Becoming Myself: The True Story of Thomas Who Became Sara (26 page)

One of the highlights in changing my accreditations was returning my Diploma to the National College of Ireland with a request that I be allowed to go to the college to have new photographs taken of my conferral, as Sara-Jane Cromwell. I received the most lovely letter from a girl named Fiona, in it she invited me to visit the college in October 2007 when the conferrals would take place, that I would be
provided with a cap and gown and a photographer would be made available to take new photos of me and my new Diploma. This is not untypical of the kinds of responses I’ve received. It has been the same when dealing with the Revenue Commissioners, the Motor Tax Office and the Passport Office. Through all of these interactions I’ve found the people I’ve been dealing with to be very professional, courteous and willing to assist me in any way they could.

Apart from being on hormones, the laser treatment to remove my facial hair has now left me with clear skin, which looks and feels lovely and soft and feminine. So, between the hormones and the laser treatment, I have become very feminine looking in my face. This is hugely important for passing as a woman and as it has let me down in the past; it feels great to have so many people recognise me as just another woman. This is extremely important for obvious reasons, such as using public toilets, women’s changing rooms, being stopped by the gardaí and so on. The things the rest of society never has to think about.

When I started on my transition towards becoming Sara on the outside as well as on the inside I had to get rid of all my male clothes; all of them. There could be no holding back in case I changed my mind. Because having them would have been a crutch I could fall back on and that would have been disastrous for me. Getting my weight down was another major challenge. For health reasons and in order to be as passable as possible, I made it my business to lose as much weight as possible and to reach the weight most suited to my height. This means I can now go and buy my clothes in the same high street boutiques as everyone else, which has helped me a lot in overcoming the temptation to go back into
my male clothes. One day, just out of curiosity, I tried on some of my male clothes and not a single one of them fitted me any more. I had such a laugh over it and decided then and there to finally get rid of them. It was an incredibly scary but at the same time a liberating experience.

Whilst going public has undoubtedly helped me enormously to stay the course there were still other major challenges I had to face and two in particular: going to work and travelling abroad. From the earliest period of my diagnosis I had told a small number of my clients about my situation, while others read about me through the different articles that had been published in the newspapers. In particular, I want to acknowledge all the folks at
MHC
Shopfitters who were absolutely fantastic and made it so much easier to cope with going to work as Sara for the first time.

Shortly after I told Karen and Ivan Nixon about my situation, I had to go into their workshop to carry out a safety audit inspection and a few weeks later I had to do a health and safety course for their employees. It was a Friday and I was a total bag of nerves. I was trying to decide what outfit to wear. I felt very self-conscious in a skirt, but then thought better of it. I thought, ‘Sod this, if I’m going to do this then I’m going to look as feminine and professional as I possibly can,’ so I wore my black-and-blueberry pinstriped suit and a blueberry coloured blouse. I also wore tights and court shoes.

I arrived at the Water Rock training centre feeling very nervous. Kathy very kindly agreed to come along for the day as moral support. She told me during the first coffee break that I looked and sounded completely natural and that there wasn’t even a hint of maleness. She said she could not get over how natural and professional I was considering the immense pressure and stress I must have been under and she
wondered how I could possibly have been nervous to begin with. She wasn’t wrong about that as there were definite moments when I really wanted to run out of the place, but I never once let on about how I was really feeling and didn’t want people feeling sorry for me. I had to get past my nervousness if I was to have any hope making a successful transition with my clients. The training was an absolute triumph.

A few weeks later I was at a meeting with the production manager and during the meeting he told me that he and his colleagues were hugely impressed with what I achieved on the Friday and some of them wanted to stand up and give me a round of applause, but were afraid to do so lest I be embarrassed or upset. This was remarkable by any standard.

The next major challenge with my work was to actually visit the construction sites I’d been working on. One of my clients got the ‘fit-out’ contracts for some of the Harvey Norman stores around the country and, as their safety consultant, I was given the job of taking care of health and safety on each of the sites. This was going to be a major challenge for me, to go onto male-dominated sites, but I can honestly say that from the start to the finish of each one of these projects I have never had a single problem with the men. On the contrary, some of them paid me the ultimate compliment by referring to me as the
bitch
, whenever they saw me on site or heard that I was due to arrive. Others referred to me as a tough woman. No prizes for guessing how thrilled I was. But the best experience had to be when I was asked out for a drink and invited to dinner, while others asked for my phone number!

It is fair to say that of all the clients I’ve notified so far, I’ve not had a problem with a single one of them and in fact, some have told me that I make far more sense as Sara than I
ever did in the time they knew me as Tom. This is a wonderful validation and affirmation of who I am and who I will be in the future.

There is, however, no getting away from the fact that my transition did cause a lot of disruption to my business during this period. It was difficult to pay my bills and so on, but I’ve never run away from that difficulty and have stayed in touch with my creditors. They have been absolutely fantastic towards me and have been very patient. The good news is, that as I complete the various stages of my transition, my business improves and in fact, I’m now able to bring much greater confidence, creativity and motivation to the work I do on behalf of my clients. I am positive that this will only get better.

There could really only one person I would consider travelling with for the first time on my new passport and that was Kathy. We travelled to Spain and stayed for a month. I normally take only one holiday in the year so I try to make the most of it. This holiday was going to be like no other holiday before it. My first hurdle was coping with the check-in at Cork airport, then going through security, then hanging about waiting to board the plane, then being in such close proximity to people for such a long journey and all the while thinking of the many opportunities for being spotted. Then there was the security at Malaga airport and the possibility of being body searched! Can you imagine it? Then there was checking into the hotel, being surrounded by so many guests and the general coming and going for a month, only to go through it all again on my return to Cork; all this for the first time as Sara.

The first good omen I received was in the shape of Kathy’s granddaughter Tracy. That child is as cute and can spot things that most adults would be hard pressed to notice. I sat in the back seat of Maureen’s car while she drove us to the airport and Tracy and I had the best time playing and all the while she was calling me Sara. When we got to the airport, Tracy wanted to stay with me and we held hands. At one stage Maureen and Kathy took Tracy with them to the toilets, while I was eating my lunch. The next thing I heard was, ‘Sara, Sara, where’s Sara gone?’ You can’t imagine how much that gave me a lift and how much confidence it gave me, at least until we reached security. I was certain they would spot me and embarrass me by doing a body search just to be smart. But they didn’t stop me and they treated me just like any other passenger going through. They did stop and search Kathy though!

It was plain sailing, or should I say, plain flying from then on. When we got off the plane in Malaga and were walking down the ramp, I heard one of the passengers making reference to recognising me from one of the newspaper articles, that was the only time bar a brief incident in an opticians in Marbella that I had anything like a negative experience; except, that is, for the first day I went out with full make-up on, forgetting that you don’t do that in Spain.

On our first full day we travelled up to one of our favourite places, Mijas, to look around and take in some lunch. I swear, I really do think the angels were sent to Spain ahead of me, given the various experiences I had that continually reaffirmed my acceptance as a woman; that day in Mijas was unquestionably one of the best. We went into one the restaurants and all the while I was waiting to be spotted; nothing happened. I was trying to takes pictures of Kathy
when the waitress came over and asked if I’d like her to take a picture of us together. I was delighted. Nothing happened. When we were leaving though something did happen, but not at all what I expected. As I was leaving the restaurant to wait outside for Kathy, I was approached by the waiter who had invited us in. ‘Hello, you are very nice woman. Where do you stay?’ I replied that we were staying in Benalmadena at the Sunset Beach Club.

‘May I take you for a drink while you stay?’ I told him I’d ask my friend if that was okay as I did not want to be leaving her on her own. ‘Thank you and my name is Gerard, what is your name?’

‘Sara.’

‘It is nice to meet you Sara.’ He took my hand and kissed it then kissed me on the cheeks. Wow! And wow again, and again and again. I was on the greatest high. What Gerard did for me that day he will never know; it gave me so much confidence to get through the next day and the day after that.

Every day just got better than the day before and everywhere I went, I was treated as just another woman. That is truly a wonderful thing to experience, to be treated as just another woman, in whatever form that takes. We went to El Corte Inglés in Malaga and spent a great deal of time trying on coats. Kathy found a coat that she particularly liked and spent time trying it on. The store assistant came over to see if we needed any help and stayed with us for quite some time during which I was chatting away to her and trying on some coats myself. Again, it was a totally natural and exhilarating experience. I made some purchases of my own and when I went to pay for my items the lady looked at the name on my credit card and said that my name is
bonito
. This was yet another affirmation of my being a woman.

While we were in Malaga we went to look for a wig shop we had been to on our last trip. Kathy wanted to try out a different colour for her hair and take a break from using hair colours. She saw this beautiful honey blonde bob style and bought it. She looked fabulous in it. When we got back to the hotel I asked if I could try it on, she said I could and when I did the reaction was instant. Kathy looked positively shocked at the transformation and so did I when I looked in the mirror. It completely transformed my face making it look more feminine than ever before. It was decided then and there that I would buy it from her. I wore it for the rest of the holiday and the effects were only fantastic. So much so that men everywhere were taking notice, with a few wanting to know where I was staying so they could meet me for a drink.

One of the funniest incidents was at the Friday market in the Arroyo de Miel. I was paying for some scarves when the man giving me my change kept rubbing his hands against mine and telling me I’m
bonito
. Kathy started to make mischief by telling him that I was single and freely available. He was delighted to hear it and said, ‘
in España, you are called wappa! You are wappa lady!’
I was mortified and went beetroot red. But I also felt as happy as I could possibly feel, though at the same time I couldn’t help wondering what he meant when using the word
wappa
? I didn’t have to wait to long to find out. The next time we were in El Corte Inglés I came across a glossy magazine with the name
WAPPA
on the cover, also on the cover was a picture of a beautiful woman, so there was no need to keep guessing what
wappa
meant now.

It really didn’t matter where we went in Spain over the month, everywhere we went we were treated as two female
companions on holiday together and it was simply the best possible first holiday for Sara to be on. However it was a hugely emotional time and I can’t imagine the amount of emotional and mental energy I used up over that four weeks, except to say that I was absolutely drained and exhausted when I got home. It took me weeks before I was able to get back to work properly.

Doctor Kelly’s diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder has proven to be my salvation, my miracle. Despite the many difficulties, hurts and losses I have had to endure prior to and following my diagnosis, my diagnosis has set me free from a lifetime of internal and external conflict and abject misery and it has opened up a whole new life for me; a life I once only imagined but never believed I would have; the joy of experiencing my own womanhood; something of which I am immensely proud.

I have seen the best and worst of people through this experience. I thought I had experienced prejudice until I made my disclosure and started to live as Sara, but the prejudice I have received since has taught me that even in this third millennium, with all our access to information and education people are as wilfully ignorant, judgmental and intolerant as they have always been and are determined to be. There are, of course, those who have shown nothing but kindness and support, in spite of their not understanding what the condition is. It was enough for them to know who I am and what I’m about. They are the decent people and I am grateful to have met so many of them and to have the love and support of so many with me on this journey towards the woman I always should have been; Sara, Sara-Jane Cromwell. Thank you.