Banished Love (29 page)

“I agree,” I said. “And with that being said, I must head home. I shouldn’t tempt fate further and I promised my da.” I gripped Gabriel’s hand once more and then reluctantly rose. “Shall I see you again soon?”

“Yes, Clarissa, soon,” Gabriel responded. I beamed at him before I twirled to leave. Upon reaching the door, I turned back to find him and Richard both watching me. I gave a small wave, before slipping outside the door to home.

CHAPTER 29

I SAT IN THE RUSSELL FAMILY PARLOR on the overstuffed Rococo settee, listening to Savannah and Aunt Matilda argue about wedding decorations. I smiled every few moments in an attempt to act as though I were listening. Instead, I thought about Gabriel. I had been unable to invite him to call as I had promised so he could begin to formally court me. All of my evenings had been filled with wedding preparations for Savannah and I saw no end in sight as a round of prewedding soirees was about to begin. The three of us heard a large whoop of delight from the store, and I bolted up, using any excuse for an escape, bustling down the stairs to the store doorway.

I peered in to see Lucas enfolding a small woman in his strong arms. He almost lifted her off the ground in his enthusiasm. A cane clunked to the ground, and I held my breath. Finally Lucas released the short, plump woman, and she turned with Lucas’s aid to face me. Her blue-green eyes shone with delight as she tottered toward me without the aid of her cane.

“Aunt Betsy!” I shrieked, running toward her to hug her. I had to be careful not to crush her in my exuberance. Savannah rushed forward too, although she realized we had an audience with store customers. She ushered us quickly through the doorway adjoining the store into the hallway and rear rooms. The curtains to the store closed behind us, allowing us privacy for our reunion with Aunt Betsy. We took turns embracing Aunt Betsy, with Aunt Matilda the last to greet her sister, tears of delight in her eyes.

“What a joy to see you here, dear sister,” Aunt Matilda effused. “And here I thought I would have to remember all the details to write you an in-depth letter. What a joy.” She sighed, gripping her sister’s arm. We quietly moved to the family parlor.

Aunt Betsy laboriously made her way up the stairs, finally settling in a high gentleman’s seat, grimacing as she attempted to find a comfortable position.

I glanced at her with a small frown as I stood over her. “Aunt Betsy, is there anything that I can do to help you with your discomfort?”

“Clarissa, what a dear.” She patted my cheek. “No, thank you. I am fine. Just a little sore from my journey.” She leaned her head against the chair, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths. After a few moments, she appeared to gather herself and turned to look at me fully.

I once again settled on the nearby settee.

“You look radiant, Clarissa. Any developments in your life?”

I cringed, wishing for Savannah to remain the focus of attention. “Everything is the same, Aunt. I continue to teach. I am very excited for Savannah and her wedding.” I smiled at Savannah, hoping to deflect any interest toward her.

“I hear that Cameron is back,” Aunt Betsy murmured, watching me. Her pale blue eyes seemed almost green and changed color depending on what she wore. Her rheumatism made her hunch over, making her even smaller than she really was. At barely five feet and slightly plump, she liked calling my brothers and Lucas her giants.

“Yes, he is back, though it really does not affect me.” My voice was flat, emotionless. I realized that I had very little feeling left to spare Cameron. My thoughts were filled with Gabriel.

Aunt Betsy continued to study me a few moments, before turning to Savannah. “Savannah dearest, do bring me up-to-date with the newest arrangements,” Aunt Betsy coaxed.

Savannah began regaling us all with wedding plans, expressing concerns about the timing of her arrival at the church, worries that the cake would not be fresh enough if it were baked the day before and other such trivialities.

I heard Aunt Betsy murmur, “Yes, I can imagine your concern about the cake, dear. It will be a large cake with so many guests?”

At Savannah’s absent nod, she continued to discuss the flowers and the reception, becoming less enthused the more she spoke. As she talked, my mind wandered, thinking back to my wedding day, and I realized what an uncomplicated wedding I had planned. I remembered the unalloyed joy I had felt while waiting upstairs in my bedroom for Cameron to arrive for our simple ceremony, to be had at home, followed by the small reception with plain food, but plenty of time to converse with friends and family. I had never imagined the pain to come.

“The wedding will be in the church, dear?” inquired Aunt Betsy.

“Yes, Betsy,” replied Aunt Matilda, rather stiffly. “The numerous guests invited dictated the necessity of using the church.”

“That’s a shame, dear,” murmured Aunt Betsy. “I would have thought a home wedding would have been just the thing.” She quietly sipped her tea, watching Savannah.

“Yes, well, adjustments needed to be made, and using the church due to the number of guests Jonas and the grandparents wanted to invite was necessary,” Savannah said.

“Betsy, quit stirring up trouble!” Aunt Matilda admonished. “All will be fine with the church. The reception will be in the church hall. We will have cake there, and then Savannah and Jonas will take their leave and go on their honeymoon. Isn’t that right, dear?”

Savannah by this time looked ghostly white, and I worried she would soon faint. She nodded vaguely.

“Where are you going on your honeymoon, Savannah?” queried Aunt Betsy.

“Jonas would like to take me to New York City,” Savannah said, fidgeting with the edge of her shawl. “If you will all excuse me, I have a headache. I think I will lie down.” Savannah rushed from the room.

Aunt Betsy continued to stare at the doorway for a few moments and then turned to look at her sister. “Well, Matilda?”

Aunt Matilda let out a long sigh. “I don’t know what is wrong with her. She doesn’t seem herself these days. I tell myself it is nerves due to the wedding, but Clarissa wasn’t like this before her wedding. Well, her
near
wedding.” She threw an apologetic glance in my direction. “I don’t know if I should be alarmed. Martin advises me to stay calm as it will run its course.”

“Well, someone needs to speak with her, determine if this is truly what she wants,” Aunt Betsy advised. “I’d hate for Savannah to be hurt because she is fulfilling someone else’s dream.”

“What do you mean?” I interjected.

Aunt Betsy shared a long look with Aunt Matilda, holding up her hand toward Matilda. “Let me say my piece, Mattie. She has earned the right to know how
I
feel, at least.” Aunt Matilda settled into her chair with pursed lips, upset but unwilling to disagree with her sister.

Aunt Betsy began to speak, carefully choosing her words. “Clarissa, you must know by now that our parents are wonderful people, but very determined to have their way. When your mother, may she rest in peace, and Aunt Matilda married for love, it was my duty to marry well. I, in some ways, felt as though I were the sacrificial lamb for the family. Be that as it may, I did marry well and, thankfully, came to love my husband. Even so, if I had been given the freedom to choose my own husband, I might have had a very different life.” Her voice held only a trace of rancor.

“Do you regret marrying Uncle Tobias?”

“No, I will never regret marrying him, as I refuse to regret so many years of my life. I do wish I had been able to have children, but that was my fate. I am now beginning to worry that the past may be repeating itself.” With this, Aunt Betsy exchanged a long look with Aunt Matilda.

“Betsy, don’t start,” Aunt Matilda said with a warning note in her voice.

“Mattie, just because you have rarely been in their good graces since marrying Martin doesn’t mean you should sacrifice your only living daughter to them to regain their favor. Think about that.
Please,
” Aunt Betsy implored, leaning forward, her tiny body vibrating a sense of urgency.

“And if Savannah truly wishes to wed Jonas?” Aunt Matilda stated, flushing.

“Then she should receive all of our blessings and support,” Aunt Betsy replied with a quiet nod for emphasis. “Now, I think I, too, would like a bit of rest before supper. Clarissa, would you see me to my room?”

She rose, giving me her arm. We left the parlor, with Aunt Matilda deep in thought.

Upon entering Aunt Betsy’s room—a simple guest room done in a pale green with a large window, a bed, washstand and sitting chair—I tried to leave.

“No, Clarissa, sit and speak with me for a few minutes. I sense there is much still left unsaid.”

I watched her carefully, afraid of revealing too much. “I’m not sure what you mean, Aunt Betsy.”

“Clarissa, I know there is much you are not telling me. What is truly happening in your life? How are you feeling about the return of Cameron? I would have thought you would be much more upset about it than you appear to be.”

She sat on the edge of the bed, waving me toward the chair. I sat.

“I am coping well, Aunt. I have spoken with him a few times, and I have realized that there is no reason to continue to expend energy or emotion on him,” I replied.

“Truly, Clarissa? You seemed so in love two years ago. What were his reasons for failing to show at the wedding?” Aunt Betsy seemed confused, as though trying to decipher a riddle. In many ways, her expression reminded me of Gabriel and the way he watched me. She subtly adjusted herself on the bed to find a more comfortable position, patiently waiting for me to speak.

I cleared my throat, stalling for time. “Well, uh, he felt trapped and felt the only way to escape was not to attend the wedding.”

“That doesn’t seem right, dear,” Aunt Betsy replied. “I remember the two of you together, and I cannot recall a couple more in love. You were perfectly matched. Something must have happened.”

“If something happened, as you state, he has not admitted to it. I cannot spend any more time on him,” I said in a firm tone.

I met her eyes with a hint of defiance. Embarrassment washed through me again that he had not wanted to associate with my family, like a wave that crested and receded, but always brought pain and discord when it returned.

“Clarissa, I know it hurt you terribly when he failed to show at the house. There was no note, no explanation… You must want to know why,” Aunt Betsy persisted, watching me closely, her too-perceptive eyes taking in all my expressions and movements.

“No, no longer,” I declared, anger stirring deep inside. “No, Aunt Betsy. It is over for me with him. Don’t you understand?” I asked, with a touch of desperation in my voice. “There is no possible explanation for what he did. I will never accept, never believe, anything he says.” I blinked back the few tears that wanted to fall.

Aunt Betsy watched me and then gave a short nod.

“Of course, dear. I understand. However, what is it you are not telling me? Is there someone else, then?” At that, I blushed, unable to stop my reaction, and looked away toward the window.

“Ah, so there
is
someone else,” Aunt Betsy said, clapping her hands together. “This is good news. Do tell me more.”

“Aunt Betsy, don’t you want to rest?” I asked, trying to stall her, enjoying the routine.

“Oh, no, I am resting here, talking with you about your new beau. Please, feel free to tell me all about him,” she encouraged.

She moved around on the bed to lean back fully on the pillows, stretching out her legs. I moved the chair closer to her, continuing to face her. I leaned forward in my chair, eager for her advice about Gabriel. “I met Ga—Mr. McLeod when I crashed into his ladder in Uncle’s store. He fell to the ground and suffered a serious head wound. When I realized he wasn’t recovering well, I visited him with Lucas and ensured he received the care he needed.

“Uncle Martin decided to hire him for more projects, and I visited Gabriel at his workshop with Uncle. He is making me bookshelves for my classroom. I have visited his workshop a few times with Savannah or Colin. He recently asked if he could court me properly.” I flushed at the words.

Her eyes narrowed when she heard that I had visited his warehouse, though thankfully I never let it slip that I had visited alone. “Savannah agreed to go to the workshop with you? As did Colin?” she asked, watching me intently.

“Yes, she encouraged me to see if this was someone I really wanted to get to know better. Well, until she had an argument with him,” I said, flushing as I recalled that scene. “And Colin knows his brother well and likes him.”

“Dearest, you ran a terrible risk, as your reputation would have been in tatters had you been seen there by anyone of good standing. I’m sure Jonas would have been very displeased,” she admonished. “You must like him very much,” she mused with a twinkle in her eyes.

“I do, Aunt Betsy.”

“What do you like about him, Clarissa?”

“He’s kind, compassionate, responsible. He is hardworking. He doesn’t mind my suffragist beliefs, seems to like that I am a teacher. He doesn’t appear upset by my clumsiness. Or my family,” I said, abruptly stopping.

She squinted her eyes at that last comment. “I beg your pardon? How could anyone be upset by our family?”

“That was one of the reasons Cameron gave for not marrying me,” I admitted. “My family. He didn’t think we were socially acceptable enough. I think he was more worried about his career, his chance for advancement, than he was about me. Though he never actually worked,” I said with a trace of bitterness. “But, if that is the case, then he didn’t really love me, did he, Aunt Betsy?” I sniffed, trying to prevent the tears from falling.

“Heavens, Clarissa, what a horrible thing for him to say! How spineless that young man must be. I never realized.… You must know I never would have introduced you had I known…” She appeared lost in thought. “Thank heavens you didn’t marry him. I would hate to see you with such a weak man.”

She watched me attempting to hold back my tears and spoke with me in a soft tone, like my mama used to speak with me when I had injured myself playing with my brothers. “Clarissa dearest. I can only imagine how terrible his defection must have been for you. I will never truly know what you went through, the pain, the doubts…” She paused. “But, I must say again, I am very pleased you did not marry such a man. You, dearest, deserve the best of men. A strong man, who is proud of you and wants the whole world to know it,” she mused, with a faint smile playing around her lips. Her luminescent eyes glowed, and I wondered fleetingly if that had been her dream, unfulfilled.