Beautiful and Broken (18 page)

"No trust fund?" he says. I can't tell if he's serious.

"No trust fund? Why would you ask that?"

"You parents have money. They look like they were born with it."

I take a seat at my desk and pull my leg up and hug it to my chest. "Well, my mother did, I suppose. But my father earned everything he has. My grandfather came over from England when he was in his late twenties. He was a miner over there, and when he came here he was dirt poor. He worked at a lumberyard until he retired. My mom's dad thought my father was unsuitable when they started dating, but once dad graduated from law school, he caved, since my mother loved him so much."

"What about you? How did you grow up?"

He clears his throat and picks up the only photo on the table. It’s a family portrait of my mother, my father, Mia, Jason and me. Everyone assumed we'd marry, and here I am, sitting in my room feeling hugely confused and attracted to a man who I barely know anything about.
 

"Brother? Sister?"

I scratch my head and look away. "Sister and ex."

"Wow. He made the family photo."

"Uh huh."

"Your mother must
hate
me."

I try to hide my smile. "She's not your biggest fan. But she also hates Amy and Amy is my best friend." I stand and gently take the photo from his hand.
 

"You look happy in that photo."

I shrug. "I was. And then I wasn't. Things will never be the same. I lost my sister and my boyfriend when he cheated on me. It doesn't even matter who initiated it. I can't look at them the same anymore."

"But you still love him."

"I was with him for six years. That's a big chunk of my life. I'm still not sure who I am without him."

He cups my neck and tips his head to look deep into my eyes. "I know exactly who you are, and you're amazing. He's an idiot. And I'm sure he's already realized that."

He leans in, and I meet him halfway. At first he kisses me slowly, gentle touches and caresses of his lips against mine. Then his hands dip from my shoulders to skim my breasts and waist, only to grip my ass. He pushes his erection into my stomach and I groan. Our kisses become deeper, his tongue flicking in my mouth, dancing with mine. I’m on fire, deep within my core, and I can't get close enough to him. I want him inside of me. I want to remember the first night we had sex. And I want it now.

He takes a step forward and I take a step back. We fall onto the bed; my body crushes beneath his until he positions his arm to hold himself up. I reach down to the button of his jeans and tug them open. My hand dips inside his underwear, gripping him. I can barely take him in my hand and my eyes open and widen before fluttering closed. No wonder I was sore.
 

"I want you," he whispers, his breath tickling my neck and making the hair on my neck stand on end.
 

"We’re still friends," I say, my voice deep and throaty.
 

"The best."

"I'm not sure I can do more than friendship. I—”

"Stop talking." His hands slides into my underwear and slowly he penetrates me with a single finger, and then another. He groans and his erection seems to pulse in my hand. I grip a little harder and move my hand faster, up and down his shaft.

His fingers are like magic, in and out, in and out. Then his thumb moves in rhythmic circles over my clit and I'm sure I'm done for.
 

"I want you so bad," I whisper. "I'm going to come if you don’t stop."

He removes his hand and I try to stop him, but I stand no chance. He grabs the hem of his shirt and whips it over his head, chucking it across the room. I slide my hands across his chest and abs, and I can feel myself getting wetter.
 

After a frenzy of removing clothes and him literally clutching my underwear and ripping them clean off of me, he’s hovering at my entrance and I hold my breath, spreading my legs wide. After rolling on a condom, he enters me and I gasp.
 

"Sawyer. Oh, Sawyer."

He rocks inside of me, his eyes intent on mine. Our damp flesh slaps together and, at my opening, I feel a throbbing sensation so intense I clutch the sheets and grit my teeth to stop myself from screaming.
 

He must see the tension in my face because he murmurs, "Let go. Let it go."

And I do.
 

“Sawyer,” I cry. The buildup inside me intensifies until I can’t keep it in anymore. I let go…my sex pulses, making me jerk and gasp, and electricity ripples through me, starting deep in my core, a deep ache from my toes to the tip of my head. He collapses on top of me and rolls onto his back.
 

I’m breathing heavy. My body has never been so relaxed. I could fall asleep right here and now; the smile on my face stretches from ear to ear.
 

"I like being friends," I whisper.

He chuckles and turns his head to meet mine. His eyes have that hazy, hooded, after-sex quality to them that makes me sigh. I slide my hand across the sheets and rub my pinky against his. He takes my hand in his and lightly squeezes it.
 

"This isn't good," he says, but he's smiling so I know he doesn't regret it. "I wanted to keep you, and I've gone and ruined everything."

"I'm right beside you."

"For now. The sex was amazing. The way we fit together…but if I had to choose between keeping you or having sex with you, I think I'd choose keeping you."

"I don't understand. What makes me so special?"

"You're honest. You wear your heart on your sleeve. And you don't have an agenda. You're just who you are, take it or leave it. You have no idea how rare that is."

"Thank you for saying so."

"I don't really have…anyone…I talk to. But I like talking to you."

I roll over and kiss his cheek, before resting my head in the crook of his neck. God help me, I think I'm falling for him. The butterflies in my stomach are dancing wildly and when I smile, it’s as if every inch of my body is smiling too. Well doesn't that beat all hell? What the hell am I going to do about Jason? And my mother? No. Not right now. I only want to focus on Sawyer; he deserves to have me right here with him. All of me.
 

Unfortunately, life has other plans. My phone rings somewhere in my room and I sit up, clutching the sheets over my breasts. I glance around the room. "Where's that coming from?"

Sawyer reaches for my pants and hands them to me. I yank my phone free from the pocket. "Hello?"

"Molly? It's Jason."

I heave a sigh. "This isn't a good time right now."

"Are you with a client?"

"Yup." Not a lie. I close my eyes and cringe. Yes, he’s a client, and he’s also naked in my bed after giving me an exceptional orgasm.

"I won't keep you, but I was wondering…well, I'm attending a dinner with a potential client, and our dads have agreed to make me a partner if I can bring him in."

"Jason," I whisper. I climb from the bed, tugging on the sheets and taking them with me. Sawyer lies in bed, narrowing his eyes at me, his cock out in the open. I gulp and, spinning around, I exit the room, gently shutting the door behind me.
 

"I need you. Please. I won't be able to do this without you. This dinner means everything. I'll finally have Dad's stamp of approval. You have to help me," he begs.

"I don't
have
to do anything."

"Molly, we've known each other our whole lives. Even if you can't forgive me, I know you still care about me. Please, just do this for me. As a favor for a friend."

I tip my head back and pinch the bridge of my nose. I know I'm going to regret this in more ways than one.

"I need you."

"Fine. Text me where and when. But don't think this means anything. We're not back together."

"Of course not, Molls. Thank you! You're an angel."

"Uh huh." I press End and stare at my phone. There is no logical explanation as to why I'm doing this. He broke my heart. I should make a clean break. Amy will tell me I'm a glutton for punishment; that I can't say no to people. Maybe that's true. But he has a point. How can I turn my back on him after a lifetime of friendship and love? Just because he treated me badly doesn't mean I have to treat him the same. I'm a better person.

Sawyer is almost dressed when I go back into my room. He slides his feet into his sneakers. "I gotta go."

"What? I thought we were going to look at houses?"

"I forgot I had to meet with some sponsor. Sorry." He brushes by me, and heads for the door. No kiss. No hug. It was like nothing happened. I feel sick to my stomach. But this is what I wanted—no relationship. Just friends. We are still friends, aren't we? Or is he running scared from that? He did say he couldn't do relationships.
 

"Sawyer, wait."

He spins around, his face blank. I can't read him at all.

"Are we cool?" I ask him. "Nothing's changed, right? We're friends?"

He chuckles without humor and stares up at the ceiling before returning his gaze back to mine. "Don't go all psycho-analyzing me. We're cool, but I got shit to do. That's the beauty of our arrangement. I do what I want and so can you. No messiness. No explanations."
 

He clears his throat and his eyes soften. I evidently hurt him somehow, but that can't be. Is he jealous of my phone call with Jason? No. I feel full of myself for even entertaining the thought.
 

"I’ll call you.” He opens the door and shuts it behind him, leaving me hugging a sheet in the entryway. What the hell was that? 'Cause I'm pretty sure this conversation just felt like a boyfriend and girlfriend fight.
 

***

"Sawyer isn't returning my phone calls." I grab the dishes from the table and slide them into the sink with a clank. Then I scrub and scrub and scrub some more.

"You're going to wipe the paint off those dishes if you don't take it easy."

I toss the scrub brush in the sink and spin around, leaning against the counter with my arms across my chest.
 

Amy takes a sip of her coffee and smiles before tapping a word into her iPad crossword puzzle. "What's a six letter word for enigma?"

"Sawyer," I mumble.
 

Amy taps her finger on the tablet.
 

"Did you hear what I said?"

"What? About Sawyer? I'm sure he's just busy."

"Maybe. But he was really quick to get back to me before. I could expect him to call me back the same day, but then after we…you know."

Amy sets her iPad down and her cheeks lift, displaying a shit-eating grin if I ever saw one. "You and Sawyer fucked again?"

"Uh. Don't be so crude. But yeah…we did, and then Jason called and I agreed to meet him, and Sawyer was kind of cold. And left."

"You. Are. Sawyer Davis's. Kryptonite."

I laugh. "Ridiculous. We're friends with benefits. Neither of us want a relationship."

"I’m telling you right now—he screwed you and then you take a call from your ex, and agree to meet him. Jason encroached on his territory. Friends or not, guys don't deal well with that shit. And I wouldn't be surprised if he pees on you the next time you he
screws
you."

"You really think..."

She shrugs. "Maybe. You're not into golden showers, are you?"

I slap her shoulder. "I'm talking about the jealousy thing."

"I really think so. He might not want to, but jealousy is a sure sign dude is falling."

Shit. This was not what I wanted at all. And yet the butterflies are back and making me smile. Oh no. Not good.
 

"Don't look at me like that,” Amy says. “You said you were done with guys, and if that’s not still true then maybe you should think about dating someone else. Sawyer has some serious issues, Moll.”
 

"I thought you were happy we hooked up?"

"Yeah, until Charlie told me some details and I Googled him! Sawyer Davis is not the kind of guy I want my best friend with. Did you even ask him about his past?"

"I started to but he got upset. I want to know, but like I said before, I want him to tell me.”

“I’ll tell you.”

I raise my hands and shake my head. “No. Stop! I want it to come from him. He won’t hurt me, Amy. I believe that.”
 

"You say that….but you don't know the details. You know what they say: ignorance is bliss. And you're too trusting. Look at what happened with you and Jason."

I sigh and take a seat opposite her. "That was a one-time thing. It wasn't as if he was cheating on me for years or anything."

Amy takes a drink of her coffee and picks her tablet back up. "None of my business."

"Anyway, Jason and I are done."

"That's why you're going on a date with him tonight."

I point at her with raised eyebrows. "I told you, we're trying to be friends."

"Like you and Sawyer are
friends
?”

I roll my eyes and get up to leave. "I'm going to get ready."

"Make sure you leave a sock on the door if you don't want me to come in," Amy calls after me as I head for my room.
 

Who the hell does she think I am? I have more sense and will power than that. I'll help Jason get through the night, and be home in my bed before eleven. No mess. No fuss.
 

Fifteen

JASON IS ENTERTAINING his big client at an Italian restaurant on the West Side. Jason proposed to me there and I wonder if he didn’t consider this when he made the arrangements to meet there. I almost wanted to go back on my promise when he told me this. Getting over him is tough enough without putting me smack dab in the same place where one of our most significant memories was made.
 

I'm dressed conservatively, with a sweater set and a black skirt and flats. I hop out of my car and amble toward the restaurant, looking up at the sign and hugging myself.
Cucina Raffinata.
I stare in through the windows. The lights are low and the candles on the tables flicker. Jason isn’t visible and I hope he’s running late. It will give me a few more moments to collect myself.