Barely Breathing (55 page)

He started laughing. "No, I swear. It just came to me when you were talking about missing out on today. I'm going to be gone all of tomorrow, so let me spend the rest of today with you."

"So you're being
spontaneous?
" I teased. He smiled and intercepted my swing, placing his hands on the board on either side of my hips. He leaned in and kissed me gently.

"Will you please stay over?" he whispered, brushing his lips across mine again.

"Yes," I replied in a breath with my eyes closed, leaning in for another touch that made my head spin. He kissed me a little longer, and I thought I was going to fall off the swing.

He pulled away. "C'mon, Emma." He held out his hand and I jumped off the swing to take it.

We gathered sleeping bags and the tent, along with firewood and other essentials from the barn. Evan packed us sandwiches and drinks. I grabbed marshmallows, making Evan smile. We strapped everything into the trailer on the back of the ATV.

"I like spontaneity," I announced as we headed into the woods. Evan grinned as he drove us further along the trail toward the meadow.

As the sun tucked behind the trees, we set the tent up in the clearing, closer to the brook where the grass wasn't as long. Evan pulled out a small shovel and dug a fire pit.

While he stacked the wood near the pit and prepared a fire, I set up the interior of the tent.

"You brought an air mattress?" I questioned when I pulled the sleeping bags out of the trailer.

"I thought it would be more comfortable," he explained. "I know you're still a little sore."

"Thanks," I grinned.

Evan lit the fire as the hues in the sky transitioned from orange to dark purple. The lingering warmth teased that summer was right around the corner, but still far enough away to make me yearn for it. Evan laid out a thick blanket in front of the fire where we sat to eat.

"I really do like it out here," I shared with an easy smile.

"Me too," Evan agreed. "Does Sara know you're staying over?"

"Ooh, no," I said with a grimace. "I left my phone in my car. Do you have yours?"

"No, it's in my room," he said. "Do you want to go back to call her?"

"She knows I'm with you, so she'll cover for me. Anna and Carl trust you."

Evan grinned. "I'm sure they might hesitate if they knew we weren't sleeping in separate rooms tonight."

"No, I think they would still trust you."

After we finished eating, I lay back on the blanket. The sky was filling in with stars as the darkness spread.

"Everything seems so possible when I look up in the sky and see the universe gleaming before me."

"It is," Evan replied, laying next to me to take in the same view.

"Wanna know something I realized?" I continued without waiting for Evan to respond. "I've spent most of my life trying to make it to a future that still hasn't happened, or avoid a past that won't let me go. I don't remember when I've ever just stopped to live in the present, to hold on to the seconds I'm in."

"Well, your future's still unfolding, you'll just have to let it happen as it intends to. But what's keeping you from being free of your past?"

I thought for a moment. "Forgiveness."

"Do you forgive
me
?"

I shifted my head toward him with my brows knotted. "Why would I need to forgive you?"

Evan tilted his head to the side to look into my eyes. "Because I kept it from you... what happened that night."

"But I didn't want to know, so you did what you thought I needed." I turned back to the stars. We listened to the crickets chirp in the stillness.

"Evan?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell me one thing that I still don't understand?"

"I'll try."

"How did my ankle shatter?"

Evan was silent. I zoned in on a single star above me and waited. "She had a hammer. I saw it on the bed next to your foot." His voice was low and strained. I closed my eyes, the strangled words overtaking me.

"That's why you couldn't do that Art project, isn't it? Why you had to leave the room that day?"

I reached for his hand. It was hot and tense. I slipped my fingers through his and he gripped them tightly.

"I forgive you," I breathed. "Now you have to forgive me."

"For what?"

"Not listening. For staying when both you and Sara begged me not to. For not telling anyone and convincing you to remain quiet too. For not asking for help. For―"

"That's enough," he cut me off. My heart pounded hard, thinking of the many reasons I needed to be forgiven that I still hadn't named. Evan raised my hand to his lips and kissed it. He rolled on his side and intercepted my view, his eyes glassy and full of emotion.

"I forgive you," he whispered. My throat closed and I swallowed against the tears that pooled in the corners of my eyes. "I forgive you," he whispered again, running his hand along the side of my face. My eyes shut with the tenderness of his touch. "I forgive you," he breathed, his voice wavering. I opened my eyes to see the tear glisten as it rolled down his cheek.

I opened my mouth to speak. My lip quivered and the words remained choked in the back of my throat.

"Now, Emma, you need to forgive yourself."

I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes, the tears caught in my lashes. Before I could open them again, my breath was captured by the firmness of his lips. That kiss said every word left unspoken. It filled me with more emotion than I thought possible to contain.

I leaned toward him and he wrapped his arms around me, fusing us together. His heart beat against my chest, thumping so hard it reverberated throughout my entire body. His mouth slid over mine. I could taste our tears, the salt lingering on his lips and over my tongue.

My heart ached with each kiss. I couldn't get close enough to him, pulling him into me. I needed him more than I needed to breathe.

I pulled back and slid my shirt over my head. His warm hands ran along my back, unclasping. Our mouths collided with such frenzy, we couldn't catch our breath. Evan lifted his shirt over his head. His taught muscles pressed against my bare skin. The heat of our flesh melding us.

Evan rolled me on my back and trailed his mouth down my neck and over my skin, inciting a swirl of heat that rushed through my body. We slipped out of our clothes, only separating long enough to toss them aside. I knew him, every inch of him, but never like this.

The tenderness of his touch captured my breath. My heart thumped with each burst of air escaping my lips. I pressed my eyes closed, my brows pulled together. He intercepted my staggered breath, his mouth engulfing mine. I could feel everything and nothing all at once, my body tensing. I clasped his hand, locking my fingers in his, arching up to meet his mouth again before exhaling and floating back to the blanket.

I lay motionless, caught in the recovery with my pulse thrumming. Evan reached in his pocket, removed the wrapper and returned to me. My heart stammered, as he lowered himself, watching me intently.

I took in a sharp breath when he found me.

"Are you okay?" Evan asked, looking into my eyes.

"Yeah," I exhaled, wrapping my legs around him.

His rhythm was gentle and slow. My breath became drawn and I closed my eyes. I ran my hands along his back, gripping him as his pace quickened.

I opened my eyes. His lips were parted and his breaths erratic. I reached up to taste him, his tongue slipping into my mouth. He pulled away with a rush of air. Looking into me. Seeing more than I ever thought possible. Vulnerable and exposed. Love and desire. My chest swelled with every fathomable emotion―I thought I might burst.

His chest was slick with sweat as he slid against me. I ran my mouth along his salty skin, my entire body pulsing. Evan clenched his eyes shut and his body became rigid, slowing until he melted on top of me. His chest thumping against my stomach as we surrendered to the calm. I kept my arms wrapped around him as he recovered in slow breaths, with his head on my chest.

"Am I hurting you?" he asked, and then clarified, "Your ribs?"

I shook my head, having completely forgotten about them.

"I like listening to your heart," he said, holding my hand. "It's beating so fast."

Evan lifted his head to inspect me, sweat trickling along his sculpted face and down his neck. "Are you cold?"

I shook my head.

"Can you talk?"

I shook my head again. He grinned, reaching up to kiss me softly. He eased away. The cool air wicked the sweat from my body with a shiver. He leaned over and grabbed the edge of the blanket, folding it over us, positioning me so I was on his arm as we both lay on our sides, facing each other.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes twitching slightly in concern.

"Yes," I smiled brightly, making him smile in return. Then I started laughing.

"What's so funny?" he questioned, his eyes twinkling.

"I love spontaneity."

Evan smiled wider. He leaned over and brushed his lips across mine. "I love you, Emma."

44.  In the End

The sun woke me earlier than I usually rose, but the melodic chirping and filtered light were a welcome transition into the day.

I smiled when his breath tickled the back of my neck as he slept with his arm draped across my stomach. I shifted back, to cuddle into him. His arm instinctively tightened around me. I breathed in at the touch of his skin along my back, firm and warm. A swirling heat roused in me and I took long drawn breaths, pressing against him. Evan began to stir.

The rhythm of his breathing deepened, and I knew he was awake. His hand slid along my side, over my hips. As much as the feel of his fingers tickling my skin elevated my heart rate, my body was still in a bit of shock from last night, and I knew I wasn't prepared for it again this morning.

I gently eased forward and reached over for the backpack on the tent floor. I dug in the front pocket and pulled out the packet.

"Gum?" I offered, popping a piece in my mouth.

Evan laughed. "Yes, thanks." After he took a piece, I rolled over to face him.

"Good, now I can kiss you," I declared and pressed my lips against his, the burst of cinnamon filling my mouth with the touch of his tongue. "Happy Birthday," I breathed, my head swirling in a fit of flutters. His steel blue eyes were vibrant and reflective. My heart stuttered at their intensity.

"Thank you," he smiled and then added, "for the perfect present." My cheeks warmed. Evan ran his finger along my blush, brushing the hair from my face.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, making my cheeks even redder. He swept his finger over my lips and followed the touch with a kiss, barely touching―stealing my breath.

"I love you," I murmured, lost in the depths of his eyes as they flickered in front of me like he was silently listening to my every thought. Evan pulled me against him and held me. I inhaled the sweet scent of his skin. "Do we have to leave here?"

"We should probably think about it."

My stomach growled, and I placed my hand over it. Evan grinned. "And it sounds like you need to eat."

"Fine," I conceded reluctantly, "we can get up." I sat up, holding the sleeping bag over me. "You know, I've never slept naked before."

Evan laughed lightly. "And I bet you've never roasted marshmallows naked either." He leaned over and kissed my shoulder.

"No, that was a first too," I nodded, making him smile. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"No, but I'm sure Jared's looking for me."

"That's right," I grinned, trying not to blow the surprise. "You're going hiking." I began searching under the sleeping bag. "Where are our clothes?"

"I think they're still outside," Evan noted.

"Oh," I responded with wide eyes. I unzipped the tent and a breeze of cool morning air swept in. The grass still glistened with morning dew. I spotted our clothes tossed in a small pile next to the abandoned blanket. I contemplated how cold the grass was going to be on my bare feet.

"I'll get them," Evan offered.

"No," I sighed, wrapping the sleeping bag around me to fend off the chill, "I'll get them."

I ducked out of the tent and scampered across the chilled, wet grass on the balls of my feet. I scooped up the pile and rushed back to the tent, tossing the clothes in before climbing in after them. "Oooh, it's cold out there," I shuddered. Evan laughed as he sorted through the articles of clothing.

"Well, you're not going to love this. Our clothes are kinda wet." He slid his jeans over his hips, fastening them.

"Great," I groaned, feeling the dampness against my skin as I pulled on my shirt.

"How are you feeling? I mean, are you... okay?" Evan asked cautiously as we dressed.

"I feel a little... different," I tried to explain, not sure how to describe the post-first-time sex discomfort. Evan hesitated, not exactly following along, so I added, "But I also feel amazing." And that wasn't at all an exaggeration.

"Good," Evan accepted, giving me a quick kiss. "Let's go back to the house, and I'll make us breakfast and figure out what Jared has planned. And I can give you a dry sweatshirt to wear."

Jared was waiting for Evan in the kitchen when we walked in. He looked from one to the other―I could only imagine what we looked like, wearing damp, wrinkled clothes, our hair unkempt. He arched his eyebrow slightly, but then redirected his attention to the bowl of cereal. "We're leaving in twenty minutes."

"Cereal sounds good to me," I said, sitting on the stool next to Jared. He remained non-reactive to my discombobulated state. I was certain Sara wasn't going to have the same lack of reaction.

"Where have you been?!" she demanded when I called her from my car, having just left Evan and Jared to pack for their hike. "I've been trying to get a hold of you for forever."

"I was with Evan," I explained, completely baffled by her overreaction.

"I
know
that, but I needed to talk to you. My mother's having a dinner at the house tonight."

"What?" I practically shouted, my pulse quickening. "Sara, what am I supposed to do?"