bedeviled & beyond 06.5 - bedeviled & bah humbug (3 page)

The Grinch jumped away from the wall of flame with a girlish scream, clutching the pretty silver package to his chest with a look of horror on his ugly green face.

My father, Archangel James Phelps, stepped forward and extinguished the tree magically. He gave me a soft smile and shrugged. “No worries, I can fix it.”

All faces turned to me, censure and disgust evident on their holiday faces.

I shuffled my feet and shrugged. “You told me to get The Grinch.”

“That’s not really The Grinch, Astra. We hired him to hand out presents at the party.” Flick shook his head, clearly disgusted with me for trying to take out the hired help.

“Oh.” Silence pulsed around the room. The smell of burnt tree wafted over the previously festive crowd.

The green demon beside the tree cleared his throat and my gaze jerked around. His ugly, green face split in a not so nice grin and the doorbell rang.

Somebody opened the door and a skinny guy with bad face paint and an ill-fitting Grinch suit walked in. “Sorry I’m late. There was a four car pileup on Highway 425.”

A collective gasp went up around the room. High pitched, slightly hysterical laughter skidded across my last nerve and all eyes swung to the green demon beside the tree. He had his long, spindly arms filled with gifts and was starting to shimmer away on the smoky air.

With a pop The Grinch disappeared, his not so nice laughter dancing on the air behind him.

“Hey! You replaced me already?” The hired Grinch squealed in alarm. “My boss is gonna kill me.”

A murmur went up around the room. I reached for a glass of Champaign on a stalled tray nearby, the waiter holding the tray stared at the smoldering tree with horrified eyes.

“What are you waiting for, Astra!” My aunt Myra groused in my ear. “Go get The Grinch!”

I snorted in a less than ladylike way. “Not a chance. That demon will live to spoil another Christmas. I’m staying here. And I plan to make a serious dent in the champaign supply.”

After a moment of shrill silence, voices began to emerge again and soon everyone was talking and laughing excitedly about The Grinch and the tree. The party quickly returned to full swing.

Fighting off feelings of guilt for not chasing down the bad guy, I carried my champaign to the fireplace and sipped it before a nicely roaring fire.

“You know that green creep stole my present to you.” Dialle’s hands slid around my waist from behind and his lips found the ultrasensitive spot on the side of my neck.

I shivered, laying my head back against his broad chest to give him full access. I ran a hand down the butter soft leather of my coat. “You already gave me my gift.”

His teeth closed over my jaw. He nibbled it gently, following the tiny bites up with a heated swipe of his talented tongue. “This was another gift. Two tickets to a Caribbean resort. With your name and mine on them. I’d reserved the last suite on the whole island. Pity.”

I gasped, swinging around in his arms to settle an alarmed gaze on him. “Liar!”

He shook his head and touched my lips in a soft kiss. “I wouldn’t lie to you, my queen. At least, not about that.”

I set my champaign down on the table. “Where do you think the little creep went?”

Dialle’s smile warmed me down to my quickly curling toes.

He grabbed my hand. “I have some ideas. Let’s go.”

I felt the air changing around us and opened my mouth to argue. “No wait! I want to drive...”

Time and movement stopped and we were on our way.

Damn! Was I ever going to be in charge of my own life?

THE END

Christmas Short #2

ASTRA GETS A LUMP OF COAL—THUMPS AN ELF

In this short Christmas story, Astra is forced to spend Christmas in Satan’s backyard, helping the angels figure out how the green dragons are escaping Hell to terrorize the human realm on Earth. Astra is thrilled. I mean, there’s nothing like Hell at Christmastime. The lovely, scorched earth theme delights the visual pallet while the dulcet sounds of terrified screaming serenade the lucky minions within Hell’s fiery grasp.

Astra’s body may be locked in Hell, but her thoughts are a few million miles north, where light and angelic music are the norm. And somewhere in the middle, where bright colors and happy thoughts rule the day.

So what does a kick ass demon hunter do when she finds herself holding a big, fat lump of coal on Christmas day? Why, she thumps an elf , of course!

!

CHAPTER 1

Merry frunkin’ Christmas.

I sat at a table in front of the wall of windows in my boyfriend, Devil King Dialle’s quarters and brooded, staring at the eminently festive colors of burnt brown, lifeless gray, and flaming red which made up the rolling panorama beyond the thick glass. Not a holiday light or color in sight. Unless I counted the red fire emerging from the gaping maws of the deadly green dragons flying from castle to castle in the smoky environs.

That was as close as Hell got to Christmas colors. And forget the elegant blue and silver of Hanukah. You’d have a better shot at eating a snow cone on the roof of Dialle’s castle in Hades.

Once again I’d been called to the service of the Big Him on Christmas day. While everyone else was enjoying the season, wallowing in the festivities, I was sitting in Hell looking over geographic maps, trying to figure out how the green dragons were escaping into the world above.

I was in a funk. My Christmas was stacking up to be the biggest entry ever in my Shitty Day book.

To make things worse, what I was attempting was a hopeless task. All I’d gotten from my search were charcoal stained fingertips from the maps and a bad case of red cheeks from the heat.

I didn’t even have Dialle around to distract me from my own personal Hell. He’d been called topside to deal with a halfling who’d “Settled” on his dark side and was petitioning for a spot on the Royal Court.

Dialle was going to have his hands full. Several of the royals were fighting the petition, saying the guy was just too ugly to be a royal. I’d seen him. They had a point. But really, it was so not PC. So unkind. So rude...I wondered how they could be that incredibly shallow. Then I did a mental head slap. Der...they were devils.

It was at that point that I realized I was stalling so I wouldn’t have to do what I’d been sent there to do. With a sigh, I bent back over the table, my eyes blurring from staring at the maps. But I couldn’t concentrate, so I checked in with Dialle. Shuffling my mental drawers, I called his name.
Dialle
?

Static silence filled my mind for a long moment. Then, just when I was about to give up, I sensed his presence.
What is it, Astra?

What are you doing right now?

I’m kind of busy, Astra.

Oh, okay.

Did you need something?

You? I asked hopefully.

The air before me shimmered and he was there. He gazed at me through almond shaped eyes that looked about 10 miles deep. His devastatingly sensual gaze was cloaked in black velvet and ringed with gold. His burnished black mane of hair fell around his square, golden jaw and touched his shoulders just where the barest, sexiest, little curl started at the ends. I licked my lips and clenched my knees together on a sudden wave of pure lust.

Then I realized it wasn’t really him. It was his soul form. I frowned. It wasn’t quite what I’d hoped for. But as he leaned against the desk with one slim hip and crossed his long legs at the ankles, I couldn’t help admiring the fine way his tight, leather pants hugged his thighs and other...erm...parts.

I’m trying to finish my business so I can get back to you, my love. His soul form sighed. Things are...difficult here.

I know. I ’m just so bored.
And lonely, but I’d slow dance with a stink demon before I admitted that.

Dialle’s soul form disappeared and the air around me sparked. I jumped as a phantom touch found the sensitive skin of my neck. Dialle’s scent washed over me, making the air clench in my lungs. I dropped my head back as the phantom lips created an electrically charged trail around to my throat, sending heat and need spiraling through my body.

I moaned, my hands clenching with the desire to touch him.

But it wasn’t possible.

He wasn’t really there.

A whisper teased my ear and his husky voice infused my thoughts.
I’ll see you soon, my love.

The air cooled and I felt his presence slide away, leaving me slumped in my chair, even more distracted and unfulfilled than I’d been before.

The wide, wooden door behind me swung silently open. Only the wisp of air from its opening alerted me that someone was entering the room.

I turned and found Dialle’s right hand devil, Gerch, striding my way. His wide, red face looked extremely serious as usual. When Dialle left a few days earlier, he’d put Gerch in charge of my safety.

No easy task, since it was me.

However, as Dialle’s First Lieutenant, Gerch was doing his best to live up to his charge. It really made me want to screw with him.

What can I say...part devil here.

Gerch settled a silver tray on top of the table and pulled the lid off the small plate at its center. There was a single Christmas cookie in the center of the plate. Thickly frosted in white, red, and green, the cookie was shaped like was Santa Claus.

I frowned. “I’ve decided I don’t like Santa Claus.”

“Why?” Gerch asked while pouring tea. He was a devil of many talents. He killed like a trained assassin, kept a thousand royal guard troops dressed, fed, and firmly in line, and poured tea like British royalty.

I shrugged. ”He gave me coal for Christmas.”

Gerch stopped pouring and arched a dark eyebrow at me. “You know you kill things for a living right?”

I shrugged, feeling slightly insulted. “They’re sanctioned kills.”

Dropping a single sugar cube into my tea he stirred it and handed it to me. “Sanctioned by the Big Guy, not the red guy. They have different rules.”

I sipped, breaking off Santa’s foot with a little too much pleasure. Popping it into my mouth, I grinned. “He tastes good anyway.”

“So what’s on the agenda today, my Queen.”

“Don’t call me that.” I broke off the other foot and nibbled it. “Nothing. I’m staying in. I have ten more maps to go over.”

Gerch slanted me a look.

“What?”

“You wouldn’t lie to me would you, my Q...erm, Mx. Phelps?”

“I might.” A grin snuck across my face.

Gerch folded his thick, red hands together behind his back. “Then I’ll stay right here to keep an eye on you.”

I glared at him. “I was just teasing. I’m not lying to you. I’m going to sit right here.”

“So am I.”

Feeling my personal space being totally engulfed by huge, bossy devil, I tried another tack. “How about a compromise? You wait outside the door and I promise I won’t pop out.”

He shook his massive red head. I noticed he’d layered little gold and silver hoops over his horns. Very festive. “Not happenin’. I don’t trust you and the King said he’d have my hairy balls for breakfast if anything happened to you.”

Grimacing at the visual, I turned away, forcing my gaze downward. Faced with a new and intriguing challenge, I didn’t even see the maps spread out before me. My mind was busily concocting a plan to divert and/or escape Gerch.

Happiness bloomed in my chest for the first time since getting dumped in Hell.

I had no idea what I would do once I’d escaped but I was determined I’d get ’er done.

Just to prove I could.

Several minutes later inspiration struck. I glanced at Gerch out of the corner of my eye and saw that he was staring out the window, looking about as depressed as I’d been feeling. His sad expression almost made me change my mind about tricking him.

Blink, blink.

Nah. He was goin’ down. Besides, he was probably just as bored as I was. He’d probably thank me later for the challenge. Or not.

Taking advantage of his distracted state, I reached over and touched the spot on my hand where a fellow halfling, Slayer, had recently marked me. Though Slayer and I had a confusing and blush-worthy past together, we’d become kind of ... sort of... almost friends. He’d given me a daemon hickey, without my permission of course, which I could use to call him if I ever needed help.

Fortunately for me the hickey had disappeared after a time, leaving only a tingling sensation on my hand where he’d marked me.

Thank the Big Him. I hadn’t looked forward to ’splainin’ that one to Dialle.

I rubbed the tingly spot and shuffled my mental drawers.
Slayer. I need you.

I bent determinedly over the maps, pretending with all I was worth that I was transfixed by their ugly lines and squiggles. But I was actually keeping one eye trained on Gerch.

The air started to shimmer across the room and Gerch jumped, one large, red hand moving to his sword.

The  well-built form of a male halfling shimmered into view a few yards away. He was tallish, around six feet, and his hair was midnight black, cut very short, military style, to enhance a densely muscled neck. His mouth was wide, with a full, bite-able lower lip, and his  square jaw held a light stubble. His canines were slightly enlarged, like a royal’s, and his eyes were gold, with black flecks. He wore only tight-fitting black pants tucked into tall, scuffed, brown, leather boots. The smooth skin of his  naked chest was a deep golden color. He was covered in a fine sheen of sweat and held a training sword in one, large hand.

When he smiled, a matching pair of dimples decorated his cheeks. “Hello, Astra.”

I looked at Gerch. “Hey, Slayer. This is Gerch. He’s a friend. Don’t hurt him.” As Gerch launched himself toward Slayer with a roar, I blew Slayer a kiss and popped out of the room. Locked in time and space I had a moment to wonder if Slayer would get a good workout with Gerch. I had a strong suspicion he would. For all our basic differences, and the fact that he was usually allayed against me in any given situation, I respected Gerch as a soldier. He was a savvy fighter and loyal to a fault. Given my feelings for Dialle, I had no choice but to appreciate Gerch’s determination to keep him safe.