Bardisms (35 page)

By God, I cannot flatter, I do defy

The tongues of soothers, but a braver place

In my heart’s love hath no man than yourself.

—H
OTSPUR
,
Henry IV, Part I
, I, 4.1.6–8

In other words:

I swear to you, I’m incapable of flattery. I’ve got no time for smooth-talking yes-men. But I will say this: I hold no man in higher esteem than I do you.

How to use it:

I once heard the chairman of a college English department bid farewell to a retiring professor with these words, and they brought a tear to the eye of everyone in the room. The strength of the first phrase, which insists that the speaker isn’t given to hyperbole and excessive praise, somehow makes the lines especially emotional.

This Bardism is an ideal retirement tribute, but it works equally well as a commendation on a job well done, or even as an expression of warmth and gratitude between close friends.

Hotspur’s final line is built according to a favorite Shakespearean pattern: a polysyllabic word at the end of a line of monosyllables, as in “To be or not to be, that is the question.” Give each of the eight single-syllable words its own deliberate weight (In. My. Heart’s. Love. Hath. No. Man. Than.) and you’ll find that the longer, two-syllable word
yourself
jumps out of your mouth and takes on a special emphasis.

Address this speech to a woman by adding the letters
wo
to
man
in its last line.

Second is Duke Vincentio, the measured hero of
Measure for Measure
. Here he publicly acknowledges the excellence of Angelo, his meritorious subordinate.
*

O, your desert speaks loud; and I should wrong it

To lock it in the wards of covert bosom,

When it deserves, with characters of brass,

A forted residence ’gainst the tooth of time

And razure of oblivion. Give me your hand, 5

And let the subject see, to make them know

That outward courtesies would fain proclaim

Favors that keep within.

—D
UKE
V
INCENTIO
,
Measure for Measure
, 5.1.9–16

In other words:

Those things about you that are praiseworthy are very noticeable, and I’d be dishonoring them to keep quiet about them, and to hide my affection for them. They should have lasting monuments erected to them, strong fortresses that will withstand time’s ravages and never fall into obscurity. Let me shake your hand, and let everyone see me do it. They’ll understand that this gesture of politeness shows how deeply I feel about you, and how many good turns I intend to do you.

How to say it:

This speech is perfect for public ceremonies of acknowledgment and appreciation. The Duke praises his deserving associate before the citizenry over whom he reigns; you’re more likely to be praising yours before your employees, co-workers, or friends. Feel free, then, to replace line 6’s
the subject
with some more appropriate collective phrase:
my colleagues, my family, this gath’ring, the comp’ny
. Note that the speech is appropriate for honorees of either gender.

Some highly charged language expresses the passion and energy of this lavish tribute. The honoree’s deserving doesn’t mumble or huff, but
speaks loud
; it deserves to be written in
brass
, the medium of all great monuments, so that it will defy
time’s
devouring
tooth,
and stand fast against
oblivion’s
determination to
raze
it. Allow these powerful words their full expressive rein.

The Duke’s verbs are vivid and should be given their due:
wrong, lock, deserves, give, see, know, proclaim
.

Note the physical business that the speech demands: the Duke takes Angelo’s hand on line 5. I remember seeing a production in which the Duke clutched Angelo’s hand in both of his and then pressed it to his heart. The actor playing the role obviously felt that this gesture was more of an
outward courtesy
than a mere handshake would have been. Feel free to borrow that interpretation.

SHE IS A VERY INSPIRING WOMAN

If you’re looking to stroke the ego of a female friend, peer, or partner in crime, you can’t do better than this extravagant Bardism, spoken about Queen Margaret after she gives a stemwinder of a pep talk to the troops under her command in the Wars of the Roses. Margaret is one of a small number of women in the plays who do military service, and the only one whose oratory rivals anything screamed out by Henry V.

Methinks a woman of this valiant spirit

Should, if a coward heard her speak these words,

Infuse his breast with magnanimity

And make him, naked, foil a man at arms.

—P
RINCE
E
DWARD
,
Henry VI, Part III
, 5.4.39–42

In other words:

I think a woman whose character is as upstanding as this one’s could fill a coward with courage simply by saying the kinds of things she always says. She could inspire a naked man to defeat an armored soldier.