Beautiful to Me. (15 page)

             
I walked over to the table and sat down with them. “Ma, please, tell me. Is she ok? Is Ivy hurt or something? I went to her home today. There was nothing there. They left Ma. They aren’t here.” I said nearly in tears myself.

             
My mom nodded, wiping her face. “She basically wrote us a good bye letter. She moved. She didn’t say where though. It was mailed Saturday from here. So being local, we got it today. It’s only Monday. So they must of left Friday night or Saturday.” My mom said, wiping her face again.

             
I turned and ripped my letter open. I began to read my letter to myself. I stood up and began pacing as I read it.

Dear Dominic.

I thought it would be easier to write you a good bye letter rather than tell you face to face.

You probably have figured out by now, I am no longer living in town.

That day I found that bitch hanging all over you, I was running from my house to tell you my mom just told me she received a promotion or something and we were moving. I had decided to tell her I wouldn’t be going with her, since you and I had spoke of it before. I still wanted to talk to you and see what you thought.

             
Obviously I didn’t need to ask you anything. I actually seen with my own eyes my answer.

             
I am getting a new phone number Monday. I didn’t look at any of your text messages. I deleted all of them, with out looking at them. Same thing with the voice messages. I didn’t listen to them. I just decided once I got a new number I would have it deleted. The only messages I saved were from Mitchell.

             
Personally, I felt I didn’t need to hear any of the reasons or excuses you had to tell me.

             
It’s fine Dominic. I understand. It was fun while it lasted. I think we both know we wouldn’t be able to stay together once we graduated. I don’t want to hold you back from your dreams. You are a very gifted man Dominic. I know you will go far in football. I plan on hearing about you some day in the major leagues.

             
Dominic… If you ever really cared about me, even a little. Please, please, don’t look for me. Let me go. I can’t bare to fight with you. I don’t want to hurt you or be hurt either. Let’s just remember how wonderful our time together was, and leave it at that.

             
The better fit for you won. I decided after seeing you that day with her that maybe a fresh start would be best. My mom was given a new position and I thought it be best to go with. Out of sight, out of mind.

Let me keep the memories of us good. I will never forget you Dominic. You were a truly good person. You deserve the best.

I love you.

Ivy.

I dropped the letter and fell on the couch and felt like dying…

Chapter 12.

Ivy

Fate. 6 years later.

             
It was the hardest thing I ever had to do and walk away from the love of my life back in high school.

             
I made sure to follow Dominic’s education and I secretly kept a photo album of all of his accomplishments.

Dominic did grant my wish and not look for me, which I was grateful for. I find it so trivial that it makes me sad in a way, and grateful at the same time. It
’s sad because we had such a true passion for each other and then it was a blessing because I can honestly say I didn’t hold him back. I was so proud of him.             

             
Dominic was given a full scholarship to Ohio State. He graduated with honors and had been first draft pick for the Dallas area Pro Football League. I saved all the news clips on his progress, I taped every conference or news  mention of him. The local news station did a special on his story. His schooling, and family life. They showed pictures of him from high school, made me cry actually. He took Lena to his senior prom, the news special showed the two of them in the picture. His history with Ohio State and now with That Pro Football team in Texas. I think it’s in Dallas. Or close to at least. How ironic in the city I live in I thought.

             
Craig and I were reunited when I returned to Texas. Craig was my first serious crush and the first guy I slept with. Turned out I was the one that convinced him he was actually gay. I am not sure if that is a compliment or an insult. Which ever it is, I don’t care really. We are best friends now and he knows my entire story. Lucky for me, he was a really supportive friend and he and his boyfriend John lived near by. I loved them both.             

             
Today was the first home game for that Dallas/area team, and Craig surprised me with REALLY good seats and some sort of special badge to get near the players after the game and near their locker room. John not a cowboys fan happily sent Craig with me with his blessing. I could kill them both. I was really excited though. And nervous. I didn’t plan on seeing him. Or at least this soon.

             
“Mommy, are we going to go watch your friend play football today?” Ava asked me, making me smile down at her. My little blessing. Ava saved my life in ways she will never fully understand. My little five year old is a little spit fire. She has my long dark chestnut color hair, curly though, and very thick. She has her father’s beautiful green eyes. Today, she will indeed meet her father for the first time, and not even realize it.

             
I explained to Ava before she could even talk or understand what I was saying about her daddy. So she never doubted her daddy would love her very, very much. I explained to Ava that is was Mommy’s fault her daddy didn’t really know about her arrival and Mommy was too afraid to tell him because he had a very important job to do and when he was done with his work, he would find us and love her to pieces. I suppose his job is actually done. Dominic did make it to the majors and was well on his way for instant stardom. I followed Dominic’s social life. I was secretly thrilled he was not married or serious with anyone. He was not dating anyone very intimately and Lena ended up with some junkie and ultimately got hooked on drugs, in and out of rehabs, and now serving time in jail for an accomplice in a robbery and had a great deal of cocaine in her possession. Or so I had heard. Luckily Dominic got away from her.

             
Ava was my little ray of sunshine. I had gone back to cutting myself briefly to deal with my depression. Until my mother found my journal and read it. I was planning on killing myself. I had written my letters I had planned to mail and she read them all.

             
I felt really bad that she blamed herself for my troubles. She and my father got me help and I worked very hard to put myself back together.

             
When I first found out I was pregnant with Dominic’s baby, I immediately stopped hurting myself for that one reason alone. Finding out I was carrying his child, immediately gave me a reason to live. My parents respected my wishes to keep my secret and supported my decision to keep the baby. Thank God I have her. I really can’t imagine my life without her.

             
My mother did well for herself in her career with the company who relocated her back to Texas. She ultimately decided to give her own business in the ad industry a go, and is a very successful business.

             
I had dropped out of high school to have Ava, and ended up getting my GED. After I had that completed, I started taking night courses at the junior college and received my associates degree in business.

             
Dominic was my inspiration. He had his degree in business and I wanted to make sure to make him and my daughter proud. Even if he never would know one way or the other.

             
“Will you please relax cupcake.” Craig said rubbing my shoulder as we were navigated to a parking area at the stadium.

             
“Uncle Craig?” Ava asked politely from her car seat in the back seat.

             
“Yes Love.” He answered her, making her smile at his special names he called her.

             
“What is wrong with Mommy?” She asked scrunching her nose up making some weird face that made Craig laugh.

             
I rolled my eyes and my little nosey rosey back there.

             
“Mommy is just excited to see a friend from when she was in school a LONG, LONG time ago. HEY! That hurt.” He whined after I pinched the skin under his arm. Making Ava squeal and laugh at us.

             
“We have arrived love bug!” Craig said to Ava, making Ava clap as she made record time unsnapping her seat belt herself now since she had explained to me that she was no longer a baby and now was “officially,” yes, her words not mine, OFFICALLY a big girl.

             
We made good time in finding our seats. 50 yard line, second row.

             
“Craig, how on earth could you afford these seats?” I asked with extreme worry he sold his left nut for these seats or something.

             
Craig winked at me and explained it was a simple investment he was sure it would pay out ten fold. Also, securing his future with season passes after the deal was sealed. I laughed and rolled my eyes. He is a big dreamer. Sometimes I wonder if he would recognize me or remember me. Stupid I know, but still…

             
The weather was perfect and the announcer came up. This was mine and Ava’s first professional game to see. To see her father play the sport he was so gifted at, and had no idea of his little package I had.

             
I remember finding out I was pregnant for the first time, as I looked down at Ava, I play with her hair and she looks at me like I sprayed paint on her. “Fine, I will stop touching you.” I said, trying to get the snarl off her little chubby face. I had missed a few days of my pill. Turned out the last time we were actually together, was the time I was blessed with my little angel. I had not found out until I was back in Texas for a month.

             
We were seated on the side where the cowboys sat, and I was literally shaking in my boots when the players all came in the stadium charging.

             
The moment I seen Dominic run onto the field, watching him experience this special moment with him, was really amazing. I began to cry and Ava grabbed my hand and squeezed it. She looked up at me crying with a little frown and I laughed. Picking her up she wrapped her little arms around my neck and pouted. Puffed out little warm breaths on my face with she looked back in my eyes.

             
“It’s ok Mommy, don’t be scared. Everyone is just clapping because they are happy.” She explained to me, thinking I was afraid of the roar of the crowd.

             
“Thank Goodness I have you here with me baby girl. I would have been really scared.” I said, kissing her little cheeks and brought her back down.

             
Dominic was playing quarter back as he had throughout his entire school history from grade school all the way through college. He looked magnificent. I shivered when I looked at him. He was probably 6’4” and really built. Really well. His dark hair and green eyes blazing. He was any woman’s fantasy that was for sure.             

             
Half time came, and I must have been in a daze because all of a sudden I found popcorn flying into my lap and hair from the peanut gallery to my right. Slowly I turned in disbelief and had my mouth open. Craig got a piece in making all of us laugh.             

             
Third quarter I thought Dominic actually seen me there. I got so scared, I ducked and waited for a minute, pretending I dropped something and oh, I had to tie my gym shoe also while I was down there. Luckily, when I got back up, he was no longer there. He made a pass, and I scream and cheered. He jerked his head, and looked over towards our area. Before he got to our seats as he scanned the stadium, I bent down in half and stayed down for a couple minutes. I had butterflies banging inside my stomach after that incident. I was surprised he noticed my voice. Scared me shitless.

             
“Mommy, is that your friend looking over here?” She asked me as I was bent down.

             
“Hmm?” I turned my head towards her while I was still bent over in half hiding like some pathetic school girl with a mad crush. “Ah… Yep, that is him angel.”

             
“Wow. Will I get to meet him?” Ava asked me and I looked over at Craig, as he tried to not laugh out loud, I raised my eye brow at him and looked back down to Ava. “Well, we can sure try.” I said, making Ava clap and I looked back over to Craig who was trying to pretend he didn’t hear or see us.

             
The game ended, and I was near hyperventilating now.

We stayed in our seats, and waited for a bit. I knew there was going to be a press conference and the general congrats flying around and showering, changing and all that took time.