BBW ROMANCE: BWWM Romance: A Cowboy’s Southern Comfort (Military Cowboy Pregnancy Romance) (Interracial Army Contemporary Fantasy Romance Short Stories) (6 page)

“Santa Fe,” I repeat. Just feeling the name on my tongue is a tonic for the stress of the day. All the names out west are like that. Beautiful and flowing Spanish names like San Francisco, San Antonio and San Jose.

“Land is cheap,” he says. “And there’s a lot of it. We can make a nice living there.”

“A little house in Santa Fe,” I said dreamily. “That’s all I want.”

“I know,” he said. “We’ll get there.”

We’ve reached my tenement building and the screams of children from the windows brought me out of my lovely sun filled dream.

“I should say goodnight,” Sean said. “I’ll have to be up early tomorrow morning.”

“I wouldn’t want to keep you,” I said reluctantly. Even though we both knew that wasn’t true. I wanted to keep Sean with me as long as possible. But, I knew he was right. If he was to impress the boss, he had to go.

He kissed me gently but briefly. And, with a smile, he disappeared down the street.

Even so, I allowed my heart to remain light as a feather as I lay in bed that night. I dropped my latest letter to Rose in my large crate. My mind filled with a life with Sean on the sunny plains of Santa Fe, New Mexico.

My heart remained light as I walked to work the next morning. It did not drop one bit until I saw the smoke.

Black, pluming smoke was rising from the factory building just ahead of me. As I moved closer, I could hear shouts and cries and screams from the street below.

Quickly as I could, I raced towards the screams. I did not notice the people on either side of me. Instead, I focused wholly on the building in front. A black, hollow shell was all that remained of the factory. Even so, I ran towards the shell and did not stop until I ran straight into a police officer who grabbed me by my shoulders.

“I’m sorry miss,” the large man said. “Only the firefighters are allowed inside.”

“Was...was anyone in the building?” I asked. I knew the answer before he said it.

“Five men, it looks like,” he told me. “Poor devils.”

“Were any...were any of them able to get out?” I asked. I don’t know why I did. I knew the answer. He looked down at me sadly and shook his head.

Over his shoulder, I saw two firefighters carrying a still figure, black with ash out of the building. I pushed past the officer and ignored his cries of “Miss! Come back!”

I did not stop until I was close enough to see Sean’s face staring up at me. His breathing was completely still, his eyes closed, and his mouth formed a peaceful line. As if he’d fallen asleep and had no intention of waking.

***

They told me later that I didn’t scream or cry when I saw Sean. They told me that I laid down next to his body and refused to be moved. They told me it took three large firemen to hoist me to my feet and pull me away.

I don’t remember any of that. I don’t remember anything after seeing Sean’s still, peaceful face amidst the rubble. Truth be told, everything after that moment was a blur. Even after the funeral one week later, I could not bring myself out of my own haze.

It was only when my Aunt told me that I had to find a job or find another place to live that I was forced to rejoin the living.

“We’ve been patient enough,” she told me. “I’ve eight children and James only has his factory work. The household cannot run on that. You must find some employment or find a place of your own.”

I agreed to go out and search for work every day. My Aunt seemed to accept this. But, each time I approached one of the large, imposing factories in town for a job, something would stop me.

I couldn’t imagine working in a factory any longer. Not after Sean. Not after he had confirmed my dreams of living on a farm. Living in the country with fresh air and space. Living in a place of my own.

I would still go out every day. But, I did not look for work, even though I told my Aunt that I was still searching. Instead, I went to Saint Anne’s church on the corner of the street. I went there to pray. To talk to God about what I should do.

Truthfully, I’d never thought much about God before. I went to Church on Sunday at Aunt Martha’s insistence, but that was all.

Now, I realized I needed someone to talk to. Someone who would listen to me. About Sean,  about moving west about all of it.

Of course, the person I truly wanted to talk to was my sister. I’d never felt her absence more keenly than I did after Sean’s death. It was like an aching gap in my heart. Like I’d lost both of the people I loved most in this world and would never get them back.

I needed to fill the gap somehow. And Jesus was always there. At the church altar just waiting for me.

So, each day, I kneeled before him and prayed. I begged him to show me a life beyond the one I knew now. I told him how I missed my sister. How desperately I missed Sean. How the idea of a life in Boston as a factory girl filled me with a cold dread.

I prayed that he would show me a way out. I prayed that he would show me how I could find a new life. A life that was mine in a place far from here.

After one week, he saw fit to answer.

As I left the church, I saw it sitting on a table at the entrance. As though someone had placed it there just for me.

It was a magazine called The Hand and Heart. Interested, I picked it up and flipped through it. My heart lifted when I saw what was inside. Men out West asking for correspondence with women back east. ‘With an eye towards Matrimony,’ they said.

I knew in an instant, this was the answer to my prayer. Hurriedly, I hid the magazine in my sleeve like a stolen treasure. I did not pull it out again until I was alone in my bed by the window that night.

With a single light burning from the candle, I examined the pages.

My heart fell into a pit of frustration when none of the men, some of whom had included pictures, inspired anything in me.

Of course, I had not expected to find a soul mate. That had been Sean. And no man, living or dead could replace him.

But, I knew if I was going to even consider marriage to a man, I had to feel something for him. And, when I looked at these advertisements, I felt nothing but a dull, aching emptiness.

That is until I saw him.

I turned the page and I was immediately struck by a pair of wide, kind and open eyes. The young man looked to be only one or two years my senior. And, best of all, his small mouth was curled upward in a near smile.

His entire appearance spoke of a gentleness that had been missing in the others.

I looked to the side and found his name. Michael Johnson. He ran a small farm with his twin brother. They lived in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

My breath caught in my chest as soon as I read the town name. Santa Fe, New Mexico.

I knew immediately, God had given me the sign I prayed for. The sign I had been waiting for since I opened the little booklet.

With the candle still burning, I hurriedly grasped a piece of paper and pencil. For the first time in years, I wrote a letter to someone other than my sister.

***

After three months of ‘searching for a job’, I found myself sitting in a train car on the way to an entirely new life. My aunt didn’t even look the bit upset upon my departure. It was the day before that I mentioned, and it seemed as though a breath of relief came out of her. None of that had any effect on me, as I felt excited butterflies float their way through my stomach. It was the first time I had truly been excited about anything at all since Sean died.

Now, I couldn’t help but smile. I’d not forgotten Sean or the great emptiness his death left within me. But, I also could not pretend that Michael Johnson had served to ease that emptiness a great deal.

He answered my first letter by praising my straight forward tone.

“I have a tendency to dream my life away,” he said, “And my brother is worse in this regard. We need a woman with a good head on her shoulders.”

Already he reminded me of Sean. Sean who used to spin wild tales and dreams for me. Sean who I was forever having to bring back down to earth.

I must admit, I worried a bit when Michael asked for a photograph. I had never been particularly fond of my appearance. I was plain at best.

I was astonished when Michael hailed me as ‘pretty’ and ‘exactly as I thought you would be’.

As I sat in that train car and looked through the window at the passing New Mexico landscape, I took out his letter and read it over again. I’d done it more than a dozen times before. But, I found I never tired of it.

My dearest Mary
, it said.

I count myself as the luckiest man alive to know that you have accepted my proposal. I promise to do everything in my power to make you every bit as happy as you deserve to be. Enclosed is the train ticket that will bring you to your new life. Until you arrive, I will wait with baited breath. Truth be told, I fear I will not be able to sleep at all until I finally see your sweet face.

Until then, I am ever yours,

Michael

I had to admit, he had a knack for language that Sean lacked. In fact, I didn’t think I’d ever met anyone who could match his passion in written form. And, that was every bit as exciting as this new life I was embarking on.

I was going to meet a man who had passion and sincerity and a kindness in his gaze. It wouldn’t be like what I had with Sean. I knew that. And, I didn’t expect it.

But, no matter what, I knew it would be a change. And, that was what I was looking forward to more than anything. To start a new life far away from the old.

I felt the train pull to a stop at the tiny station in Santa Fe. Looking out the window, my heart stopped when I saw him.

A tall young man with blonde hair and bright green eyes tapping his fingers on his arm and looking anxiously at the train. I had to smile seeing him there. He looked like a little boy waiting for Christmas morning.

I felt my chest flutter as I grabbed hold of my satchel and stood from my seat. My eyes did not leave the window until the porter came into the compartment and offered to take my trunk.

I thanked him and we both moved to exit the train. As we did, nerves began to mingle with the excitement filling my stomach. A sudden and horrible thought came to my mind. What if he didn’t like me? What if he took one look at me, realized he’d made a huge mistake and sent me back?

As soon as I stepped off the train and our eyes met, I knew how foolish that was. Those wide, kind eyes looked straight into mine and began to dance with joy. A smile lit his face as he moved towards me on the platform.

“Mary!” he exclaimed reaching me. He took hold of my hand and pressed it in both of his. Even through the thin gloves I wore, I could feel the heat from his skin rush through me.

A thrill shot through my heart. It was a thrill I had not felt for a very long time.

“Michael,” I said. “It is very nice to meet you at last.”

He laughed, an uninhibited buoyant laugh that seemed to ring as wide as the untamed land around us.

“Miss Mary,” he said finally. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, I felt my own mouth turning upward to form a wide grin. I knew then that there was no reason to fear.

Michael took the trunk that held Rose’s letters along with some of my personal things and moved it into a single horse drawn wagon waiting for us outside the station. He then moved to help me up into the wagon as well.

When he took my hand, I felt the same heat rush through my body. This time, I was certain it turned my cheeks red though I attempted to hide it. Michael did not seem to notice. And, if he did, he was polite enough not to mention it.

“You seem to have brought a lot of luggage with you,” he said once we were on the road. I knew he was referring to the crate with Rose’s letters. I hadn’t told him about the letters, or about my sister. It seemed too private a revelation to be written down.

I wondered if I should tell him now that we had met face to face. But, in the end, I lost my nerve.

“It’s just old keepsakes mostly,” I said, revealing only a half truth. “Things to remind me of home.”

“Well, I hope you can feel that this is your home now,” He said looking at me with a kind smile. I grinned back and hoped that there was no guilt at having held something back in my expression.

“I’m sure I will,” I answered.

“You’ll like the farm, I think,” he said. “It’s not too large. Only five acres. But, we’ve been fairly successful with it.”

As we rode, he told me all about the land. The cattle that he and his brother had taken to raising. The horses that roamed in the pastures. The different crops they had. He took pride in his work, I could tell. And, though some might have found it dull, I found that his passion was infectious.

“And, of course, you’ll meet my brother, Sam when we arrive,” he told me. “We’ll be joined by his bride in about a week.”

“His bride?” I asked. Michael told me about his twin brother, but, he failed to mention a fiancé.

“Yes,” Michael said. “I must have forgotten to mention it. Sam followed my lead and found a girl back east as well. In fact, I think she’s from Boston too.”