Barefoot and Lost (43 page)

     ‘Yes I forgive you.’
I was right
,
she cares more about the home and being with Reg than being with me, please
Awful,
please reply to my letter.

     ‘When will I get a chance to say goodbye to Pop and
Tess
?’

     ‘Tomorrow morning, Barnardos rang yesterday to say they would be coming for you at eleven, I told Sam; he said that he and Tess would come up to see you off.’

     I’m not sure if I liked Bambi, I thought Thumper was funny but it was so sad when Bambi’s mum was killed. I knew how he felt, how alone he was, even though he had friends that tried to help. He was just like me so alone with no one that loved him because he was their flesh and blood, no one that knew how he felt without asking, he had no one to love him because he was Bambi. They loved him because they felt sorry for him, just like me.

    The only one that loves me for being me is Jet, but then, maybe not, he might love me just because I take him for walks. I can’t stop crying, it is
as
though all the sad in my life is flowing out of me. I wish so much that my dad, just like Bambi’s, would come to me and look after me.
June
hasn’t noticed or has chosen to say nothing, because she doesn’t know what to say, how can anybody know how I feel?

    
Pop and Tess arrived before ten, staying for about forty five minutes, but it was awkward, no one knew what to say. They both gave me hugs and kisses, then Pop slipped a half crown into my pocket, ‘Keep it safe and use only when absolutely necessary, it is a loan, I want the same half crown back at Christmas; I have taken note of its date, be careful Phil, look after yourself.’ I followed them to the front porch and watched them walk away holding hands, not looking back, not even when they turned the corner into
Station Street
. I feel empty.
June
joins me, ‘They are very upset you know
Phillip
.’ Of course they are no mention of how I feel. As I watch I can see a man walking- no marching towards me from the direction of the station,

     ‘
Good morning
Phillip
,
Mrs.
Milligan
, my name is
George
Colstan
, I am here to escort
Phillip
to Parkside, are you ready to go young man? The train leaves in thirty minutes, and we
have a long journey ahead
.’ Mr.
Colstan
is a big man with a big round face and a very straight back, his blue pinstripe suit looks new, and is far too tight. His hat is at least two sizes too small, it is sitting on top of his head. As he bends down to pick up my case he keeps his head upright, as though he is trying to balance the hat, his shoes are shining like mirrors.

     ‘Yes, I’m ready’ I go to give
June
a hug.

     ‘I’m coming with you to the station, to wave you off.’

     ‘Do you think that is a good idea
Mrs.
Milligan
, might be easier if you don’t?’

     ‘I’m coming, that’s all there is to it
Mr.
Colstan
, you would like me to come wouldn’t you
Phillip
?’

     ‘Of course I would, I was going to ask you to come anyway.’

     Leaning out of the window we are holding hands,
June
is walking alongside as the train slowly moves along the platform. She is crying ‘
Phillip
, I will do everything I can to get you back, I promise.’ I’m too choked to say anything perhaps I am wrong, maybe she does love me for being me.

    
Mr.
Colstan
tries to make conversation about my hobbies, what do I like most, do I have a girlfriend, but I’m not in the mood for talking. Arriving at
Charing Cross
we then catch two buses to Stepney, a twenty minute walk brings us to a large house. A lady there knows
Mr.
Colstan
and we sit, for half an hour, over a cup of tea and a cheese sandwich. They are ignoring me and are chatting about things and people at Barnardos; it suits me fine just to listen.

     ‘Right Phillip, our chariot has arrived.’ Mr. Colstan gets up from his chair, ‘Bye Mary, nice talking to you, hope it’s not too long before we do it again; come on Phillip, can’t keep Charlie waiting,’ with that he grabs and swings my suit case as though it is empty. 

     Outside is an old
Albion
van with its back doors open, stacked on both sides are lots of old shoes and boots. ‘Okay, in the back with you, and make yourself comfortable, I’m riding up front with
Charlie
; welcome to the cheese wagon.’

Mr.
Colstan
closes the doors; there is nowhere to sit so I sit on my suitcase. With a crunch of the gears we move off, it is dark inside I can only see the chink of daylight through the gap of the badly fitting doors that twist and rattle as we go along. My eyes and my nose become accustomed
to the light and the smell
of shoes
and smelly feet
, but I can also smell bread. 

     After what seems several hours the van stops,
Charlie
opens the doors, the light streams in almost blinding me. ‘Welcome to Parkside’ a boy of about fifteen is standing there with his hand held out, first to shake it, then to help me down from the van. ‘I’m
Graham
you are assigned to my cottage you’re
Phillip
, correct?’

     ‘Yes, I’m
Phillip
but not correct, it’s
Snell
.’

     ‘My God, all we need is a joker, can I call you
Phil
? I’m the prefect in our cottage, everyone calls me
Gray
.’

     ‘Nice to have met you
Phillip
, go with
Gray
, he will show you where you sleep and show you the ropes; good luck son.’

     ‘Bye
Mr.
Colstan
, thank you.’

     Looking about me I can see six, two storey houses with gardens in front. There are other houses at the end of the road but they look like they have been bombed, some have scaffolding up at them as though they are being repaired.

     ‘Rightie ho Phil, lets get you settled then I’ll show you around, introduce you to our house Father, he will fill you in with the rules and regs, Mr. White is his name but, behind his back, we call him Chalky, he’s a good sort.’

     ‘The man that taught me boxing is called Chalky.’

     ‘You’re a boxer? D
on’t know if you will get the chance to box, here they don’t encourage fighting.’

     ‘I do swimming as well.’

     ‘My, you’re regular sportsman. Swimming you will get a chance to do, in fact anything that encourages a healthy body, you’ll get plenty of physical training here.’

     ‘Hope it is not like the PT at Saint S’s.’

     ‘Why, was it difficult?’

     ‘No just different, I’ll tell you about it one day when I get to know you better.’

     ‘Suit yourself.
A
fter the summer holidays I’m going to De-Haviland’s aircraft factory at Hatfield, to work as an apprentice carpenter, so you had best get to know me quick if you are going to tell me that story.’       

     ‘Are you going to make aeroplanes?’

     ‘I think that’s what they usually do in an aircraft factory. This is our cottage, it’s called Rainbow, there are fifteen of us now you are here, and Chalky of course; all different ages, youngest is eight, I’m the eldest I’m nearly fifteen we all look after each other like brothers.

It is a very happy house, so don’t go spoiling things or you will have me to deal with.’

     At the top of the stairs
Gray
turns right, opening a door, ‘This is where you sleep.’ There are five beds, four are made, the first one, inside the door on the left, has the sheets and blankets folded up on top. ‘The one under the window is mine, this is yours, unpack your things, your suitcase goes under the bed, put your clothes in the locker and bedside cabinet, make your bed, they have to be made in a special way so look at mine; don’t go messing it up, make yours the same then come downstairs and meet Chalky.    

     Chalky is a small thin man with jet black curly hair, his
pure white sideburns following the line of his jaw, giving the impression that they are ribbons
tying his hair to his head.
His voice is very soft, almost a whisper, at first I thought he was talking to himself, it was only when he repeated it I realized he was asking me if I had settled in okay. I told him I had. ‘Where is everybody, the only boy I have seen is
Gray
?’

     ‘Some are at church, we have a choir of about thirty boys and girls, they are famous in the area and do concerts and sing at other churches; do you sing.’ I shake my head,  

     ‘Pity; what are you good at?’

    ‘Swimming, gymnastics, boxing, skipping, those kinds of things, most sport
s
but not football.’

     ‘That is not quite what I meant but you will get the opportunity to do all those; I was referring to skills, are you good with your hands, can you make things, what about carpentry, are you any good at that?’

     ‘No I don’t think so I have never tried; oh I did repair a clock once, does that count?’

     ‘Well I suppose that depends on the degree of the repair, what are your aspirations for the future, what do you want to be in adult life?’      

     ‘A journalist, I want to write for a newspaper.’

     ‘Now that is a first, most boys want to be fighter pilots, train drivers, firemen, but you want to be a journalist. Well we haven’t got the facilities for that type of training here, apart from the school, so we will have to find something else that you can turn your hand to.’

     ‘Yes, okay; if you say so.’

     ‘Over the next few weeks we will see which trade you will be best suited to, in the meantime you are what we call a spare so, until we find a slot for you, you will become a waiter in the dining room, serving the senior staff you will start tonight. Gray will t
ake you to the dining room and
they will explain your duties.’

     ‘I don’t want to be a waiter.’

     ‘That’s as may be, but you have no choice, you will do what you are told. Everybody has an extra duty to perform here, whether it be shoe repairs, carpentry, painting and decorating, gardening, you are a waiter until it is decided what you are suited to, that’s it, no discussion, go and do as you are told and do it with enthusiasm.’ 

     Chalky rises from his chair, opens the door, ‘See you after supper.’ He closes the door behind me,
Gray
is standing outside.

     ‘So, it’s a waiter then?’

     ‘I don’t want to be a bloody waiter, how did you know, did you hear?’

     ‘No, everyone is a waiter when they first arrive but it’s not that bad, you get stacks of food, more than we get, because you eat after everyone is finished and you get the leftovers and can eat as much as you want.’

     I look the part in my little white jacket but I don’t have a clue as to what I should be doing. For sure, tomorrow I will not be so polite and stand back, like I did when we eventually got food, the others were like gannets and I very nearly missed out on any food at all.

     I have met the rest of my room mates, there is one boy my age
Clive
, but I don’t think we will be friends as he seems so quiet and shy, not talking to anybody.
Albert
is eight, the other one I think is
William
, he is eleven, he has a very strong accent, a bit like Scottish, I only understand half of what he says but the others have no problem understanding him, so I expect I will get used to it, then there is
Gray
and me. As yet I haven’t met the boys in the other rooms, I hope I like someone there, if not this is going to be terrible even if it is only for six months.

     Monday morning, the clock on the wall is showing just before half past six, Chalky sticks his head around the door, ‘Rise and Shine.’ The others all leap out of bed, I decide to have a couple of extra minutes, no point in rushing with everybody in the bathroom, I’ll wait until someone comes back then I will go. Without warning I find myself flying through the air, then crashing to the floor with my bed landing on top of me, scrambling to my feet, ready to hit whoever tipped my bed up only to see Chalky standing there, he pulls me towards him then whispers in my ear, ‘I said rise and shine,’ he then slaps me twice, lightly on the cheek. ‘Thank you for making my day
Phillip
, haven’t been able to do that for ages.’

     ‘That’s okay
Mr.
White
, very pleased I was able to help.’

     ‘Good boy.’

     School is easy, they are doing stuff I did
when I first arrived
in primary, I asked one boy did they do algebra; he looked at me blankly, as if I was speaking in a foreign language. One of the teachers told me to just observe and only get involved if I thought I could, as they were about to start exams, before the end of term in four weeks.    

     Last Saturday, after all our work was done, we were allowed to go into town for two hours, we had to stay in groups of at least three. I was put with
Clive
and
William
, or
Billy
, as everyone seems to call him but when I asked him his name he said
William
. I thought that was strange until I realized, when I was asked my name I always said
Phillip
, but most call me
Phil
.