Beat (The Beat and The Pulse #1) (22 page)

Chapter 34

Ren

Ash was late. He was
never late.

But then again, we’d
hardly been apart since the night he’d finally confessed his feelings.
Confessed
from behind
. I snorted at the irony and pulled my gloves on and flexed my
fingers.

Beat had closed over
two hours ago and whatever Ash had gone to do had me scratching my head.
Whatever it was, it was either really bad news or something epically boring.

As inseparable as we
were, I kind of enjoyed this time alone. It took me back to the first few weeks
at Beat, when it was my time and place to explore myself without the pressures
of Dad, Monica or the Twins looking over my shoulder. I’d replaced it with Ash
and the din of The Underground in the past few weeks and along the way had
forgotten what silence felt like.

Seriously, where had
Ash gone? All the worst case scenarios worked their way through my mind. He was
getting tired of me, he’d gone to fight without me in tow, he’d found someone
else to fuck on the side… Shit. I was being paranoid. Ash wouldn’t abandon me
like that. He knew how I felt about being left alone.

Sighing, I turned to
the nearest punching bag and focused my wandering thoughts. Deciding to trust
Ash, I lost myself to the repetitions, my fists and shins hitting the bag with
a satisfying slap. He’d tell me whatever it was when he got back. We didn’t
have to go everywhere together and seriously, that whole trust thing we’d been
trying to build would mean shit if I started to get jealous over something as
small as this. There was no way in the universe that Ash Fuller was cheating.
The idea seemed ridiculous.

I saw the shadow
behind me a little too late. A hand clamped down over my mouth, stifling my
screams, and I kicked out, trying to connect with flesh. It was no use, of
course. I was held in a grip of pure steel, squashed against the chest of a
tall, muscled man. Glancing into the mirror, terror began to claim me.

Hammer.

He smirked in glee at
having caught me unawares and rubbed his slimy cock into my ass.

“Happy to see me,
little girl?” he growled into my ear. “I’m going to fuck you like the whore you
are, then I’m going to break both your fucking legs.”

My blood ran cold and
all the training I’d been through seemed to dissolve into nothing but fear.

What
should I do, what should I do, what should I do…

He knew the alarm
code and he had a
key
. That could only mean one thing. Monica was in on
it. This was the chance she’d been waiting for all these months. She just
didn’t want me gone, she wanted me broken, beaten,
dirty
. Ash wouldn’t
want me after Hammer was through.

He slammed me face
forward against the mirror, my head cracking against the glass. Stars shot
through my vision as a big hand tried to pull down my shorts.

“
No
,” I
screeched, trying to kick and punch. My fist connected with his eye and he
cried out, his grip loosening.

It was my chance, so
I twisted out of his grasp and ran, trying to get distance between us, but he
was too fast. I slammed face first into the mat as he shoved me from behind.

Then he was over me,
holding my thrashing body in place with an arm across my lower back, ripping
off my shorts and knickers. I tried to claw his arm, but hands clamped around
my wrists, pinning them behind my back, my shoulders wrenching painfully.

God, it was going to
end like this? In the place that was mine and Ash’s? The place we’d found each
other?

Tears streamed down
my face as Hammer spread my legs. I was totally at his mercy. I was this tough
fighter, I should be able to fight him, I should be able to get out of this…

Ash?
Where are you?

All that training,
all those classes, all those fights…it didn’t mean anything. I wasn’t strong
enough. I wasn’t- A finger slid between my legs and I let out a wail, thrashing
against Hammer’s grasp.

“I’m going to kill
you,” I cried. “
I’m going to kill you
.”

“I don’t think so,”
Hammer replied, removing his hand and fisting his repulsive cock. “Maybe you’ll
do that to yourself. How do you think Fuller would like that?”

There was a
shattering roar and suddenly Hammer was pulled off me and sent sprawling across
the mats. I rolled away, my wild gaze falling onto a beast. Not just any beast.
My beast
.

Ash stood over us,
his chest heaving, his eyes dark and vacant. My heart jackhammered in my chest
as he stepped over me and went for Hammer with only one intent.

I knew the ending to
this story before it even began.

The two men faced off
as I scrambled out of the way, pulling my shorts back on. Hammer lunged, but
Ash stepped forward and pounded his fist right into Hammer’s nose. He fell
backwards onto the mat, dazed, and I stared on in shock. Ash had downed him
with a single punch.

With a feral growl,
Ash launched himself onto Hammer and his fist pounded into the fighter’s face,
blood erupting from his nose and mouth. Ash drew back and punched again and
again, the sound of flesh and bone smacking into each other the only sound in
the studio.

The Ash I knew was
gone. This was the beast he was so afraid of me seeing. I hadn’t seen shit all
of this time in the ring, in the studio. This time, his control was totally
gone. He wouldn't stop until either he was too exhausted or Hammer was dead.

“Ash,” I cried,
scrambling forward. I wanted Hammer dead, but they’d send Ash to jail…

He was too far gone,
and kept pounding his fist into Hammer’s face.

I flung myself onto
Ash’s back, curling my arms around his neck. “Stop, Ash, please!”

With a grunt, he
swung around, sending me sprawling onto my back and his gaze found mine. He
stood there, covered in blood, his eyes slowly coming back to life and I burst
into tears from the gravity of what had and was about to happen.

 
“Ren,” he said, his breath coming out in
one big sigh.

I was frozen, staring
at the blood splattered on his face. God.
Oh fucking god
.

“Is he… Is-” I
managed to choke out.

Ash shook his head
slowly, his expression unreadable.

“Where did you-”

“It was a ruse,” Ash
said, his voice oddly calm after his display of violence.

I didn’t understand.
“What-”

“Why the fuck do you think
I never wanted you to go there?” he wailed.

“You think this is my
fault?” I wanted to pound my fists into him and draw blood.

“No,” he hissed,
pointing at an unconscious Hammer. “It's my fault.”

I managed to scramble
to my feet, leaning against the mirror so I didn’t fall down. My legs felt like
jelly, unstable and unpredictable.

“It’s not your
fault!” I yelled back at him.

Ash shoved his hands
into his hair, clearly agitated.

“We’ve got to get him
to a hospital-”

“The fuck we do,” he
roared. “He tried...he almost-”

He couldn’t say the
word rape, and I wasn’t keen on filling in the gap, either. “We can call the
cops.”

“No.”

“Ash, we can’t-”

“I said,
no
!”
He began tearing at his hair.

I couldn’t believe
what I was hearing. He’d be in trouble anyway, but if Hammer died… “Why not?”

He turned on me, eyes
full of fury. “I was never in Thailand, Ren.”

My heart stopped
beating. “Then where were you?”

He bit his bottom
lip, glancing at Hammer who was still out for the count.

“
Answer me
,” I
screeched.

“
Prison
,” he
roared, eyes feral with anger.

The blood drained
from my face as I stared at him.

“I went to fucking
jail for protecting someone I loved from him.” Ash jabbed a finger at Hammer.
“Now do you understand?”

He was trying to
protect me all along. When I thought he was being a controlling asshole, he was
just trying to spare me from this. Jealousy, retribution, revenge...he was
trying to save my life.

I stumbled back a
step, trying not to hyperventilate. If they found him here, they'd send him
back. No questions. They'd lock him up and throw away the key.

“You need to get out
of here,” he snapped.

“Why?”

“I can't go back
there, Ren. You can't be witness to this.”

What
the fuck
? My gaze shot up to
meet his. “You're going to kill him, aren't you?”

Ash looked away,
fists balling at his sides.

“Ash,” I pleaded.
“Don't.
Please
.”

He refused to look at
me. “Get out of here.”

I sprung forward and
began beating his chest. “You can't, Ash.
Don't
. Don't you fucking leave
me.”

He pushed me back
against the mirror, hands locked around my biceps. Pure, uninhibited anger
burnt in his green eyes and it was terrifying. Ash wasn't there anymore.

“Get the fuck out of
here, Ren. I don't need you.
Get. Out
.”

“You think you’re
doing the world a favor? You think you’re doing me one?” I yelled at him, tears
falling faster than ever. “You’re
not
. You’re just abandoning me like
everyone else.”

Letting me go, he
clenched his fists at his sides, his entire body trembling. “I don’t want you,
Ren. I never did. This isn’t for you. It’s for
someone else
.”

I clutched my chest
like it’d stop my heart from shattering. “
Liar
.”

With a roar, he
strode forward and grasped my arms in his big hands, squeezing painfully. “I
don’t love you, Ren. I can’t love you. I’m already lost. Get the fuck out and
don’t come back.”

“Ash-”

“
Get out
.” He
stared at me point blank, his eyes empty. Black. Void.

I grabbed my shoes
and did the only thing I was able to do.

I ran.

Before I knew what I
was doing, I was hammering my fists on Josie's door, tears streaming down my
face. I didn’t remember how I got there, let alone in one piece, but the porch
light flicked on to her little cottage on Brunswick Road and I almost threw up
in one of her pot plants.

The door opened and I
practically fell into Josie’s startled arms.

“Ren? What the fuck?
What's happened?”

She held onto me as
sob after sob burst forth, gently guiding me inside and locking the door.

“Fuck, is that
blood?” She shook me, but I was too hysterical to answer.

I was vaguely aware
of being put into a bed, covers being drawn over my shivering body and then a
damp face-washer was being pressed onto my forehead.

Josie…

“Should I be calling
someone?” Josie asked gently. “The cops?”

“No. It’s…no.”

“Did Ash do this to
you?”

Yes
. Not like that. I didn’t know. I just buried
my face into my hands and let the tears fall. Tears I suspected I’d been
holding onto for a very long time.

“Shh,” Josie crooned.
“Just sleep, okay?”

I was that exhausted,
I didn’t really have a choice as darkness took me. The last image that flashed
through my mind was of Ash. What kind of darkness was taking him right now?

I wasn’t sure I
wanted to know.

Chapter 35

Ash

Ren slammed the door
behind her as she fled.

I’d done a lot of bad
things in my life, but telling the woman I loved that I didn’t want her? That
was the worst one. I was about to abandon her when she needed me the most. I
was about to become just like everyone else in her life.

She'll never forgive
me, but it will be worth it to make life safe for her.

My life for hers.

If I was ever capable
of love, then this was as far as I would go to declare it. Right over the edges
of the earth and into hell itself.

Was it love or
madness? Could a beast truly love?

Who fucking knew?

Chapter 36

Ren

I felt heavy.

I rolled over and
cracked open my eyes, my head pounding with a splitting headache. I felt like I
had an epic hangover, all bleary eyed and numb limbs. It hurt to move, but that
was probably from the uncontrollable sobbing I’d done the night before and the
beating I’d taken from Hammer. Fear pounded into my heart and my eyes snapped
open.

“Hey, sleepy head,”
Josie mumbled from the other side of the bed. “Sleep okay?”

I drew in a sharp
breath as the entirety of last night’s events came flooding back, overwhelming
my senses again.

Ash
.

I went to sit up, but
pain stabbed into my head and I groaned, pressing my palm against my forehead.
Shit. Fuck. Ass.

“Headache?” Josie sat
up and handed me a glass of water that had been sitting on the nightstand. A
couple of headache tablets followed and I scooted as upright as I could.

“Thanks,” I croaked.

“You wanna talk about
it?” she asked gently. “You were…”

“Hysterical?” I
asked, throwing two pills in my mouth and taking a swallow of water.

“Yeah.” She leaned
against the headboard, her usually immaculate blonde hair all tangled from
sleep.

“I don’t think I can,
Josie.”

“You know anything
you say is between you and me, right?”

“I know. It’s just…”
You
could be implicated in a possible murder
. Fuck.

“Complicated?”

“Yeah,” I said
through a heavy sigh.

She smiled, but
wasn’t convinced at my pathetic explanation.

“Want a shower?” she
asked. “You can borrow some of my clothes to go home in.”

I nodded, not sure
which parts were real anymore.

Josie showed me to
her little bathroom and turned on the water for me, somehow getting that the
pathways in my brain were temporarily broken. How much she suspected, I didn’t
know. Maybe she thought Ash and I had broken up. Maybe that was all.

When she left, I
stood in the shower and let the water pound into my skin, washing off the
night, and Hammer’s touch. I’d been so out of it when I stumbled into Josie’s
arms, I’d just passed out the moment she put me to bed. I still stunk like
violence. An invisible sheen of shame coated my body and I scrubbed and
scrubbed until I felt raw.

I didn’t fight. I’d
cracked under real world pressure. That’s what it was. The real world. Fighting
in The Underground wasn’t real, not like last night had been.

Hammer had
overpowered me so easily and Ash... I couldn't get the image of him standing
over me like a wild animal out of my head.

When I finally pulled
myself out of Josie’s shower, I realized she’d come in at some stage and left
some spare clothes folded on the edge of the basin. I dragged on a pair of
jeans, plain red tank top and woolly cardigan with heavy limbs and cuddled the
material around me. Staring in the mirror, my eyes looked hollow and the skin
around them dark and splotchy.

I had my own arms
around myself, but I imagined they were Ash’s. He always held me like I was
going to break, until he wanted to fuck…then he was rough, his fingers biting
into my skin. But he wasn’t here and my hollow reflection was the only thing
that stared back at me.

Padding out into the
little kitchenette, I sunk onto a stool, hugging Josie’s cardigan around myself
like it was some kind of shield that would protect me from the world. I was
weak when I needed to stand up and fight. I was…

“Coffee?” Josie
asked, snapping me out of my negative shame spiral.

“Thanks.”

She pushed the button
on her fancy little machine and handed me a cup complete with a layer of
froth-like substance on the top.

“It’s not cafe
perfect, but it does the trick,” she said with a wink.

I sipped at the
coffee, grateful for the caffeine kick. What was I going to do? What was I
going back to at Beat? Where was Ash? I had no idea how I was going to find
him… What would Dad… Fuck,
Dad
.

“Ren?” Josie asked,
frowning at me.

“Josie,” I said,
setting the cup back down on the counter. “Can you do something for me? I
wouldn’t ask unless it was important…”

“Okay,” she said
slowly, obviously not liking where this was going.

“If anyone asks, I
was here all night.”

“Ren, what's going on?”

“Please, Josie,” I
pleaded. “I can't tell you. Please can you do this for me?”

She eyed me
suspiciously, but nodded. “Don’t make me regret this, Ren Miller.”

I threw my arms
around her and hugged her tight. “Thank you.”

Shuffling all the way
from Josie’s house back to Beat, I was in a daze. So much so that when I walked
around the corner, I stopped mid-step and almost stumbled at the chaos that was
waiting.

There were two cop
cars parked out the front of Beat, lights flashing like a bloody carnival ride,
and people milling about on the footpath. I couldn’t see from this distance,
but it had to be Dad and some cops. Maybe even the Twins. Monica. Fuck. 
Monica
.

What was I going to
do about her?
Smash her into the next plain of existence
. She had as
much a hand in this as I did. If it wasn’t for her then Ash would still be
here.

Taking a deep breath,
I got my story straight in my head.
I
went to stay over at Josie’s. I don’t know where Ash is.

As I approached Beat,
Dad glanced up and said something to one of the police officers, and then he
practically ran down the street to meet me. Bloody hell, a little police action
and I was flavor of the month.

“Ren,” Dad exclaimed,
throwing his arms around me. A hug? I finally get a fucking hug? The sensation
of his arms around me was alien and felt all kinds of wrong.

“What’s going on?” I
asked, eyeing the cop over his shoulder.

“The studio was
broken into last night,” Dad said, pulling back to look at me. “Thank god you
weren’t there.”

I blinked. “Broken
into?”

“They smashed the
place up,” he went on. “Nothing seems to be stolen, the police think it
might’ve been kids.”

“Kids?” I glanced
over his shoulder where the roller door had been raised. There was police tape
inside as well and a couple of plain clothes cops with cameras and dusting for
prints.

“Where were you?”

“I was staying with
Josie,” I said, desperate to know what they’d found.

What the fuck had Ash
done on his way out?
Covered his tracks
. How did you cover up a murder?
There was blood on the mats, but I’m sure if it was still there, the cops
would’ve found it already.

“Have you heard from
Ash?” Dad asked and I blinked hard. “Ren?”

Shaking my head, I
said, “No. Not since he left last night.”

“He’s not answering
his phone.”

“What-” My gut
churned as I realized what Dad was hinting at. “No,” I exclaimed. “Why would he
trash Beat? I don’t believe it.”

“Not Ash,” Dad said,
pulling me out of ear shot of the cops. “Someone from that fighting racket.”

My eyebrows rose and
any response I could’ve given him died in my throat.

“If you know
something Ren, you have to tell me.”

I couldn’t. If I did,
I may as well sign Ash’s arrest warrant myself. So, despite every moral compass
inside me pointing at saying yes and spilling, I said, “No.”

I
don’t love you, Ren. I can’t love you. I’m already lost. Get the fuck out and
don’t come back
.

He was such a fucking
liar
.

Dad eyed me with
worry and nodded. “If you’ve got something to say, you can come to me, you
know.”

“After all this
time?” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Ren, please. This is
serious.”

I nodded. “Okay.
Fine.”

Patting me on the
shoulder, he wandered off to talk to the cops again. Where was I going to stay
now?

There was movement on
the footpath as Monica got out of her car and walked towards the scene that was
all of her own making, her mouth dropping open as she surveyed the damage.

She glanced up and
our gazes met, invisible sparks of pure hatred passing from me to her. For the
first time, I saw the vulnerable side of Monica Miller, the stupid little girl
who’d made the biggest mistake of her life.

Yeah,
I know it was you
,
I thought.
I know what you did.

I should pity my poor
little sister, blinded by misguided lust, but all I wanted was her blood. The
moment I could get my hands on the bitch, she would
pay
.

“Ren,” she squeaked
as she came to a halt a few paces away from my trembling form.

“Don’t you fucking
talk to me,” I hissed. “I know what you did.”

“I never meant-”

“Do you know what they
were going to do to me?” I asked, shoving her down the gutter between a van and
a parked car so we were out of sight.

She shook her head,
panic setting into her features.

“He was going to rape
me, Monica. He almost did.” I shook my head, utterly disgusted. Anger had
replaced last night’s hysteria, but it wasn’t any prettier than that had been.

“Ren, I’m-”

“Sorry?” I spat. “You
ruined his life, you know that? Whatever happens to Ash next is on you.” I
shoved her hard and she slammed into the back of the van, a whimper bursting
from her lips. Poor fucking Monica. Poor. Fucking. Bitch.

It was too late for
apologies. And it was too late to take back a life.

Ash,
where are you
?

They were after Ash.
I’d become his greatest weakness and by forcing him to take me to The
Underground and fighting like I had, I’d made myself his kryptonite. Take me
out and they take out the only thing between them and a million bucks.

It was all my fault.

Ash could be
anywhere. He could’ve done anything to Hammer. He could’ve
killed him
.

It was all my fault.
Ash was ruined
again
, but this time it was because of me.

I was too chicken
shit to turn up at The Underground on my own, just incase someone else was
lying in wait for me, so I called the head honchos, but they hadn’t heard from
him. They hadn’t heard from Hammer either, which was the most alarming thing
out of the whole steaming pile.

He hadn’t contacted
Dean or Lincoln, either. I didn’t know if he had any family or friends outside
of Beat. I didn’t have anyone else to ask.

I’d run out of leads
and had to resign myself to the inevitable.

Ash wasn’t coming
back. Why the fuck would he?

I was empty. Hollow.
Broken.
Abandoned
.

Figured.