pressure in his head
spread to his chest and his breathing became staggered. He saw her
screaming, but couldn’t hear anything besides his own heart
beating. But she threw herself on Eric and Liam stopped mid-swing.
Seeing her crying and screaming for him to stop, he was able
to.
It’s Kay
.
My Kay
. She
was protecting Phil, and he…no, it was Harper…and Eric…but what
happened? Liam stepped back, confused. He blinked at them, unsure
of what was going on.

“
Stop it! Liam, stop! You’re
hurting him!”

All of it happened so fast he wasn’t sure if
anything had happened at all. Maybe it was another one of his
spells. But the dark fog in his head lifted and he could see their
faces clearly. This was a nightmare. This time it was one he
caused.

“
Are you insane?” Harper
yelled at him through her tears. She tried to help Eric but he
gently shoved her aside, spitting out blood. He swayed a bit as he
tried to rise. “It’s cool, Liam. I’m okay. Just calm
down.”

Liam shook his head. There was blood on the
handle of his cane. He dropped it and staggered back. He stared at
his hands.

When he looked up, Eric’s
shocked expression added a new level to his turmoil. He’d violated
a cardinal rule of their unit:
never lay
hands on a brother operator in anger
.
Before today, Liam wouldn’t have imagined it was even
possible.

“
It’s okay, brother. Things
got out of hand.” Eric held his palms out, kept his voice low and
calm.

“
Eric, stay away from him,
he’s crazy!” Harper cried.

“
Shut up.” Eric grabbed her
by the shoulders. “Go in the room. Now!”

She shook her head. Liam saw the fear in her
eyes when she looked at him. He felt sick. He wanted to throw up.
He had to get out of there. So he dragged his leg and headed for
the door. He couldn’t breathe. If he got out the door, maybe he
could. Maybe it would all make sense again.

“
Liam!” Eric yelled after
him.

He would have made it to his car if his
fucking leg would cooperate. Eric cut him off before he reached the
car door. There was bruising darkening his face and cuts to the
side of his head. His lip was split and bleeding. But his friend
stood there in the cold, with no shirt, as if he was
unaffected.

“
It’s my fault. I shouldn’t
have touched her. I was wrong. Man, please, let me try to
explain.”

“
Why her? You could fuck
anybody. Why do this to her? She’s family, yours and mine. Fuck it,
maybe not. Nothing is like it was,” Liam said in a shaky voice. He
squeezed his eyes shut and opened them, trying to breathe. “Get out
of my way.”

“
I’m an asshole, man. I have
no excuse. I messed up, okay? I did. I’ll fix this shit. I don’t
want her family to know, Kennedy to know. Shit. Are you
okay?”

Liam shook his head. “I ruined Kay’s life.
Couldn’t control myself, put her through hell. Now I’m cra-zy,” he
said in a harsh breath. “No, I’m not okay, you bastard. She’s a
fucking kid.”

“
What do you want me to
say?”

“
Shut up. Shut the fuck up!
You knew how badly I want to protect Kay, to protect Harper. I told
you this. How many nights did we sit in shit, with our lives on the
line, and talk about it? Huh? How many! We even talked about Harper
and protecting her from fuckers like us. And you do this? How long
have you been fucking her! Since she was what? Sixteen? How
long!”

Eric spat blood. He shook his head. “It
happened once. Last night. I was drinking and hell, it’s on me. I
should have sent her home. I didn’t. I’m sorry. I won’t lie to you,
I never have. I knew she had a crush on me. I never discouraged it,
not the right way. Before I knew it, she wasn’t little Harper
anymore. It was wrong but I couldn’t…I didn’t want to…fuck,
brother, I’m sorry.”

“
Fuck you. You aren’t my
brother. Get the fuck out of my way.”

“
Liam?” Eric stepped in
front of him. “Look man, I deserve what went down in there. I want
to kick my own ass. I do. But don’t let this come between us. I
fucked up, okay? It won’t happen again. Please. I lost you to that
fucking war. I don’t want to lose our friendship. Don’t think I can
take that again.”

Liam looked back over his shoulder to the
house. Harper stood in the window, crying. He remembered Kay, the
way she watched from her window in tears as he was led away in
handcuffs. Liam closed his eyes. He wasn’t even sure who or what he
was angry at anymore.

“
Nothing is the same,” he
stammered. He shoved Eric aside and got behind the wheel. He sped
out of the driveway before anyone could stop him. “No one’s the
same, not even me.”

***

Kennedy couldn’t decide what to wear.
Mackenzie remained downstairs with her dad. The laughter rising up
from the entertainment room was evidence of the joy in her house.
Her mother, she supposed, was out doing last-minute Christmas
shopping.

The phone rang. She walked out of the closet
and checked the ID before answering. “Hello?”

“
Hi, it’s me.”

“
Hi, Phil. Thanks for
calling me back.”

“
I was surprised when I got
your message.”

Kennedy sat on the bed. “You okay?”

“
No.”

She scratched her brow. “I called because I
thought you’d like to come over and help Mackenzie decorate the
Christmas tree. She’s all excited about it. And you know it’s your
job to untangle the Christmas lights.”

“
Really? Are you
sure?”

The ring of hope in his voice made her sad.
Her baby girl had asked for him the moment they stepped through the
door. Christmas wouldn’t be the same if he weren’t there for
Mackenzie. “Yes, really. Dad’s here and mom will be too.”

“
Will you be
there?”

“
No. You know that. We
discussed—”

“
I know. I understand. Yeah,
I got some work to do here today, then I’ll be on my way. I want to
bring her some presents to put under the tree. Can I put them in
your room and have you wrap them? Not really good at
that.”

“
Sure. Go ahead. And Phil, I
went to the doctor.”

“
We said we wouldn’t do this
over the phone, Kennedy.”

“
I’m not pregnant. We don’t
have to have lunch to discuss it. We’ve talked everything through.
I’m not pregnant.”

He didn’t speak. She wished he would at
least pretend to understand. Make an effort to let go. Anything.
She cleared her throat. “I know you’re disappointed.”

“
I know you’re not,” he said
bitterly.

“
Come over and see
Mackenzie. I want you of course to come for the Christmas party.
Okay?”

“
Kennedy?”

“
Yes?”

“
Never mind. I’ll talk to
you soon.”

He hung up.

So did she.

***

Liam drove to the VA Hospital. He sat
outside of it, staring at the doors. The doctor’s name was Eli
Abrams. He treated men with PTSD. He was a veteran, too, one who’d
actually seen combat. Not just some headshrinker to tell him he had
mommy issues. Maybe the man could help. Maybe it was too late.

Liam wiped his hand down his face. He felt
like he was treading water. How long before he drowned in this
shit? And what if he hadn’t been able to stop? What if he had hurt
Harper? What if he hurt Kay?

He dropped his head back. Death had showed
him the way out, and he refused. The life he knew was gone. He was
different. They were all different. No matter how much he wanted to
go back to the way they were, it might not be possible.

Liam started the car. He drove out and
straight to Fort Bragg. He cleared his mind of everything,
something he’d mastered over the years. The mind was funny that
way. People could convince themselves of anything. He convinced
himself he was ready to start again. Truth was, he’d been scared
shitless, afraid of everything: rejection, acceptance, sadness,
even happiness. Mostly afraid that Kay would finally wake up and
see him for who he really was. Nothing.

After 9/11, Fort Bragg had become the Joint
Services Special Ops training camp. And in five years, what had
started as a call to action to protect the homeland had apparently
become a sort of shadow government, where the power and influence
of a woman like Alexa Sinclair could only be stopped by the
Commander in Chief.

Liam knew where Alex’s office would be
located on base. He’d been debriefed there, early on. He had to go
through six checkpoints before he could reach it. Dragging his leg
with him, Liam felt more and more like an outcast. He both loved
and loathed his time in the service. He wasn’t sure how to
rationalize the two.

Liam showed his credentials and was granted
access. After a walk down two long halls he found the office
designated for Colonel Sinclair. He saw her the moment he entered
the room. She turned and flashed him a lovely smile.

“
You’re early.” She walked
over to him. Liam just stared at her. She threw her arms around his
neck and held him, pressing her cheek to his. “How have you been,
Liam?”

“
Tired. Can we get this over
with?” He hugged her back with one arm, weakly.

She touched his face. “You look tired.
Homecoming wasn’t what you thought it would be, was it?”

Liam walked away from her, from her touch.
He went to the chair and lowered to it. If he had his cane, he
wouldn’t have to move like such a fucking cripple. Alex stopped
behind him and placed her hands to his shoulders. “You know you can
talk to me.”

“
I know what you’re trying
to do, Alex. It’s not going to work.”

“
What is it that I’m trying
to do?” Her hand lovingly stroked the back of his head and then
side of his face. Liam turned his away from her caressing fingers.
He was in no mood for her antics. She walked over to her desk and
leaned back, crossing her long legs at the ankles.

“
Things are different now.
You’re a Colonel.”

Alexa smiled. “That’s my official title, but
I’m much more than that.”

“
Yeah, well good for you,
Alex. You deserve it.”

“
Thank you, Liam. You were
the only man that got me, understood me.”

Liam sighed. “I know Wolfpack is much more
than SEALs, Delta Force, Rangers. I know you and Eric are in deep.
It’s because of Scorpion. Isn’t it? The op fails, and somehow you
get promoted?”

“
Maybe.” She
smiled.

“
You have Sarkhir on the
run. It’s just a matter of time before you catch him, then hook the
big fish.”

“
That’s the plan,” Alex
said.

“
You don’t need me, Alex.
The Pentagon, all of them, are acting on your orders. Help me get
out, for good. I need to get control on my life. Do this for
me.”

“
Now you know this is about
more than me trying to control you. You of all people know what
Amir Sarkhir is capable of. The administration is about to
transition out of office, and still no sign of bin Laden. Your
resurrection has shaken the hornet’s nest. Senator Clayton is
particularly concerned.”

“
Why?” Liam
frowned.

“
Classified. But he thinks
you might know more about Scorpion than the orders you were
given.”

“
Like what?”

“
Why did Sarkhir let you
live, Liam. Five years and he never put a bullet in you. What did
you give him?”

Liam felt the stirrings of white-hot anger,
and wondered if she was trying to provoke him into acting out. The
Alex he knew would never have verbalized that question. “Are you
accusing me of something?”

“
Absolutely not. But I’m
asking you. Is there anything you haven’t told us?”

Liam shook his head. “I dropped in on that
rock with the pack and we made our strike. The villagers weren’t
hiding our target. You know all of this. Whatever we were supposed
to find, we didn’t. They were waiting for us. You lifted the first
wave out. Eric was with that first group. The rest of us held them
back. They swarmed us. What the fuck was on that rock that was
worth risking all of our lives? What is it you think I know?”

Alex sighed. “There are pressures from every
nation in the world put an end to the terror and bring our troops
home. The information you gave us so far has saved servicemen’s
lives. If you dig deeper, work with me, we can get to the answers
we need. Do you really think we can part ways when our nation is at
war?“

“
I don’t give a shit!” Liam
shouted.

Alex left brow rose. “Careful how you speak
to me. I won’t tolerate it, Lieutenant.”‘

Liam narrowed his eyes on her. “I don’t give
a shit. Do you hear me? I’m done. I’ve given you everything I know,
I gave it all up. My life is a train wreck. I’m trying to get it
together, but I can’t go back in. My family needs me.”

Alex sighed. “Are you sure of that,
Liam?”

“
What does that
mean?”

“
Seems to me Kennedy and
your daughter have a life. It’s you who doesn’t. I’m talking about
your identity. Giving it back to you. I know what kind of man you
are. You were made for this. So was I. That’s why we were…a good
team.” She smiled, and for the first time, Liam felt out of his
depth.