Beauty for ashes: receiving emotional healing (23 page)

A root of rejection will leave you insecure, with low self- esteem, and no confidence. Until you are delivered, you will always expect someone else to make you feel good about

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yourself. I needed daily fixes of self-worth, just like an addict craves his drugs. I needed reassurance all the time; there was no end to my deficiency, and sometimes, the more attention I was given, the more I craved.People who have a root of rejection in their life feel unloved and insecure. Their personality is broken; they are shattered inside. As a result, they are constantly looking for something to make them feel okay. They try everything: a better job, a promotion, a spiritual gift, a position in the church, the right friends, the right label in their clothes, the right kind of car to drive, the right kind of house to live in, the right social group to belong to, or unending compliments. They seem to always imply, "Tell me I am okay, fall all over me with compliments, let me always be right." Insecure people cannot be corrected because they already feel so bad about themselves.

I know these things about insecure people because I had every one of these problems untiltheCounselor, the Holy Ghost, and the Word of God brought me out of that pit of despair, from ashes to beauty.

The Holy Spirit is the only One ordained to do a work within us. He fills our heart with God Himself. I encourage you to carefully consider again Paul's prayer for us, which was "[that you may really come] to know [practically,through experience for yourselves]the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you maybe filled [through all your being]unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence,and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!"(Ephesians 3:19, emphasis mine).

If we become wholly filled with God Himself, we will not crave the reassurance of others. We will be so flooded with God's love that it will overflow into our relationship with Him, with ourselves, and with others.

If you will allow Him to do so, God will deliver you from

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the pain of your past. Receive God's healing, and allow the Holy Spirit to have His way in your heart. He will fill you with all the reassurance that you need to enjoy life. He will showyouhow to put the past behind you so that you will not evenfeel pain if you remember it. Ecclesiastes 5:20 promises the person who totally commits himself to God: "For he shall not much remember [seriously] the days of his life, because God [ Himself] answersandcorresponds to the joy of his heart [the tranquility of God is mirrored in him]."

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Free at LastThe pathway to emotional healing and freedom to enjoy your life is not necessarily easy. However, pressing forward toward freedom is definitely better than staying in bondage:

so, since Christ suffered in the fleshfor us, for you,arm yourselves with the same thoughtandpurpose [patiently to suffer rather than fail to please God]. For whoever has suffered in the flesh [having the mind of Christ] is done with [intentional] sin [has stopped pleasing himself and the world, and pleases God].

So that he can no longer spend the rest of his natural life living by [his] human appetitesanddesires, but [he lives] for what God wills. (1 Peter 4:1-2)

Careful study of this Scripture passage reveals that we need to arm ourselves with proper thoughts such as:I would prefer to suffer with Christ in order to do right, than to remain in bondage to sin.

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Having the correct mindset is important to victory. When I first realized that Jesus could and desired to set me free, I wanted to have that freedom, but my attitude was, "I will not suffer anymore; I have suffered enough, and I will not submit to anything that even remotely resembles emotional pain." The Holy Spirit led me to several scripture passages that helped me realize I had a wrong mindset and needed to prepare myself or arm myself with right thinking.I began to think this way:I do not want to suffer anymore, but I will do so rather than stay in bondage. As long as I am in bondage, I am suffering anyway, but it is a type of suffering that has no end. If I am willing to let Jesus lead me through whatever I must go through in order to be free, it may hurt for a while, but at least it will be a suffering that leads to victory, to a new life liberated from emotional pain.

Agood example is physical fitness. If my body were terribly out of shape due to bad eating habits and a lack of exercise, I would be suffering because I would be tired and feel bad all the time. As long as I did nothing about my condition, the suffering would just continue day after day. If I decided to get in shape, I would start to exercise, choose the right foods, and avoid the wrong ones.

For a period of time, I would suffer from sore muscles. My body might throw a fit if I did not give it certain addictive foods that it was used to. That is a type of suffering. I would need to redirect some of my time to allow for exercise, and that might produce a certain type of suffering because I would need to make wise choices and not emotional choices.

We can see by this example that in order to be free from the senseless suffering that is produced by being physically unfit, a person must suffer in another way, but it is a type of suffering that leads to victory and ultimately brings an end to suffering.

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Right Suffering and Wrong SufferingMeditating on the following scriptures reveals that we shouldchooseby faith to be joyful while we are going through difficult transitions, knowing that because God loves us, even our "right suffering" will produce a good end, which is, in this case, mature character:

Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exultandtriumph in our troublesandrejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressureandafflictionandhardship produce patientandunswerving endurance.

And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation.

Such hope never disappointsordeludesorshames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)

Because of a wrong mindset, many people never mature to the point that they experience joy in living. Maturity always includes stability. Without stability we never really experience peace and joy.

There is a "right suffering" and a "wrong suffering." The apostle Peter encouraged believers to be sure that they did not suffer for wrongdoing, but that if they did suffer, it should be for doing the right thing. In 1 Peter 3:14 he notes, "But... in case you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, [you are] blessed."

In verse 16 he exhorts us to live in such a way that we make sure that our conscience is entirely clear, and in verse 17 he says, "For [it is] better to suffer [unjustly] for doing right, it

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that should be God's will, than to suffer [justly] for doing wrong."This is an important area. Many people never experience the joy of freedom because of a wrong mindset concerning suffering. At some point in your Christian life, you may have heard that Jesus wants to set you free from all your suffering, and that is true-He does. However, there is a transition involved, and transition is never easy.

During childbirth, the part of the labor process known to be the most difficult is called "transition." For thirty-three years I lived a life of pain. When I finally discovered that Jesus wanted to free me from suffering, I entered transition. I was being changed, transformed into His original idea of me before I was marred by the world. I suffered for a few more years, but in a different way. It was not a hopeless suffering but a suffering that actually produced hope, because I could see changes throughout the transition.

These were not always big changes, but the Lord always kept me from giving up. Just when I thought I could not stand the pain any longer, He would come through with a special blessing that would let me know that He was there all the time-watching over me.

The Refiner's Fire

If you understand that right suffering works like a refining fire, then the following verses will have special meaning brings great comfort:

But who can endure the day of His coming? And who can stand when He appears? For He is like a refiner's fire, like fullers' soap;

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He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; and He will purify the priests, the sons of Levi, and refine them like gold and silver, that they may offer to the Lord offerings in righteousness. (Malachi 3:2-3)I would like to share with you a story that I once heard which sheds light on this passage. In Europe a man went into a goldsmith's shop and found some items he wished to buy. The entire time he was inside the shop, he never saw the shopkeeper. In order to finalize his purchases, he began to look for the proprietor, and as he did, he noticed in the rear of the shop an open door that led outside. As he stood in the doorway, he saw the shopkeeper (actually the refiner) sitting over a fire upon which sat a huge pot. He would not take his eyes off the simmering pot, even though the interested customer tried to speak to him about buying some of his merchandise.

The customer asked if he could not leave what he was doing for a short while to come inside and take care of the transaction. However, the refiner said, "No." He stated that he could not leave the metal in the pot, not even for one minute, explaining it this way: "It is very important that this metal, which is gold, does not harden until all the impurities are out of it. I intend for it to be pure gold. If the fire gets too hot, it could ruin it, and if the fire gets too cool, the gold could harden with impurities still in it."

He explained that he could not leave it, nor take his eyes off it at all. He would need to sit over it until it was completely finished. The customer asked when that would be, and the refiner replied, "I will know it is finished when I can look in the metal and see my reflection very clearly."

To me, this is such a beautiful story because it lets me know that God is always guarding my life and watching over the trials that come my way to make sure they do not become too

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intense. But He also makes sure there is enough pressure to keep doing a work in me.In 1 Corinthians 10:13 Paul says that God will never allow more to come upon us than we can bear, but with every temptation He will also provide a way out. We can trust God not to expect us to endure beyond our ability.

Believe me, God knows what you are capable of bearing even more than you do. Trust Him, and He will bring you through the refining process so that you emerge as pure gold.

Press On toward the Goal

It will be easier to endure right suffering if you understand that the refiner's fire is a lifelong process. Realizing this truth, the apostle Paul wrote: "Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp)andmake my own, that for which Christ Jesus . . . has laid hold of me" (Philippians 3:12).

In his writings, Paul often likens the Christian life to a race:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but [only] one receives the prize? So run [your race] that you may lay hold [of the prize]andmake it yours.

Now every athlete who goes into training conducts himself temperatelyandrestricts himself in all things. They do it to win a wreath that will soon wither, but we [do it to receive a crown of eternal blessedness] that cannot wither.

Therefore I do not run uncertainly (without definite aim). I do not box like one beating the airandstriking without an adversary.

But [like a boxer] I buffet my body [handle it roughly, discipline it by hardships] and subdue it, for fear that after

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proclaiming to others the Gospelandthings pertaining to it, I myself should become unfit [not stand the test, be unapproved and rejected as a counterfeit]. (1 Corinthians 9:2427)Trust the Lord, and He will bring you across the finish line. Be determined to press on and to take hold of that for which Christ has taken hold of you. He took hold of you to save you.

Your salvation included many benefits in this life-not just a home in heaven when you die. Your eternal salvation began the day you were born again, and it will never end. God took hold of you to restore to you what the enemy had stolen from you, but you will need to be determined to have it back.

Do not be passive and expect victory to just fall on you. It does come by the grace of God, and not by our works, but we must actively cooperate with the Holy Spirit each step of the way.

In his book,The Great Lover's Manifesto,Dave Grant points out that we never grow when things are easy. We waste away without effort. We human beings are essentially lazy and always searching for the easy way, but in reality, we need some tension in order to stretch and grow. We will not grow until we agree that struggle benefits us, and that struggle is good because it keeps us moving and alive. Paul said that he "pressed on." His phrase indicated tension and struggle; it indicated that the Christian walk is not easy.

In Grant's book, he relates the following story: "A number of bees were taken along on a flight into space in order to see how they would handle the experience of weightlessness. In the weightless atmosphere they were able to float in space without any effort. The report on the experiment was summed up in these words: 'Theyenjoyed the ride, but they died'"(emphasis mine).15I agree 100 percent with Mr. Grant, who goes on to say that we seldomdriftinto anything worthwhile.