Beautiful Disaster (The Bet) (36 page)

"I... want to see her."

Pity painted on the doctor's face, he nodded. "Of course, follow me."

Not knowing whether she was needed or not, Ellie chose to remain behind. Nicholas needed time alone with Isabella. But the moment Nicholas turned back, face a shadow of pain, hand held out, Ellie was instantly at his side, her palm falling against Nicholas's own, she tightly intertwined their fingers.

Nicholas swallowed the egg sized lump in his throat. His hold on Ellie's hand tightened just a bit more when the nurse handed him the swaddled bunch. She looked like she was sleeping and nothing more. Nothing as everlasting as death.

God, it hurt to breath, Nicholas thought.

She didn't even get a chance.

He was forced to swallow, sure that the tears at the back of his throat would abate. "God I would've spoiled you rotten..." his voice sounded strange, heavier, deeper, the tears refused to leave.  "You would've had me wrapped around your little finger and I wouldn't have cared because nothing would've pleased me more than to see you happy. I didn't get to know you for long, but I loved you all the same."

It was becoming increasingly hard for him to speak, but Nicholas persevered. Needing to say what was on his chest one last time. "I know you'll be happy wherever you're going. I just wish I had you for a little longer. I don't know how good of a dad I would've been, but I know you would've been loved. Every second of your life you would've been loved with my entire being. You were such a brave little girl...staying with me for so long.

Thank you, Bella, thank you for giving me the opportunity to have met you. I love you, more than words can express, I love you and I will never forget you, for as long as I live your memory will live on. Rest in peace my love." His tears trickled down his cheeks, splattering into the blanket as he brushed a kiss across her forehead.

After handing her back to the nurse, Nicholas had Ellie in his arms. Seeking her warmth, he slid his hands through her hair, cupping her face his thumbs glided over her wet cheeks.

"It hurts...." He said brokenly, his forehead falling gently against hers. “It hurts so much, Ellie.”

"I'm so sorry, Nicky." She ached for him, truly and utterly. There weren’t words to say that could allay his agony. But all the same Ellie made an attempt if for nothing else then to fill the air. “I’m here for you, Nicky…always.” And she was. Ellie would always be there for him because there was no other place in the world she belonged more.

Nicholas’s response was to bury his face against her neck. Ellie held him as they mourned together.

It seemed fitting that the heavens would open and mourn for one of its own Ellie silently thought stepping closer to Nicholas with her umbrella.

"In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our sister Isabella Grayson. We commit her body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord blesses her, and keeps her. The Lord makes her face to shine upon him and be gracious unto her and give her everlasting peace. Amen. "

"Amen." The few in attendance chorused as they lowered the coffin into the ground.

Maddie stood across from them, face smeared with tears as she leaned against her grandmother for support. Gabe and Ronnie were not too far off, their own sorrow painted on their faces. A subdued Sophie sat in Ronnie's arms, as if she understood the significance of the situation.

Charles stood to Nicholas's left, face revealing nothing as he held on to his cane. His wife, the first Ellie had ever seen of her stood beside her husband, her face a beautiful mask of grief as she silently mourned for a granddaughter she would never know.

Ellie chanced a glance at Nicholas's face and as unchanging as it had been over the last seven days, it remained so now. Vacant, apathetic, a frozen poker face of handsome features. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his slacks, beneath the charcoal blazer his shoulders were held high, taunt. Head bent low, his dark shaggy locks covered his face from everyone except Ellie.

She wanted to put her arm around him, but she knew the effort would not be appreciated. It hadn't been the last few days. With a quiet sigh, Ellie followed the procession, picking up a rose and gently throwing it on top of the lacquered coffin.

Once everyone was through, Ellie stood off to the side and watched Nicholas as he stood before the grave. Hands still shoved in his pockets, the rain pelted down on him making his hair look like ink against his pale face.

"I love you." Nicholas said inaudibly, reaching over to take a rose from the tray being held out. He tossed it on the coffin. "Rest in peace, Bella."

He turned away and headed for Ronnie. Sophie eagerly jumped into Nicholas's awaiting arms, heedless of the rain. She remained stuck to him like a limpet as they made their way to Ellie.

"Let's get out of here." Indifferent to the stares they received, Nicholas held out a hand to her which Ellie immediately took. Wordlessly they made their way to the town car they’d arrived in.

"Nicholas!" The name wrenched from the very depths of Maddie's soul echoed through the cemetery garnering the attention of several people. She looked like a drowned rat, her dark-red hair sticking to her sallow skin like blood. Heedless of the rain beating down on her, Maddie faced both Nicholas and Ellie, staring at them through raccoon rimmed eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Only moments earlier her grandmother had pleaded with her to leave Nicholas alone to mourn, but the masochist in Maddie had wrenched her arm from her Gran's feeble hold to race over to him. Nicholas and Ellie, with Ellie's adorable daughter ensconced between them gave the appearance of a happy family.

Jealousy was a like a boa-constrictor obstructing Maddie's airway. She swallowed back the tears and the aching curiosity of what it would've been like had their daughter survived. Isabella, had she lived, could've been the glue that kept them together. Kept Nicholas around. Isabella's presence would've eventually made Nicholas realize that they were a family and he would've eventually seen just how deep Maddie's love ran.

But those dreams, those plaguing fantasies had been dashed away by her stupidity. She had screwed it all up. And now instead of love shining in Nicholas's eyes, the unmitigated hatred she saw there, shone like a beacon through those grey fog eyes.

She looked as if she hadn't slept in months, Ellie observed silently, taking stock of gaunt features. The changes in Maddie were drastic enough that Ellie's heart went out to her.

Despite the black, shapeless sweater she donned, Ellie could tell that Maddie had lost a significant amount of weight since the last time they'd seen each other. The effects of withdrawal, something she could gravely attest to were not a kind master and Maddie it seemed had become its whipping girl. The battle showed in the way she stood, hunched over slightly as if the weight of civilization itself rested upon her shoulders. Ellie's gaze traveled further down as she picked up on the snapping noise. Sympathy gripped Ellie further realizing what the snapping noise was.

It was a coping mechanism used in outpatient programs to curb the impulse to self-mutilate. For Ellie it had been an ice cube strategically placed on the inside of her wrist, right above the vein. Ellie guessed the rubber band was Maddie's way of curbing the impulse.

"What?" Nicholas's emotionless voice drew Ellie back to the situation at hand. Holding the umbrella over them with one hand and a muted Sophie in the other, Ellie was pleasantly surprised to see Nicholas keeping his cool. Although everything she knew told her that it wouldn't last long. 

The snapping doubled in rhythm and Ellie winced, knowing the razor sharp pain Maddie was probably feeling. "I…I'm happy that you invited me." She uttered through bloodless lips, teeth chattering from both emotion and the chill in the air.

“Your happiness had nothing to do with it. I only did what I thought my daughter would've wanted." Those words and voice that held about as much warmth as the polar ice caps produced an involuntary shiver in Ellie and suddenly she was happy that Nicholas's wrath wasn't aimed at her. A wrathful Nicholas was something to definitely be wary of.

Maddie swallowed, wincing despite herself as the tears trickled down her cheeks to mix in with the rain. "She…She was my daughter too." She said brokenly. "I loved her."

Nicholas's laughter was humorless, detached and filled with lacerating hatred.  "Right, you loved her so much that you decided to get her hooked on lethal amounts of what I am sure will be the newest prenatal vitamins for all pregnant women. Very good, Maddie, I applaud you." Maddie took step back as if slapped, the malice in his voice too much to handle.

"It was an accident."

"One that caused Isabella's life! You stupid, selfish bitch, do you have any fucking idea what you took from me? Do you have any idea of how much I wish it were you in that grave right now?"

"Nicholas!" Ellie took a frightened Sophie from Nicholas's arm, his anger so palpable that someone so small could be affected by it. "This isn't the time or place to have this discussion.” she glared at Nicholas who still refused to meet her gaze, before continuing. "You’ve
both
lost a child. Putting the blame on someone else isn't going to change that fact." She reasoned, taking a step towards Maddie in the hopes of lending her some comfort. Suddenly Ellie wanted to mend the rift between them, however, the viselike grip on her wrist kept her at Nicholas's side. 

Nicholas's jaw clenched, his hold on the umbrella tightening. "Get in the car." He ordered succinctly and in a flash, Ellie saw Charles's in that face. The beautiful face she had tenderly kissed so many times before. The face that conveyed the simplest message of love with just a glance was now cast in granite, epitomizing the man that was the bane of their existence. Ellie was afraid of Nicholas at this very moment.

"Nicky…"

"Now!" Both Ellie and Sophie jumped, startled they gaped at him. The barked order driving them further into silence until Sophie's wailing cries pierced the air, snapping Ellie out of her stupor. She wrenched her wrist from Nicholas's grip, hurting herself in the process, but Ellie ignored the pain as she climbed into the backseat of the car, Sophie held securely in her arms.

Nicholas slammed the door shut once he was assured that they were both ensconced inside. Lifting eyes to Maddie and further back to Charles, who had silently witnessed the entire scenario, he spoke.

"Let this be the very last time our paths cross. From here on, if you so much as come near me, I will make sure you rue the day you ever met me. I promise you that." His gunmetal grey eyes remained on his father as he uttered those words and only came to rest on Maddie once Charles walked away. But not before leaving Nicholas with that mockery of a smile, the smile that promised pain and suffering for being contravened.

"Stay the hell away from me, Maddie." With that, Nicholas opened the door once more, smoothly settling beside Ellie, once he had closed the umbrella.

He had the driver drop them off at home and with a whisper soft kiss on a sleeping Sophie's forehead, he stiffly answered Ellie's question of where he was going with a terse. "I need to be alone." The door had closed then and the car had driven off, taking Nicholas with it. That had been a week ago.

Seven days of worrying. Seven days spent wondering why the bastard didn't answer his phone. Seven days of tears, trying to understand why she wasn't trusted enough to be allowed in. Seven days of consoling a little girl who had fallen just as deeply in love as her mother with a guy who was too much of a stubborn ass to let them love him. Comfort him. The idiot was hurting, was it too much to rely on them for strength?

Tiredly, Ellie scooped up her daughter, fluffy towel and all and exited the bathroom. Cool oak planks creaked beneath her feet as she hastily trudged to Sophie's room, careful not to wake her. The little tyke had tired herself out playing with the toys Nicholas had bought her a few months back. She'd fallen asleep only a moment ago when Ellie had taken her out of the tub and began drying her. She was exhausted and Ellie understood her exhaustion, feeling ready to fall into a dead sleep of her own. With a wary sigh, Ellie dressed Sophie in her cute princess one-piece before gently putting her down in her crib. She swept the jade green coverlet over her body.

Tears gathered in her eyes as she gently brushed her fingers across Sophie's cheek. Ellie couldn't even begin to understand the pain that came with losing a child. Having her daughter was the best thing that could've happened to her and there wasn't a day that went by that Ellie didn't thank God for blessing her with those sweet Sophie smiles, her laughter, her exuberance for life and everything else that made Sophie so special. "I love you, Monster." She whispered affectionately. "And Nicky loves you too, baby." With a parting kiss on the velvet soft cheek, Ellie snapped on the nightlight before exiting her daughter's room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

The emotions from the week taking its toll, Ellie hurried to her own room, praying that she didn't run into Ronnie or Gabe. They'd been particularly attentive as of late, their combined efforts in seeing to her wellbeing had become a little stifling. And the fact that they were forcing her to eat food that turned her stomach didn't help matters either. Add school, anxiety over college acceptance letters and work to the mix and you had a very frazzled teenage girl teetering at the breaking point.