Battlefield of the Heart (17 page)

Her mind raced. What would she ask the guy? “Um, can I think about it and maybe call him later or something? I'd kind of like to understand why you have a caseworker before I talk to him.”

He nodded as he lifted the phone. “Okay, I'll tell him.”

She listened to him relay her message and give a brief explanation of why she didn't know about the caseworker. It was basically the same reason he hadn't told her about feeling nothing and taking medication — he didn't want to scare her.

After he ended his call, he sat down on the edge of his bed and turned his phone in his hands. “Sorry about that. I… needed to talk to Alan.”

She took a seat beside him and prayed he'd explain the situation. “That's fine. I'm just curious about why you have a caseworker and why he thinks I might have questions for him.”

Danny sighed and tossed his phone onto the foot of his bed. “The army set me up with Alan when I was still in the hospital, not too long after I got back to the States. He helps me with whatever I need to live as normal a life as possible and acts as a counselor when I can't reach one. He talks to my family to see if they need anything while they help me transition back into civilian life and try to help me conquer the PTSD. He's big on helping the people closest to me know how to deal with my problems.”

“And he wants to talk to me because we've been going out for a while and are obviously close,” Cindy said, the pieces clicking together.

“Something like that. He's a little concerned that I haven't told him about you before now, but I didn't want him to somehow contact you and freak you out.” He smiled and rolled his eyes. “Alan's a nice guy, but he doesn't seem to realize how little I tell most people.”

“I'd be happy to talk to him at some point.” She smiled and leaned against him. “I'd hate to have him worry that he scares me.”

He put his arm around her, tension radiating from him. “I'm glad you're willing to talk to him. Thanks to last night, I've decided to let you in on the less pretty side of my life. Alan has a strong connection to that. What he was doing when you got here was trying to convince me to see a counselor twice a week. I told him some of what happened last night, and about some other stuff, and he's worried about me.”

She reached up and laid her hand on his smooth jaw. How long had he been up to have time to shave and carry on what sounded like a long conversation with his caseworker? “I'm worried, too, but I'm glad you're finally talking to me.”

Danny nodded, and she let her hand fall away as he looked down. “I hate admitting just how messed up I am and why. I can't help feeling like the world will turn its back on me or laugh at me. Or worse, pity me. I can't handle any of that stuff. I'm doing my best to get over everything, but it's not as easy as it sounds.”

“I'm sure it isn't, but you don't have to do it alone.” She gave him a hug then leaned back just far enough to look into his face. “So, are you going to see that counselor twice a week?”

“Like I told Alan, I'll go if he can arrange it. I've tried on my own to get in to a counselor more often, but no one has the time to see me more than every other week. Alan's been known to work miracles in impossible situations, so maybe he can do something. I'll find out soon enough.” He smiled and gave her a quick kiss. “Now, did you come to see me for a particular reason or just because you could?”

“I'm thinking about breakfast. If you've already eaten, I won't force you to come with me, but I'd like it if you did.”

“I haven't eaten yet.” He stood and pulled her to her feet. “Let's go to the dining room downstairs. I'm starving, and I don't want to walk across campus for food.”

They headed into the hall, and Cindy stopped Danny before he could close his door. “Shouldn't you grab your cell phone?”

He shut the door and grinned. “If anyone wants to talk to me, they can leave a voicemail or call me later. I'd rather not risk my phone ringing in the middle of breakfast.”

She laughed as they turned toward the stairwell. “Don't want to have your scrambled eggs interrupted?”

“I don't care about the eggs.” He laced his fingers with hers. “I don't want my time with you interrupted.”

She met his warm gaze and melted. No matter how big or numerous his problems, Danny was one of the best men she'd ever met. It scared her a little, to fall so hard for a guy with psychological problems, but she couldn't imagine her life without Danny. She'd grown too close to him and cared too much about him.

He paused before opening the stairwell door. “What are you thinking?”

“That you're a sweetie in a flimsy disguise.”

Danny laughed and shook his head. “I think you're the only person I'd let get away with a statement like that.”

Cindy gave him a smile loaded with innocence. “That's why I said it.”

He grabbed her for a quick kiss, then he released her and opened the door. “Let's go get breakfast.”

****

Tuesday evening, as Danny and Cindy made the trek to the student center for the student veterans' group meeting, his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket with a sigh.

“There are days I wish I'd never gotten this thing.” He flipped the phone open and pressed a button before lifting it to his ear. “Hello?”

Although Cindy tried not to listen, she couldn't avoid hearing the conversation with his caseworker about a variety of things, including counseling. Apparently, Alan had arranged for Danny to see someone outside of the Veterans Affairs Clinic.

They arrived at the student center and stopped outside, since the building had a habit of eating cell phone signals.

“Hold on.” Danny lowered the phone and turned to Cindy. “Alan wants to know if you want to talk to him.”

She'd avoided calling him for the last two weeks. After all the things Danny had told her, however, talking to his caseworker couldn't hurt. At least the man would know she cared about Danny.

“Sure, I'll talk to him.” She accepted the phone. “Hello?”

The voice of an older man came through the device. “Hi, Cindy, I'm Alan Michaels. How are you today?”

“Just fine.”

“I'm glad to hear it. Danny tells me he's been talking to you about some of his experiences during deployment.”

“That's right.” She knew Danny was listening to every word she said and wondered if he'd want to talk about it later. “He's been through a lot.”

“Yes, unfortunately he has,” Alan said. “But he's getting help dealing with it. Now, what I'm wondering is how you're handling everything he's told you. Few people can handle hearing about such traumatic experiences in great detail and not have it affect them. I've talked to many family members struggling to deal with what their loved one has said.”

Cindy weighed honesty against protecting Danny's feelings. He'd dealt with the occasional bout of guilt for what he saw as burdening her with his memories. The few times he'd seen tears of sympathy in her eyes, he'd worried about giving her some of the same problems he had. But she doubted censoring herself for fear of his reaction would do him any favors. “I'm okay. Yes, it's hard sometimes to hear what he went through, but I'll gladly listen to it all day, every day if that's what it takes to help him deal with everything.”

“He's lucky to have someone so supportive. And now, since Danny's probably listening to everything you say, which is probably causing you to refrain from saying some things, I'm going to make you an offer. If you ever need to talk about something he tells you that bothers you or you're worried about him for one reason or another, feel free to call me. If he does something that scares you, call me. Officially, I'm here to help Danny, but he's told me how much you mean to him. That means in order to fully help him, I need to make sure you're okay, too. Otherwise, he's going to worry about you, and that won't do him any good. So, if you ever need to talk, give me a call. Okay?”

“Okay,” she said as Josh, Alex, and Lacey joined them.

“Why don't I give you a number where you can reach me at any time, day or night. I'm pretty sure Danny would give it to you if you asked, but this way I'll know for a fact that you have it.”

“Let me find something to write with.” She lowered the phone. “Hey, Lacey, do you have a pen?”

“Sure, just a second.” She dug around in her purse for a moment and held out a ballpoint pen. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” Cindy took the pen and tucked the phone between her ear and her shoulder so she could write on her hand. “Okay, what's the number?”

She copied it onto the back of her hand, and then she passed the phone back to Danny. He walked away, giving himself privacy for the end of the call, and Cindy returned Lacey's pen. “Thanks. I would need a pen the one time I don't have one on me.”

Lacey laughed as she tucked the pen into her purse. “Isn't that the way it always goes?”

Alex studied Cindy and raised his eyebrows. “You're getting phone numbers from Danny's friends?”

“Yeah, I might need it someday, but I doubt it,” she said as Danny rejoined them.

“What do you mean?” Josh asked.

“It's Alan's number.” Danny put his arm around Cindy's shoulders and kissed her cheek. “He told me why he gave it to you. If you need to call him, do it. That's what he's there for.”

Lacey studied her. “You're talking to Danny's caseworker?”

“Today is the first time I've talked to him.” She shrugged, trying to downplay what felt like a huge leap forward in her relationship with Danny. “He wanted me to have a way to get hold of him just in case.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Lacey said.

The topic stopped there, and the group headed into the student union. Although Cindy doubted she'd ever need to call Alan, it was nice to know how to reach him if she did. Danny had been doing a lot better in the last few days and seemed happier than she'd ever seen him. Apparently, his decision to finally open up to her helped him as much as it did her. Her biggest concern now was how he'd handle midterms next week. So far, he didn't seem concerned about them at all; she could only hope they wouldn't stress him out too much when they arrived.