Becoming a Jett Girl (The Bourbon Series) (37 page)

Flashes of my parent’s lifeless bodies amongst the devastation from Hurricane Katrina kept running through my mind, making me feel ill for the better part of my days. The thoughts were not only affecting my ability to perform, but also my ability to just wake up in the morning. Luckily, my phone was programmed with five different alarms, so I didn’t miss anymore practices or workouts.
 

I found zero enjoyment lately in anything I did as I walked around the house aimlessly, feeling numb to the world. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t from Jett neglecting me; it was from my parent’s anniversary, but deep down, I knew it was a combination of things. A combination of no sex, no Jett, and no unconditional love that every girl needed, or at least I did.
 

Comfort, that was what I wanted and I knew I wasn’t going to get it through anyone, at least no one in the Lafayette Club. I thought about the meeting I was supposed to have with Rex today and the thought of his warm arms wrapped around my body; it had me thinking that maybe I could go just to see what he had to say, just to find comfort in an old friend.
 

I felt a warm presence kneel next to me, but I didn’t look up. I didn’t want to because, whoever it was, I didn’t want to talk to them. All the girls were back in their rooms, preparing for tonight, so that only left two people, Jett and Kace. Neither of whom I wanted to talk to because Kace was an ass ninety-five percent of the time when he was around me and Jett, well, he had turned completely cold since our date night.
 

It wasn’t a secret as to why he probably fled away from me. I pushed him too far, I must have because there was no other explanation as to why he would stop inviting me up to the Bourbon Room or stop sending me flowers and cards. He was a lost soul just like me, but instead of seeking comfort like I did, he distanced himself away from everyone and used sex as an outlet, not as a connection. I knew this going into my contract; I knew he couldn’t offer me what I would eventually end up wanting, but I couldn’t help it. He won my heart the minute I saw the way he took care of me and saved me from a bottomless abyss that was consuming my life.
 

“Lo,” the deep rasp of Kace’s voice brought me back to the present. I gradually looked up and met his eyes with mine. “Are you okay?”

A sob that I was holding back escaped my throat as I shook my head no and started to watch my tears fall to my lap. My emotions were running rampant as I tried to rein them in, but there was no hope. I was a lost cause.
 

“Come here,” Kace said, as he scooped me up in his arms and started walking toward the back stairs. I thought about protesting, but I didn’t have enough energy to do so. So I let the former boxing professional with hard eyes, but a soft heart, carry me up to my bedroom.
 

When he reached my room, he gently placed me on my bed and had me lean back on my pillow. He went into my bathroom and grabbed a warm, wet towel for my face. When he handed it to me, he sat down on my bed right next to me, consuming the air around us. He brushed my hair away from my face as he looked at me with concern.
 

“What’s going on, Lo? You haven’t been your normal self lately.”

I pressed the warm towel against my face as I brought my legs into my chest, not caring what kind of body part I might be showing off in my miniscule underwear.
 

“You’re just going to tell me I told you so.”

“Try me,” Kace said, as he gripped my foot and squeezed it, warming my body with the gentle connection of a human’s touch.
 

“It’s my parent’s death anniversary,” I said softly, almost too softly, so that I was nervous that Kace didn’t hear me.
 

The bed dipped as Kace reached over, grabbed my body and set me on his lap. I buried my head in his neck and cried as he rubbed my back and calmed me with soothing tones.
 

“And he hasn’t talked to me since the other night. I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want me anymore. What did I do that was so wrong? Is it because I care about him?”

Kace shook his head as he held me tighter. “He has problems, Lo. Problems that you will never be able to fix, but you’re the first girl I’ve seen get under his skin in a long time and seeing it from the outside, I would bet my two balls that you scared the shit out of him. He’s pushing you away because you got too close.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” I hiccupped, as I tried to steady my ragged breathing.
 

“No, it doesn’t, but he’s not going to change…not even for someone who has shown him how his life could be, someone like you. He will always want a contract and he will always keep pushing you away.”

Kace’s word struck deeper than I thought. I was in denial most of the time about Jett’s feelings so when he told me the cold hard truth, it stung, it fucking stung bad.
 

“I can’t go on tonight, Kace.”

“Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to.”

Shocked about how he didn’t put up a fight, I looked up at him and said, “You’re not going to kick me out on the streets for missing a presentation?” The corner of his mouth twitched as I asked about his ongoing empty threat.

Kace brought his hand up to my cheek and rubbed it with his thumb as she shook his head no. “No, you deserve a night off. I can stay with you if you would like, if you want the company.”

“Thank you, but I’m going to go visit my parent’s grave. I’ll feel better if I do.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

I didn’t understand why Kace was being so nice, but if I was to be honest, it was freaking me the fuck out. He was a moody cockhead and the fact that he was not only putting my well-being before anything else right now and touching me as if I was a porcelain doll, made me feel a plethora of mixed emotions…emotions that were not welcomed right now.
 

“Thanks, but I think I should just go by myself. I think I would feel self-conscious if you went, since I talk to them out loud like a crazy.”

“Well, if you need anything, let me know.” Kace placed me back on the bed and stepped away. He looked down at me and pulled on the back of his neck as he studied me. If only I could go in his head for a couple of minutes, just to see what he was thinking, I would be able to figure out the man much better.
 

“Are you going to stay?” The sadness in Kace’s voice as he asked me as the question surprised me, as if he would actually be sad if I left.
 

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I don’t know if I can stay here if he keeps inviting up every other girl except for me. I know…his rules, his house, but a part of me feels so incredibly connected to him, like we were two souls drifting and finally found each other. I know it sounds stupid, but I can’t help it. He’s captured me and not being able to see him, hear him or touch him while I live under his roof is just torture. I don’t think I can live like that.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“Not sure,” I said, as I shrugged my shoulders, “But I have to figure something out soon because I can’t continue the way I’ve been living.”

I got off my bed and went to my closet and turned around to face Kace. “I’ll be home later tonight.”

He just nodded as I headed off to get changed, not even questioning me.
 

***

I traced the letters on my parents’ gravestone in the Lafayette Cemetery as tears streamed down my face. Tourists walked past me, which reminded me why I hated the fact that my family’s vault was in the ever-popular cemetery. A tour guide walked past me as she talked about how there were over 500 vaults in the cemetery as tourists took picture of the above ground cemetery, which was fascinating, I would give them that, but when it came to the only place I could sit and talk to my parents, it was frustrating.
 

I wished for privacy, I wished for the opportunity to talk to my parents without being interrupted every two seconds by a tourist exclaiming they found a gravestone form the 1800’s, as if it was a scavenger hunt. If I was wishing for things, then I might as well wish for my parents to still be with me, rather than their souls at the gravestone and their ashes scattered across the Mississippi river.
 

“I miss you guys,” I mumbled to myself as I scooted closer on the ground and continued to run my fingers over their carving. “I don’t know…”

“Hello.”

A screech escaped my mouth as my hands flew to my heart from being startled. Quickly I wiped my tears away and looked up to see Jett staring down at me. The sun was behind him so I could only see the outline of his body, but I would know that frame and that voice anywhere.

“What are you doing here?” I said snidely, as I gathered my legs in my arms. “Stalk much?”

“You were crying.”

“Wow, did you pay a lot of money for that detective degree?”

He ignored my sarcasm and asked, “Why were you crying?”

“Why do you care? Just get out of here, you found me…congratulations, you can win stalker of the year now. Kace gave me the night off.”

“Why were you crying, Goldie?”

The way he said my name, with such concern, broke the microscopic thread I was hanging on to. Tears streamed down my face as I buried my head in my knees and wished for Jett to leave. I didn’t want him to see me like this, completely and utterly weak. I prided myself on being able to be strong and stick up for myself and the fact that he was seeing me at such a broken moment in my life, made me feel extremely self-conscious.
 

A warm arm wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me into a comforting embrace. I gave in to his gesture for a second before I pulled away and scooted closer to my parents’ gravestone.
 

“Don’t,” I commanded as I held up my hand. “Don’t act like you care when I know you don’t.”

“That’s not true…”

“Isn’t it? When was the last time you even thought about talking to me? You got what you wanted, you fucked me, worked my pussy like your own damn toy and then you pushed me aside. So don’t come over here and pity me; I don’t need your fucking pity.”

“I never promised you anything, Goldie.”

“I know,” I practically shouted, “I know you didn’t, but damn it Jett, you sure didn’t make it easy on a girl when you were sending me flowers, notes, and acting as if I was God’s gift to earth.”

Jett sat there speechless next to me as his pupils moved back and forth, observing mine, looking for answers. How could a man so smart, so powerful and so commanding be so incredibly dumb?

“Let me ask you this one thing.” Jett nodded, so I continued, “Why me, Jett? Why did you pick me?”

Running a hand through his hair, Jett exhaled loudly as he leaned against a wrought iron fence that encased a giant mausoleum. As he sat next to me, I couldn’t help but soak in every last inch of him, from his pressed jeans to his simple black shirt to his perfectly styled hair. His jaw ticked as he thought about his answer and the image of my tongue running across his jaw ran through my head. I was hopeless.
 

“The first time I ever saw you, I was visiting my mom, just like you’re visiting your parents today.” Jett cleared his throat and said, “My mom’s family is on the east side of the cemetery. I like to come visit her often, just like you visit your parents. One day, I was coming to visit my mom after a rough day and you were sitting in front of her stone, drawing it.”

A gasp escaped my mouth as I knew exactly what stone he was talking about; it was my favorite. The one I had more drawings of than any other sketch in my collection.
 

“I was going to ask you what the hell you were doing, but when I saw you were wearing ear buds and completely lost in your drawing, I decided to observe you instead. I couldn’t get over the fact that your hair looked soft as silk or the way you tilted your head slightly to the side and bit your bottom lip as you tried to caress your paper with just the right shadowing. When you got up, I followed you to your next stop, and that’s when you stopped here and started talking to your parents about your life and the trouble you were going through. At that moment, I knew my mom brought you to me to help, to save.”

My heart was pounding rapidly as I tried to take in everything that Jett was saying to me, but it was all too much to think about. He believed his mom brought us together? His mom’s grave was my favorite in the cemetery? To say I was creeped the fuck out was an understatement.

I didn’t get him. At this moment, his eyes spoke to me and cared for me, but what about the last couple of days? I was used to Kace being hot and cold with me, but when it came to Jett, I couldn’t handle his emotional mood swings because I cared too damn much when he looked at me with those soulful eyes…those eyes that made me promises the owner couldn’t keep.
 

Shaking my head and getting up off the ground, I started to walk backwards to put distance between me and him. Coincidences I believed in, but outright fate? I had a harder time with that.
 

“Where are you going?” Jett asked, as he walked toward me.
 

“Don’t touch me,” I flailed my arms, trying to block off any form of him holding onto me like a lunatic. “I can’t be here right now. I can’t listen to you talk to me as if the last couple of days haven’t been torture, as if you actually care about me.”