Beale Street Blues (18 page)

"Are you sure?" Because she wasn't. And there was no way she'd allow herself to be a pawn that Rodney could use against Jaxon. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in until her forehead touched his. She inhaled long and slow. She loved the scent of him, a mixture of mandarin and persimmon "Are you really sure?"

"Don't worry about it. We've done everything as HR told us." He stroked a hand up and down her arm. "The rest is up to Rodney."

Darling closed her eyes and replayed the months since Steve uttered the words that'd changed her life. She'd left North Carolina, moved in with her parents and thought life was over. Too much of that time had been spent waiting. Waiting on Steve to chase after her and beg her to come back home. But, it'd never happened and she'd had to figure out how to drag herself out of bed and put one foot in front of the other one until she could stand. Even if it was on weaker legs.

Interviews had sucked because how can you convince someone to hire you when you're not sure of what you have to give. Not because she wouldn't work hard or be able to do the job, but because she left her desire for life in North Carolina with her ex and his new wife. Or, at least she thought she had.

She stared into the eyes of the man she loved. There was still so much more in her to give, and she wanted to give every drop of it to Jaxon. "Wow, stay-at-home mom." She couldn't resist stealing a kiss. "I can't believe we're really going to try this."

"You can go back to work anytime you want." He smiled. I can think of all sorts of jobs. Of course, there would be a rigorous interview process."

"Interview, huh?" She kissed him again. This time, she lingered and enjoyed the warmth of his mouth and the softness of his lips.

"Yes, but I could put in a good word or two." He ran a hand along the length of her back curving at her butt and then back to her shoulders before he kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love you, too, and I know I could go back to work at any time. It's just—I never thought this would happen for us." Years of wondering why her mother and father loved each other the way they did became as clear as if one of them had whispered some ancient secret into her ear. She understood why her mother dedicated her life to her husband and children, and why work had been a means to support them, not the purpose of her life. It hadn't made her mother weak to depend on her father. It'd made her family strong.

"And it makes you feel dependent on someone," he paused. "Does it scare you to depend on me?" His eyes held the question as much as his words.

"At first, I was petrified. But, I don't know. I can't explain. I'm not scared of being with you. I'm afraid to be without you. The only thing I can think about now is being the mother of your child and your wife." She kissed him again.

His arms tightened around her waist. "I'm so glad you came into my life. I can't wait until you become Mrs. Jaxon Slater."

"Hmmm. Have you ever thought about becoming Mr. Darling Crawford?" She laughed as she raked her fingers through his hair.

The strength of his embrace along with the gentle touch of his lips to hers dragged her heart deeper into his love. The deeper he kissed her, the more she knew she was never meant to be anywhere but where she was, in his arms and having his baby.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

D
arling popped the last slice of the juicy Clementine into her mouth and savored its sweet tanginess as she welcomed the warm breeze swirling around them. The quick wind whipped at her orange cotton sundress bellowing it slightly. Jaxon's hand disappeared in the folds of the fabric as he held it against her thigh. But, she welcomed its cooling flutter against her skin. And with the touch of his hand so close to the most delicate part of her, she needed that wind to cool and calm her.

It'd been too long since they'd had a day of doing nothing. The picnic Jaxon prepared included one of her new faves, smoked Gouda cheese. As she bit into another piece, she wondered why she'd never known it was so delicious!

Jaxon's hand rubbed the length of her rounded belly curving at the bottom before sliding back to the top. "Do you need anything to drink?"

Now that she was in the last weeks of her pregnancy, Jaxon had significantly cut back his time in the office to be with her. And she loved every moment. He'd spent too many long nights in the office in preparation for taking time off after the baby's birth. Soon, there would be three of them and she wanted just a little more time with nothing but the two of them. It was selfish, yes, but she didn't think she'd ever be able to love someone as much as she loved him. It might take time for her to get used to sharing him. No matter how much time they spent together, it was never enough. And when they made love, if it was possible, it was better than before the pregnancy. They had to get creative with her belly, but a few of their new tricks would definitely be used after the baby was born.

"No." She glanced over at her dwindling pile of cheese. "But, I think we're running low on Gouda." She arched her neck to look up at him with a smile.

He brushed a hand across her forehead, then let his fingers comb through her hair. "I didn't think you'd be able to finish that hunk of cheese by yourself."

"It's not me." She rubbed her belly. "It's your son. He demands cheese and oranges."

The smile that covered his face sent shivers through her. Little Jaxon kicked in response. She grabbed Jaxon's hand and positioned it, so he could feel the baby move, too.

At the first kick, his eyes widened.

Regardless of how many times they did this, she didn't think she'd ever tire of seeing his reaction. The only way to describe his response was love. Pure love for her and their son.

"You've made me happier than I ever thought I deserved to be. You know that right?" His other hand swiped at the bangs resting against her forehead.

"I feel the same." She sat up and leaned back into the hard wood planks of the park bench. "But, I—I still don't want this huge wedding." The day had been so wonderful and she didn't want to ruin it, but they'd been avoiding the conversation for weeks. "It gets bigger and bigger every day."

"Baby, I will give you a full-body massage every night for the rest of our lives." He smiled. "This wedding would make my mother so happy. She really wants to do this big 'wedding' thing." He waited. "She never thought this day would happen." He leaned over and kissed her, tenderly. "It would make her so happy."

She didn't want to be an ungrateful jerk, but she'd done the huge wedding thing before. Of course, her parents would love for her to have another big wedding in a church, too. But, she wasn't sure she wanted that this time. "The church part is fine, but…" She reached for her purse to retrieve the papers tucked inside.

"Wait, I'll get them," he said.

"Thank you." She flipped to the last page. "Babe, this list has hundreds of names on it. I don't recognize any of them, except for Annette and my parents."

He took the papers she offered and scanned them. "Do you want to invite anyone else?"

"No, babe, my point is I don't need anything this big." Her eyes fell to the huge stomach hiding her feet. "I just wanted it to be us and our families. Not all this."

"We could scale it back." He took a pen from her purse and began to cross out names. "I'll take care of it."

God, the look in his eyes broke her heart. He and his mother didn't want to do anything, but give her a big wedding, every woman's dream. And she knew her parents wanted this wedding because they hadn't been big fans of the first one. Her parents hadn't been allowed to be a part of Steve's planning of their wedding.

But, she'd had the big wedding and the marriage didn't last. This time, she wanted to make it smaller…just family. But, was the wedding the problem, or her dumb choice of the wrong man. Guilt shamed her, it wasn't fair of her. Jaxon hadn't been married. He deserved to have what she'd had, but she was a little afraid, maybe big weddings were bad luck.

Ridiculous. The sadness in his eyes cut through her fear. "I'm sorry, babe, whatever you want. I guess I'm a little scared about the big wedding thing."

"Why?" he asked.

"I did the whole big fancy wedding thing with Steve and what did that do for me?" She didn't want Jaxon to think she didn't want him. Sometimes, she still struggled with the shadows of her failed marriage.

He folded the pages in his hand and stuffed them back into her purse. Then, he swept her legs from the bench and placed them across his lap. Touching her chin, gently, he turned her face, so that her eyes met his. "That marriage is behind you." His lips touched hers. "I never thought I'd find a woman like you to share my life with. A woman I wanted to have a family with. And I want everyone I know to know that." With a hand on her stomach, he said, "I ran from this my entire life. But, I'm not running anymore. And I won't let you run."

"I don't deserve you." She traced her thumb over the shape of his lips. "I'm sorry that I keep screwing this up."

The smile that gave her a reason to wake early and go to bed late, just for a glance, sprung across his face. "Nothing you do would screw this up. And I promise, we'll scale back," he whispered through a kiss that sent shockwaves through her body awakening parts of her that only his touch could quiet.

Jaxon sat across the table from the bubbly wedding planner listening to their mothers bombard the poor woman with questions about every nuance of the wedding while Darling sampled cakes, quietly.

Whatever she'd tasted pleased her because she asked for another piece. "Here, honey, taste this," she said as she pushed a piece of something chocolaty into his mouth.

He made a mental note to buy the biggest thing of chocolate he could find as soon as possible. For the rest of his life, he wanted to lick chocolate from every part of her body. "I like it." It was good, but the frosting coating Darling's lips tempted him more. He leaned in and kissed her. "But, you taste better," he whispered against her lips. "How much longer do we have to be here?"

"Ask them." She pointed at their mothers who were so engaged they probably wouldn't have noticed if the two of them got up and walked out.

"I know I promised, but—" As much as he wanted to reel in their parents, he wanted them to go crazy. The woman sitting beside him made him proud. If she wanted, she could walk away from him, from everything and do whatever she set her mind on. He grew more thankful every day that that wasn't what she wanted.

Instead of sitting at home during the pregnancy, she'd decided to enroll in classes at Vanderbilt. Before their baby was two years old, she'd have her master's degree. When she went back to work for the company, she didn't want people whispering about her credentials. Hell, he had a master's too, but he only did it to get away from his father, not to be successful in business. He hadn't even wanted the damn company. But, now, he placed his hand on her stomach, it was about so much more than just him.

The forkful of cake she loaded into her mouth muddled her words. "It's…okay."

"No, I'll talk with them again. They've added names." As the list grew longer, he worried that she might back out. At one point, someone mentioned releasing butterflies. Butterflies!

"They're happy for us," she said.

He leaned in close and whispered against her ear, "Are you?" Damn, he didn't know what he'd do if she wasn't happy.

Her eyes closed briefly, and then they opened. "Yes."

The simple word rolled over him like warm molasses calming the anxiousness he hadn't realized built as he waited for her response. But, no matter how much he wanted to accept it. He knew she was not happy with the extravagance of the wedding. "Mom, I think my future wife is getting tired. We're going to call it a day." He stood and reached for her hand to help her.

For the first time since they'd entered the shop, his mother and hers turned their attention away from the wedding planner and the pile of binders spread across the table in front of them. "But, son, we have so much more to do." She glanced at Mrs. Crawford for back up. "We haven't tasted half of these, yet." She pushed around some of the samples plated in front of them.

"You guys pick out what you like best. And we'll set-up another appointment later."

They kissed both women and left the small boutique bakery tucked away on one of Nashville's busiest streets. As the door closed, the delicious smells of raspberry and chocolate wafted out of shop behind them.

"So, what do you really want to do?" he asked as they strolled toward their car.

"Could we go for a walk?" she asked. "The sun feels wonderful on my skin."

"Were you cold inside?" He draped his arm over her shoulders.

"No. It's just that I think the baby likes the sun as much as I do." She placed a flat hand on her stomach. "He's kicking like mad." She smiled up at him.

He rested his hand on top of hers. "You're not tired?"

"No, not really and besides, the doctor said walking would be good for the baby. This has been the longest pregnancy ever!" She patted her stomach. "Maybe he'll come on out."

"He likes being inside of you." Jaxon smiled. "I know I do. Walking isn't the only activity the doctor recommended." He'd prefer his idea of activity to hers.