Beast (A Righteous Outlaws Novel #4) (The Righteous Outlaws) (12 page)

Each step I took was with purpose and determination. That fucker needed to learn that he wasn’t allowed in this town. His punk ass belonged on the other side, far the fuck away from my town, my brothers and me. And as far away from Ryan as possible.

Hudson fell in step behind me and, even though I always liked to do things on my own, I could always count on him to have my back.

I made eye contact with Matias. The piece of shit smiled before turning the wheel and taking off like a bitch.

“What do you think that was about?” Hudson asked as he kept his eye on Matias’s car until it was out of sight.

“Who the fuck knows?”

Hudson smacked a hand against my shoulder blades. “Come on. Let’s go catch up with the guys and fill them in.”

I nodded and got on my bike, letting Hudson take the lead. We pulled out onto the street, and I kept my eyes open to our every angle, making sure Matias was nowhere to be seen.

If that piece of shit showed up in Black Hills again, the last thing he would see was the barrel of my gun right before it ended his pathetic existence.

I
followed Matias
, making sure he left town lines. I was almost positive he didn’t see me, but I sure as hell saw him parked behind me. I had his many mug shots memorized in my head. I knew what he looked like with a beard, with a goatee, and with no facial hair at all. He was the type of guy that didn’t do a single thing without motive, so, when I saw him staking out the funeral, I couldn’t ignore it. He was up to something and you can be damn sure I was going to find out what it was.

I acted as if I didn’t see him, completely oblivious to the situation. If he believed that, then he was an idiot, which only made my job easier. By the time we were out of town lines, I knew he was stupid. He didn’t think anyone was following him because, if he did, he wouldn’t be lighting up behind the wheel. I wasn’t in my cruiser and, technically, I was off duty, so I couldn’t pull him over. I thought about calling it in, but then decided against it. As long as he got out of Black Hills, I didn’t give two shits what he did. It wasn’t a decision I was proud of, but I didn’t want to put myself, or my officers, in danger either. Matias had no respect for cops, and I could only imagine what he would do if one tried to pull him over.

As soon as he was a few blocks away from Black Hills, I eased my car onto a side road, and made my way home. At a stop sign, I put my signal on and went to go, when a bike cut in front of me, causing me to slam on my brakes.

My heart thrashed against my chest and I took calm, steadying breaths to slow the beats. The man kicked his leg over his bike, and walked toward my car with hard, angry steps. I would know that build anywhere and, when he took his helmet off, revealing his brown hair with the natural highlights, the anger inside of me exploded.

I got out of the car, slamming the door with enough force to rattle the frame. “What the fuck, Beast?! Are you trying to get me killed?”

“Me?” he growled, fire burning brightly in his eyes. “Why the fuck were you following that bastard?”

He saw me following Matias. I guess I wasn’t as inconspicuous as I thought. Besides, although Beast might have seen me, I knew damn well Matias didn’t, and what I was doing was not any of Beast’s damn business anyway.

“I’m a cop if you forgot. It’s my job to protect the community. If someone, or something, seems off to me, I’m going to investigate whether you like it or not. You have no say in this, and you need to stay out of my way.”

“And what the fuck were you going to do if something happened?”

“Take care of it!”

“Really? In that dress, and those shoes? With no back up and from the looks of it no fucking weapon to defend yourself?”

I lifted the hem of my dress up and over my thigh, revealing a black garter where I had my Beretta .32 strapped in. I looked up through my lashes at Beast, who visibly swallowed as his eyes scanned up the inside of my leg.

I let the dress fall back into place and straightened. “I never go into a situation unprepared.”

“Just alone,” he spat.

“I’m trained. I can handle myself.”

“Coming from the girl who got punched in the face by some drunk.”

“Oh, my God. Let it go already!” I threw my hands in the air, as anger turned into frustration. “You know what. I don’t have time for this. I have a town on edge. The FBI is coming in, and my partner is on a war path for justice. I am tired and cranky, so if you’ll excuse me, I am done with this conversation.”

He stood between my car, and me, blocking my path with his massive frame. I glared at him with every ounce of strength and aggravation I could muster, willing him to get out of my way.

He stepped forward, his large hand coming up to my face, and swiping a fly away hair behind my ear, causing a warm sensation to trickle down my neck. “I’m sorry.” Two words I didn’t think he was capable of saying, fell from his lips so easily.

I stood there with my mouth practically open, completely shocked that he was offering up any apology. “It’s okay,” I finally managed to choke out.

He cupped my cheeks, urging me to look at him. I took a calming breath, and slowly raised my head up, catching those dark eyes that scared me and not because of the deadly stare, but because I found that I liked looking at them. In my earlier encounters with Beast, I thought that those black orbs were void of emotion, but on closer observation, I could see that it was the exact opposite. They were filled with so much pain, agony, regret and loss that there was no room for color or light to shine through.

I wanted to be the one who opened the gate that kept him swimming in the shadows of his past. He was beat down, broken and, while I might not have gone through nearly as much as he had in this life, I knew the feeling.

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” he said, and my breath caught at the sincerity in his tone. It wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a cold night. Washed through me like a glass wine, calming all the built up emotions inside me.

A smile tugged at the edge of my lips. Somewhere along the way, I became one of the few this man cared about. It was almost flattering, but he still needed to understand one thing even if I had to beat him over the head with it. “You have to trust me to do my job, and know that I can take care of myself.”

His hands fell from my face and he stepped back, leaning against my car. He crossed his arms over his chest and nodded, before looking back up at me with those damn eyes. “Does it ever get exhausting?”

“What?”

“Doing it all on your own?”

I rested back on the car beside him, and thought about it for a moment. When I had Chris back in Detroit, it was nice to have someone shoulder some of the weight. Someone to vent to or discuss cases. It was nice knowing I had someone in my corner when I needed them. After he died, my world that I spent so much time dedicating to work, and only work, became smaller and lonelier.

“Sometimes,” I finally said. I looked up from the ground, and met his eyes. “But I have a feeling you already know that.”

He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. Beast and I lived completely different lives, but on the inside, we weren’t that much different at all.

“I should get going.”

He opened my door, as I stepped into the crook between the door and the car. Neither of us said anything else; we just stared at each other in a private conversation that said more than words ever could. I was the first to break away, knowing if I didn’t, I’d never leave. I settled into my seat, and Beast closed my door.

He moved aside, and I gave a wave, as I put the car in drive. It didn’t faze me when he got on his bike and followed me, though maybe it should have. I didn’t want people getting the wrong idea. I was taking on the role of sheriff, and I needed to gain their trust and respect. I had to make them believe that I would do the right thing and uphold the law. But, a part of me just didn’t give a shit about what those people thought and maybe that would be my downfall. Only time would tell.

* * *

M
y house phone rang
, as I pushed into the front door. Without thinking to glance at the caller ID, I answered. Mom was usually the only person who called on my landline anyway. Everybody else sent me a text.

“Ryan?” the voice of my best friend, and Chris’s widow, had me drop my bag on the floor. I hadn’t spoken to her since the funeral. I couldn’t. Every time I did, I saw the life she wouldn’t have because of me. The life I ripped away from her because I wasn’t fast enough. Because I was careless, and looked away for a single second. One second that had forever changed her entire life. I saw her unborn daughter, and the father she would never know. “Please talk to me,” she pleaded, and the broken pieces of my heart shattered even more.

A hot burning lump formed in my throat, blocking any words from coming out. Tears pricked the back of my eyes, and I leaned against the doorframe.

“If you’re not going to talk, then I will. I got your house number from your mom, since you wouldn’t answer my calls on your cell. I thought maybe you got a new number, but your mom confirmed that wasn’t true. You were my best friend, and you just left me when I needed you most. We both lost him, but, when you shut me out, I lost you, too.”

The tears fell freely down my face, and my legs gave out. My body dragged down the doorframe, as I collapsed into a pathetic heap on the floor.

“I was angry at you for a long time. And, not because I thought you had anything to do with Chris’ death, because I know that’s what you’re thinking, but because you got to run away and I didn’t. You left, so you didn’t have to pass his favorite coffee shop on the way to the store. You didn’t have to bump into people who kept saying how sorry they were for your loss, like I lost some inanimate object and not my husband. You didn’t have to drive by the cemetery every goddamned day on your way to work, and have to pull over because you couldn’t see through the tears. You didn’t have to deal with any of that because you left. I hated you for it because I wish I could have left, too.” Her voice cracked, and she sobbed lightly on the other end, making my own tears pour out harder and faster.

She sniffled, and I imagined her wiping a tissue under her eye, taking a deep breath to give her the strength to keep going. She let out a soft laugh. “And then I felt guilty for thinking that. I shouldn’t want to run away because, if I did, I’d be leaving behind all the good stuff, too, you know? I owed it to him to stay and to keep moving forward. To raise our daughter in his hometown, so she would be surrounded by people who knew Chris, and could tell her how great her father was. Tell her how much he wanted her, and how much he loved her, before she was even born.”

My body shook with silent sobs, and I felt like my heart was palpitating out of my chest. I tried to catch my breath, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get air into my lungs.

“You weren’t even here for her birth, and I never got to tell you her name: Christina Ryan. She’s beautiful. She has his smile already, and she’s stubborn just like him.” Her words broke off, and she sobbed louder this time. I hated myself for not being able to offer a single word. To say something, to find a way to make up for everything that I did and didn’t do.

“I miss you, Ry. As much as I miss Chris, and it hurts that you’re not in my life, that you haven’t met my daughter, heard her cry and heard her laugh. It’s the best little laugh and, when I thought I’d never smile again, she gave that back to me. There are days when I’m still sad, but I have her to get me through the rough patches. I just…” She sucked in a rush of air, and I slapped a hand over my mouth to try and muffle the cries prying their way out of me. “I just miss my best friend, and hope that one day you’ll let me back in.”

She went silent, and my heart thrashed against my chest. The lump in my throat grew even larger, but I couldn’t let her hang up. Not yet. I didn’t realize until I heard her voice how much I missed it. I missed my go to person. The one I went to when I needed advice, whose shoulder I cried on, whose kitchen table I laughed at while we shared a bottle of wine. I missed my best friend.

“Goodbye, Ryan.”

“Tiff!”

“Ryan,” she said, her voice filled with so much hope.

“Don’t hang up.” I could barely speak, but it had been so long, and I needed her. I didn’t know how much until I thought I was about to lose her again.

We talked for hours. We cried, we laughed, we reminisced and cried some more, but, for the first time in a very long time, I felt a little lighter. I thought Tiff blamed me just like I blamed myself, but she assured me the thought never even crossed her mind. She knew I thought of Chris as not only my partner, but more like a brother. A brother that I loved, respected, and would do everything in my power to protect just as I knew Chris would do the same for me. She told me she was just happy that I was with him for his final moments on earth so he didn’t have to die alone. I promised her I’d make a point to visit her within the next few months, and meet Christina Ryan. When we finally hung up, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief.

I tried to go to sleep, but I had so many emotions and thoughts bouncing around in my head. I slipped into a pair of running shorts, and pulled on a sports bra, before stepping into my running sneakers. The only way I was going to be able to get any sleep tonight is if I exhausted myself.