Bared (20 page)

Porter dropped his hand from her chin. “All right, now that we have that established, tell me what is going on.” Concern creased the corners of his eyes, making Porter look so much older than Cora remembered. “I’ve never in my life seen you like you were tonight. Why are you not telling Aidan the truth?”

Staring into Porter’s solid features, Cora couldn’t find the strength to hide her feelings any longer, nor could she lie to herself. Tonight she had officially dropped. She’d become a weak person she never wanted to be. “It’s difficult.”

“Yes, clearly,” Porter agreed sternly. “Why?”

Cora hesitated, dragging in her runaway thoughts. She couldn’t avoid this any longer, and in her job, she’d call this rock bottom. Nonetheless, it didn’t make talking about something she’d pushed away long ago any easier, no matter how much she tried to numb herself to it. “I don’t know how to talk about this.”

“That excuse will no longer work. You broke tonight. You need to explain why.” Porter tucked the blankets around her a little tighter before he lifted his gaze. “Did Master Aidan hurt the trust between you?”

Alarmed at his suggestion, she snapped, “No!”

He scanned her face, regarding her. “Then what is it?”

Knowing Porter and the determination of
this
Dom, she believed with total certainty he wouldn’t drop the matter until she explained herself. She flipped over onto her back and pressed her head against the couch. “You know when we broke up, it didn’t upset me. We were okay. It was better between us as friends.” She snuggled into the blankets. “I was happier. But then I came to Club Sin.”

His head cocked, his gaze probing hers. “All this started when you joined Club Sin?”

She nodded.

Porter studied her hard, then asked with raised brows, “Being in
this
club is bad for you?”

She heaved a sigh in total understanding of his surprise. Club Sin was, by far, the perfect place for her. A great club for any submissive who enjoyed the power exchange and kink in the dungeon but not out of it. All the Doms held the same morals, a similar view on limits, and the Doms were experienced, even caring to extremes. “Not bad, but it changed me.”

“Changed how?”

Drawn into feelings she had fought against for so long, she admitted a truth she’d avoided: “It made me shut down.”

He glanced out to Master Kyler as Master Dmitri sidled up to him. Master Dmitri never looked to Cora, nor approached. He simply nodded to Master Kyler and then strode away. Porter turned to Cora. “But why would you do that—what happened that made you make that decision?”

Heaviness formed in Cora’s limbs as she remembered all the reasons she did what she did, but
this
Dom wasn’t the one she needed to tell it to. The Dom she owed that truth had abandoned her. Lord, she’d given the same advice to the girls group—
“talking about this stuff is tough, but it’s good you were brave and honest.”

Master Aidan couldn’t deal with her if she wasn’t being honest. And that was the truth to submission. The Dom held the control only if the submissive allowed it, and she hadn’t been. She’d been allowing him only a sliver of control, and when he pushed for more, she had refused.

Of course, for his own sake and hers. Maybe, though, that hadn’t been the right thing to do. Tonight she’d caused him to walk away. Cora didn’t know if her actions had helped or hurt the situation. Maybe shielding him from his pain had only damaged him more.

In front of all his friends and other Doms, she had embarrassed him. She gave Aidan no other option than to release her as his submissive. What kind of Dom would he have been if he had continued to play with her when she had obviously rejected his touch? Tears welled in her eyes, and she dropped her head into her hands. “This is what I didn’t want. I wanted to play. I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to feel.”

Porter removed her hands, forcing her to look at him. “How is that fair to you?”

“Because it worked,” she replied.

“Did it?” His brows rose. “Seems to me it didn’t work at all.”

Cora absorbed his words, and she couldn’t refuse the statement. She’d never been a weak submissive, but she had ignored emotions when maybe she shouldn’t have. What she had done had changed her, and not for the better. Though she believed sometimes a person didn’t have a choice. “Okay, fine, but the talking bit is difficult.”

“Being honest with yourself isn’t easy? Telling Aidan how you feel is hard?” Porter shook his head, cursing silently. “Cora, this isn’t making any sense.”

She ran her fingers under the cozy blanket, admitting an overwhelming truth. “I wish I had you.”

Porter gave steady eye contact. “You do, always.”

“No,” she retorted, unsure of how to get this out right. “I wish I had what you made me feel back then. How safe it was for me to share anything with you.”

His gaze blazed. “Is that what has happened here, you don’t feel safe?”

A tear slid down her cheek, which she hurried to swipe away. “No, I don’t.”

“Excuse me?”

Cora jerked her head to Master Kyler looming over her. The dungeon at his back looked pitch black, but the light from the scone on the wall highlighted his frown. “I—”

“I wanted to stay out of this,” he interjected in a tight voice, “but this has become a Club Sin matter.” He leaned down toward her, his body rigid. “You don’t feel safe?”

If this could get any worse, it just fucking had.

Great
. Not only did she insult one Club Sin Master tonight, she’d insulted two of them. She cleared her throat, withdrawing into the couch. “No, it’s not that.”

“Don’t lie,” Porter growled.

Cora looked from Porter to Master Kyler, and her thoughts swam. What would happen if she admitted the truth? Would it make things better with Aidan? Would it fix everything or only make it worse?

How much worse can it possibly get?

Through all her runaway thoughts, one truth stood out. These were not the Doms she needed to explain her personal torment to. Everything she’d said to them had been the truth—she didn’t feel safe in Club Sin, but … she wasn’t explaining herself right, they were missing the context of it all. “With you I feel safe,” she said to Master Kyler.

When he leaned away, the tension in the corners of his eyes faded. “What makes you feel unsafe, then?”

Uncontrollable tears slid down her cheek. Yes, she owed honesty, and believed it would save her. Everyone knew she loved Aidan, she never doubted that. But no one knew what she’d done for him—how she hid her feelings to protect him. Nobody knew the
why
she had never told him. “I need more time before I talk about it.”

Master Kyler knelt down in front of her and took her hand. “You need to talk about whatever you’ve been ignoring. The things you’re saying … the way you broke tonight …” He hesitated, his gaze softening. “You’re struggling, Cora. Let us help you.”

“Yes, I’m realizing that
now
.” She heaved a sigh, wiping away another tear. “But I can’t talk to either of you.”

“Why?” they both asked in unison.

With the soft instrumental music around her, she glanced between them. Two incredible men that she’d put into the male-best-friend category, men who would always be there for her and that she depended on. “Because it doesn’t involve either of you.”

Porter took her other hand. “You don’t run from a problem, you chew on it until it’s no longer a problem. You don’t fear the impossible, you go after it. Enough is enough already. You can’t keep living like this.”

No, she couldn’t, even she knew that. For too long she’d hid her feelings to protect Aidan. Also, not to lose him, and she had lost him anyway. She hadn’t even talked to Presley or Kenzie about what she felt and why she hurt.

She’d always shielded Aidan in hopes that one day he’d see her waiting in front of him. Though some people would think she was crazy, she understood his pain. She sympathized with his need for more time to recover from Lily.

Hell, she was paid to understand those dark emotions.

Now she’d reached that fork in the road when she had to make a decision. Forget about feelings that could—and did—weaken her, or face a hard truth that would require all of her strength.

She couldn’t give Aidan more time. Either he needed to face his demons or she had to move on. She’d always told herself if it ever got rocky between them or she thought he wasn’t treating her right, she would walk away.

That day had come.

This couldn’t continue.

Porter squeezed her hand tight. “You have a choice: Continue acting this way or don’t. It’s that simple, Cora.”

Kyler jerked his chin in agreement.

Cora stayed silent, still unsure how to answer. It all seemed so simple, didn’t it?

Only problem?

It wasn’t simple at all.

With what she had to face, she knew the three things ingrained into her as a submissive would be destroyed—
safe, sane, and consensual
. What she had to do wasn’t
safe
for her. What she had to talk about wouldn’t be
consensual
. And as far as she was concerned, walking into all of that definitely wasn’t
sane
.

Chapter Twenty

The next Monday, outside of the Regional Justice Center, Aidan lowered his briefcase and suit jacket onto the ground. He hadn’t gone to Club Sin Saturday night, and after a telephone call from Kyler he’d learned neither had Cora. She’d had a girls’ night in with Kenzie and Presley.

That gave him peace. At least she wasn’t alone.

The sun beat down on him and sweat beaded his forehead as he sat down on the large stone stairs. He leaned his head back and embraced the outdoors, instead of the confines of a courtroom. He stretched his neck and noticed the ache of his body. Muscles he didn’t know existed were sore from the long workouts to ease his troubles with Cora.

Her rejection of his touch had made the passing days utter hell. His nights had seemed longer. Through those long hours, he had examined every event and considered each moment. Still, he had no understanding of what he’d done to break her trust. Nor did he understand why he felt so lost without her.

Was it his Dom pride?

Or was her pain just fucking with his mind?

Cora had always been such a ball of sunshine, and watching her struggle in their last scene had marked the worst day of life. His mood had been less than pleasant. His thoughts even more jumbled. He could not make sense of her actions, not a single one.

Aidan sighed. He was damn tired of running in circles.

“No wonder you get paid so much money, you work hard.”

At the tight feminine voice, Aidan lowered his chin. “The same could be said about you.”

The prosecutor he’d been up against today, Samantha, leaned against the palm tree at the bottom of the steps. Her red painted lips curved. “Touché.”

In her early forties, Samantha was prim, proper, a little stuffy, and also very
vanilla
. Aidan always noticed submissives had a look of yearning that never went away. Samantha had a gaze full of focus and determination. A hard look that suggested,
Fuck with me and I will destroy you
.

Aidan didn’t doubt she could.

Samantha placed her briefcase down. She ran her hand over her brown hair held tight in a bun. “Guess I should congratulate you on your win.”

Aidan might’ve been proud. That is, if he hadn’t known Samantha had all but thrown the case. “It worked out as it should.”

“I suppose it did,” was Samantha’s dry reply.

While Aidan’s client had committed theft by stealing jewelry from the wealthy woman she worked for, his client had been trying to support the two children her dipshit husband had left her with. Aidan thought sending his client to jail and putting her kids in foster care wasn’t a suitable punishment.

The judge agreed, and considering the case was all circumstantial, he’d dropped the charges. While Aidan didn’t doubt his client’s guilt, he also believed her reasons for doing it came from a good place.

Samantha regarded him with a long look. “It was a weak case.” The hint of a smile on her face twinkled in her brown eyes behind her designer glasses. “I did my best with what I had.”

“Of course,” Aidan replied.

His lips parted to thank her for
not
doing her job when the beep of his cell phone interrupted his thoughts. He reached for his phone in his briefcase. Once he saw the screen, he noticed it was from Cora. His sore muscles tightened within a single breath. He looked to Samantha. “I better take this.”

Samantha winked. “Next time I won’t let you win so easily.”

Aidan inclined his head, welcoming the challenge. He’d known through the entire case that Samantha wasn’t gunning for his client. He believed—with total certainty—if she wanted to get his client convicted, she would’ve.

He watched Samantha hurry down the street as another bead of sweat dripped down the side of his face. He swiped it away before he turned his focus onto Cora’s message.

We need to talk. Meet me at Palm Northwest Cemetery
.

He frowned at his phone. While his chest lightened at her text, the place she wanted him to meet raced his heart. Without pause, he typed,
I’ll be there in twenty minutes
.

After he grabbed his blazer and briefcase, he jogged to his black Audi in the parking lot. Within two minutes, he was in the car. Within another two minutes, he was on the road. And within twenty minutes, he’d spotted the administration office and church at the cemetery.

A sour taste filled his mouth as he drove down the road, leading him into the cemetery gardens made up of ponds, angelic statues, and fresh flowers. As he headed along the paved road, approaching the old shade tree, he noticed Cora sitting in the private garden with the iron gate.

There was a heaviness in his chest as he pulled off to the side of the road, regarding her from a distance. Why had she come
here
, and why had she picked
that
place to sit? Chills made him shiver and his fingers became cold. It’d been a long time since he’d come to the cemetery.