Bed of Lies (36 page)

"This is what my father does—he fixes up old houses, and he earns a good living doing it. Including buying foreclosures. He can buy it from the bank later or try to buy it from your parents now. He wants to come look around inside, to estimate what the repairs will cost, but he thinks he can make money on this deal. Ask him, if you don't believe me."

"I will." It would be mortifying, but she'd ask. "It's too much."

"It's a good plan, Julie."

"Still fixing all my problems for me?" she asked. "I can't ask you to do that, Zach."

"You didn't ask," he reminded her.

No, she didn't. Their deal... he was too good at figuring out what she wanted, what she needed.

"It makes perfect sense," he argued.

"Have you ever noticed that any idea you come up with supposedly makes perfect sense?"

"That's because I'm the most reasonable, logical man in the universe," he said, grinning again. "Everyone I've ever known has thought that about me."

"Including the judge who kicked you out of the state of Tennessee?"

"Okay, maybe not him. Give this a chance, Julie. It's a good idea. And... Well, I might be convinced to reward you for how reasonable you were being in agreeing to this deal."

"Reward me? How?"

"I don't know." He eased his lower body against hers. He wanted her. Badly. "I'm sure I could think of something."

"You're going to bribe me with sex now?" she said incredulously. "I thought you weren't that kind of guy."

He shook his head, looking serious and a little scared for a moment. "I didn't like the look in your eyes when I told you I loved you this afternoon. Don't run away from me, Julie."

"I'm not—"

"So, if I have to put out to keep you..."

She laughed even harder, and when she stopped, he looked dead serious again.

"Promise me. No running away?" he asked.

"I won't. Not now. Promise."

Chapter 16

The evening went well. Dana didn't let Peter out of her sight, and Peter behaved like an angel in front of her. Never grumbled once and ate like he hadn't been fed in a week. Zach managed to make Julie laugh a little, and he sneaked off into the corner with her a second time and kissed her until he couldn't stand it anymore.

This celibacy idea was nuts, but he was afraid he was too far into it to back down now. Besides, he was right. She would make this about nothing but sex if he let her, and he wasn't going to allow that. But most of all, he still hadn't told her the hardest things. Until he did...

"Zach?" Grace was at the front door putting on her jacket. "You didn't even know I was here, did you?"

"Just thinking about something," he said. "Where are you going?"

"Home. I went down into the basement to work for just a few minutes and got caught up in something, lost track of time."

He frowned. She was doing the whole starving-artist thing rather well, and she lived in a dump, in a neighborhood that wasn't the greatest. He didn't remember seeing her car here earlier. "You were going to walk?"

She nodded. "It's a nice night. And I spend too much time sitting on a stool working. I can use the exercise."

"It's two miles. How about I drive you?"

"How about you walk with me?" she suggested.

"Okay."

He grabbed a jacket himself, knowing instantly he was giving his sister exactly what she wanted—time for the two of them to talk without him running away. Still, it had to be done. She'd want to hear from him what was going on, and he had a hard time staying still while he talked about it anyway. They set off into the darkness and the quiet of the pleasant, cool night. She didn't say anything at first, giving him some time, which he appreciated.

"So, I'm going to see a friend of Emma's," he said finally.

"A friend?"

"Colleague," he clarified.

"Oh. Well... Good. I mean, I guess it's good. If it helps."

"Emma thinks it will. She thinks this is something that can be dealt with."

"Of course."

She said it like she had never even considered it might be something that wasn't fixable. He certainly had.

She went quiet for a minute, then finally asked, "Zach, what did he say to you? When you made me and Emma leave you alone with him—what did he say?"

"It wasn't anything he said, Grace. It was me. The things I said. The things I felt when I saw him." Worse than that, the things he'd done.

"But that's all that's wrong? Because for a while I thought you might be sick with something dreadful you wouldn't tell us about—"

"I'm not sick," he said. Not physically. "And I'm sorry I worried you all. I just... thought I could handle it on my own."

"I never thought you couldn't. It's just that you help all of us all the time. I want to be able to help you for a change. And I've been worried."

"Well, try not to worry so much," he told her.

"I won't. Not now that you're here. And I'm really glad about you and Julie."

"Me, too."

"She won't make it easy. We both know her well enough to know that."

"She hasn't."

"But you don't care, right? You won't give up on her?"

"No, I won't give up."

"Good."

They walked in silence after that. Grace was smiling as they arrived at her apartment, a cavernous, second-floor space above what had once been a warehouse.

"Don't frown at my place," she said.

"It's a dump," Zach grumbled, wishing she'd take his money so she didn't have to live this way. Some problems were so easy to fix. Why didn't she let him fix this?

"No, it's not a dump. It's cheap, and big, and mine." She fit her key into the lock and turned around. "Want to come up?"

"So you can grill me some more?"

She nodded.

"That's all right. I think I can do without it tonight." He kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug. "Please tell me you don't walk home alone at this hour on a regular basis?"

"No, Mom makes me take her car when I stay too late. I just wanted to make sure I got to talk to you tonight." She grinned. "Which I did."

"Yes, you did. Night, Grace," he said.

"Night."

He waited, watching from the street until the light came on in the front window on the second floor, then headed home, glad to have that done. Walking wasn't a bad idea, either. He'd get back to running regularly, maybe pull his old weight set out of the basement, if it was still there.

He'd gone three blocks when he heard someone behind him. He wasn't really worried about it. It wasn't the greatest neighborhood, but this was a fairly quiet, peaceful town.

When he turned around, he saw a man in the shadows about twenty feet back. Something in the set of his shoulder or the shape of his body, maybe the way he walked, put Zach on edge. Did he know this guy?

Zach studied the man. He looked older than Zach first thought, and surprised. The man stopped walking and stayed where he was in the shadows, on alert, too, now.
What the hell?

Zach's heart started pounding, adrenaline and anger spurring it on. He took a step toward the man, then another. The man behind him backed up, too, landing in a shallow pool of light, his face illuminated for just a moment.

Shit. It was him.

Right here. This close not just to Zach, but to Grace!

Furious, Zach took off. The man stumbled backward, and Zach was on him in an instant, grabbing him by the collar of his coat and shoving him up hard against the wall, cracking the man's head against the brick.

"You bastard," he said, one hand on the guy's throat, cutting off his air. "What the hell do you think you're—"

And then he broke off abruptly, not sure anymore who he was seeing. The guy was gasping and trying to shout something.

Zach let go and backed away. "George? George Greene?"

"What?" The guy shoved Zach backward.

It wasn't him.
Fuck.

The two men were about the same height and weight, same hair color and basic style, but it wasn't George.

"Shit," Zach muttered.

"What the hell?" the guy growled, obviously not so frightened now but very upset.

"Sorry." Zach backed up and held up his hands, to show he was done. "I thought you were somebody else."

The guy started cussing a blue streak, and Zach stood there and took it, feeling stupid and crazy and just wanting to get the hell out of there.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't..."

The guy nearly spit on him, cussing still as he turned and walked away.

Zach couldn't seem to move at first. His knees nearly buckled. He was still breathing hard. Adrenaline was still surging through him. He kept thinking that one day he was going to turn around and George
would
be there, come back to haunt him. He was out there now. Zach knew it. And he could be anywhere, doing anything, planning anything.

Zach remembered the feeling from when he was little, of wondering when George would be home, whether he'd be drunk, what odd thing might make him mad, what would make him start to hit. Zach always tried to be alert as to where he could hide. The fear stayed with him, chasing him, ready to overtake him, until he couldn't seem to stay inside his own skin.

Standing on the street, shaking and swearing and sweating in the cold night air, he reminded himself that he had an appointment with the shrink tomorrow, but now he wasn't sure that would be soon enough.

At times like these, the night seemed to stretch out endlessly, the darkness, the sense of being the only person in the world who was still awake and had ever felt this bad, this out of control.

If no one could help him, even this friend of his sister's, what would he do? Where would he end up? Being a mean, out of control drunk like George? The kind of man who hit women and scared little kids? Could he have a man like that inside him?

Even now, even knowing that, he wanted a drink, enough of them to quiet his thoughts, make him forget his heart was racing and he couldn't be still, couldn't get enough air. He hadn't found anything else that stopped the feelings from rushing through his head, stopped the fear, until that first night he'd spent with Julie.

He wanted her, too, wanted her desperately, whether it would be fair to her or not. Maybe she could get him through one more awful night, and then he could go spill his guts to the shrink, and maybe... just maybe, everyone was right. They could help him, and things would start to get better.

Zach was trying to believe it, but he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure about anything anymore.

He was afraid if he got drunk he might never stop. That the feelings might never stop. He'd keep trying to drown them out, and then where would he end up? Assaulting more people on the street, maybe? Or just terrorizing women and children? Either way...

Just like Daddy.

This was the stuff he hadn't told anybody, wasn't even sure he could, the real stuff of his nightmares. How bad could it get? How low could he go? Would this be the night he found out?

Zach looked up and once again, he was at Julie's, as if maybe somebody was looking out for him and had steered him to the place he needed to be.

And all he had to do was go inside and open the door to the cellar of his soul.

Shit.

No lights upstairs or down in the front of the house. He went around to the back door and tapped softly. Julie came into the kitchen and snapped the back porch light on, then opened the door.

"Hi." She gave him a sexy, speculative grin. "What are you doing here?"

Zach remembered earlier at his parents' house, offering to put out to get her not to run away from all her problems. Now, here he was, wanting to run away from all of his with her, without ever telling her.

It was so not fair.

How could he do that to her? Him, a man who was so determined not to hurt her, a man who needed her so damned much. He really thought he loved her.