Beasts and Savages (The Beastly Series Book 1) (36 page)

“I don't hate you. I want to, but I can't.” He picked up my other hand, warming it between his.

“Why do you want to hate me?” Frustration edged into my voice.

“You came into the woods like a beautiful goddess coming to claim her sacrifice. The same as the girl who killed my brother. You would’ve gotten me if Tanner hadn't distracted you long enough for me to knock you out.”

“Wait. You thought I was coming for you?” I stepped back. “I was running away! I didn't know anyone was with Tanner. I wasn't going to hunt, and I couldn't return home. I was going to live in the woods, away from everyone.”

Miller snorted. “You wouldn't have killed that rabbit. I 'm sure you would have died by now if we hadn't brought you here. Come to think of it, you're right. There's no way you would have killed me. But you wouldn't have survived the winter in the woods. You know nothing about living in the wild.”

“That doesn't mean I wouldn't have tried.” I squared my shoulders. “And I still want to know.”

“Know what?” He pulled a sheathed knife, my knife, from his pocket and handed it to me.

“How to survive in the woods.” I added quickly, “And about your brother.”

“All right. I'll show you things, but only because I don’t think you can handle them, and it’ll prove me right.”  He took out his own knife and made two cuts around its legs. “First, I'm going to teach you how skin and drain the blood of this rabbit before it starts freezing.”

“Tell me about your brother,” I demanded.

“Do you promise to shut up if I do?”

I scowled at him. “I suppose I will.”

Miller stared at me, and I stared back, waiting on an answer. “Oh for – fine, I’ll tell you.” He sighed. “Maddox was older than me, almost sixteen. He was trained to become an elder like our father. I was conditioned for sacrifice. Two years ago, I was supposed to be hunted and mated. Not him.” He guided my hand to different places along the animal's backside and tail to cut.

“Two years ago?” I gasped. “How old were you?”

“Fourteen. He sneaked into my room and stole my ceremonial garb. Left a note saying that I was stronger than he was and that he wouldn't be able to live without me. He said that I’d be a better leader for our clan. By the time I found him, it was too late. A beast was sitting on him with a knife raised above her head. I ran to him shouting his name. He looked at me and smiled.” Miller shivered.

“It was so eerie, the way he looked at me, as if he’d never been happier. I called his name one last time as she stabbed him in the chest, spraying blood on the both of them. I watched the light fade from his eyes, but he never stopped smiling. The beast was gone before I gathered the courage to go to him. I held him until morning. Then, I dragged him home and demanded that Dawning let me bury him.”

“Oh Miller! I'm so sorry!” I hugged him. It was a reaction, one I hadn’t anticipated.

His entire body went rigid. His knife thudded on the frozen ground. “This is why I can't hate you!” He pulled away from me. “I tried to kill you. I dropped you on purpose. Kept you tied up in the basement longer than I was supposed to. I even tried scaring you away before I snuck in your room and fought you until you mated me! Maddox was wrong! I’m not a leader! I can’t even follow through with my own plans.” He backed to a tree and slid down until he was sitting on the ground, sobbing silently.

Instinctively, my hand fluttered to my now healed ribs. I understood why Miller wanted to hate me. I was a reminder of his brother’s death and the girl who killed him. A part of me wanted to kneel next to him, stroke his hair and comfort him. He would recoil away from me, I knew. Another part of me flashed with anger at him and I imagined myself punching him over and over. I sighed. I was tired of fighting, tired of violence. After moments of staring at him as he cried, I did neither. Instead I tied the now skinned rabbit’s hind legs to a rope and hung it high in a tree.

Once I spread out the fur on the rock, I went back to him and crouched down. His face was still buried in his hands, blonde fringe hung over them. He was no longer sobbing, though his face was flushed under his hands. I waited on him to look up. He didn’t.

I touched his knee before I spoke. “Miller? I hung the rabbit.”

“All right.” He ran his hands over his face as he lifted it. “Looks good, did I tell you to do that?”

“I remember you mentioned it in the beginning, while we walked here… Miller? Why can’t you hate me? I mean, I know why you want to, but you said you don’t. Why?”

He smiled ruefully. “This is why. I wanted you to be mean, terrible, and ugly, but you’re not. You’re not at all like the monster that killed my brother. You’re kind and compassionate. I’ve done nothing but hurt you, and the first time I tell you my story, you try to comfort me… And then there’s Tanner.”

“Tanner?” I moved until we were sitting side by side, knees pulled to our chests. “I didn’t think you liked him.”

“You light up at just the mention of his name, did you know that?” He laughed. “He does the same.”

I blushed at his remark. “I thought you didn’t like Tanner, either.”

His smile faded. “Tanner’s the only one who didn’t blame me when my brother died. He treated me just like before. We became close, like brothers. When we captured you, everything changed.”

“I just wanted to run away,” I whispered.

Miller ignored me. “He kept going on and on about how something so beautiful couldn’t be deadly. He begged me to let him take you to his room when we got back to the house. When I looked at you, all I could see was my brother’s bloody body. A hole where his heart should have been.”

“Do you still see that when you look at me?”

He turned his face to mine and searched my eyes. “No. Not since we mated, anyway. You should’ve killed me, but you wouldn’t. I stopped seeing you as a monster then.”

“Miller? Would it be okay if we didn’t make it to the last house today? If we just spent the day trapping and hunting? I want to learn.” I held my breath and waited for his answer. It had already been such an emotional morning and my heart was raw.

“You would do that? Wait another day; spend an entire day with just me?” His eyebrow arched in surprise.

“I need to learn how to build traps and hunt and you’re willing to teach me, right?” I knew he saw this as a gift to him, a day outdoors doing something he enjoyed instead of cooped up in a basement full of girls taking orders from me.

“I am.” He stood and reached his hand down to me. I took it and let him pull me up.

We spent the day going from snare to snare, skinning rabbits and a squirrel. He showed me a vine that was strong and could be used like rope, which trees make the best sticks for bending and building traps, and how to test them. By the end of the day we had dinner for three nights and enough rabbit fur for four pairs of gloves.

It was dusk by the time we reached the edge of the forest. My hands had gone numb long ago and I was certain the tip of my nose was frozen. Miller’s cheeks were red with cold and the tips of his hair shone like icicles. Light poured out the windows and door from the house, the glow of fire reflected on the snow outside.

“Lea.” Miller stepped in my path at the pair of trees that marked the entrance to the woods. “In the bunker, I saw you and Tanner. He followed you to the generator. You were embracing each other, kissing.”

“What?” My mind reeled. It was the first time he had called me by my name. Hearing him use it was unnerving. I thought back to the bunker, the generator room. Knowing Miller had witnessed us tainted the memory.

“We’re not enemies any longer, right?”

“I guess not.” I crossed my arms. It had been an almost pleasant day with Miller, but I still didn’t trust him.

He placed his hand on my shoulder. “If you’re - we're – then we’re going to have to work together. It’ll be required. We need to trust each other. So I'm telling you what I saw, as a peace offering. Truce?”

“How did you know?” I asked him. “I had to explain, well show, Tanner kissing. Yet you know the word, the action.”

“Our world isn't one without affection.” A slow smile spread across his face. “Tanner has never been the affectionate type …Well, until you anyway.”

“Not anymore,” I sighed.

“He's hurt, but he's still in love with you.”

“How do you know?” I tilted my head and squinted at him. It was hard talking to Miller about this, yet he seemed completely comfortable with the conversation.

“Because only someone you love can hurt you so badly that you can't stand to be near them.”

“I wish he’d talk to me.” I bit my lip.

Miller frowned. “He’s not talking to me, either.”

He let go of my shoulder and stepped out of my path. I followed him into the warm light of the house and sat with the boys for dinner. He told his father and Locke of our day of trapping. Locke was please and Dawning genuinely impressed. After my stomach was full, I excused myself and retired to my room. It was an odd feeling, walking around the house freely. As I fell asleep, my last thought was that I wished I could share it with Tanner.

CHAPTER 22

~ War ~

The next morning was bright and warmer than the previous. I woke shivering, and popped one of Flynn’s pills. I dressed quickly. I’d given Miller yesterday, and today was the day we go to the last house. I glanced out the window as I slid into Tanner's jacket. The snow was already melting, leaving patches of green and brown strewn through the landscape. The snow angels the little boys had made were a little line of skirted beings in the center of the yard.

Miller knocked lightly on my door as he entered. He handed me bread, a chunk off of the same loaf as yesterday, I was sure and a glass of water. I took a few sips of water, but stashed the bread in my pocket.

“Ready?” I pulled the collar of Tanner's jacket up and turned my face into it, taking in the last of his scent.

“Are you?” Miller's eyes were full of question. I didn't know if it was the reaction to the bread in my pocket or the way I regarded the jacket.

“This is the last house?” I questioned again, “And as soon as tomorrow we can start taking girls to the bunker?”

“The day after we get back.” He motioned. “Come on.”

I followed him down the stairs. Clinks and murmurs echoed from the kitchen and the sweet sultry smell of deer meat and biscuits wafted through the house. My stomach growled at the scent and I considered asking Miller if we had time for something more than bread this morning.