Barefoot in the Sand (31 page)

This was pure and whole, and so unconditional. When the easy thing to do would have been to give her up or follow David’s advice and terminate, Lacey had held on to her princess.

“Princess Pot-Pie,” she whispered, the ancient nickname rising up from memories of post-bath cuddles in the rocking chair and early morning walks through town with Ashley still in a stroller. She’d had a million names for her baby, but that was her secret favorite.

The shelf built into the headboard was mostly empty, except for the brand-new iPod Lacey’s mother had sent to replace the one lost in the storm. A few hair ties, a
Glamour
magazine Zoe bought her when they’d been at Walgreens the other day. But no well-loved copy of the first Harry Potter book, no pictures from camp last summer, no movie-ticket stubs or eighth-grade yearbook.

The storm had stolen those memories, and Lacey had to remember that the loss couldn’t be easy for Ashley. Lacey knew that life went on, and that memories were stored in your heart, but Ashley’s world was upside down. They had no home, no stuff, and no way of being sure it would ever come back.

On the corner of the bed Lacey spied Aunt Zoe’s uni, awash with gratitude that she’d taken the risk to save it.

But now they were in the middle of another emotional storm and more things were at risk. If a man came into Lacey’s life, what would that do to her relationship with Ashley? Would David’s reappearance destroy the delicate balance Lacey had cobbled together with her daughter? And what about Clay? Could he ever fit into this tiny family?

An unexpected jolt of desire hit her. She
wanted
Clay to fit into this family.

But by staying close to him, was she distancing herself from her daughter?

Unexpected tears burned and Lacey blinked them away. Had she ever cried this much before?

Ashley turned and let out a quiet sigh and Lacey stroked her head one more time.

“Little Princess Pot-Pie. You know I’ll always love you the most.” She leaned over and placed the softest kiss on
Ashley’s head, loving the smell, the feel, the very being of—

“Did you just call me Princess Pot-Pie?”

Lacey laughed and finished the kiss noisily. “I did.”

Expecting mockery, Lacey’s tears turned to a smile when two slender arms reached up and wrapped around her neck, pulling her closer. “I love you, Mommy.”

She almost folded in half. Instead, she choked a little, mostly because the lump in her throat was strangling her. “I love you, too.”

“Oh my God, are you crying again?” Ashley pushed her back to see. “Why are you so weepy all of a sudden?”

“I don’t know.” But the unexpected tenderness pulled Lacey onto the bed, replacing the need to see Jocelyn off at the airport. These moments with Ashley were too precious and far too rare.

“What’s the matter, Mom?” Ashley asked.

“You never say I love you,” she replied honestly. “And I’ve heard it more than once, maybe more than twice, in the last few days.”

“I’m sorry. Dad told me I should tell you more often.”

Shit. That was not the motivating factor she wanted to hear. “That was…”
A tad manipulative
. “Nice of him.”

“Yeah, he’s nice. Why are you dressed? Where are you going?”

“The airport, I’m sad to say. Jocelyn has to go back to L.A.”

“Oh, no.” She sounded truly disappointed. “Will she be back?”

“I don’t know, but would you like to come along for the ride? We can spend the day doing something fun on
the mainland with Zoe and Tessa, if you like.” Which might take care of some of the Mommy Guilt when Lacey stayed out late again with Clay tonight. Because she knew she would.

“Can’t. Dad’s taking me cave diving.”

Cave diving? Lacey almost spat. She couldn’t get out the “No!” fast enough. “Not—no! Do you know how
dangerous
cave diving is?”

Ashley squished up her face. “He said you’d say that and we should ease you into the idea.”

God, she hated that they were talking about her, about how to
manage
her, while she was gone.
Then maybe you shouldn’t be gone so much
, a nasty little voice in her head said.

“But he was going to tell you when you got home last night.” Ashley gave Lacey a scrutinizing look. “You did sleep at home last night, didn’t you?”

“Ashley!”

“I meant you didn’t stay at the Ritz with your friends,” she added quickly. Even though both of them knew that was so not what she meant.

“I wasn’t out all night,” she said. “I got home late, though.”

“You were with him, weren’t you?”

She swallowed, absolutely determined not to lie. “If by him, you mean Clay…”

“Mom, he’s a sleazebag. When are you going to realize that? You called it the day he showed up on the beach trying to get your business by running around half naked.”

Lacey dug for the right answer, the way to keep the connection alive but honest. “You’ve sure changed your
tune, Ashley. You thought I was a b-word and he was the cutest thing you’d ever seen.”

“Well, he’s not. He’s a slimebucket.”

“Actually, he’s not.”

“You’re going to defend him after what happened at the town meeting yesterday? Mom! What is wrong with you?”

“There are two sides to every story, Ash, and he has one that doesn’t paint him as the devil, like Charity Grambling tried to do. He’s going to do the job for me—”

“What?” Her eyes bugged out with exaggerated disbelief. “Mom.” With disappointment in her voice, she plucked the uni from Lacey’s hands, as if she couldn’t stand for it to be on the wrong side of this argument. “I can’t believe you
like
this guy.”

Oh, she liked him, all right. Way too much. “I like his work.”

“Yeah, right.” She curled her lip. “What were you doing with him at the beach last night?”

“How do you know I was at the beach with him?”

“Because I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and walked on sand in the hall.”

“Oh, boy. Now you’re a detective.”

“Am I right?”

She closed her eyes, wishing she could lie to her daughter. “We… talked. About what happened and how he was wrongfully accused of something, and cleared of it. Actually, he was helping someone out. He had a lot of explaining to do and I listened to him.”

“Is that what you call it? Because if I did what you’re doing, I’d be grounded for the rest of my life.”

“First of all, I’m not doing what you think.” Because
Ashley couldn’t even imagine anything like what went on in the water last night, so that wasn’t a lie. “And, secondly, I’m almost thirty-seven years old, Ashley.”

“And he’s twenty-nine! Don’t you see how gross that is?”

Lacey almost smiled. “Depends on your perspective.”

“It’s gross.”

“Look.” Lacey reached for her daughter’s hands, but Ashley pushed her away, glaring. “Honey, the point is I’m an adult and I can be with who I want to be with.”

“But why can’t you be with Dad?”

“I don’t have feelings for—can you not call him that?”

“Why not? He’s my dad. He’s my
father
.” She said the word with so much pride it twisted Lacey’s heart. “And I know, I
know
. He’s been a craptastic father for all my life, but I’ve decided to forgive that and start over.”

“As we’ve discussed, that’s very mature of you, but—”

“Then why can’t you?”

“Forgive him?” Lacey shook her head. “I’m not still mad at him. I have forgiven him,” she said, picking her words like fragile flower petals. One poor choice, and the whole conversation could fall apart. Farther apart. “I understand why he made the decision he did, and went off to live his life instead of settling down.”
Instead of taking responsibility for his child. The one he suggested she abort
.

But she loved Ashley too much to play that card.

“Then why can’t you give him a chance? Why can’t you be in love with him?” She whined the question. “Then my life would be perfect.”

Oh, no it wouldn’t be. “I can’t make myself love a man I don’t have any feelings for. And, I’m sorry, Ashley, I simply can’t manufacture those kinds of feelings.”

“You’ve been too wrapped up in Clay Walker, that’s why.”

Was that true? “I don’t think that’s it. And, Ashley, it would mean the world to me if you’d give Clay a chance. Talk to him and get to know him.”

She folded her arms, narrowed her eyes, got into full adolescent-anger mode. “Only if you give Dad a chance.”

“I
gave
him a chance fourteen years ago,” she said softly.

Ashley didn’t answer, thinking long enough to have another idea. “Why don’t you go diving with us? He said we could drive up to this river, the Itcha-something.”

“Ichetucknee. And, sorry, you’re not going. I knew two UF students who died cave diving there.”

“Not with a tether!” She threw back the covers and leaped from the bed toward her laptop. “Let me show you the YouTube videos. Dad’s in one of them, Mom. It’s so cool. He’s done it all over the world, in Indonesia and Africa!”

Her head almost exploded. How dare he talk Ashley into things like this? Fisting her hands, Lacey shook her head. “No, you’re not going. No arguments.”

Ashley turned from the computer to fire a look of pure contempt, Princess Pot-Pie completely morphing into Nastina. “Why do you always say that? All you want to do is be with that stupid loser guy when Dad is right here trying to win you back!”

Lacey gathered every single bit of calm she could find, taking a breath and refusing to get dragged into this argument.

“That’s not true,” she said, purposely controlling her voice. “I’m offering to spend the day with you.”

She curled her lip. “No thanks. Dad and I are going cave diving.”

“No, you’re not.”

“You can’t stop me!”

“Yes, she can.” David stood in the door wearing nothing but sleep pants and a morning beard. “Your mom is your legal guardian, Ashley, and she has to sign a permission form for you to dive up there. So, if she says no, the answer is no.”

Ashley looked stricken, blinking back tears. “You’d really say no? You’d really stop me from having the most amazing day of my entire life just so you can go off and… and… do it with that guy?”

“That’s out of line.” This time David’s reprimand was welcome, because Lacey could hardly form the words as she stared at her daughter.

“Well, it’s true.”

Lacey stood, somehow holding it together. “What’s true is that your comments are way beyond what’s acceptable. You aren’t going cave diving and you aren’t leaving the house for the next three days.”

“Mom!” Tears rolled over those cheeks, not so angelic now.

“Accept your punishment, Ashley,” David said, stepping aside to let Lacey by. “You need to know there are consequences for your behavior.”

Lacey walked down the hall, bracing for the tirade that would surely follow, but Ashley was uncharacteristically quiet. Had David’s presence changed her daughter so much that she would accept punishment without a fight?

She stood in the kitchen pressing her fingertips to
her forehead as an Ashley-argument headache started to throb.

“You made the right call in there,” David said.

Irritation and resentment coiled through her, making her want to lash out and remind him that she’d been making calls for years with no help from him.

Instead she just nodded. “Thanks for the backup.”

“Hey, that’s what parents do.”

No, parents stay and raise their kids instead of going to Patagonia
. “I’m sorry about wrecking your plans for cave diving.”

“No biggie,” he said. “We’ll go when you’re ready. I’d like you to come with us.”

She turned to him. “I’m never going to be ready to go on family outings with you, David. I’m not going to change my mind and it has nothing to do with anything going on in my personal life. I’m not interested, okay? You can be her father and forge a relationship with her; I’ve never tried to deny you that. But let me make this perfectly clear: I am not getting back together with you. You have to stop painting that fantasy in her head because when it doesn’t happen,
and it won’t
, she is going to be heartbroken and it will be all my fault.”

He stood completely still, regarding her. “If she’s ever been heartbroken, Lacey, it’s because I didn’t take responsibility for her.”

The admission stunned her, leaving her speechless despite the fact that she had plenty more to say.

“And the real epiphany isn’t what happened down in Chile. The real eye-opener for me has been this time with an intelligent, beautiful, inquisitive, delightful—”

“I just told you, I’m not—”

“Daughter.” He closed his eyes. “I care deeply for you, Lacey, but the person I love in this house is Ashley, and I only want a chance at being in her life to make up for the pitiful job I’ve done for the last fourteen years. That’s all I want, I swear.”

She believed him, she really did. And who was she to deny her daughter that kind of love?