Beautiful Curses: Book One (11 page)

After adding milk and sugar to their tea, she picked up both cups and walked into the lounge.

James sat on the sofa with his head in his hands staring into the fire. It was nicely stoked, making the room glow and lighting his beautiful pained face. Biting the inside of her cheek, she forced herself to move and placed the cups on the small side table. He looked up. “Thanks,” he said with a thin smile.

Jo gave a shy smile in return and then sat on the far end of the sofa, leaving a wide gap between them. They both took a sip of tea at the same time and put their cups back on the table, like some kind of weird synchronised tea drinking ritual. Jo’s heart continued to pound, and as each second ticked past she found it more and more difficult not to squirm in her seat, or shoot out of the room. She wondered what excuse she could use—reading War and Peace for a school assignment might work, but it was a long stretch.

The awkward silence continued and Jo was about to get up and leave, when James blew out a breath and turned to face her. “Jo, I ... um … I should probably explain.”

Jo’s heart sped up
.
She didn’t want an explanation. She didn’t need one.

"I’m not sure why I kissed you," he continued, and she suppressed the urge to put her fingers in her ears. "I acted on impulse. I didn’t think. I’m sorry,” he said, before looking down to study the polished floorboards.

Jo fidgeted with her jumper. She knew she had to say something, she really wanted to keep their friendship and couldn’t listen to James apologise any longer.

“I … um ... It was just unexpected,” she muttered, clenching her hands, while her knuckles grew whiter by the second. “I haven’t had much experience with that kind of thing. Most friendships test the boundaries. Maybe we can just forget about it and move on.”

James head shot up. “I can’t believe you’re letting me off so easily. I’m the one that crossed the line…besides … I don’t think I can ...
move on
."

"You can't?” she whispered, not sure she’d heard him correctly.

"No.” He shuffled closer, so they were only a few inches apart. “I don’t think it’s possible for me to be near you without wanting to kiss you again.”

Kiss me again? 

She looked at him with a furrowed brow and swallowed.

James reached out and stroked her cheek, making Jo swallow again. The lump in her throat now at epic proportions, as his touch left a trail of warmth, which spread like wildfire through her entire body.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked with a hint of nervousness.

Jo gave a small nod and slowly turned to face him. James shuffled closer still, until there was no space between them. He put his hand behind her neck and brought her face to his. He kissed her softly at first, then pressed his lips harder and caressed her neck. All Jo could think about was his lips and his hands pulling her closer, making her feel so good, banishing everything else….

“LUKE BOY, bring out my laptop, I need to charge her up. I’m just getting’ some firewood,” Tobias voice came from somewhere, and James quickly pulled away from her.

A wave of disappointment washed over her, but she didn’t have time to ask James what was happening, as Spencer walked out of the bedroom and looked at them both sitting on the couch. She tried to hide her surprise, but had to look away, hoping James would come up with something. She was so close to him, only a few seconds ago, she’d almost been sitting in his lap.

“Luke’s still asleep. I don’t know where Tobias’s laptop is. What are you two up to?” Spencer asked. “You look like two deer caught in headlights?”

“We … um … we’re checking for bits of foil that might have fallen down the back of the sofa. We didn’t hear you come in,” James said quickly.

“Good idea, they might attract the mice.” Spencer turned to Jo, “Is Beth up yet? I said I’d wake her for a walk before breakfast?”

“I ... um ... I’m not sure. I’ll go and see.” Jo didn’t sound very convincing as she glanced at James. He gave her a quick smile and winked. Jo’s heart had never beaten so fast. The last thing she wanted to do was to leave James and that kiss, but she had no choice. She forced her shaky legs to stand and walk out of the room, regretting every single step.

Jo and James spent most of the day together but the others were always there. They shared the odd shy smile and exchanged long looks but didn’t try another kiss. Jo's head was in the clouds. She still couldn't believe James had kissed her and wanted to do it again. He was standing so close when they were washing the dishes after lunch, she could feel the heat from his body warming her. It made her so light headed she washed the same dish at least five times. Tobias stood right next to them, so they didn’t attempt a re-enactment of their earlier kitchen encounter.

That afternoon Beth and Jo were in their room listening to one of Jo's playlists. Jo decided to use the opportunity to vent her thoughts to Beth. It was making her crazy trying to analyse it all, she had no point of reference and needed her advice.

“Beth, what do you think about James?” she asked and bit her lip as she flicked through the list of songs on the iPod, not paying any attention to what any of them were.

“James?” Beth reiterated, her brow creasing, as if Jo had asked her a difficult question.

She shrugged. “Yeah. I just wondered.”

“Well he’s a friend of Spencer’s so he automatically gets my vote. Why are you asking?”

“Um ... because ... I ah ... I like him too,”

“Oh?”

Beth didn’t seem to get it, so Jo widened her eyes.

“Oh!”
Beth repeated with more understanding.

“I think he likes me too,” Jo continued.

Beth inched closer. “What happened?”

“We kissed. We kissed twice actually. I’m not sure what to make of it.”

“You did? Okay. Well, what happened afterwards?” Beth’s eyes widened, but her voice was controlled.

“We haven’t spoken about it since. I’m not really sure what to do.”

“How do you feel about him?”

“I’m not sure. I only know I never expected anyone to like me, especially not someone like James.” Jo felt the butterflies again just thinking about him and their kiss.

Beth frowned. “Does Spencer know?”

“No. I don’t want anyone to know, yet. But, I couldn't keep it from you.”

“Jo, you need to talk to him. I couldn't bear to see you hurt. I know how that feels, and it’s awful. I’ll distract Spencer this afternoon. The other two are in the village, so you and James will be alone and you can find out where he’s at.”

Jo agreed, and they went back to talking about the music that they liked. A much more comfortable topic for both of them.

A while later, Beth and Jo returned to the lounge. Beth sat next to Spencer and whispered something in his ear while Jo sat on the floor in front of the fire, trying to avoid eye contact with James. He sat on the sofa reading a magazine, not looking at Jo either, but kept shifting his position like he couldn’t get comfortable.

Spencer smiled smugly. “We’re going for a drive into town to buy some milk, there isn’t much left. Do you two need anything?”

Jo and James shook their heads as Beth and Spencer got off the sofa and collected their coats. They left shortly after and as the front door closed behind them, James sprinted off the sofa and sat on the floor beside Jo.

He reached up and brushed the hair away from her face. “It’s about time. I don’t think I could have waited much longer.”

His touch sent a jolt down her spine which sent a tingling sensation to every part of her body. Then he put his hand behind her neck and pulled her face close to his. Their lips met and they kissed. Being alone for the first time they made the most of their opportunity and didn’t come up for air for some time.

When James finally pulled away, Jo had to take a quick breath. She’d lost all sense of where she was. Her world consumed, her mind filled with all things, James.

“I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything today,” he whispered as he traced his finger over her lips and down her neck.

Jo shivered, but kept looking into his eyes. “James, what does this mean? I need to know if you see things differently from me.”

James caressed her cheek. “I don’t really know. But I do know, that I want to be with you more than I’ve ever wanted to be with anyone. How we got here from where we were two days ago, I have no idea.”

James continued looking into her eyes with such sincerity that she decided she didn’t want to discuss anything anymore. She decided to give up trying to analyse the situation and obey her deepest instincts. She put her lips to his and initiated the kiss for the first time, not willing to think about consequences, enjoying the sensation of being with James in this time and place.

The best New Year resolution ever.

Spencer helped James load the car while Jo helped Beth finish some last minute tidying in the cottage. Peter had already taken Luke and Tobias to catch the train to London, for the start of the semester, and was returning to collect them. James planned to return to the farm and leave with Spencer tomorrow morning. A plan Jo was more than happy about.

On the drive home, James sat in front and Jo curled up in the back, reading. She hid behind the open book, unable to contain her smile as she thought about James. Her life had changed so much over the past few days.

Her body buzzed, remembering all the stolen moments they’d had. Of course they’d been discreet, Beth and Tobias the only ones privy to their secret. Seeing as Tobias had walked in on them when they were kissing, James didn’t have much choice. He felt he needed to explain. Apparently, Tobias had been a bit stunned at first, but when he realised James was serious and didn’t intend stringing Jo along with another girl on the sidelines, he’d been alright with it.

Until recently she’d never even considered a boyfriend. It seemed so unreal, but she was happier than she’d ever been. James promised to speak to Spencer when they got back to the farm. Jo didn’t really care, but understood why James wanted to wait. Spencer had never had to play the big over protective brother before, so she expected him to flip out when James told him.

The cars travelled together and arrived at the farm about four in the afternoon. Spencer took Beth straight home and Peter was equally eager to see Sarah, so it was left to James and Jo to bring in the luggage.

James threw the last bag onto the pile in the family room and turned to Jo. “That’s everything. What now?”

Jo twisted her lips, to stop from grinning. “Hmmm. ... I don’t know James. What would you like to do?”

He leant his head back and focussed on the closed door of the study, where Sarah and Peter were catching up. Turning back quickly, he rushed over and grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto the sofa. They fell into the cushions and he kissed her again. Jo’s head spun, enjoying the warmth of being back in his arms after the four hour trip. A door clicked open and they both sat up hurriedly, exchanging guilty glances. James raised a cheeky eyebrow; smoothed down his jumper and flattened his hair. Stifling a giggle, Jo quickly shuffled to the opposite end of the sofa leaving an overly large space between them.

Sarah appeared and smiled. “Hello, you two. How was the trip?”

“We had the best time,” Jo squeaked enthusiastically.

As Sarah bent to pick up the newspaper from the coffee table, James turned to Jo and mouthed,
subtle
. Jo grinned and shrugged.

Sarah moved toward her and leaned down to kiss the top of Jo’s head. “I’m glad to hear it. You do look rather well. The fresh Cornish country air must have done you good. Peter and I are going out for dinner. I could order you all a pizza if that’s alright? Gabriella’s staying with her friend, so it’ll just be the three of you, if Spencer ever manages to tear himself away from Beth, that is.” Sarah smiled faintly.

“Sounds great,” Jo said looking across at James. “Um … I’m going upstairs to put my things away, do you want to come and look for that book you wanted to borrow? It’s in one of piles I’ve been sorting through.”

“Good luck with that! She has books everywhere, James. It could take a while,” Sarah commented, as she headed for the kitchen.

“Yeah sure, maybe I can help tidy the chaos that’s supposed to be her bedroom,” James grinned. Jo grimaced back. She had no intention of tidying anything. She liked organised chaos.

James followed Jo upstairs, tweaking at her hair and pinching her calves. She reached behind and tried to slap him, but James dodged and she missed. When they reached her room she quickly shut the door and propped a chair under the handle. Having a boy in her room, should have unnerved her, but she couldn’t wait. She wanted some alone time with James before he went back to London.

Gesturing toward the piles of books spread around the room, she smiled."Hmmmm  ... It could take hours. I have no idea where it is.”

James returned her smile and then grabbed her again, kissing her. They fell on the bed, but before they could get comfortable, heavy footsteps pounded down the hall, and they pulled apart again.

Jo scowled, sick of the constant interruptions. The sooner her family knew about James the better. James gave her a quick kiss, and caressed her cheek, before rolling off the bed and sitting next to a pile of books on the floor. A few seconds later they heard Spencer trying to push on the door. “Jo, James are you in there?” he called out.

Jo took a deep breath, slipped off the bed and sat as far away from James as possible while he knocked over a pile of books and started spreading them in front of him. He motioned for Jo to do the same. She sighed.

So what if Spencer walked in on them, he had to find out some time.

“Sorry Spencer we’re trying to sort out my books. I’ll just move some so you can come in.”

She quietly moved the chair, placing books in its place then opened the door to Spencer. “You’re back
early
. Did Beth’s mum kick you out?”

James coughed and shook his head ever so slightly, but Jo ignored him. She was still mad at having their alone time interrupted.

Spencer frowned. “Yeah. Something like that. What’s going on in here?” Spencer surveyed the mess all over the floor. “I thought your books were precious or something.”

She shrugged and glanced at James trying to send a telepathic message.
Tell him, tell him now!

But James just looked back at her with a puzzled frown.

“James, why don’t you go with Spencer? I’ll see if I can find that book you want.”

James got to his feet slowly. “Are you sure? It’s a big mess. I can stay and
help
.”

“I’m sure you’d rather go with
Spencer
. It won’t take me long. I’ll bring it downstairs later when the pizza arrives.”

Jo caught him grimace as he got off the floor, and watched as he tugged at his hair as he followed Spencer out the door. He obviously didn’t want to have that c
onversation.
Jo blew him a kiss for good luck, before he shut the door, catching the small smile that crossed his lips as he disappeared. He’d certainly need it, she was betting he wouldn’t be smiling for long.

Sometime later, Jo sat at her computer desk, chewing on a pen, worried that she hadn’t heard from James or Spencer in the past hour. She was about to go downstairs to make sure Spencer hadn’t killed him, when loud, incessant knocking rapped at her door, nearly making her swallow the pen cap. Coughing it out of her mouth, Jo prepared for the worst.

“Jo I need to talk to you,” Spencer said harshly from behind the closed door.

“Sure … ” she replied hesitantly and got up to open her door.

Spencer stormed into the room and quickly scanned the floor. Jo had arranged each pile of books so the spines faced the same way and the size ranged from biggest to smallest. The carpet was actually visible again.

She sat back at her computer desk, watching him. “So, I gather, James told you?”

“Yep.” The expression on his face matched the irritated tone in his voice.

“You don’t approve?”

“No. I don’t.” He pushed his hands in his pockets, and adopted a determined stance.

Jo sighed and threw her pen into her pen holder. “To be perfectly honest, I don’t care, Spencer. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. We were just friends and it became more. I don’t know why. I’ve supported you and Beth, now it’s my turn.” Jo took a shaky breath and glared at him.

“I understand all that, but you’ll become too attached and get hurt when James moves on. He’s older than you and been around.” Spencer withdrew his hands from his pockets and placed one arm around her shoulder. “He won’t commit to a relationship … not with you. There’s too many
distractions
around campus ...”

He might as well have just slapped her in the face, his words stung with the same impact.
Why didn’t he just say, he won’t commit to you … because no-one ever will. You aren’t good enough.

Through clenched teeth she spat, “You really believe I’m not capable of finding someone to like me—someone who’ll commit! You're so sure that James will leave me the minute something better comes along!”

Spencer twisted his lips, but didn’t offer any arguments. Jo stood, knocking back her chair. She unhooked her jacket from the back of her door. “I can’t stay here. I need some air.”

Spencer moved to grab her arm, but she dodged him and he held his hands up in surrender, letting her leave.

James was on his way upstairs when she raced past. He tried to stop her as well, but she shrugged him off and ran down the hall and out the front door, not looking back.

She arrived at the bus stop in time to catch the service into town. Her heart still pounding and her breathing rapid, unsure where she was going. She decided to hop off the bus in the village rather than go all the way into town. Peter and Sarah were there tonight and she didn’t want to run into them. Not in the state she was in.

Getting off in the village, there weren’t many places she could go. Everything except the pub was closed. Luckily there were only a few regulars drinking at the bar. Jo waved shyly to Matt standing behind the counter, as she walked through and found a spot in the back corner of the lounge. He came over and she ordered a coke and told him she was waiting for a friend.

Believing no one would find her here, she sighed, relieved to have some uninterrupted time. She took a sip of coke and stared out the window. The lights flickered on revealing deserted streets. Most sensible people were home by their fires, not daring to venture out into the cold night.

Spencer’s words replayed in Jo's mind. They stirred feelings she had never experienced before. For years she accepted who she was and didn’t speculate as to why she was so different from Gabriella. Most people overlooked her. No one ever sought her company or opinion, which had never bothered her until now. Her books had replaced her need for friendship. She’d always been happy escaping from the real world into a fictional one.

Since meeting Beth, and now James, she’d begun to recognise a change in herself. She was becoming more confident and determined. James was attracted to her and wanted to be with her in a way she never imagined possible. Spencer’s reaction to their relationship had been a wakeup call.

The whole family thought she needed safeguarding. Spencer wanted to protect her from being hurt, but didn’t understand how tough she really was. She wasn't a fragile little girl at all. Those years of putting up barriers had strengthened her resolve. She could take criticism, be overlooked, go out and not worry about her appearance and be happy in her own company. In reality she was more comfortable with herself than most people. She knew herself completely and was content with that person.

If James did find someone else, it would be painful, but she liked to think she’d appreciate what they shared and be able to move on with her life. She had learnt to accept people and situations for what they were, and make the most of her opportunities.

Jo wondered what James was thinking right now. He looked worried, when she left, but she was too upset to explain. Thinking about him made her heart race. She'd grown to love that feeling over the past few days. She probably should have stopped and said something, but she could always talk to him when she got home. She only needed to stay long enough to calm down. Then she intended to talk to both Spencer and James. Sort this mess out.