Before I Break (3 page)

I walk into the kitchen
.  It’s empty, no smell of food and my stomach drops. That means my mom isn’t cooking dinner. Which also means it can’t be the same day, and I've missed dinner with Jenna and her parents. She’s going to kill me!

My eyes find the clock above the table in the kitchen. It
’s 9:30 and definitely not pm. I’ve really screwed up.

“
Mom! Dad!” I call out. I rush to the living room. Most likely they went out looking for me when I missed dinner. This is bad,
really
bad.  All my talk about being better, and my two-year, blackout-free stretch has gone down the drain.

“Chris.”
I hear a light, groggy voice call out from behind me. I turn around and see Lisa sitting up on the couch. I didn’t even notice her. I let out a sigh of relief that it’s her. Out of all the people, I’m glad Lisa’s the first to see me.  She’ll let me know what’s happened while I was out and not freak out or be pissed at me.

“Sorry you don’
t have a better welcome wagon. Your parents had me driving around all night looking for you. They went out looking for you again early this morning, and had me stay here in case you got back,” she explains.

“How bad did I screw up?”
I sigh and take a seat beside her.

“
On a scale of one to ten, with your parents like a five. They’re more worried about you than anything. With Jenna like a 12.”

I throw my head back into the sofa.

“Ugh. How long?” I groan.
Of all days for this to happen…

“
Your mom said you’d been gone since three o’ clock yesterday. You still don’t remember anything?” she asks, starting to fold up the blanket she was under. She’s surprisingly calm. Well, not surprisingly. Lisa’s always pretty calm and laid back even in the most hectic situations, but when she’s pissed, she can go from zero to ten pretty fast.

“
The last thing I really remember was telling my parents that I had proposed to Jenna. Everything after that is a blur,” I admit.

“
Look. Go get in the shower and clean up.  Call Jenna and apologize like your life depends on it,” she sighs.

“
But the bottom line is, if you guys are going to be together she’s going to have to get used to this. It’s not like she’s going into this blind. She knows about your condition,” she says simply. I wish it was that simple.

“
Easier said than done. Her parents were here from Seattle, and her fiancé doesn't show up. That’s a promising beginning of an engagement. Her dad already can’t stand me.”

She turns towards me.
“She loves you. She’ll get over it. It’s not like you skipped out on her to go get drunk with strippers or something,” she says, patting me on the shoulder.

“
Did you?” She grins.

“No!” My eyes bulge. I bet that’
s what Jenna thinks.

“
You’re no fun Chris. Go get in the shower. You look like hell. I’ll call your parents and ‘the fiancé’ and tell them you’re safe and sound,” she says and pushes me toward the stairs.

“Give me your phone, I’
ll charge it up for you, go and fix yourself up. You’ll have a much better chance if you flash those ‘forgive-me’ green eyes at her without eye crust and accompanying morning breath,” she jokes.

**
*

The shower cleaned me u
p
,
but my brain is still fuzzy. I lost 18 hours. Not bad, considering some of my other blackouts lasted weeks at a time but the timing sucks. If I could remember one thing. Some clue as to how I ended up asleep in my truck in the back of my house. Why wouldn’t I just go to bed? And then that weird envelope on my mirror almost as if I knew I wouldn't find it if it wasn’t there. That means I had to have some form of consciousness or someone was with me. But where’d they go? If someone wanted to rob me, they wouldn’t leave me with my wallet and car. I hear voices down stairs.  They’re both women. My stomach drops. I know one has to be Jenna. She’s going to be furious.

“
Look give him a break. Don’t you think he feels bad enough?” I hear Lisa's voice before I’m down the stairs.

“
Don’t tell me how to act or how to feel. You’re not the one who sat here for hours waiting on her fiancé with her parents, looking like an complete idiot,” Jenna’s voice screeches.

“I’
m sorry, but you do know that he has a neurological condition, right? You act like he did this deliberately!” Lisa fires back. Jenna starts to say something, but they both quiet when they see me.

“Hey.”
I let out a breath as I walk towards Jenna. She’s wearing big round black sunglasses and her arms are folded across her chest.

“So you’re alive,”
she states sharply. Lisa huffs.

“I got to get out of here.”
she starts to walk off but turns and curtseys. “Queen Jenna, it would be nice if maybe instead of freakin’ out on the guy, you give him a fucking hug,” she says before storming out of the dining room.

“
Have a fantastic day, Lisa!” Jenna shouts sarcastically before turning her attention to me. She takes off her glasses and what I see breaks my heart. Her eyes are puffy. I can tell she’s been crying.

“
So you think I’m being a bitch too? That I don’t have a right to be upset? That I’m just this selfish angry pre-bridezilla?”

“Jenna, I’m sorry.”
I try to pull her into a hug but she pushes me away.  She sits down and covers her face. 

“
So what happened, Chris?” she asks, and I really wish I could give her an answer.

“
I—I don’t know. The last thing I remember is telling my parents we were engaged,” I admit, sitting in the chair across from her.

“
You know you talked to me right?” she asks sharply. I shake my head. I don’t remember talking to her after telling my parents.

“
Yeah you told me your mom wasn’t thrilled about us getting married and then rushed me off the phone,” she says in a huff. I know I wouldn’t have told her that. At least, I wouldn’t have used those words.

“
Did I tell you where I was?” I ask confused.

“
No. You rushed me off the phone and said you’d call me back in a few minutes. Next thing I know, my parents are at my house, and I still haven’t heard from you. Then we’re at your door, and your parents have no clue where you are. That was
so
much fun. My father was
absolutely
thrilled,” she says in an exaggerated tone as the doorbell rings.

“I thought I was doing better, Jenna. I never would have dragged you into this if I knew this was starting again.” I stand up and hold my head in frustration. No woman in her right mind would want to deal with this. I don’t want to deal with this. I hear her sigh.

“You’
re not dragging me into anything, Chris. I’m sorry. I know this is hard for you too. It’s just, ugh, the timing couldn’t be worse, could it?” She laughs, and her slender arms wrap around my stomach. I wrap my arms around her back and take in her scent. She smells like berries mixed with a hint of cigarette smoke. I pull back from her.

“C
ome on, Jenna. I thought you were done with that?” I say, disappointed. She’s been cigarette-free for the past three months after my guilt tripping and nagging. I blame my mom being diagnosed with cancer for that.

“I
pretty much earned one of these after yesterday, and it wasn’t that many,” she says, defending herself. I can’t argue with that. The doorbell rings again and again, and then there’s frantic knocking.

“W
ho the hell is that?” Jenna asks.

“I don’
t know.” My parents have keys, and Lisa would come through the back of the house.

“Let
me get the door,” I say. I feel like a load of bricks has been lifted off my chest. She’s mad, but she’s still with me.

I open the door
, and see a woman retreating down the stairs.

“Can
I help you?” I ask. She sort of stumbles over her own feet and grabs the railing. I instinctively step forward. Maybe she’s disoriented. She says something but she’s facing the opposite way.  Her voice is light, and I can barely hear her. She turns around, and her eyes lock onto mine.

They’
re bright, hazel, and almond-shaped. Her stare is ethereal, almost haunting, and won’t let go of me. They make me feel like I’ve seen her before, or known her forever but that’s impossible. She’s not someone I’d forget. Too beautiful to be forgotten.

Maybe I saw her in a movie, or she was in a show I used
to watch when I was a kid. She’s grown up, and that’s why I can't place her. That has to be it.  Maybe she’s an actress whose car stopped in our little town and she needs her tire changed or something. But none of that explains why she’s crying. And now she’s touching my face, and I’m frozen, stuck in place. I can’t move. I’m telling my feet to step backwards but they won’t budge.

“It’s
you,” she says, throwing her arms around me. The wind blows her long dark hair in my face. I steal another glance at her and even though she’s crying her face is lit up with recognition. She knows me, or think she does. I'm getting more freaked out by the minute. She’s holding me so tight I can feel her heart beat. It’s almost stampeding through her chest. Hell, maybe it’s mine.This rando
m
,
albeit beautiful woman is crying and hugging me while my fiancé is less than a few feet away, and I can’t move. The worst part is that my brain isn’t connecting with my body because my arms are moving to hug her—well, they’re trying to, but that sure as hell isn’t happening!

I’
m all for helping a woman in distress, but if Jenna finds me out here hugging this girl, especially after yesterday, I’m screwed. But it’s taking so much to stop them. I’m literally shaking, or maybe her shaking is causing me to shake. Before I can open my mouth to ask who she is, I hear footsteps behind me.

“I’ve
missed you so much,” Hazel Eyes says, squeezing me tighter.

“C
hris, who is this?” Jenna’s voice sends a chill up my spine, and the girl lets me go.  She looks up at me, confusion replacing the previous euphoria on her face.

“C
hris?”

She steps away from me
, her attention turning to Jenna.

“C
hris? His name isn’t Chris!” Her voice is sharp and a little terrifying. Her gaze is directed back at me, the vulnerable exterior she previously had is gone.  Now there’s fire behind her eyes. Jenna walks closer to us, surprisingly calmer than I thought she would be.

“I—
I don't know!” I answer quickly. I’m trying to move again but my freakin’ body isn’t working. I can’t move away from this girl.

“Who
am I? Who are you?” she asks, her voice raising an octave and a second later, with the look she gives me, I swear she’s about to throw a right hook my way. I’m starting to think this woman, with eyes like an angel, no taller than maybe 5’3, could be out of her mind crazy, and my damn feet won’t let me get away from her.

“W
hat!” she shouts angrily, but the disbelief in her voice and despair in her eyes makes my heart break. I don’t know who she thinks I am, but if it’d take away the hurt in her eyes, I’d be whoever she wants me to be.

What is wrong with me?

“I think you have me confused with someone else,” I tell her hesitantly. I turn to Jenna. The calmness I was surprised with earlier is suddenly replaced with the anger I expected.

“S
he just started crying when she saw me,” I try to explain.

“W
hat the hell are you talking about?!” the girl says, her tone loud but her voice weak, almost pleading. My chest is tightening like someone’s standing on it. I try to control my breathing. The last thing I need is Jenna thinking this is something it isn’t.

“She
doesn’t seem to have you confused!” Jenna says angrily, eyeing the woman.

“C
al, what the hell are you trying to pull?” the girl yells. I glance back at her. At least the fire is back. My feet are finally able to move.

“My
name is Chris,” I tell her, moving towards Jenna, who seems a little less angry since this girl seems to be looking for a guy name Cal. This all just has to be one big misunderstanding.

“Look,
who are you?” Jenna asks. She seems more annoyed than angry now.

“I’m
his wife, that’s who I am. Who the hell are you?!” the little brunette spits, and with those words I’m in hell, literally hell. I’m afraid to even look at Jenna, but she’s laughing. She’s lost it. I’m standing in between two psychotic women.

“Ooh,
I see. This is a joke. Good one, Chris. You almost had me for a minute, but you know I see right through your pranks.” She pats me on the chest. Then I realize that this
has
to be a joke, a prank that Lisa is pulling. I let out a little sigh of relief, but the other woman on the porch is livid. Her nostrils are flaring, eyes wide and if this were a horror movie, this would be the part when her head starts spinning or she sets the house on fire.