Beautiful Dream (4 page)

“Just down there, you?” I stick my hands into my jacket pockets.

He stops walking and turns us around. “Three blocks over that way, down the alley and around the back,” he points. “I live in the apartment over the bakery.”

“Cool,” I nod, and we begin towards my car again.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “My sister forced me to move back in with Holly once she had the baby, which lasted for
maybe
three days,” he swallows. “Then I went back to Deb’s, and when Matt moved in I finally got my own place. Been there for about a year now. Renovated it myself and everything.”

“Ah,” I nod, trying to avoid the stupid thoughts running through my mind.

“What?” He asks, noticing my expression.

“I’m sure it’s very convenient for you to have this
bachelor pad
now.” I reach for my car door, knowing he’s starting at me, confused. “For you to, you know, bring all the ladies, so you can do
stuff
.”

He grabs my arm, stopping me.

“Let me be as clear as I can,” he leans in, his eyes fierce, yet soft, and I can’t help getting lost in them. “No lady has ever been in my apartment,
baby
.”

“Buddy,” I correct him, my voice croaking.

“Whatever,” he brushes it off, and I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding, closing my eyes as he moves in even closer.

“Please don’t kiss me,” I whisper, just as his hand moves to brush a piece of hair out of my face.

“I wasn’t going to,” he whispers back, smirking.

“So are you into men now?” I joke, backing away, embarrassed.

“Luci,” his voice is even.

“No, it’s fine, I’m just surprised. No big deal.”

“Luci.”

“It’s just-”

“Luci!”

“What?”

“Nothing,” he sighs, shaking his head. “Do you want me to prove it?” He approaches me again, and I jump back.

“No.” My eyes are watering from the cold, and I cough, abruptly changing the subject from this too intense situation.

“So maybe we can re-evaluate who gets to pay next time?”

“Next time, huh?” He perks up.

I take a deep breath, and just when I think our intense moment is gone, he reaches up and cradles my cheek.

His touch is familiar and homey, invigorating and tender, and I try not to close my eyes and fully embrace it, because I want to, and I don’t want to want to.

“Jo-”

“And just for the sake of being clear, again,” his thumb caresses my skin, and that’s it. I close my eyes. It was either that or keep them open and fall into the dream-like heaven on his face. “I’ve never had anyone of the opposite sex in my apartment, except for my sister, and I’m not into men,” he laughs at my stupid attempt at a joke, “and if you lean in just a little I think you’ll be reminded of that.”

I exhale loudly.

“Also, I haven’t had sex with anyone since you, because they weren’t you. It was hard on me too.”

I’m about to say something, but he stops me.

“But that’s not to say I didn’t try,” his voice is soft. “I
really tried
,” he admits. “I tried to forget you and move on, but with every kiss, every touch, all I could see was you.”

My breath hitches, and my eyes open as he drops his hands and backs away.

“This is laughable, considering our situation,” he clears his throat while fumbling for his cell phone. “Especially since I already have your number, but I figure it would be less creepy if you actually gave it to me.”

I ramble off the numbers, watching as he punches them into his phone.

“There,” he hits the send button, and I feel the vibration in my purse. “Now you have mine too.” He offers a small smile. “Goodnight, Luci.”

“You know,” I call after him. “Senior year I would have loved to have your number,” I confess. “I looked you up in the phone book, of course. I found your house number, or where I obviously thought you lived, but I always wanted your cell. I’d stare at it on your desk constantly, wondering why you never gave it to me.”

“I thought about it,” he replies sheepishly, and I watch as he runs his fingers through his hair. “I thought about talking to you over the weekend all the time.”

“But…” I move him along.

“I didn’t want things to get more heated than they already were. What would come next? More of me leading you on while I wasn’t forthcoming with my situation?” He sighs. “It killed me. I was your teacher… and can we just not talk about all the stupid mistakes I’ve made?”

He walks back over and opens my car door.

“I’ll call you, Luci,” he promises.

“Just friends,” I remind him before getting in.

“Absolutely. I’ve already let my feelings for you go,” he winks. “You’re too much trouble anyway.”

I start the car, and as soon as he shuts the door I roll down the window. “Do you want a ride? It’s cold.”

“It’s not far,” he sighs, tapping the hood before backing away. “I’m gonna call you, Luci,” he threatens. “A lot.”

Chapter 1

-Luci-

It’s been a week since Josh and I went to dinner, and he hasn’t called. I realize that compared to the two and a half years we haven’t talked this is nothing. However, if I’m honest, I was secretly hoping to
maybe
get together again before spring semester starts. Being around him was oddly soothing, and of course I can’t stop thinking about him, or looking at his number in my phone.

Stupid, I know.

People say you have someone important in your life when you can reconnect with them easily. When picking up with them right where you left off, even after being apart for a long time, comes naturally.

Maybe he’s changed his mind since dinner?

I feel let down as Gracie helps me pack up my beat up silver convertible.

“I’m really sorry, Luci,” She pleads for the umpteenth time.

I cross my arms, watching as she stuffs my last laundry bag in the trunk before slamming it shut. “Things were rough when you left. I didn’t know what the right thing to do was! I couldn’t even mention his name to you!” She explains. “If I actually told you I started talking to him I risked you hating me!” She sighs, looking at me with puppy dog eyes. “Besides, I missed you so much. You never came home, and talking to him sort of made me feel closer to you.”

I sigh loudly.

“And he was so pathetic,” she defends. “I mean, like,
sooooo
sad.”

“It’s okay,” I place my hand on her shoulder.

“I was just trying to do what was right. I didn’t know what to do!” Her face is scrunched in that classic Gracie don’t be mad at me way. “And it’s not like I could ask you or anyone else for advice!”

“It’s okay,” I roll my eyes.

“Ugh he didn’t have to rat me out though,” she stomps her foot. “What a jerk!”

I laugh, pulling her into a hug. “I better hit the road.”

“Wait!” She leaps. “Now that you’re done sulking over my betrayal, you never told me how it went!”

“It went,” I shrug before hopping behind the wheel.

“Luciiiiii,” she groans. “At least give me some sort of indication on what Monday is going to bring!”

“You’ve already seen him all week at school!” I laugh as my car barely roars to life.

“But he won’t tell me anything!” She whines. “Trust me, I tried.”

“Well,” I sigh. “There’s nothing to tell. We’re just friends. If you’d even call it that.”

“But he’s not married anymore!” She jumps. “And the kid wasn’t his!”

“Gra-”

“And he’s told me at least a million times that he’s sorry and that he regrets everything, and that he should’ve-”

“I don’t want to hear it!” I shout, plugging my ears.

“Oh well that’s mature!” She laughs, poking her head through the window.

“Look, I have a long drive.” I put the car in reverse as we say our goodbyes.

I throw the cassette tape into the dashboard as I hook up my CD player, inching along as I hit what seems to be every piece of construction on I-90. My four-hour journey has turned into almost six, and when I finally pull up to my dorm all I take out of my car is a pillow and a sheet.

I shout hello to my best friend and suitemate, Ren, before heading to my room, exhausted.

“Luci?” Ren knocks, opening my door without waiting for my answer.

“I had the worst drive,” I tell her as I make my bed.

“Where’s all your stuff?”

“In my car.” I sigh, frustrated as the sheet springs up as soon as I push the other side down. “Mother fucker,” I whisper, fixing it, and as soon as I do, the other side pops back up.

“Fuck it!” I scream as I roll the sheet into a ball and throw it.

“Hey now,” Ren bends over, picking up my discarded linen, handing me one side while keeping the other. “What’s your deal?”

She holds down her side as I place mine over the odd sized college mattress. “There we go,” she smiles. “So… what’s going on?”

“What?” I fall into my hard, uncomfortable wooden desk chair. “Nothing,” I shrug. “Just tired. It was a weird break.”

“Lucinda!” She calls me by my full name, knowing that I’m not telling her something.

“Renata!” I teasingly reply.

“Luke came by asking if you were back yet, on the hour, every hour,” she crosses her arms and hops up onto my bed. “He said he barely even spoke to you all break!”

“I should get to bed,” I stand. “I have an early class.”

“You’re always so strange after you go home,” she hesitates. “Does it have to do with that teacher?”

“What makes you say that?” I curse under my breath, realizing I forgot my comforter in the car.

“Because everything with you
always
has to do with that teacher.”

I sigh, grabbing the lanyard with my keys before leaving the room.

“Oh my!” She laughs, following. “It does.”

“I’m running to my car!” I stomp out of our common area and towards the main door that leads into the hallway.

“What are you hiding?” She’s still following me.

I snap my body around. “I saw him, okay?”

Her mouth drops. “When? Where? What-”

“We went to dinner,” I interrupt. “It was…
intense
. He has my number and hasn’t called. It’s been a week.”

Her mouth is still gaping. “Well then,” she shakes her head, smiling, moving aside so I can pass. “You might want to grab a toothbrush and a change of clothes while you’re at it.”

“Screw you,” I roll my eyes.

“That’s my girl,” she leans against the doorway, and this is why Ren and I are friends. She knows everything, yet doesn’t ask anything.

I’m not even fully out of the building when my phone rings.

“Oh my god, Ren I’ll be right back!” I answer without looking at the caller ID.

“Who’s Ren?”

Oh. My. God.
I’d know that voice anywhere. I move the phone away from my ear to look at the screen.

“My roommate.” I smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Josh laughs. “Is Ren your boyfriend?”

“Ren is short for Renata. She and I
met first semester in Italy. I told you about her-”

“Ah, yes,” he remembers. “Renata from Prague. Where you both threw stones off of the Charles Bridge and bonded over married men.”

“You remember,” I commend him.

“I never forget anything you say,” he sighs, crackling the phone.

“That’s because I’m so captivating,” I joke.

“That you are,” I sense his smile, and the line goes quiet.

“So what can I do for you, Mr. Harrington?” My voice booms as he laughs at my formality.

“I was wondering if it would be too weird for you to meet at school for lunch tomorrow?” He clears his throat. “Purely friendly, of course.”

“Oh,” I hope he can’t hear the disappointment in my voice. “I’m back in Boston.”

“Oh,” I can hear his.

“Yeah, spring semester starts tomorrow. Can you hold on a second?” I unlock my car and grab the comforter, spotting the duffel bag with my essentials behind the passenger seat, but I need two hands to get it. “Actually, can I call you right back?”

“We can talk some other time if now isn’t good,” he sighs. “I really just wanted to ask about tomorrow.”

“No, now is good. I’ll call you back in ten minutes,” I promise before hanging up.

I return to my room with my armful of things, buzzing.

“God, you are so moody,” Ren sighs.

“He called!” I squeal.

“Who called?” She looks at my quizzically before catching up to where we are in the story. “The teacher?”

“Yes!” I dump the items onto my bed and unzip the duffel.

“I thought we hate the teacher?” She leans against my doorway.

“We do,” I sigh. “I think.”

“You
think
?” She walks over. “Luci, you made me promise that if you ever became this delusional - but for your sake I’ll call it confused - that I would knock some sense into you.”

“It complicated.” I ignore her as I start unpacking.

“Uncomplicated it for me.” She walks into my room and sits in my desk chair. “Because as far as I’m concerned, he’s married scum who has far too much of a hold on you and your emotions.”

“You sort of sound like my sister,” I laugh.

“Well,” she crosses her arms, leaning back into the chair. “She seemed very cool the few times I’ve met her.”

“Ugh! My sister,” I roll my eyes. “The one who has apparently been talking to said teacher behind my back.”

“Whoa!” Ren makes a face.

“Yeah, evidently, he’s been pining for me,” I cross my arms.

“The bastard!” She shouts. “What about his
family
?” She makes another disgruntled face.

“He’s divorced now,” I sigh. “He said they basically never got back together. Or they did for a short while, but it didn’t work. I’m not sure. And the kid apparently was never his.”

“No way,” she grabs popcorn from my dresser.

“I wouldn’t eat that,” I warn her. “That’s been there since
way
before break.”

“I have to eat something! This is like a soap.”

“You’re so weird,” I roll my eyes.

“So… he’s divorced now for real?”

“Yes.”

“And the kid was never his, or so he says?” Ren confirms, not fully believing it herself either.

“He tried to show me the paperwork,” I shrug. “But I didn’t look.”

“Are you crazy?” She snaps. “I would have looked. We can’t trust this guy!”

“Why would he hand over fake information?”

“Because maybe he knows you wouldn’t look!” I can tell she’s concocting some sort of evil plan in her head, of how he meant for this to go down exactly the way it did. Leave it to her theater brain to do just that.

“That’s weird,” I tell her. “He wouldn’t do that.” I don’t know why I’m defending him.

“You only say that because you’re in love with him,” she points out, and my anger explodes.

“I AM NOT!”

“Okay,” she backs off, but I can foresee the argument she’s preparing in her head. Hell, I even know what some of it is - that I haven’t slept with anyone since, that I don’t let guys stay over, that I still talk about him, etc.

“I’m not,” I repeat.

“Fine,” she laughs.

“I won’t even call him back, even though I promised I would,” I tell her, just to prove a point.

She smiles, shaking her head, saying nothing as she gets up and walks out. She shuts the door behind her, and I fall on my bed dramatically.

I don’t call him back, just like I told her I wouldn’t. I text him instead.

I stay up until 2am, texting with my old chemistry teacher about nothing at all, and when I finally fall asleep, I dream about board games and beakers.

The next morning, I’m a zombie, going through the motions of getting ready without fully aware of what I’m doing. The cold air that hits me as soon as I leave my dorm is the first thing to actually fully wake me up.

Luke is waiting with one leg propped up against the brick building, holding two cups of steaming hot coffee.

“Good morning sunshine,” he leaps as soon as he sees me.

“You know I hate when you call me that,” I take a cup from him. “How was the Caribbean?”

“Boring,” he admits. “I wish you came.”

“Sorry, I had some stuff to take care of at home.”

“Yeah, that’s what you said,” he hesitates. “You know, I called a few times. Even stopped by your room last night.”

“I know-” I begin my apology, but it’s not necessary.

“You ignoring me, Cunningham?” He teases.

“No,” I stop walking and face him.

“Good,” he smiles before slowly leaning in. I brace myself, trying to ignore the fact that I shouldn’t have to brace myself to kiss my boyfriend. My eyes remain open as his lips meet mine, harsh and…
timid
. They’re thin and chapped, not soft and powerful, like I remember…
No!
Don’t even go there
!

I pull back, my eyes wide. Luke was the first guy I was able to actually think about without thinking of
him
, and now it’s happening all over again.

“What’s wrong?” He opens his eyes, his lips still puckered.

“I don’t wanna be late,” I offer a quick smile. “First day and all.”

“Of course you don’t,” he sighs, and we start walking. “So I was thinking… Maybe tonight I could come over?” I look at him quizzically. He usually sort of just shows up without making plans. “You have a single, so it’s better than if you come to my place, and I
really
missed you.”