Beautiful Ties (30 page)

Jason spun his head around at the sound of my entrance. “Hey you.” He smiled from his seat.

I slipped off my shoes, dropped my keys on the kitchen counter, and strode over to him.

My emotions from the last thirty minutes crashed down on me, and I wanted nothing more than to sink into his arms. I climbed into his lap, needing him to just hold me, as my nerves crept in about Pearl and Diane talking tonight. I could only hope that Pearl would take the news well. I knew that she loved spending time with Jason and me, but I feared she might be hurt at being rejected. I was worried about how that would impact her. I wanted to run over to Pearl, take her in my arms, and tell her how much I loved her and that everything would be all right.

“I’ve missed you,” I said, lowering my head to burrow my face into the crevice of his neck.

“Mmm…” He gathered his arms around me, drawing me nearer. His hands caressed up and down my back in a soothing gesture. “I missed you, too.”

After a moment of silence, he asked, “You okay?”

“Not really,” I admitted. I let out a quiet sigh, acknowledging that I needed to fill him in on my conversation with Diane. “After my meeting with Kyle, I stopped by Diane’s to ask her about taking Pearl to the lake tomorrow.”

“Are we all going to the beach tomorrow?”

“I don’t know.” I frowned, realizing she hadn’t answered my question.

Jason stared at me with a perplexed expression.

I continued to elaborate, “She wanted to talk to me, and I forgot to bring up the lake again before I left.”

“What did she say?” he probed, still comforting me.

I decided to sum up the main points and then go back into more detail, hoping that would help me get it all out. “She can’t care for Pearl anymore, and she was going to take her back to the adoption agency, so I offered to take Pearl.”

Jason’s hands stopped moving, and his eyes widened in astonishment. “As in…permanently?”

“Yes, I want to adopt her,” I responded.

I knew I needed to explain myself better, but for some damn reason, the words weren’t coming out right. They were all swirling through my mind too quickly.

His expression shifted, and I could not get a read on him.

“And all of this happened just now?”

“Yes.”

“I see,” he said, his tone distant and somewhat cold.

I could hear the underlying hurt beneath his anger. He shifted me off his lap, maneuvering me to the couch on the left side of him. He rose to his feet and turned to look at me.

“And at any point during this conversation of deciding to adopt a child, did you think of me?” he deadpanned.

I shifted through my memories, concluding that I had not.
Shit.
My heart dropped into the pit of my gut as I felt myself sinking into my couch.

“That’s what I thought,” he said regretfully.

His voice expressed a profound sense of betrayal and sadness, and the sound pierced me straight in the chest, stealing the air from my lungs at the thought of hurting him. I closed my eyes and shook my head as shame filled me. But I had done what I felt was right. And in that particular moment, I had been sure that if I didn’t tell Diane my feelings, I never would have gotten the chance. It had been a risk I had not been willing to take.

“I’m so sorry,” I breathed. “There wasn’t time. I did what I felt was right in my heart.”

“No time?” He laughed menacingly. “You made a fucking life-changing decision in one conversation—without me. We are here, building our lives together, and you couldn’t take the time to talk to me, or hell, even call me?”

I could see his reasoning, and he had every right to be mad at me, but my defenses went up at his tone.

“I wasn’t expecting any of that to happen today, but it did, and I love her. There was no decision to be made.”

His eyes narrowed at me. “And I don’t?” he shouted, pointing in the direction of what I assumed was Pearl’s house. “I would fucking do
anything
for that little girl. I love her just as much as you, Abbey.”

“I know you do,” I said in a low tone, trying to keep myself from crying.

He fisted his hands in his hair. “Fuck!” he hissed quietly, turning on his heels to head in the path of the door.

I jumped up from the couch. “Where are you going?”

Jason turned slightly. His eyes bearing the hurt and anguish I felt inside. The sight nearly took me to my knees, knowing I’d put it there.

“I thought we were more than that, Abbey. You tell me you love me, but when you love someone and plan your life with them, you do it together.” He let out a breath. “I
never
would have made such a life-altering decision without talking to you first. Never.” He looked back at the door, not facing me. “I need some space,” he added, finally answering my question.

My heart felt like it was tearing in two as he walked out. When he shut the door, I fell back onto my couch and turned into my side. I buried my face into a blanket next to me, soaking it with my tears.

Jason loved Pearl just as much as I did. She had become such a fixated part of our lives. I could understand he was hurt at feeling left out, but I truly believed I had done what was right. I disagreed with him saying he would never have acted without me. If our positions had been reversed today, I knew he would have done the same for Pearl.

Because we both loved her—plain and simple.

I could only pray he would realize that my intentions had been good.

The next two hours felt like months. Time could not possibly have passed any slower. I felt like I was being punished. Feeling too emotionally drained to cook, I made myself a bowl of cereal and sat at the table, only to stare at my Honeycomb cereal as it became soggy in my bowl.

My thoughts bounced around in my head, seeing both Jason and my own points of view. I had been an idiot for not talking to him first. However, Diane had seemed unstable to me. She’d made me feel as though if I blinked, she might disappear. If that had happened, so would Pearl, and that was not something I could live with.

The thought of living without Jason hurt just as profoundly. I closed my eyes as I recalled the look in his eyes before he’d walked out the door. I could only see the hurt and betrayal that had filled every part of them.

I opened my eyes. This was not going well. I was just repeating the argument with Jason over and over in my head, so I kicked back my chair and stood to my feet. I sauntered over to my kitchen counter and grabbed my keys before exiting the condo. I numbly made my way to the parking garage and typed in my code. I climbed into my Camaro and headed for the main road.

I just drove, letting the tread of my tires eat up the miles. For the first time, the throaty roar of my V8 did nothing to calm my out-of-control emotions. After a few minutes, I was surprised to see myself turning into my brother’s long driveway instead of Gail’s apartment. But Lily had once confided in me over my brother, and for some reason, this was where my heart had led me.

I slowly cruised up the driveway, passing a row of mature trees, until his ranch-style home with a four-car garage revealed itself. The neutral tones of the brick blended perfectly with his stained-wood patio that wrapped around the side of the house.

I slipped the car into park and turned off the ignition. I exited my sports car and ambled toward the large stone pillars on each side of the front door. I rang the doorbell, and I was hoping Lily would answer, so I wouldn’t have to dodge Kyle’s overbearing brotherly ways.

To my dismay, Kyle opened the door.

“Abbey?” he said my name as a question, assessing me with his greenish-brown eyes.

He gave me a quick once-over. His stare made me realize that I probably looked like shit.

“What did that fucker do?”

I rolled my eyes at his over-the-top protectiveness. At times, I really loved it, and others, I hated it. Today was definitely the latter of the two.

“Hey, Kyle. I just really need to talk to Lily,” I replied, trying to peek inside. “Is she home?”

He crossed his broad arms over his chest, shaking his head. “Not until you tell me what happened first.”

I released an exasperated sigh. I was going to have to fib my way through this as I had done back in high school, or he’d never let me pass without asking a million questions first. And I really needed to talk to Lily.

I swallowed and switched my tactics. “You know, just girl stuff.” I shrugged. “Crazy-ass cramping, wild and erratic emotions, and my period is flowing like a—”

Kyle threw his hands up in the air. “Whoa! Stop talking now!” he pleaded, taking a backward step and then another. He turned his head. “Lily!”

I inwardly grinned at my little trick still working all these years later. Kyle didn’t stand a chance against girl talks.

Lily came around the corner. Her eyes widened at the sight of me, and that made me believe that I must really look bad.

“Oh my gosh, Abbey,” she said, closing the distance between us as she pulled me in for a hug. Then, she held me at arm’s length. “Are you all right?”

Kyle observed our embrace, but he kept his distance.

“Yes.” I nodded, feeling as though I might crumble at any given second. It would have to wait though until Kyle was out of earshot.

She eyed me skeptically. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. You know, just girl stuff,” I repeated with a nervous laugh for my brother’s sake, waving my hand at her. “Can we talk alone?”

“Of course.” Lily smiled kindly.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

She must have read the unspoken plea in my eyes because she set her arm around my shoulders, and she gestured me toward the stairs. “Let’s head up to the loft.”

Lily’s jaw dropped as I finished filling her in on my eventful afternoon.

“He what?” Lily gasped, referring to Jason.

We were sitting in her loft—her writing cave as she’d called it—perched on her cozy white sofa that overlooked Kyle’s backyard and a small portion of the lake.

“He left,” I repeated.

Lily frowned. “Is he coming back?”

“He didn’t say,” I sighed. Tears flowed all over again, and I wondered how I could possibly cry anymore. “He just said that he needed space.” I blinked, glancing at the lake and then back at Lily. “I hurt him,” I said, confiding in her.

Lily seemed to ponder for a moment. “You said you love Pearl, right? As if she was your own daughter?” she asked, disregarding my statement.

“Yes, wholeheartedly.”

“Then, you have nothing to be sorry for,” she responded, tucking her feet underneath her. “Abbey, you did what any one of us would have done when faced in such circumstances.”

“I know I made the right decision for me, and I wouldn’t take it back for anyone,” I said, turning to face her. I leaned against the back of the sofa. “I just didn’t mean to hurt Jason or to leave him out in the process.”

Lily reached forward and placed her hand on top of mine. Her big blue eyes were sincere and soft. “I know you didn’t. But you’re in love, Abbey. When we feel that way about other people, we would do anything in our power not to hurt them because when they hurt, we also feel their pain.” She patted my hand. “Sometimes, that anguish is unavoidable. We just have to work through it, and in the end, it makes everyone involved stronger.”

The words seemed to be flowing out of her, so I let her keep going. I smiled on the inside, adoring my new sister’s inner strength. She had come such a long way in her own personal journey.

“Give him time, Abbey. Jason will come around. I’ve seen with my own eyes the way he looks at you…and Pearl.” She smiled affectionately. “Jason loves you both. He just needs to realize that you were put in a tough situation and that you had to take a leap of faith while making a decision—a decision you both would have immediately answered yes to, together, if you had been given the chance.”

I was stunned speechless for a brief second. I looked at her in awe. “You certainly have a way with words. No wonder you’re a writer.”

Lily grinned at me, her eyes shimmering with amusement. “I do love words.”

Both of our heads turned to the roaring sound of a motorcycle pulling up the driveway, and then we looked back at each other. There was only one person I knew with a bike, and it happened to be the man I was madly in love with. My heart pumped feverishly in my chest, and my pulse started to hammer with force. I was shocked that he was here, and that was the only thing keeping me rooted in my spot.