Because of You (8 page)

Chapter Fourteen

Adam had left for work hours before the car service pulled up in front of their large colonial house located at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac. The driver, dressed in a black suit, knocked on the double-sized wooden door. Jill opened it and he stepped inside to retrieve her luggage. Before leaving the house, Jill attached a copy of her itinerary to the refrigerator door with a magnet. At least Adam would know where she was—if he wasn’t too angry to care.

The driver closed the trunk of the Lincoln Town car as Jill slid inside to find Evelyn sipping a cup of coffee from a Styrofoam cup. She looked lovely. Her coat was open to reveal a black suit accented by a very pretty, bright red-and-black silk scarf.

“Good morning, Jill,” she said, handing her a Starbuck’s cup of coffee.

Jill smiled. “Thank you. I seem to live on this stuff lately.”

“Excited?”

“And scared.”

“Don’t be. You did well on our dry runs, but let’s revisit some of the questions that you will be asked by Brooks Benning, the star of the
Night Owl Show
. We’ll be taping later this afternoon as I told you.”

Jill had slept poorly the night before. She still worried about her decision to go on the tour and her fear of making a total fool of herself. How Adam would react when she returned home weighed heavily over her like a storm cloud. After her New York interviews they would be flying directly to Los Angeles. To achieve some semblance of mental balance, she’d consoled herself that she’d set everything in motion and couldn’t undo a thing to change it. What she could do was be her best and hope Adam accepted her decision to further her career. If not…

She pushed those negative thoughts away. She could ill afford to dwell on them now. Besides, she was too nervous about appearing on TV. Evelyn sensed her nervousness and tried her best to calm her.

They arrived in Manhattan and its blaring horns and kinetic activity shortly before noon and immediately checked into the Marriott Marquis hotel located on Broadway in the Times Square area. It was a crisp autumn day complete with bright sunshine, giving ample reason for people to be out and about—and they’d arrived at the height of the lunch hour. Even the hotel lobby was crowded.

Evelyn signed them in. They had adjoining rooms on the 20
th
floor and went upstairs and unpacked their suitcases.

Thirty minutes later, the women headed across the street to Junior’s for a quick lunch. Jill had to be at the Ed Sullivan Theater at 54
th
Street and Broadway at three o’clock to prepare for the taping of Brooks Benning’s
show.

Junior’s, a restaurant known for its great deli, was busy, and they had to wait at least fifteen minutes for a table. Jill watched the waiters hustling from table to table and found the noise of the restaurant comforting. It had been easy for Evelyn to tell her not to worry and that everything would be okay. However, Evelyn wasn’t going to be the one seated in front of all those cameras being watched by millions of people. That thought alone nearly unhinged Jill. What would Adam think if she made an ass of herself, especially after he’d told her to cancel the tour altogether?

After they were seated and had given their orders to their waiter, Evelyn told her a little about the history of Barnaby and Sons. “The company had been started in 1888 by Sir Mallory Barnaby in London. His son Geoffrey had married an American and realized that since he spent so much time in New York, it would be simpler to just open up an office there. He did so in 1930, and a satellite office was later opened in Los Angeles.”

“Are all the offices still in operation?” Jill asked as she picked at her chef salad with little appetite.

Evelyn seemed to be enjoying her Caesar salad with grilled chicken and finished chewing before answering. “Yes. You’ll see the LA office when we get to California.”

A woman holding the hand of her pretty little girl passed by their table. Jill imagined what it would be like to be the mother of a little girl. She wanted to have a child while she was young enough to enjoy it. Sometimes her big house felt so empty.

“What do you think, Jill?” Evelyn asked.

“About what?”

“About staying in and having dinner at the hotel tonight.”

Strange to be thinking about dinner at lunch,
Jill mused. “That's fine.”

“Are you still with me?” Evelyn asked. “You've been awfully quiet.”

“Just saving my words for Brooks.”

Evelyn laughed, but Jill didn't think what she’d said was that funny.

Jill picked a little more at her salad before giving up on eating. She was too nervous.

Evelyn took care of the check and they stepped outside the restaurant and hailed a cab.

***

There was a long line of people snaking around the building in hope of snagging last minute seats for the show when the cab driver stopped at the side entrance of the theater. One of the assistants to the head of casting greeted them, but Jill was too busy wrestling with internal fears of screwing up that she didn’t catch the name.

All the way to the theater she’d been a bundle of nerves, threatening to unwind. Evelyn patted her hand from time to time in an attempt to calm and reassure her. But all she kept wondering was why she had agreed to do this.

“You’ll be fine. Your worries are for nothing,” Evelyn reassured her.

First stop was makeup. Jill met Brooks, and found him funny and sweet. It was obvious he was trying to make her feel less nervous and, to an extent, he helped. He had brought a copy of her novel with him and asked if she’d autograph it.

It was at that moment that Jill realized she wasn’t just another writer. She had started down the path of nationally acclaimed authors like Nora Roberts, Mary Higgins Clark, and Sandra Brown. Nervous, yet exhilarated, Jill discovered that it felt good.

***

The time that Jill spent on camera with Brooks Benning went by so quickly, she had little chance to feel embarrassed. In fact, Brooks made it fun and enjoyable. It was free publicity and an excellent experience for the other talk shows to follow. Hopefully, it would getter easier.

Following the taping, Jill and Evelyn took a taxi back to their hotel for dinner. And for the first time since Jill slid into the Town car that morning, she felt at ease and pleased with herself.

And Evelyn obviously enjoyed telling her, “I told you so.”

Chapter Fifteen

Evelyn had made reservations at The View located at the top of the Marriott Marquis. It was a unique and unforgettable restaurant. Located high above the heart of Times Square, it revolved slowly, giving its patrons a breathtaking 360-degree view of Manhattan.

The waiter brought a bottle of champagne to their table shortly after they’d been seated and popped the cork. The sound was distinctive and numerous pairs of eyes turned in their vicinity as he carefully poured the effervescent wine into their glasses.

Evelyn raised her glass. “I’d say your performance today deserves a toast.”

Jill raised her glass.

“To the next number-one best-selling author to grace the
New York Times
list,” Evelyn said.

“Hopefully,” Jill said, clinking Evelyn’s glass before sipping the bubbly.

The waiter returned to take their orders. The champagne had an immediate effect on Jill, who hadn’t eaten much that day. It loosened her taut nerves, relaxing her. She also discovered she was ravenously hungry.

Jill ordered a jumbo shrimp cocktail for an appetizer and filet mignon for her main dish. Evelyn chose the crab cakes and oven-roasted chicken breast.

While they ate, the conversation was light. Following the champagne, Evelyn ordered wine. Somehow the conversation shifted to the tourist attractions in California. Jill had never been there. The farthest west she’d been was to Arizona for Lynne’s wedding, so she looked forward to seeing California.

Somehow the time rushed by and after indulging in tiramisu for dessert, they headed upstairs to their rooms. It was going to be an early taping for the Sally and Mickey Show the following morning.

They paused in front of their adjoining doors. Evelyn smiled at Jill, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You really did great today. And now that you’re a seasoned guest, you’ll blow the audience away tomorrow.”

“Beginner’s luck,” Jill said, “but I hope you’re right, ‘cause the alternative really sucks.”

Evelyn laughed. “Try to get a good night’s sleep. The morning comes mighty early.”

“I’m so wound up, I hope I can sleep.”

“Trust me, you will. It has been a very long day and you’ve got to be exhausted. As for me, if I don’t get out of these damn heels, I’m going to cry. Whoever invented heels definitely never wore them.”

“That’s for certain,” Jill replied, opening her door. “Good night,” she said and gave out a yawn.

Evelyn burst out laughing. “Looks like you’ll be asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. Sleep well,” she said and went into her room.

Eventually, Jill fell asleep. She dreamt that she and Adam were trying to swim toward each other, but each time they got close enough to nearly touch, a giant wave crashed over them and dragged them apart. The next morning, on recalling the dream, she didn't need the likes of Freud to figure out what that dream meant.

***

Jill’s defiant show of independence infuriated Adam. This anger festered, as he thought about nothing else, all the way to work that morning and remained just below the surface despite all the pressing matters he had to attend to during the day. He had been sorely tempted to call home to see if Jill had actually gone on the book tour. Perhaps the flare up in the house had been pure bravado and nothing more. Thinking it would be a sign of weakness for him to call and check, he restrained himself from doing so. When he got home it would be soon enough to discover the answer.

Adam realized it was the damn writing that had changed Jill. Her words, “My writing
is not
a hobby. It’s a
career
—one that I am very committed to. It defines me,” echoed in his ears in a malicious endless loop. He thought about those words to the point of dissecting them to their basic syllables to understand what exactly Jill had meant. He got the bottom line loud and clear. The writing had replaced him in her heart and soul.

It was all just simple logic. He should have known. Whenever there was a void, it becomes filled with something else. Indirectly this was his own fault. He’d left her alone way too much. And yes, he was the one who encouraged her to find something to do to fill her time—but he did not give her license to do so at his expense! It was her obsessive attitude that ultimately led to her defiant behavior. He may have given her the clay, but she sculpted the finished product.

Things had gone way too far. It might have been different if she hadn’t gotten published. Becoming published and illuminated by the limelight of success definitely changed Jill. He didn’t like her new attitude at all. The old Jill would never dream of disobeying his wishes. However, this new Jill was a more independent model. And with the sale of her book continuing to do so well, she'd soon be more financially independent, as well. He could not see this being a good thing. Perhaps, it would be wise for him to try and nip the entire episode in the bud—as if that was still possible. Her words repeated in his head. It’s a
career
—one that I am very committed to. It defines me.”

As Adam pulled up to the house, he saw Jill's car in the driveway. He exhaled in relief. Maybe he’d jumped to conclusions too quickly and misjudged Jill. Perhaps she hadn’t gone on that blasted tour, or whatever it was, after all. Who did she think she was? A rock star?

It wasn't until he walked into the kitchen and turned on the light that Adam knew he hadn't misjudged his wife at all. It was all there in black and white attached to the right side of the refrigerator. Anger flared up within him as he glared at her itinerary. He snatched the phone off its base to call her. He’d set her straight.

Adam replaced the phone. Calling her in anger wasn't the way to go. After all, that's what made her more defiant in the first place. Had he not pushed her to the wall, she might not have challenged him. No, he wouldn’t call now. He needed to cool down first. This situation needed more thought. Jill would have to be handled carefully.

And he had to reexamine his feelings about her. Right now, he was forcing her to choose between an exciting career and him. He had no idea, which way she’d go. To be honest, hadn’t he been forced to put his career first?
Yeah, but I had no choice—she does. Besides, I’m the provider in this family. And that’s what providers do.

But, what if with Jill’s new financial independence she decided to spread her wings and go solo? What if she left him? She was meeting thousands of people. What if some handsome guy came along and swept her off her feet? It was possible—of course, given her track record. Hadn’t
he
swept her off her feet?

Adam covered his ears with his hands and squeezed his eyes tightly shut as if that would stop the horrible thoughts.

Reality hit him like a cold shower.

Her leaving him was the last thing he truly wanted. Jill was the only constant in his life. He’d loved Jill from the moment he first laid eyes on her. Walking into the bank where she’d worked had changed his life forever. She validated his reason for living and gave him purpose. Without her…

Adam groaned at the awful thought of Jill’s ever leaving him. Not to be able to touch or kiss her... He’d miss that sensuously silky voice and her throaty laugh. The smoldering flame in her bewitching amber eyes when they made love. Her gentle touch that had the power to set his heart racing. The little sound she made when he nuzzled that tender spot on her sweet neck.

Jill was the person who completed him, making him whole. She had believed in him despite his horrendous family tree. He wasn’t stupid. He knew her parents hated him and tried to force her to stop seeing him. He knew the terrible things they’d said. To them he was white trash who’d eventually take her down with him. Despite all that, Jill loved him enough to run away with him and marry him. She knew the price she’d pay for her actions would be harsh, but hadn’t truly expected her parents to disown her entirely. And yet, she never blamed him once for it.

However, that was then. It was different now. Jill had changed. Had her feelings toward him changed, as well?

***

Adam didn’t sleep well. He wrestled with his emotions the entire night, tossing and turning. He realized how important this writing career was to Jill. It was its unintended consequences that scared him. Her new confidence and backbone brought out the worst in him. It had made him a bully. He was becoming his father. And this terrified him the most.

As Adam stared out of the window of the train taking him to Penn Station, he thought about his love for Jill and how possessive he’d become. When had he turned into such a bully? And why couldn't he accept the success and newfound confidence that made her blossom and grow as an individual? Ironically, it would seem that these events had activated the very demons within himself that he'd tried to suppress all these years.

If he closed his eyes, he could see his father standing over his mother crouching in the corner of the kitchen, feebly trying to protect herself from the raining blows his old man was giving her. It was punishment because she’d disobeyed him and snuck into town. His mother had been beautiful at one time, attracting looks from other men. This always seemed to enrage his father. A nasty drunk and meth user, his raging tirades became more common than not.

Now as an adult, Adam wondered if it was the drugs and the booze that made him do that. Or was his father simply a monster who got off on beating his poor mother. However, she wasn't so innocent, either. Sometimes, she'd take Adam into town with her and he'd watch TV while his new “uncle” would disappear with his mother. Sometimes he had to make the TV louder to drown out the noise from the bedroom. Adam kept her secret, though. He knew if he ever told his father, he’d beat her to death.

Looking back, Adam wasn't certain if either parent had ever wanted or cared for him. If he were to guess, his parents had had a one-night stand and his mother had gotten pregnant. Why they remained together was indeed a mystery to him. He suspected they may have had some kind of masochistic–sadistic relationship. But by age fourteen, Adam had had quite enough and ran away.

Adam now feared he might possess more of his father’s tainted genes than he first thought. He’d never actually analyzed his actions until now. In truth, he would never physically strike Jill, but wasn’t he emotionally abusing her? He made every decision for her and molded her into a dutiful wife. Jill had allowed him to do so willingly, because she had little self-esteem. She always seemed to want to do whatever pleased him. Perhaps her parents had neglected her and Adam had become the backbone and direction that she lacked in her life. Adam cringed as he remembered how often he had belittled her job at the bank, how unsupportive he had been of her writing. They would probably be still in that destructive relationship if she hadn’t gotten published. Her writing had changed everything.

And he hadn't been prepared for it. He had needed things to remain the same at home because things were so volatile at work and he found that he couldn't juggle both. The emotional quicksand was taking him under.

When Charles Aloe was removed as the director of client services, Adam expected to replace him. After all he’d done for the agency, nobody deserved the position more. Instead, he was passed over for a woman the agency hired away from a competitor. This had been the final slight. He was now ready to jump ship. Especially after he met the new director, Anna Revere, who was now his immediate boss.

Adam swore the tall, blonde woman had larger balls than he had—and brass ones at that. Her brazenness was scary, and things had to be done her way or it was the highway. It was implicit in everything she said and did. He resented and disliked her from the moment they met.

Anna Revere was also a predator. She didn't care much about rules, and that also included vows—such as in marriage. She was used to getting whatever she wanted, and Adam feared he was what she wanted. Unlike many other men, Adam didn't hide the fact he was married and wore his wedding band religiously. That apparently just proved to be a challenge to Anna.

Anna reminded Adam of his friend, Paul, also in advertising. Paul considered himself a stud. Granted, he was attractive to women, handsome in a rugged, tough-boy way, with dark good looks, but he treated women poorly. To him they were mere notches in his belt. Adam thought Anna was Paul's female equivalent. And the last thing Adam wanted was to be another notch in that woman's belt.

Despite her beauty, her overtures fell flat. Adam would never do anything to hurt Jill or their marriage. She was everything he ever desired in a woman. How he wished his new boss would understand and accept that. However, she didn’t, and Adam realized he was done.

He got in touch with Jonathan Shulman, an advertising executive he’d met at a conference in Atlanta previously. Shulman worked for Simpson, Brown and Thompson, an up-and- coming ad agency in Phoenix, Arizona, and Shulman was fairly certain his firm would want a solid guy like Adam. When he’d given Adam his card, he instructed him to call him when he was ready to jump ship. Now his back pressed against the wall and a man-eater in hot pursuit, it was time to go.

Basically, this was the only choice Adam had. He could not entertain a harassment grievance. Who could he complain to, and how could he prove it? Nor could he start looking locally for a new job in the present job market. So he made the call to Shulman and did his best to avoid being alone with Anna Revere.