Bearilicious - Collection (13 page)

II.

Leticia walked around work the next day like a zombie. Being stood up
again
exhausted her. She wanted to find the right man and start a family, but she felt uncomfortable in her skin. When she was a little girl, she wished she could be Cinderella - tall, thin, blonde, and blue eyed - but wishing did not make it so.

Perhaps if her hips weren’t so large and her legs weren’t so short and she weren’t so naturally hairy (she tried to think of more “and…” scenarios but what was the point, really?), then she’d be more attractive to the opposite sex.

She found herself incredibly unmotivated. She decided to check up on the Men Seeking Women ads. She never answered them - she liked to avoid being murdered - but it gave her a boost of self-esteem to see some of the people on it. She scrolled through, looking for any interesting titles.

“‘Successful Man Seeking Wife,’” she read aloud softly. “That sounds interesting.”

“Grumpy, but successful, man seeking a kind, responsible woman to marry,” the ad read. “Let’s cut out the dating and just get to settling down. The woman must possess ambition, family values (as I am very close to my family), and an ability to be her own person. I’m looking for a partner, not a co-dependent. If this is you, call or email.”

The ad sounded significantly shorter and less crazy than she figured it would be. In fact, it interested her. She liked that the poster got right to the point - he wants to get married without the troubles (and disappointments) of dating. It sounded right up her alley, really. Of course, she also still wanted to avoid getting murdered.

She decided she’d email, and see how that went. Why not?

...

Across town in a large, remodeled loft apartment, Lorenzo’s computer made a shrill “bing.” He’d been receiving emails for much of the morning, but none really struck him; in fact, most seemed to be scams. One sent a rather graphic photo with an unknown man’s naked body.

Unfortunately, he received more graphic pictures in texts. He regretted putting his phone number on the ad. His computer binged again, making him decide to take the ad down. He knew online dating was a bad idea.

He first removed the ad, then looked to his email. He hoped for no more pictures, so he deleted the ones with attachments. He didn’t want to take any chances. That got rid of at least a quarter of them, then the next quarter were spam. The others he had to go through - none were spectacular. He leaned back in his chair and sighed.

“That was a disappointment,” he said to himself.

His computer made a bing once more. He rubbed his forehead, figuring it would be spam, but he looked anyway. Not spam. No attachments. Seems safe.

“Dear Successful Single Man,

“Your ad sounds like a breath of fresh air. I currently work as a sports journalist, and I hope to one day write for ESPN (even if it’s just one article.) Like you, I’m very close with my family.

I have an older brother and a younger sister; furthermore, my parents are still together, so I have a stable upbringing. Like you as well, I am
exhausted
by dating. If we could skip the drama and get right to the relationship, that would be wonderful.

“Sincerely, Leticia.”

Lorenzo gave a slightly upturned frown. This girl sounded promising - at the very least, she didn’t seem crazy. And she liked sports. He also liked sports. Of course, there always seemed to be another shoe ready to drop.

He shrugged and started his reply. He didn’t think he was going to fall in love with her anyway. He hoped it would be more like a business arrangement - clean and professional. After Teresa, he just didn’t have any of his heart left to give to someone else.

III.

Initially, Leticia was delighted she received a response from the man who wrote the ad. His response was short and sweet - meet for lunch the next day at El Principe Oso.

She didn’t think they were even open for lunch, but he must know more than she did (she hoped upon hope he didn’t stand her up at a closed restaurant. Just imagining it made her feel humiliated.) The rest of the day, she felt light and airy, as though she could fly home from work.

Then she remembered she could not be light and airy. Even her bones weren’t light and airy - her skeleton must share her wide hips. She feared when she arrived at the restaurant, he’d take one look at her (if he was there), laugh, and leave.

She’d once had a blind date do nearly the same thing, though he didn’t laugh. He told her she wasn’t his type and left. If this whole thing didn’t work out, she’d go to the local animal shelter, adopt a couple cats or dogs, and call it good.

She searched her closet for the perfect outfit. She tried on nearly all her dresses, trying to figure out which one would be best. For a situation that was supposed to be cut and dry - meet, like each other enough, get married - she treated it like a date.

This situation wasn’t one she was used to or, perhaps, prepared for. Yet, she chose her tried and true black dress with ruching in the front. It made her feel thin, and she figured if she felt thin, perhaps she would actually look it.

The lunch filled her with dread. That’s the only word she had to describe it. Pure dread.

Lorenzo felt the same dread. What if his date turned out to be a crazy, creepy man or a pimply fifty-year old woman with five kids who all live at home. He didn’t want to date in the first place, but to be deceived would be awful.

He liked Leticia (if that were her real name) because she was so honest with him in her message. One thing Teresa wasn’t was honest. Still, he hadn’t met this mystery woman yet, so she could be anyone. She could be a liar too. Who really knew?

Lorenzo had the restaurant open early so they wouldn’t be disturbed. He had to call in a favor with the chefs, but they liked getting the extra hours every so often. He chose his favorite casual date outfit - a black collared shirt and black pants.

He liked to wear the color of mourning before starting on something that’s supposed to be so life-giving. Maybe he liked to turn conventions on their toes. Or maybe he never believed in love at all.

He arrived early in order to make the place look presentable (and open.) As he set out flowers, he noticed a woman in a black dress pearing in through the glass doors, her hands cupped over her face to get a better look.

He rushed to the door and opened it slightly, “Are you Leticia?”

She nodded, “Are you the man from the ad?”

“I am,” he said, opening the door for her. “I’m Lorenzo. I’m sorry I didn’t give you my name in our messages.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad you actually were here. I was worried.”

“Yeah, I opened the restaurant early for privacy.” He rubbed the back of his head nervously. “The diners always stare at me since I kind of own the place.”

“You… you
own
El Principe Oso?”

“My family does, yes.”

She shook her head in disbelief and said softly, “This is crazy.”

He laughed and led her to the dark table he often shared with his father. Though he didn’t expect it, Leticia’s beauty stunned him. She was definitely shorter than him (quite possibly the shortest he’d ever dated), but her body had all the right curves.

Her expressive and large brown eyes spoke of some kind of heartache, but her smile hid any sign of sadness. Perhaps it had scared her when he wasn’t outside to meet her.

He just hated when people talked to him, so he liked to keep himself out of situations or places where that may happen, like outside his restaurant.

“Order whatever you like,” he said, sitting across from her. “You may have a glass of wine, if you like.”

She nodded and opened the menu he’d placed on the table, “Thank you. I think I’ll be fine though.”

“Of course,” he nodded as well, opening the menu as well, even though he always got the same thing.”Just let me know what you’d like, and I can go tell the cooks.”

“Okay.”

She seemed surprisingly meek, even in her body language. Something about her entranced him in a way he hadn’t felt in some time. He felt his hands feel clammy like they did when he transformed into a bear. He looked down, and noticed he’d started to sprout hair.

Sometimes when he got excited he’d transform, which proved very awkward for him when he first reached puberty or when he played sports. When his blood started to warm, the bear within him wanted to come out. He closed his eyes and tried to steady himself. She was just a (beautiful) woman, and he was just a (frightened) man. No big deal.

"I think I want the Carne Tampiqueña," she said as she closed her menu. "Did you want wine?"

He shrugged, gathering the menus and standing, "It may clear the air. I'm afraid I'm usually a bit of a grump with not much to say. Wine may make me more palatable to you."

She laughed, "I don't have much to say either, so this may be a quiet lunch."

"Well, they say silence is golden. I'll go get this started for you, and grab us some wine."

He moved quickly to the kitchen and then to the bar. Thankfully, he'd calmed down a bit so his hands were their normal hairiness, but he felt he may have to take a drive to the woods and transform after the meeting. Leticia made him nervous - he needed to get back to his animal instincts for a while.

At her seat, Leticia thought the meeting was going rather well. He hadn’t called the whole thing off yet. Perhaps her black dress did more wonders for her body than she thought. Lorenzo himself was more handsome than she thought he would be.

With him being taller than her - though probably even Napoleon was taller than her - he had an imposing presence, and his dark eyes had a wild look in them that she couldn’t quite comprehend.

He returned with a grin and two glasses of wine, “This is one of my favorite wines. It’s a Malbec.”

She nodded, not sure what that meant, “Thank you.”

“So, what we can do then is get the rings, perhaps introduce each other to our parents. I can have one of our assistants look into the other wedding details, unless that’s something you’d want to plan on your own. I’m looking to get married rather quickly, if that’s okay with you.”

“You still want to do this, then? Even after meeting me?”

He laughed, “That was the intent, wasn’t it? I don’t know why meeting you would change my mind.”

She shrugged, “I figured I might not look like you expected.”

He touched her hand tenderly, “You’re better than expected. Plus, you don’t talk much. That’s always appreciated by a husband.” She didn’t laugh. She stared down at her hand in his. “Sorry, that was a bad joke.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” she forced herself to chuckle and look up at him.

They both felt something blooming they’d never experienced before. It was different than other relationships before - perhaps more true since the endgame was already set. Something neither expected in a Classifieds ad arranged marriage.

IV.

When Leticia had imagined getting engaged and married, she had imagined it to be a little more romantic. She also imagined she’d be marrying Leonardo DiCaprio, but that always was a bit of a long shot.

Still, she thought there would be the tingling moments of the courtship, the ups and downs of the long relationship, the joy of finally getting to the milestone of the ring, and then, of course, the actual growing old together part.

To ease her disappointment from not having the romance she always imagined, she attempted to plan the most beautiful wedding she could.

Yet, when she and Lorenzo went to one of the oldest jewelry stores in town, she felt incredibly close to him. It was only their second time seeing each other, but the way he smiled when she opened her door when he came to pick her up made her heart flutter.

He even complimented her, something men never did (unless it was a backhanded compliment like. “That dress makes you look less fat than usual,” which had, unfortunately, actually been said to her.)

In the jewelry store, a thin, pretty blonde helped them, but Lorenzo didn’t seem to notice her, only focusing on Leticia and what she wanted. He actually was somewhat rude to the counter lady when the woman suggested a ring in a bigger size since Leticia’s fingers looked “a little larger than the average size.”

“Her fingers look like a normal size to me,” he shrugged.

“I’ve found the…
curvier
women have thicker fingers,” the woman said snobbishly.

“Well, rings can be resized, can they not?” he asked with narrowed eyes.

“Well, yes, but if you want to walk right out the door…”

“She will try on any of the rings she wants, and if they are too small, they can be resized,” he hissed. “It doesn’t matter how curvy she is. That has nothing to do with it.”

The woman didn’t make any more comments. It turned out Leticia’s fingers were the average size, and she found a ring easily - without resizing. She appreciated how quick Lorenzo was to stick up for her.

He seemed not at all concerned with her curves; in fact, he seemed to like them. She felt very comfortable with him, even if he treated the arrangement more like a business deal than a romantic venture.

On the other hand, her family largely were surprised by the match. Her mother especially was surprised by the size of the engagement ring. After bringing Lorenzo for the engagement announcement, Leticia was pulled away by her mother for a discussion alone.

“Did you know him before?” Leticia’s mother asked while examining the rock on her finger. “Was there some kind of long lost love kind of thing?”

“We met on the internet,” Leticia said. “We’re both just ready to settle down.”

Leticia’s mother nodded, still examining the ring. “It’s just quite a shock, T.C.”

“I know. The last you knew I was getting stood up, and now I’m getting married to the owner of El Principe Oso.”

“Wait, his family owns all those restaurants?” her mother now seemed more serious. “Oh darling, you can’t marry him.”

“Why not? You don’t like restaurant moguls?”

“How do you not see it? Haven’t we taught you better?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Their family is touched by Tezcatlipoca, the god of the Great Bear constellation.”

“That means nothing to me.”

“It’s an Aztec god. His animal disguise was a jaguar, but he protected those he favored by allowing them to transform into bears and avoid the human sacrifices.”

“That’s the craziest thing you’ve ever said.”

“The Aztecs are your ancestors too. You should know your culture.”

“I was born in Sacramento, California. And Dad’s family were Spanish. I did a history project on it in like 7th grade, remember?”

“I know what I’m talking about.”

“Look, I understand how you wouldn’t want me to marry someone I just met. But making stuff up about how he transforms into a bear? That’s just crazy.”

Leticia left the room, trying not to seem angry in front of the rest of her family. Her mother followed close behind, though not hiding her agitation. Lorenzo seemed to be getting along with Leticia’s father and brother, though he was as grumpy as ever.

Her father and brother usually got along with everyone, grumpy or not. Leticia expressed they had to get going - to the rest of the family and Lorenzo’s surprise - and quickly said her goodbyes.

In the car ride home, she still seethed over what her mother had said. No one transforms into a bear. That’s just ludicrous.

“Your dad and brother are fun guys,” Lorenzo said, sensing the tension in the car.

“Yeah,” Leticia answered. “My mom seems to think your family transforms into bears because of some Aztec god, so she doesn’t want me to marry you.”

“What?”

“It’s crazy. I don’t know what she’s thinking.”

He nodded, not sure of what to say. He’d hoped this would come out when she met his parents. His father was much better at explaining the whole thing.

“I mean, if you did transform into a bear, then who cares? A bear isn’t a wolf or anything. They mostly keep to themselves.”

“Right.”

“It all sounds very
Twilight.
I just don’t buy it.”

“It’s not like
Twilight.
It’s nothing like
Twilight.
”

“What are you saying?”

He shrugged, “I’m saying it’s not like
Twilight.
That’s all.”

“Are you confirming the whole transforming-into-a-bear thing?”

“I… I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Then when are we going to talk about it? Christ, I didn’t even know this was something I’d have to talk to you about!”

“Can you just trust me on this?”

He reached for her hand, and she let him take it. She sighed and conceded, though the whole thought of bear-shifting confused (and slightly terrified) her.

He kissed her hand, but neither spoke until they returned to her apartment. At her resistance, he walked her to her door.

“Well, I hope you still want to meet my parents tomorrow night at my place. They are excited to meet you,” he said, giving her space on her stoop.

She nodded, “That will be fine.”

“I swear we can talk about this. Just not right now.”

She nodded again.

“Would it be okay if I kissed you right now?”

She wasn’t sure how to respond, so she nodded once more. He moved forward slowly and leaned in to touch her lips with his. His lips were soft and comforting, easing away the anger she had felt. A passion brewed between them as they kissed, her hands moving to run through his hair while his followed the curves of her body.

A car honked, startling them apart as the driver shouted, “Get a room!”

The two laughed together and bid adieu. Though Leticia still worried about the bear business, it didn’t particularly bother her. Their relationship was unconventional, but more fulfilling than any of her other relationships (or lack thereof) had been.

Maybe the accelerated, abridged version really was the love story she wanted.