Beast Untamed: Beasts of Bodmin Moor, Book 3 (19 page)

“When does it happen?” she asked, deciding to play along in the hopes of catching him out. If he was hell-bent on going through with this charade, she would challenge him at every turn. “How do you make it happen?”

“It happens whenever I want it to happen. I can will it, control it.”

“And you’ve always been this way?”

“My birth mother was a shapeshifter. I don’t know about my father. Rumor was that he was human. A bad sort who got my mother hooked on drugs. She was young, impressionable.”

Grabbing the water from him, Erin took a long swig. “Did your father know? About your mother being a…shapeshifter?”

Erin blinked. Sipped more water. She couldn’t believe they were having this conversation, and all indications were that Nathan truly believed what he was telling her.

“If he was human, chances are he didn’t know about our pack,” Nathan said, leaning forward and dropping his forearms on his knees. “The protection of our existence is vital to our survival. If the general public knew of us, knew we lived among them, we’d likely be persecuted and driven out. Or worse. That’s why the need for secrecy and circumspection is drilled into every one of us from the time we’re able to understand what we are and what makes us different.”

“There are more of you? Here in Bodmin?”

He pursed his lips. “I’m not at liberty to answer that question. At least, not yet.”

The fear that had abated a little rushed back with full force. Nathan made it all sound so…real. She squeezed her eyes shut. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”

“There’s nothing to fear from us,” he said firmly. “You know me, Erin. You know who I am. You know I’d never hurt you.”

“Do you hurt other people?” she demanded. “When you’re…changed. Do you hurt people?”

“No.” His face paled, as if she’d punched him. “We have a unique ability to change form into a predatory animal, but we don’t need the skills of the beast to survive. We don’t hunt, maim or kill. There’s no reason for it. But we do use our heightened sensory perception when required. Tonight, they helped me find Willa.”

Erin drew in a long breath, glancing down at her dog, who snoozed contentedly at Nathan’s feet. “I’m grateful for that. For you finding Willa. I just don’t understand why you need to become…different. Why do you need to do that?”

“I know this is hard for you to accept—”

“It’s almost impossible to accept.” But slowly she was coming to believe him, which was insane. “This is so incredible, Nathan, and if I hadn’t seen you… If I hadn’t…”

“It’s okay.”

“No. It’s not. You let me be with you, you let me believe that you were…something you’re not.”

The word “normal” hung unspoken in the air. Nathan clasped his hands together and dropped his head. “I know you must think I’m some sort of mutant who—”

“I don’t think that.” She shook her head. “I just don’t understand how this can be possible. How is it possible that you can…that people can change form?”

“The truth of how we came to exist is shrouded in folklore. The theories range from a ritualistic mating between man and beast, to a shamanic curse. But nobody knows for sure. We’ve existed for centuries, and there are thousands of us scattered around the globe.”

“You didn’t think I had a right to know any of this? I fell for you, Nathan. Really hard. You must have known that, and yet you didn’t think I had a right to know?”

“I was trying to find a way, trying to make sure that when I told you you’d—”

“What about that night your eyes changed color? Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“It’s not that easy. We’re not at liberty to confess the truth of who we are to people who aren’t fellow shifters.”

Unable to sit still any longer, she stood on shaky legs and walked to the mantel. “Oh, I get it. We’re good enough to screw but not good enough to be told the truth.”

“It’s not like that. Yeah, okay, we can sleep with non-shifters, but usually that’s all it is. A mutually enjoyable thing that doesn’t go anywhere. Because it can’t go anywhere.” He stood and went to stand beside her. “With you, it was different.”

She railed on him. “Different? Because I don’t ask awkward questions, it’s okay to keep on screwing me?”

He scrubbed his hand through his hair, clenched his teeth. “I want to mate with you, Erin. Fuck it to hell, I want to mate with you.”

The blood drained from Erin’s head. “What?”

“That’s why my eyes turned gold that night. Shit. I almost went out of my fucking head trying to stop it from happening again. Each time I was with you, each time we had sex, I had to will it back.”

“Why did they do that? Turn gold?”

“It happens to a shifter when he’s in panther form.” His throat contracted as he swallowed. “It also happens when he joins with his mate. His true mate.”

Blood swam back to her brain, and Erin drilled her fingers into her temples. “I can’t think straight. I don’t understand half of what you’re saying.”

“You’re my true mate, Erin.” He drew her hands down and stepped closer. “I love you.”

Her eyes filled as he spoke the words, but she shook her head. “I can’t do this. I can’t take this all in.”

His fingers curled around hers. “I love you, Erin. That’s all that really matters. Everything else we can work through. I’ll do whatever you need.”

“I don’t know what I need right now. My head’s spinning.” She met his gaze and, despite what she’d said, knew exactly what she needed. “I’m not sure we can work through this. I love you, Nathan. But this changes everything.”

“Why?”

“Why?” For the first time since she’d found the note from Justin that afternoon, she laughed. “You really have to ask me that? Could it be that the man I love has been lying to me? Withholding the most unbelievable information about who he is? Who’s just told me he’s capable of changing into a dangerous predator whenever the urge takes him? Or that he’s part of a pack that’s sworn to secrecy? Or that he wants to mate with me?” She shook her head again. “What does that mean anyway? That you want to mate with me. We’ve already been having sex every time we’re in spitting distance of each other.”

“It’s more than having sex,” he said, grinding his jaw. “It’s about you becoming mine. About us belonging to each other.”

Her heart squeezed, but her brain still hurt. “You mean getting married?”

“That’s part of it, at least in the eyes of the law. But I want more.” He touched her cheek, sliding his finger over her cheekbone. “I want everything.”

Erin couldn’t believe that after his revelations, after the astonishing truth of what he’d told her, she could welcome his touch. Crave it. “What does
everything
mean?”

“For my kind, it means that you’ll become my mate.” He cupped her face in his hands, touching his thumbs to the side of her mouth. “It means that you’ll give me permission to put my mark on you. To make you mine.”

“Mark? As in bite?” She recalled the way his mouth hovered over her neck when they made love. “You want to bite me?”

He smiled a little, probably because she must have sounded so horrified. “I want to mark you. It’s more than a bite, although technically that’s what it is. It joins us, Erin. It bonds us. It symbolizes my promise to protect you, honor you, cherish you. You’ll become part of me, and I’ll become part of you.”

It had to be down to the weirdness of the moment that she actually found herself aroused by what he was saying. But more than that, she wanted what he was telling her. She wanted to be a part of him. Wanted him to be a part of her. “What happens after that? Would I…become like you?”

He shook his head. “No. You’ll find your senses heightened. Your instincts sharper. But you’ll remain a hundred percent human.”

“I’ve got so many other questions,” she said, walking back to the chair and sinking down. “But first I think I need a stiff drink.”

He nodded, then disappeared into the kitchen, giving Erin the opportunity to try to make sense of everything he’d told her. There were endless things she needed to know, to understand. And something told her that a lifetime wouldn’t be enough time for her to ever get her head around the fundamental truth that Nathan was a shapeshifter.

Bloody hell.
A shapeshifter
. It seemed so desperately surreal. Yet now that the shock was wearing off a little, Erin was able to think about it almost rationally.

When Nathan came back carrying two large whiskeys, Erin reached for the one he offered her. “Caleb and Tynan,” she said. “Are they like you?”

Nathan hesitated. “I’m not at liberty to answer that, but… Oh, fuck it.” He scrubbed his free hand over his face. “To hell with pack rules. Yeah, they are. Caleb is our leader.”

“And Talia and Naomi?”

“Talia’s not a shifter, although she’s one of the fiercest protectors of our pack.”

“How does that work? I thought you said that you didn’t tell outsiders. You said it was vital to protect your pack.”

“Before Talia, it was forbidden for a shifter to mate with a human for that exact reason. It’s a long story, but Talia was originally married to Caleb’s brother. When Caleb came on the scene, the two of them fell in love and mated. The rules of the pack had to be changed to accommodate their union.”

“Despite that, isn’t it still dangerous? What if you tell someone and they betray you?”

“Thank the gods that hasn’t happened. After Caleb mated with Talia, the Council of Principals gave a ruling that if any member wanted to reveal our existence to a human for any reason, the Council has to unanimously agree before it can happen. We thought it was the best way to safeguard our community for the future.”

“The Council of Principals?”

“We make the pack rules and enforce them. The Principals have to be assured there can be no adverse consequences by allowing a non-shifter into the community.”

“You’re a member?”

He nodded. “The Council is formed of firstborn sons of firstborn sons. While I’m not a pureblood, my adoptive father was, and he was also a firstborn. That gave me the right to become a member of the Council after his passing.”

“Have you told the Council? About me?”

“I’ve already asked Caleb to approach the Principals and get their permission for me to tell you about us. As the ruling affects me, I can’t be present at the meeting.”

Erin took a swig of whiskey. “What happens if the Council know you’ve already told me?”

He gave a wry grin. “Hopefully they’ll rule in my favor, and it will be a moot point.”

Erin leaned forward, gripping the tumbler. She hated the thought of Nathan getting into trouble with his pack. “But what if they don’t agree? Is there anything I can do? Like tell them I’d never say anything to harm your community? That I’d keep your existence a secret.”

His eyes softened, his knees brushing hers. “Does that mean you can learn to accept who I am?”

Erin thought about what she and Nathan had shared. Of how he had protected her and Willa. Of his patience, his gentleness. His fierce loyalty to his friends and his pack.

She thought of what she’d left behind in London. The cruelty, the selfishness, the sheer brutality she and Willa had suffered at the hands of Justin.

Her new friends were all members of a community of shifters, and with them, she had found love and acceptance and the strongest sense of belonging she had ever experienced.

With Nathan, she had found…everything. He was the best man she had ever known.

It hit her with such clarity, clearing her mind and allowing her to take the first deep breath in hours. She loved Nathan. She trusted him. All she wanted was to be his. She wanted to be a part of everything, and everyone, she had come to love and treasure.

“I can accept you, Nathan. I love you. I still have so many questions, but I know you’ll answer them.” She put down the glass and reached out for his hands. “I swear I’ll always do whatever necessary to make sure that you, and my friends, are safe and secure. I’ll never betray you.”

He dropped to his knees in front of her, took her mouth in a kiss that consolidated their mutual vows. It was Nathan who drew back a little, but only to whisper the words “I love you” against her lips.

“I love you too, Nathan.” She kissed him again, and then she was the one who drew back. “There are no more secrets between us, right? So I need to tell you that Erin’s not my real name.”

Nathan smiled. “I guessed as much.”

“My real name’s Vanessa, Vanessa Donaldson. I’m in the process of getting a new identity as Erin Howard.”

He touched a finger to her lips. “There’s no longer any reason for you to do that. There’s no way that bastard’s coming near you again. After this latest incident, I’m sure the authorities will have something to say. They don’t take kindly to people tying helpless animals to a tree and leaving them to freeze to death.”

Erin closed her eyes, hardly bearing to imagine Willa that way and what the outcome would have been if Nathan hadn’t saved her.

“Not to mention you’ll threaten to bring charges against him for assault if he doesn’t sign Willa over to you.” Nathan’s tone was vicious. “And I’ll be right there at your side when you do it. Should he refuse, I’ll take great pleasure in kicking his sorry ass from one end of Europe to the other.”

When he drew her to her feet and his arms came around her, Erin slipped her hands around his neck. “I really like your thinking. But as regards my name, I’ve been so happy as Erin, I’m going to have it changed officially by deed poll.”

He touched his mouth to hers in the sweetest and most precious of kisses. “Why don’t you go the whole way?” he suggested, nibbling her lower lip. “Erin Quinn. Now that has an excellent ring to it.”

She pursed her lips, as if considering. Then she smiled. “I like the sound of that. It works.”

Nathan’s arms tightened around her. “So do we, sweetheart.”

This time Erin instigated the kiss. When she drew back, it was to tell him the truth of what she felt. “I accept all of you, Nathan. Everything you are. All I care is that I love you, and I know you love me. If I get the chance, I want to tell your Council that.”

“Hearing you say that is all I need, sweetheart. It’s everything.”