Barefoot and Lost (16 page)

     ‘Smart arse; is your head full of useless shit like that?’

     ‘It’s not useless, it is history. Pop says you must know the past so you don’t make the same mistakes in the future.’

     ‘
Jesus
Phil
, give it a break and who the hell is Pop anyway?’

     ‘He is the man that is going to sort out
Flynn
, when he gets my letter, that’s who.

     ‘Who’s in charge now Lion has gone?’

     ‘Me, I’m the eldest but I don’t want to be. I think it is stupid, we all know what has to be done, we all have our own jobs, and so I reckon we should just get on with it and not have to wait until we are told what to do.’

     ‘Who empties the piss pot then?’

     ‘You do, you’re the youngest
Peter
.’

     ‘Well, I’m not going to this morning.’

     ‘You bloody will, if I say so’

     ‘You’re not in charge, you said so.’

     ‘Will you two stop arguing? I’ll empty the piss pot.’
     ‘No you won’t
Phil
, it doesn’t need emptying, that’s why; I was only teasing
Brian
.’

     ‘You know
Peter
, I think I will be glad when you go, you can be so annoying.’

     ‘You don’t mean that, do you?’

     ‘No, only joking.’

     We; that is between us, agreed to go gardening, goodness knows what we are going to do, apart from tidy up after the party. We can’t agree who does what, so
Brian
has reluctantly taken the responsibility and become our leader. I’m spending
the afternoon
with ‘The Talisman’ I have no idea where the others are and don’t care, it is nice to be on my own.

     Chapel appears very full tonight all of the staff are here, I have never seen so many of them together at one time. The service is very brief; also much to my pleasure there is no sermon. Before the usual finish with the Lords Prayer, Reverend says. ‘I have an announcement to make; I have called everybody here tonight to hear what I am about to tell you. My reasons for this are to prevent any rumours or misunderstanding of the facts relevant to this sad incident’. He must be about to tell everyone that Lion has runaway and how pointless it is.

     ‘Some of you already know a little, gossip may distort the facts so, listen carefully and learn; it saddens me to have to tell you. Yesterday, during our day of celebration,
Lionel
Bates
, a young man who has been here for the past three years, for reasons known only to him, absconded from
Saint
Stephens
.
That’s not right
; I know why he ra
n
away
.
He chose to conceal himself in the boot of our director’s car when they returned to
London---
.” 

     The reverend clears his throat ‘---this morning the driver, while cleaning the car, opened the boot and discovered Lionel’s body--- a gasp goes up from everyone.
I feel sick I
should have
stop
ped
him
.
---- “The doctors believe he was killed by carbon monoxide gases that leaked into the boot from the exhaust. There will of course, be a post mortem, which will find the true cause.’----. I look to my left, Brian, Jack, and Toby are staring ahead looking stunned, I can see tears welling in Toby’s eyes,
and with
a flick of his hand he wipes them away. To my right,
Peter
has joined me in a flood of tears. ‘Such a waste of a young life, Lionel was
a
talented boy, with a good future ahead of him. Why he should want to runaway from the love and care that I and all the staff feel, not only to Lionel, but to
every
one of you, I am sure I do not know.
I
t’s because of
Flynn
I want to shout
.
Let us think about the futility of
Lionel
’s action and pray for
Lionel
’s soul.’ The Reverend rambles on about God choosing Lion. I can’t help thinking,
why would God want to kill Lion. H
e was doing no wrong
,
wasn’t hurting anyone
,
he was running away from what
Flynn
had done to him
. N
ow that we all knew
,
he couldn’
t face up to it. Now
Lion is dead
Flynn
is
here
, and still able to carry on
his rotten business
. W
hy didn’t God kill
Flynn
? I
t would have been better for everyone
.
I can’t believe God is good
,
if he is why does he kill the good people and leave the bad alive
?
The Reverend is finishing, as always with the Lords Prayer. I can’t bring myself to recite it, why should I say those things I hate God.

     We are all very quiet tonight, each
with our own thoughts
. I can’t make up my mind whether I should tell them about watching Lion escape or not. My heart is telling me I should share it with my friends, but my mind is telling me that if the truth comes out, a lot of other questions will be asked and then we could all get into trouble. This may include what
Flynn
has been doing, then goodness knows what would happen, it is best if we leave that to the letter.
Brian
asks, ‘I wonder where Lion’s funeral will be, do you think they would let us go?’
Jack
replies ‘I’d like to go you know, to say goodbye properly.’

     ‘He had no family, this is the only home he had and we are, were, his friends, we should be able to go.’

     ‘You’re right
Phil
. I think we should ask the Reverend if we can; will you come with me in the morning?’

     ‘I don’t think he likes me a lot, it would be better if you and
Jack
went. You two are the eldest, you will have to ask Mam to see the Reverend so ask her, see what she thinks.’ So it is agreed,
Brian
and
Jack
will ask Mam in the morning.
Mr.
Simmons
puts his head around the door, ‘Good night lads get some shut eye.’ Pulling the blanket over my head I start to think about Mum and God.
I’m not going to ask Mum to speak to him again
,
he doesn’t care he chose her to be there
,
in heaven
, with him. W
hen you ask someone to be close to you it is because you
love them, or you
want them to be your friend
,
like
Michael
and me
, or Pop or
June
. W
hen I ask them
a question
they answer me
,
but God doesn’t listen to Mum
,
he doesn’t answer her questions
, I know she would ask for me.
I can’t believe he does
listen, and
then she doesn’t tell me
.
Mum wouldn’t do that. Why did he ch
o
ose
her if he doesn’t want to listen
to her
? S
he would be much better her
e
with me then I wouldn’t have to be in this horrible place?

     I’ve had a restless sleep, one time in the night I could hear someone talking in their sleep saying, ‘Oh no, please no.’ Mr. Simmons has put his head around the door shouting, ‘Come on, and shake a leg.’ I wish he wasn’t so happy in the morning, I look across at Lion’s empty bed and start to feel guilty;
why didn’t I stop him, I could have ran after the car and unlocked the handle, it was only going slow
, why didn’t I do it?
It is my fault Lion is dead
;
I killed him because I was frightened of getting into trouble
.
S
upposing I had
,
the worst
,
I would have got is the cane
,
but because I held back
Lion is dead. P
e
rhaps I should go and tell the R
ev
erend what I know but what will
that do
,
nothing
,
and it
won’t stop Lion from being dead. B
ut I must tell somebody but who
? I
f Pop was here I would tell him
,
he would understand
. Gran always said a problem shared is a problem halved; I just do not know what to do
.
‘
Phil
, are you going to sit there all morning, staring into space’ I can hear
Peters
voice through the fog of my thoughts.

     ‘No, I’m coming now, I was just thinking, that’s all, thinking about Lion.’

     Chapel is, once again, brief, a couple of hymns then the Reverend says, ‘In light of the present situation I think it is appropriate that the field trip to
Maidstone
is cancelled. We will see if it is possible to reinstate this trip during the half term holiday in October.’

    
Brian
and
Jack
are speaking to Mam, she is nodding and pats
Brian
’s arm. ‘What did she say?’

     ‘She thinks it is a good idea and will speak to the Reverend, but it could be a while yet because they have to wait for the result of the post mortem.’

    
Coach
Gareth
Jones
has replaced the coach that was to take us to
Maidstone
. Instead of an A.E.C in green and cream, we have a ball of muscle in white, with a bald head and a whistle that is constantly screeching as he attempts to get u
s into some sort of order as he
marches us around the sports field like soldiers. 

     Coach has singled me out as his assistant but my heart is not in it, all I can think about is Lion. The younger kids take no notice of me so Coach has to keep pulling them into line. After half an hour he gathers us around him, ‘Look you now, listen to me I don’t have to come here to be ignored, I can stay at home for that, but seeing as I get paid for what I do here, I expect you to listen and give me a bit of respect. You may as well get used to me because, every day this week you will be subjected to one hours physical training, whether you like it or not. Believe me, it i
s a lot easier if you like it.
Tomorrow and each day until Friday, I will be assisted by Mr.
Simmons
. By the end of the week you will be enjoying it so much that you will be looking forward to our next session. Everyone will be here in the morning at ten thirty, in your gym kit, ready to go, anybody that wishes to be excused will need a signed letter fro
m the Reverend, is that clear.
Even if you have a broken leg you are expected to attend because you can still hop.’ A few kids laugh one or two of the younger ones appear to believe him.

     ‘
Phil
can I have a word?’

     ‘Yes Coach, I’m sorry I have not been very good today.’

     ‘No, it is not that,
Mr.
Simmons
tells me you are a swimming record holder, is that correct?’

     ‘Yes Coach, on July the twenty fifth I broke the
Sussex
, under twelve, fifty metres breast stroke record. That night my Gran died and I was brought here, I haven’t been swimming since.’

     ‘Leave it to me; I will see what I can do about getting you into training again.’

     ‘Thanks Coach, I would like that, where are the closest baths?’

     ‘Tonbridge, which could be a problem in getting you to and from,
therefore
you,
may have to wait until you start school next week.’

     ‘That would be fantastic.’

     ‘Don’t build your hopes too much, put everything into the PT in the meantime, to keep yourself fit okay?’

     ‘Okay Coach.’