Beautifully Irresistible (45 page)

“I need to ring this in. I will say I shot him.”

I was trying my best not to panic. It would be a lot easier to say that I fired the gun. He obviously snapped and to be honest I wanted him dead after all the hurt he had caused.

After making the call, I wiped the gun of Zack’s fingerprints and stashed it in the waistband of my jeans. We took a seat side by side in the lounge and I tried not to look at David’s still lifeless body.

“I’m sorry about lying, Zack, but I was just doing my job. My feelings for you are real. Please don’t ever doubt that. I have never loved anyone like I love you.”

“I know you were doing your job. Did he hurt you?” he said flatly.

“No, he didn’t. I will be okay. I wanted to kill him too. You just did it first and the truth never leaves this room, ever.”

A stray tear slid down my face as I looked at him. He wouldn’t turn to look at me. He kept his distance, moving further away from me.

A huge gulf opened between us.

I wanted him to take me in his arms and tell me everything would be alright.

I really didn't think it would be though.

I went into the station for a debriefing and a heavy reprimand about going in on my own. I was interviewed about discharging my weapon and Zack was also interviewed. I had been there since 8am.

I would receive an official warning about it but other than that, everyone was pleased that the murders of Phoebe and Billy had been solved.

Apparently Razor Ross fought my corner and told the powers that be upstairs what I had been through. He also admitted that he should have authorised around the clock surveillance of David Simms.

Whether Phoebe’s body was ever discovered was another thing.

“Your dress came up as a match to David Simms. He was arrested for attempted rape while he was at university and the semen showed up as a match. We also recovered partial prints from the steering wheel and it was his hair you obtained from the car seats. With your taped confession, we have got things all wrapped up. Also a witness came forward to say that Phoebe and David had a huge row in the conference room on the day of her disappearance. He threatened to kill her then. Well done, Black, you really pulled the stops out on this one. Stuart Marshall sent a letter of congratulations to you.”

“Thanks, Sir. Well, I am glad it’s all over. Is it okay if I take some leave? I feel totally wiped out.”

“Yes, no problem. Take a couple of weeks off. Go somewhere nice and hot! Will you go with the dashing, Mr Cole?”

“Err, I’m not sure, Sir. I don’t know where I stand with him.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

Razor Ross smiled warmly at me.

“Yes, I do, Sir.”

I sighed heavily.

“By the way, I have printed the application forms for your Sergeant’s exam. You can get them back to me when you return from leave and, Black, really well done again.”

He got up and gave me a bear hug.

What the hell!

“Thanks, Sir,” I babbled, completely embarrassed.

I gathered up the papers and bolted out of the room. I was reluctant to return to the house as I was unsure of the status of my relationship with Zack.

He had a lot to get his head around.

Could he trust me again?

One thing was for sure, I would certainly miss the Audi but not as much as I would miss Mr Zachary Cole and his family.

Chapter Sixty Five

When I pulled up at the house, I really didn’t know whether to go in or not. Zack was really distant with me last night so I decided to sleep in my own room to give him some space.

I was sitting in the driver’s seat with my eyes closed thinking when there was a loud knock on the window. My eyes flew open and I saw Zack standing there with a worried look on his face.

“What are you doing out here?” he asked as I put the window down.

He looked tired and his features were strained.

“I was just thinking.”

“We need to talk, are you coming inside?” he asked impatiently, walking back towards the house with his shoulders slouched.

I got out of the car and locked the door behind me. Walking into the house, I could feel tears welling up in my tired eyes. I had hardly slept last night and tossed and turned for most of the night.

I followed him into the kitchen.

“Zack, please can you just scream and shout at me or something? I can’t stand it when you shut me out!”

I wearily sat down on one of the stools at the breakfast bar.

He turned around to look at me. His face was impassive and gave nothing away. He suddenly moved really close to me.

“What the hell do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you how much you have hurt me? Do you want me to ask you if you really ever loved me? Do you want to know if I still love you? You know that I do! I love you so much it physically hurts! Do you want to see me fall apart piece by piece? I won’t do that for you or for anyone, DC Jennifer Fucking Black!” he shouted into the uncomfortable silence.

I had never seen him so hurt and angry. I went to him and gently touched his shoulder.

“Get off me! Don’t you dare touch me!” he growled, glaring at me.

“I should just go, Zack,” I whispered, backing away.

I walked towards the door of the room and looked back at him. He was looking down and gripping the worktop as tears gathered in his beautiful eyes. My heart ached with love for him but I thought that it was too late for us.

The gulf between us opened even wider. There was too much water under the bridge. I bolted upstairs and packed most of my stuff shoving it into a small case. Walking downstairs I pulled out my mobile and started to dial a taxi.

“What are you doing, Jennifer?”

“I’m ringing for a taxi. I’m going to my flat in town.”

“No, I will take you.”

“Okay, if you are sure.”

“Come on then, I haven’t got all day!” he barked.

His blue eyes looked so cold, empty and sad.

He stashed my case in the boot of the Range Rover and I climbed in. I was pleased that the twins were at their grandparents and that they didn't have to see the complete holy mess that was our relationship.

We travelled along for a while not talking as I stared out of the window. The silence hung heavy in the car.

“Zack, is that it then, are we done?” I asked him quietly.

I carried on staring out of the window. It was killing me to look at him.

“I don’t want it to be but we need some space. The twins need me more than ever with the funeral and they will always come first with me, Jennifer.”

“I know they will, Zack. That’s the way it should be. I am so very sorry about everything,” I told him as my voice caught.

I forced a sob back down. He didn’t answer me but he gently touched my hand and squeezed it. I decided to just let go of my tears.

“Please don’t cry, Jennifer, I can’t bear it,” he whispered as his voice grew thick.

“It’s just here on the left,” I told him between my sobs.

We pulled up outside the flat and Zack got my case out of the boot. He gave it to me and our hands brushed together.

God, I didn’t want us to be apart but I knew he was right. He needed to get his head around what had happened and concentrate on his kids and the funeral.

“Do you want me to take your case up for you?”

“No, I can manage thanks,” I sniffled.

Suddenly he pulled me into his arms and kissed me softly. It was a really sweet gentle kiss. It could be the last one he ever gave me. I relaxed my tense shoulders into him as tears gathered once more. I stroked his hair gently and clung to him.

After our kiss, he held me kissing the top of my head. His heart fluttered softly. It was like torture as I knew that we might not get back together and my heart started to break into a million pieces. I tried my hardest to hold it together.

“I love you, Jennifer, and I will see you in a few days,” he whispered.

“I love you too, Zack, so much. I wrote you a letter. Can you read it when you get home, please?”

I passed it to him and looked into his eyes. They were heavy with unshed tears. I wobbled through the doors with my case and watched him from the communal hallway.

He was staring at the letter and turning it over in his hands. I saw him put it inside his leather jacket pocket. He took a few steps towards where I was standing then abruptly turned around.

God, he looked so breathtakingly beautiful, so perfect.

He was mine for a time and it was a wonderful feeling.

It was the best ever.

In my heart of hearts, I knew he was far too good for me.

Way out of my league.

I had broken him and he didn’t deserve that.

I had done what Scarlett had said I would do.

I had ripped his heart out.

After a few moments, he jumped back into his car, put his sunglasses on and roared off. I trudged wearily over to the lift and pressed the button to my floor.

No more tears came, just emptiness and loneliness.

Opening the door of the flat, I found that it was really cold and dark. I rushed over to the boiler, putting the heating and water on.

Next, I opened my alcohol cupboard in the small kitchen.

Finding the vodka, I poured myself a generous measure and I took a huge gulp. My throat burned as the vodka went down.

After I had finished, I poured some more.

I collapsed onto the sofa and put on a music channel. A Queen track played. Too much love will kill you.

Give me a fucking break!

Grabbing my phone, I texted my friend Rosie. We worked together. She texted back straight away and told me she would meet me in the Black Swan around the corner in an hour.

I thought about the letter that I had written, wondering if he had read it yet. I had also enclosed an USB stick with some special music on.

Chapter Sixty Six

My dearest Zack,

I know that you are hurting right now and I hope you realise that I am too, so much.

When you came into my life, I wasn’t looking for love but I definitely found it. I was doing a job and I never expected to meet the love of my life. I really can’t put into words what you mean to me.

I hope that you can understand that I was given an assignment to do, an assignment that I was successful in, an assignment that eventually gave you the truth.

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the most wonderful man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. To say that you are my dream man would be an understatement and when you invited me into your home, I had no idea that you would invite me into your heart too. It was certainly love at first sight for me and you told me once that you felt the same deep connection with me too.

I understand that you will feel that you can’t trust me and that everything we shared was based on a lie. My heart isn’t lying when I tell you that you have touched a special place in there that no one else ever has.

No one else ever will, Zack.

My heart will always be yours.

When we made love, it was so special, every single time.

You are the most wonderful lover and you always made me feel so loved, so special, so beautiful. I will never, ever forget that feeling.

I really hope that you can find it in your big heart to forgive me and move forward with me in your life because I want nothing more than to be in yours and the twin’s lives.

You really are an amazing father to them and you should be very proud of that. You love them fiercely and you protect them fiercely. They couldn’t ask for anything more.

They love you so much and so do I, Zack.

Please forgive me and you won’t regret it. I promise.

I’m so very, very sorry.

Please believe me.

If you don’t want me, I will walk away. It will kill me but I will do it. I will get a transfer to a station near home up North. I wouldn’t be able to stand the thought of being near you and you not being mine.

Yours forever and ever.

Mind, body and soul.

Your brown-eyed girl, Jenny Bear <3 xxxxx

Chapter Sixty Seven

I wobbled unsteadily to the shower to freshen up.

After my shower, I started to feel a bit more like myself as I got dressed. I locked the flat up and headed out of the door towards the pub.