Becoming Forever (Waking Forever Series) (38 page)

The closest to human Emma could give Ash was a
shifter. The necessity to feed on blood, human or otherwise would not be her burden as a shifter. Though the initial change would be exponentially more painful, ultimately, Ash could live something akin to a normal life as a shifter. Emma would not sit idle while this remarkable woman perished.

Running her thumb nail up the inside of her forearm, Emma opened her vein. The thick, red blood began to flow. Carefully lifting Ash’s head off the floor, Emma put her arm to Ash’s lips. “You’re going to be okay. This will help.” Emma’s eyes filled with blood stained tears, as Ash’s lips parted and the vampire’s blood began to run into her open mouth.

Ash’s body seized, and she cried out in pain. Emma listened carefully, and could hear the woman’s heart stutter, pause, and then begin beating in the familiar rapid repetition inherent to a shifter. Ash’s arms flew up, her hands claw like as she grabbed and clutched at Emma.

Pulling the agonized woman to her, Emma held her while rocking back and forth. Whimpers and moans escaped Ash as Emma listened to the snapping and stretching sounds emanating from her body. Her joints, tendons, bones and muscle were being manipulated as the change occurred.
The wound on her shoulder was already healing, and the new skin looked red and swollen. Emma knew the next few hours would be the longest in Ash’s life.

***

Her entire body was vibrating. Shards of electricity ripped and tore through her arms and legs. Every joint was on fire. Ash wanted to cry out, but her throat was tight and her lungs wouldn’t work. A cool, thick liquid ran into her mouth, and she gagged from the bitterness. She was suddenly aware of Emma’s voice in her ear, clear and calm, telling her she was going to be okay.

H
er ears were ringing, and then a screeching sound filled her head. Sharp stabbing points of pain pulsated through her body as the burning in her joints increased. Gasping for air, Ash thought she was going to die as sound, motion, and sight fell out of focus.

Involuntarily
, Ash’s lungs suddenly relaxed and a massive breath of fresh air flooded her chest. She felt as if she was stumbling and tripping her way back from the brink, moving toward the light of the living. Desperate, Ash clung to the only certain thing she could feel. The coolness of Emma’s cheek pressed to hers focused Ash, and she willed herself forward.

Her body continued its slow burn for what seemed an eternity. Her skin felt raw as even the slightest movement of air across it triggered spasms of pain up and down her body. All the while, Emma continued to hold her, and reassure her.

“Ash, it’s almost over.” Emma’s voice was close to Ash’s ear. Her hand gently stroked the tender skin of her cheek.

There was
stillness. The vibrations and tremors stopped. Ash thought about breathing, and her lungs listened. Opening her eyes, she saw Emma’s vivid blue ones looking down at her. Her mouth felt like sandpaper, and she desperately wanted a drink of water. As if reading her mind, Emma carefully moved Ash from her lap, quickly went to the bathroom sink, and returned with a glass of water.

Tilting the glass to Ash’s parched lips, Emma lifted her head.  “Slowly.”

Ash gulped at the water anyway, grabbing at Emma’s hands to steady the glass. Lying back, she wiped at her mouth. “Thank you.”

Emma smiled and reached under Ash, effortlessly lifting her from the floor, and carefully depositing her on the bed. “You should rest. What’s just happened is
traumatic and violent for the body.”

Ash managed to sit up, her head spinning, forcing her to
lie back down. “Jesus.” She pushed the palm of her hand against her right temple. “I feel like someone took a hacksaw to my skull, but oddly enough, I’m really hungry.”

Emma sat on the bed next to Ash. “Do you remember what happened?”

Ash looked down at the floor, her mind still feeling disjointed. “I - there was a knock at the door. I thought it was you so I didn’t bother to look through the peephole.” Ash struggled to recall the next part. “It - it was Lara. She attacked me, and-” She cringed. “She turned into a black leopard, and attacked me.” Ash frowned. “That sounds even stupider out loud than it did in my head.”

Chuckling, Emma reached for the light blanket at the foot of the bed. “Rest and then we can talk.”

Ash was feeling energized suddenly. She was so relieved to be alive, the idea of napping was out of the question. “I’m okay. I would prefer to talk with you now.” She took Emma’s hand in hers.

Emma looked at Ash nervously. “The venom from Lara’s bite was killing you. I had choices I wouldn’t envy anyone.”

She paused, trying to gauge Ash’s reaction. The woman sat perfectly still. “I could let you die. I could turn you into a vampire, or I could give you my blood which counteracts the venom, but allows for the shifter change to occur.” Emma watched Ash’s face closely. Her once reddish brown eyes were now nearly clear, one of the few outwardly visible signs of the change. Additionally, the woman’s hand was at least ten degrees warmer.  From now on, her body temperature would now range between one hundred and eight and one hundred and twelve.

“How is
that possible?” Ash’s mind reeled with the information. She didn’t feel that different, so how could what Emma say be true?

Emma swallowed and took a deep breath. “Most
shifters are born, because for a human to be turned they would need a vampire’s blood to survive the toxicity of the shifter’s bite.” She squeezed Ash’s hand reassuringly. “It so happened, you had a vampire around.”

Ash pulled her hand away from Emma’s and swinging her legs over the side of the bed, stood up. Her legs felt different. They were stronger, as if energy and strength were being harnessed and stored in the muscles and bones.
“You’re telling me I can change into animals now?” Ash’s stomach growled and she crossed her arms over her midsection.

Emma nodded
, and looked at the woman’s stomach. “Among other things, and get used to being hungry a lot.” She stood and took a breath through her nose. Ash’s scent had changed. The floral, salty undertones she had enjoyed before were still there, but now with the faint smell of burning leaves, and wet earth. It was intoxicating, and Emma was struggling to focus.

“
Your metabolism has accelerated, and you will need to consume at least six to seven thousand calories a day to maintain your strength and weight.” Emma sighed. “You can also change into anything organic and approximately the same size as you. Though from what I have been told, plants are far more difficult than animals.” Emma pursed her lips. “I’ve hypothesized it has to do with the circulatory system variance. Yours is far more complex than a tree’s, and then there’s the beating of your heart.” The vampire looked up at the ceiling in concentration. “Plants are still, so the heartbeat would make maintaining the plant form very difficult.” She looked at Ash, who had turned to face her with an incredulous look on her face.

“Hold
up. Are you telling me I can eat whatever I want?” Ash had thought she should be angry with Emma. No specific reason had manifested in her mind, but the situation - her life - had become exponentially more complicated, and she wanted to blame someone. In the end though, she couldn’t actually bring herself to be angry with the beautiful woman.

Emma grinned, relieved Ash wasn’t resentful of her choice. “
That’s what you took from all that?”

Ash nodded enthusiastically. “I know you haven’t had to conten
d with the food question in a very long time, but speaking as a former chubby girl, this is the best news ever.”

Emma shook her head. “First, I can’t imagine you fat, and second - yes, eat whatever you would like, and a lot of it. Cholesterol, triglycerides, blood sugar - all thing
s of the past.”

Ash looked around the bedroom. “I should be writing this down.”

Emma chuckled. “Yes, because sadly there isn’t a rule book, or as you so aptly put it, a Cliffs Notes version on how to be a shifter. So you’re stuck with me.”

As the thought of kissing Emma flickered across her mind, Ash’s legs moved independent of her will, and in a second she had pinned Emma to the bed, her lips hungrily kissing hers. Emma tasted like oranges and lavender, a low moan escaping her lips as Ash’s tongue ran along her upper lip.
Her hand rubbed along the side of Emma’s breast and Ash felt warmth spreading through her abdomen.

As quickly as it had started, it ended. Emma pushed
Ash away, and sprung from the bed, her back turned to the confused woman.

Ash felt a twinge of pain at the lost connection, and stood staring at Emma, who refused to turnaround. Ash’s knees felt like rubber from the surge of adrenaline,
and her hands were shaking. She wasn’t sure she could take the few steps needed to close what seemed like a chasm between her and Emma. “Why did you stop?” The question was in Ash’s head, and before she could think better of it, spoken out loud.

Emma shook her head, and took a deep breath as she looked toward the ceiling. “I’m s
orry. Our relationship was complicated enough before, but now it’s - it’s impossible.”

Ash bit her lower lip that still t
ingled from earlier. “What are you saying?”

Emma turned her head, but still wouldn’t
face Ash. “Vampire and shifters can’t be together. It’s a recipe for dependency that I wouldn’t wish on you.” Her voice was raspy and strained.

“I don’t understand.” Ash reached out and put her hand on Emma’s shoulder. The woman tensed and moved away.

“I can already feel my control slipping around you. The way you smelled and tasted before was amazing, but now you permeate my entire body.” Emma turned around, her eyes glowed an iridescent blue. “I won’t feed on you, and you can never take my blood again.”

Ash shook her head. “Look, I appreciate why y
ou swore off feeding on humans. What happened to you was beyond horrible, but technically I’m not a human anymore.” The phrasing seemed odd and clunky in Ash’s mouth.

Backing toward the door, Emma’s nostrils flared as she couldn’t resist the urge to breath
e in Ash’s scent. “I can’t be certain I could stop once I started, and I don’t want our relationship to be about my obsession with your blood, and your need for mine to not age.”

Ash held h
er hands up in front of her. “Whoa. I never said -”

Emma’s brow arched. “Can you honestly say you would
n’t be tempted as the years passed?” The fears she had before about Ash feeling obligated, or her feelings being exaggerated because of heightened emotions came rushing back.

Ash looked down as she considered the question. “I don’t see what difference it makes. I - we cared for each other before.”
Ash reached for Emma’s hand, and felt a sharp stab of embarrassment when Emma pulled away.

Ash looked at the nervous woman in front of her.
She wanted to tell Emma she loved her, and that she had loved her long before the chaos of the past two weeks, but the discomfort and misery she saw in the doctor’s eyes smothered her courage, and she held her tongue. “I don’t think we should be having this conversation
right
now.”

Emma nodded. “You’re right. We’re both strung a little thin.”

“Let’s take a few days and then we can have dinner.” Ash smiled, relieved Emma was willing to table the conversation. “In the meantime, can you give me the layman’s version of how I shift into a doe - a deer - a female deer?” The woman struggled not to laugh while delivering the joke.

Emma shook her head. “After everything, you’re still making fun of my movie choices?”

Ash grinned. “Low hanging fruit.”

Chapter 18

As Ash walked into her office for the first time in over a week
, she finished her fourth breakfast taco that morning, and discarded the white wrapper in the waste basket near the entrance of the police station. She felt sweat beginning to form along her forehead, and she was nervous. Emma had objected to her returning to work so soon after the change. “Until you have complete control over it, shifts can occur during heightened states of anger, fear, or anxiety.” The concern in Emma’s voice had been palpable. “You haven’t even attempted a controlled shift yet.”

Ash was standing in her ki
tchen making five grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches with her phone on speaker. “I can’t become some creepy recluse that never leaves her apartment, and - honestly - I’m a little scared the shifting thing will hurt. There. I said it, and I’m a coward.”

There was a long pause, and when Emma finally spoke her voice was soft and consoling. “I know it can be scary, and the last thing I would want is to suggest something that might cause you pain, but I really think-”

Ash hated not being in the same room with her while they had these conversations. The need to be near Emma, to hold her and touch her, was verging on obsessive. “I’ll think about it. Look, I have to go. I’ve nearly burnt my sandwiches.” The two women said their goodbyes, and hung up.

Walking to the sofa with her sandwich
es and a glass of Coke, Ash reflected on the past few days. She had spent the better part of her time researching online all the legends and myths around shifters. Over half of the information seemed completely made up to Ash, but there was helpful articles sprinkled throughout the dreck.