Beautifully Unfinished (6 page)

Lucy was surprised at how quickly she felt at ease with Tucker. He was funny, charming and very down to earth. She couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed so much.

They made rib eye steaks, cheesy mash, and roasted vegetables. Tucker made his mother’s burgundy sauce.

“Here, taste this,” he said, as he held up a spoon to Lucy for her to taste it. She smiled before she cautiously moved closer to him and opened her mouth. Tucker brought the spoon to her lips, and Lucy sipped the sauce from it.

As he moved the spoon away, a tiny dribble trickled down her chin, and Tucker instinctively reached up and wiped it with the pad of his thumb.  Lucy froze, and Tucker quickly pulled his hand away.

“I’m sorry,” Tucker said, giving her a nervous look.

“It’s okay,” Lucy replied with a smile.

“You know you don’t have to be afraid of me,” Tucker whispered, as he stepped closer to her. Lucy held her breath and looked up into Tucker's eyes. “You’re safe with me, Lucy.”

Her heart was beating so hard in her chest; she was sure Tucker could hear it beating. She could smell his aftershave, and it pulled her to him. Her eyes dropped to his perfect lips, and she wondered if he was going to kiss her. She was both terrified and excited by this thought. She wanted him to do it, but she was afraid that she would be hurt.

He slowly lifted his hand and Lucy closed her eyes. Tucker ran his thumb back across her chin once again.

“I missed a bit,” he said, and he was so close to her that, she could smell mint, mixed with the burgundy sauce on his breath.

“Lucy,” he said softly, and she opened her eyes and met his gaze. “We need to get the vegetables into to the oven.”

“Oh, okay,” Lucy said, and turned back to the counter and started chopping vegetables, glad of the distraction. She felt embarrassed and stupid. She thought he was going to kiss her, and the worse part was, for the briefest of moments, she wanted him to.

Why would he?
She thought to herself miserably, as the memory of how Steve had looked at the scars on her body that night she tried to take the next step with him came back to her. She was too damaged for anyone ever to want, especially for Tucker.
STUPID!

“OUCH!” Lucy suddenly yelped as the blade of her chopping knife ran across the tip of her finger. She instinctively dropped the knife and brought her finger to her mouth.

“What’s happened?” Tucker asked, as he was next to her in a heartbeat.

“It’s nothing,” Lucy snapped, feeling irritated with herself more than anything else.

“It’s not nothing,” Tucker replied sounding equally as irritated as Lucy. “You’re bleeding.”

He walked to the tap and switched it on, then opened the cupboard under the sink and took out a first aid kit. Lucy stood and watched him as he moved with ease and grace around the kitchen.

“Hold your hand under the water,” Tucker finally said as he looked up and let his eyes meet Lucy’s. She stared at him for a moment before she slowly walked to the sink.

As Lucy placed her hand beneath the water, Tucker moved closer to her, taking care not to touch her. He set a band aid down on the counter top, then grabbed a handful of paper towels before he looked up at Lucy and gave her a look as if he was thinking about what he should do next.

“I need to touch your hand,” he said, as he gave her a reassuring smile. Lucy looked at him for a moment, before she silently nodded her approval.

As his warm fingers, softly touched her hand, Lucy’s breath caught in her throat. She wasn’t sure if it was because he was touching her, or from the electric charge that seemed to run through her entire body from his fingertips.

“It’s not too deep,” he told her as he carefully dabbed it with the paper towel. “But I think some antiseptic is a good idea, then a band-aid, and you will be right as rain.”

He looked up and gave Lucy another reassuring smile. She just smiled back, still unable to speak, barely able to breathe. She was frozen with fear, but this time, it was different. This time, she was more afraid of how she felt and what she wanted more than the fact he was touching her.

He reached for the band aid and carefully wrapped it around her finger, then without even thinking, he brought her finger to his lips and kissed it.

“All better,” Tucker said, as he slowly dropped his hands from his lips, but didn’t let go of her hand. His eyes met hers and held them for a moment. Then he gave her a shy smile and dropped his eyes to her hand in his.

Suddenly his smile faded, as he lifted her hand again, but this time, he wasn’t looking as her finger, he was looking at the pale pink, three-inch scar that ran across her wrist. Instinctively his fingers caressed the scars before he looked back up at Lucy, and she was stunned to find tears dancing in his eyes.

“What have you been through?” He asked in a bare whisper. Lucy immediately tried to pull her hand free, but he just held it tighter. “Lucy, please. It’s me.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she replied, and her voice too was little more than breathed words.

“Why not?” He asked, and his words surprised her. “What is it you are so afraid of?”

“I am not afraid of anything!” She snapped back and this time, she managed to yank her hand free. “It’s just none of your business.”

“And what about the Chief?” Tucker replied, and she could see he was angry. “Is it none of his business too?”

“Go to hell!” Lucy almost growled back at him before she turned and headed for the door, before she added. “And get the hell out.”

She hurried down the hallway and up the stairs, taking them two at a time she didn’t stop until she reached the safety of her room.

She slammed the door closed, and locked it before she slid down to the floor and tried to steady her rapid breathing.

To her surprise, there was a soft tap on the door a couple of moments later. She had been sure he would have just walked out as he had done earlier that day, but there he was, outside her door.

“Lucy, I’m sorry,” he said and from the muffled sound of his voice, Lucy knew his head was pressed against the door. “I am getting this all wrong. I just want to help. I want to be your friend; that’s all.”

Lucy closed her eyes and rested her head against the door. She wanted to trust him, wanted to let him close, but she was so afraid to let anyone close enough to hurt her again. She believed she was just too broken to ever let anyone in again.

Lucy thought back to Christmas Eve nine years earlier, the night she had decided to take her own life. She could still remember it as clearly as if it happened the day before.

Her dad had called her every day that week to check on her. He knew she was worried about coming home, but he didn’t realise just how terrified she actually was. She hadn’t slept in days, as her fears of going back to River Springs consumed her.

“What time is your flight? Her father asked for the third time since he called.

“Three,” Lucy answered, as she glanced down at her watch. It was less than an hour to go before she had to leave for the airport.

“It will be okay,” Tom reassured her, sensing her nervousness. “You have nothing to worry about. We will have a nice Christmas, just the two of us. Everything is going to be okay.”

“I know,” Lucy lied. She wished she didn’t have to go, but it was Christmas and Christmas was a time for families. Besides, it had been six months now, and it was time to put it behind her.

She promised her dad she would call before her plane took off, and he assured her that he would be at the airport waiting for her, once she landed.

As soon as she stepped into the Airport, she knew she was making a mistake. When she reached the check-in desk, the girl smiled and asked for her ticket, but Lucy just stood there and stared at her, her heart racing in her chest.

Then, without saying a single word, she picked up her case, turned and walked out of the airport. An hour later she was back in her dorm room, sitting on her bed, and trying to find the courage to ring her father. She knew by now he would be on his way to the airport, so she called the house and left a message on the answering machine.

“Hey Dad,” Lucy began, and tried her hardest not to cry. “It’s me. By now you know I didn’t get on the plane...”

She stopped and took a deep, steadying breath.

“I’m sorry Daddy,” she continued, unable to hold the tears back. “I’m sorry I can’t be as brave as you want me to be. I’m sorry I have let you down, and I know you think you have let me down too. I know you think you failed because Trent got away with it, but I want you to know, I never blamed you. I love you, and I want you to be happy again, but you will never be happy as long as you have to look after me. Be happy Daddy. I love you. Goodbye.”

When Lucy hung up the phone, she opened the bag she had next to her on the bed and pulled out a bottle of vodka. She twisted open the top and took a big gulp of it then coughed as it almost burnt her chest before she took another gulp and another.

Finally, she set the bottle down on the bedside table and picked up the box cutters she had found in her art case.  As the tears trickled down her face, she brought the cutters to her wrist.

“Lucy,” Tucker called through the door, pulling her from her thoughts. “Please let me come in.”

She thought for a moment. Tucker had been there for her that night. He had made her feel so safe and protected. Maybe she could trust him now. She needed to start somewhere if she was ever going to have something that resembled a normal life.

Slowly, Lucy climbed up from the floor and turned to face the door. She took a deep breath before she turned the lock and opened the door. She turned and walked across her room and sat on her bed and waited for Tucker to come into the room.

When he did, he slowly walked across the room and stopped next to the bed.

“May I?” He asked, and pointed to the bed. Lucy nodded but didn’t speak. Tucker sat down on the bed next to her but neither talked for a couple of minutes.

“It was Christmas Eve,” Lucy said, feeling there was no point in keeping secrets. “I was supposed to come home for the holidays; it would have been the first time since…”

She trailed off feeling a little uncomfortable talking about this.

“I was beyond terrified to come back here,” she finally continued. “I just couldn’t do it, and I knew Dad would be upset, and that he would worry. I was just so tired of him having to worry about me all the time.”

“But he loves you,” Tucker said, looking at Lucy closely, taking in every inch of her face as if he was trying to memorize it.

“I know he does,” Lucy nodded. “But he was already so sad after losing my mom. I just wanted him to have a chance to start over. So I bought a bottle of vodka, and I found the box cutters in my art case.”

“Jesus,” Tucker sighed.

“My dad had called me earlier that day,” Lucy continued. “He said something in his gut told him something wasn’t right, so the moment he hung up the phone he climbed into his car and headed for New York. He was halfway there before my plane was even due to take off. When he reached my dorm, it was quiet as it was Christmas Eve. He reached my room, and when I didn’t answer, he kicked in the door. The doctors said if he had been ten minutes longer, it would have been too late.”

“Christ, Lucy,” Tucker said as he stood up and walked across the room. “What made you think that was the only option?”

“I am not proud of what I did,” Lucy said as she watched Tucker. “I know what I have put my dad through.”

“Then why don’t you fix things with him?” Tucker asked as he turned and looked at her. “He called, said you two had this argument. He is so upset.”

“Why does this bother you so much?” Lucy asked, looking at him curiously.

“You remember the night we met…” he asked then realised what he said. “Sorry, stupid question…what I mean is, do you remember that I came to the party that night because my mom had wanted me to? We had just moved here because my parents had divorced. Well, it turns out my dad was a real asshole. Once my mom left him, he no longer wanted to know me either. He wouldn’t even give me the time of day.”

“Tucker, I am so sorry,” Lucy said.

“Lucy, I was a mess back then too,” Tucker continued. “I got in trouble with the police, my mom didn’t know what to do, and my dad didn’t care. Your dad helped me out. He took me under his wing, and if it wasn’t for the Chief, I don’t know what would have happened to me.”

“I had no idea,” Lucy said, surprised by what she had heard.

“I know you have been through a lot, Lucy,” Tucker said, giving her a sympathetic smile. “But your dad loves you, and right now, he needs you too.”

“I don’t know what to say to him,” Lucy replied.

“Tell him you love him,” Tucker said, as he walked back across the room, and sat back down next to her. “Tell him you need him as much as he needs you.”

“I’m afraid,” she admitted sadly. “I am afraid to face him again.”

“Then I will come with you,” Tucker said, giving her a smile as he reached for her hand. “Now, how about that dinner?”

“Sounds good to me,” Lucy smiled as she realised she hadn’t frozen with fear when Tucker touched her. Maybe there was hope for her yet.