Because of You (7 page)

By the time I’m halfway through my world shifts and I feel better, right. For the first time in two days, there is no Gina and her sad face, her words shredding the room with hurt. No Kyle and his beautiful smile or his ass-grabbing hands. There’s only this room and these keys and my fingers forming notes. There is only
crescendo
and
decrescendo
,
allegro
and
adagio
. Notes played together in chords.

After fifteen minutes I move on to the piece I want to play for Professor Jenkins. I’ll see him tomorrow for my piano lesson. It’s an honor to be taught by the Professor and not one of the graduate students, so I want to be prepared.

But as I begin, Kyle’s face fills my mind. It blocks out my peace. Instead of notes, I see his dark messy hair and his light blue eyes.

Slamming my hands against the keys, I stand. The clock on my iPod says my first class starts in ten minutes. I grab my stuff and dash out the door. I don’t want to be late.

Maddie

’m not going to make a great first impression.

Outside the light burns my eyes, and I squint.

The campus is huge and spread out. The day I arrived, I took the map they gave me and did a walkthrough of my classes. Then we had orientation, and a couple hundred bored freshmen followed perky guides around for three hours. Luckily, most of my classes are near each other.

Dorms and the cafeteria are located to the south. The sororities are north of the dorms. Asher Field and a hangout known as The Mall sit behind the sororities. Then there are the fraternities. Behind them is a graveyard. To the west of Asher Field is the library and colleges in specific fields—Education, Agriculture, Anthropology, Engineering, Physical Sciences, and the Arts and Sciences. To the east are the Law Building, the Fine Arts Center, the Mikesell Building, the Arena Auditorium, an athletic center, the stadium, the College of Molecular Biology and Animal Sciences, and finally the Center for the Visual Arts. There are buses that can take me where I need to go, and I’ll probably use them when it gets colder, but for now I’ll walk. Especially since the building is close.

English is a required course. I enter the Mikesell Building along with several other students. A tall guy wearing University of Bellam Springs sweats pushes past me. He has a basketball in one hand. With the other he touches my shoulder, his hand swallowing it up.

“Sorry about that.” His face is friendly.

“That’s okay.”

He takes off in the direction I’m heading and walks into an auditorium-style classroom. The room is packed, filled with fresh-faced new students, same as me. I find a seat near the back and slide in.

The doors close with a resounding click. A tanned woman with bleached blond hair twirled into a perfect bun walks to the podium. She’s wearing irresponsible but absolutely gorgeous heels that match her navy suit. There’s a pencil protruding from the flawless bun. She looks tiny from way back here.

“After today—”

The door closest to me springs open and Gina walks in. I wave her over when she catches my gaze.

Once Gina is seated, the woman continues, “These doors will be locked at exactly nine o’clock beginning next class. If you’re even one second late, you will not be allowed to take part in my lecture.”

She gives a pointed look in our direction. I feel myself sink down in my chair.

“Damn. College is serious,” Gina pouts.

I give her a sideways look and see she’s smiling. None of the hurt from earlier is apparent in her features.

“My name is Professor Susan Spears. You may call me Professor or Ms. Spears. I will not answer to anything else, including Susan, Ma’am, or Teacher.” She grabs a thick stack of papers and hands them to someone in the front row.

He stands, and my heart freezes.
Kyle
. Every semblance of self-control exits my body. I suck in my breath, wishing I could disappear, bury myself under a ton of rock.

“What’s wrong?”

I turn to Gina but can’t speak. My mouth is full of cotton.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

I shake my head and return my attention to Kyle. He’s already on the third row.

“Mr. Hadley is my TA. He’s passing out your syllabus. Don’t lose it. It’s the only one you’ll receive, so protect it with your lives.”

There are a few snickers.

“Dramatic much?” someone says.

Professor Spears breaks a pencil, snaps it in half with her fingers. “This isn’t high school. You don’t have to be here. If you aren’t in your seats, ready to learn at exactly nine o’clock, you will not be allowed to participate.” Then she points to someone and says, “Get out. You’re no longer welcome.”

I hear a gasp. A girl rises and steps around other student’s feet. “Bitch,” she stage whispers. There are a few giggles.

“Keep it up and I’ll have you thrown out of school.”

The girl clamps her lips shut and walks to the door, throwing it open. The door closes behind her and the room is silent. Even Kyle has paused in passing out the syllabus. It’s so quiet. All I can hear is breathing and the pounding of my heart.

Kyle moves to the next row. Three away from mine. I’m tempted to get up and leave, but unlike some, I want to be here. I want a degree.

Gina scribbles something on a piece of paper and shoves it toward me.

What’s your problem? Bitchy Spears? Or hottie TA?

“Anyone else feel the need to leave my class?” Ms. Spears asks.

No one says anything, which isn’t surprising.

“Excellent. Once you have your syllabus, review it. You’ll notice there’s a paper due each week…” She continues speaking, but I’ve stopped listening.

My body is trained on Kyle. Two away.

Gina adds more question marks to the paper.

I swallow. My first thought is to deny, deny, deny. What’s the point though?

She sets her pencil on top of the paper.

I scribble back:
I’ll tell you later.

A grimace crosses her face, and she sniffles. I’m worried that she’s crying and look over. She gives me a huge smile. I notice her eyes. They are wide, like she has them pinned open with invisible toothpicks. She writes:
so it’s the hottie TA
. She sniffs again.

Maybe she’s getting a cold.

Are you sick?
I write.

No,
she answers.

Okay.

A slight breeze moves my hair, and I immediately know why. Kyle is at our row. My heart is pounding so loud, like it wants to knock me over, drag me down, and punch me out. I know I need to stay away from him. I know he’s probably dangerous, evil. But my body doesn’t give a crap what I think. The sight of Kyle, the way he moves, stands, and breathes; he makes my body ache in places I didn’t know could ache.

The cotton balls in my mouth are now accompanied by sandpaper.

Don’t look at him. Don’t look at him. Don’t look at him
, I keep telling myself. But I can’t resist, and I glance at him through my lashes.

He shakes his head, glances at the paper Gina and I have been writing on, and then smiles, an enormous, beautiful, all-consuming smile. At me.

He read what we wrote. My face heats and my hands start to shake. I’m humiliated.

Gina giggles takes the stack of papers he hands her, grabs one, and passes the rest to me. I do the same, passing them to the next person.

Never in the history of syllabuses has the one in my hands been more interesting. I pretend to focus, keeping my eyes on my paper, praying my heart will slow down.

Seconds that feel like hours slip by and Gina sets the condemning paper on my desk. On it is masculine writing with a number and the words:
call me!

Ms. Spears is still talking. Probably about the syllabus, but I can’t hear a word.
La Traviata: Prelude to Act 1
is playing in my head, the aching opening notes matching my heart. My lips part and a squeak escapes my throat.

I’m losing all grasp on reality.

Still, I can’t help myself. I watch Kyle’s descending movement and am mesmerized by the way his shoulder blades move effortlessly under his shirt, the way his muscles flex when he takes a step.

Gina steals the paper and scribbles four words, meaningless when separated, but together bring my face to scalding.

You have it bad.

I take a deep breath, working to convince myself her words aren’t true. That too much time has gone by. Too much has happened. That any feelings I’m harboring are residual from when I was younger. I’ve seen the way the current Kyle behaves, and there is nothing about him to like. Definitely not love.

Except his smile.

And his eyes.

And the way he moves, like a predator stalking its prey. Lithe. Liquid. An image of the two of us kissing enters my head and my body warms.

I shake my head and try to glare.

Gina covers her mouth with a hand, stifling a laugh.

I squeeze my thighs together, forcing myself to listen to Ms. Spears and her overdramatic ruminations.

When class is over, I follow Gina out. I have Biology next. First I need to grab my book and a pencil.

“Who is he?” Gina asks when we’re outside.

I ignore her, focusing on the landscape surrounding us: the pine trees and the wild daisies, the rose bushes and the crabapple trees. In the distance are the Rocky Mountains. The grass on campus is lush and green. With Wyoming’s harsh winters, it won’t last much longer. I sigh and inhale a deep breath. The air is crisp.

“Maddie?” she says, smacking my arm.

“What?” I respond automatically, then sigh heavily. I’ve got to tell her something. Not that Kyle was my first crush, or the first and only person I dreamed of marrying. I won’t tell her how his father killed my parents or that he might hurt me. I can’t tell her any of that. Instead I say, “He’s some guy from the party last night.”

“Uh-huh. I need details. You act like you’re ready to have his babies.” Gina is half running to keep up with me and still be able to see my face.

“No, I’m not,” I say, stomping toward Irvine Hall.

“Um, yeah.” Gina laughs. “He’s cute, and you’re smitten. Is he good in bed? Is that why you left last night? You two hooked up?”

“Stop,” I tell her, picking up my pace.