Bang Bang Bang (8 page)

SADHBH. So what's next?

VIN. What's your NGO?

MATHILDE. What?

RONAN. I'm doing a feature for the
Irish Times. /
Travelling to Masisi tomorrow with a team from Concern.

MATHILDE (
to
VIN). Let's move outside.

SADHBH. I bump into them every day. / Any of them here?

He turns around to look.

RONAN. Maybe not. We have a / 6 a.m. start.

VIN (
to
MATHILDE). Great.

VIN
and
MATHILDE
move away from
RONAN
and
SADHBH.

RONAN. You've just come from Masisi?

SADHBH. A bad bad scene.

How long are you there for?

RONAN. If I get a story quick enough I may well be back in Dublin by Thursday. I want to get back to the wee fella.

SADHBH. Is your ex letting you see him now?

RONAN. After much legal wrangling.

He takes out his phone and shows her his screen saver.

There's Seanie.

SADHBH
looks at the picture.

I've cleaned up my act, I'm not drinking as much. The
New York Times
picked up my last couple of articles.

Slowly but surely – it's a fucker, you know?

The wee fella is playing his first football match tomorrow and I'm not there.

SADHBH. So change job.

RONAN. Fuck that.

They knock back the shots.

Any stories for me?

SADHBH. I interviewed Colonel Jerome Mburame.

RONAN. Get the fuck out! How did you manage that?

SADHBH. He found me.

RONAN. Ahhh – squeezed you in between pillaging and raping?

The dote.

SADHBH. His army boots are polished to a Sandhurst shine.

His English is superb.

Better than mine.

RONAN. And he's an out-and-out mad bollix.

SADHBH. He says he's protecting his people from a second genocide.

RONAN. Amazing how he's managing to get rich on it.

Nothing to do with tin and tantalum mines then!

So, Miss Kavanagh. Hanging with Mr Warlord?

Madness and chaos. Living on the edge, baby.

You love all that.

SADHBH. I never stop loving it. This is true.

Nothing feels more right than to do the work.

You – on the other hand – are a jealous alcoholic hack.

You'd eat your arm off for a chat with Mburame.

RONAN. Only my mother knows me as well as you do.

Where is he?

SADHBH. Go fuck yourself.

RONAN
drinks a shot.

RONAN. Funnily enough I was thinking isn't it about time we had a ride?

SADHBH. Classy, Ronan. Classy. I
did
tell you Stephen was coming tomorrow?

RONAN. I'll be the warm-up act. You're a fine thing. I am not too appalling. And I bet you're in severe need of a ride.

SADHBH. Strangely – I'm not in severe need of a ride – but I tell you what I will do?

RONAN. What?

SADHBH. I'll get us a proper drink. Jägermeister is making me feel queasy.

The music gets a little louder.

SADHBH
turns around to look for
MATHILDE.

RONAN. Who are you looking for?

SADHBH. My assistant.

RONAN. She's fucked off with the young fella.

RONAN
notes
SADHBH
's change of mood.

You okay?

SADHBH
shrugs.

SADHBH. Been a rough few weeks.

RONAN
pulls
SADHBH
in.

RONAN. Don't go.

RONAN
snogs
SADHBH.

The music gets louder.

The party gets wilder and wilder until
–

Music quietens.

SADHBH
is passed out on the couch. Some people leave the party.
MATHILDE (
drunk, stoned and emotional
)
is sitting beside
VIN (
who is off his face and is trying to roll a joint
).

VIN. There's gotta be purpose – / you know?

MATHILDE. Of course.

VIN. Purpose behind the image.

Iss the face. / Very powerful.

Yours iss… I'd kiss it if only one of them would stop moving.

They giggle and try to kiss.

MATHILDE. Face-power.

VIN. This is the baddest / shit.

MATHILDE. Bad is good.

VIN. Bad is superb.

The taxi driver / sold it to me.

The fucking taxi driver.

They explode with laughter.

MATHILDE. The taxi driver.

They laugh which turns into a giggle.

They giggle.

VIN. Suuuuperrrrb.

MATHILDE. Oh my God. I'm really whooo. (
Giggles.
) Really.

Wow. Hmm… I'd like to –

I mean I'm… (
Rubs
VIN
's arm.
)

I'm laughing. I haven't laughed for a month.

VIN. I'm drawn to conflict. (
Bursts out laughing.
)

And extremes of human experience. (
Laughs.
)

MATHILDE (
laughing
). So am I.

VIN
giggles at his badly made joint.

I love your accent. Where are you from?

VIN. Tring.

Iss in Hertfordshire. (
Touches his heart.
)

MATHILDE. Trrrring – Hertfordshire England.

Oh my God – / beautiful.

VIN
passes
MATHILDE
a whiskey bottle, which she swigs from.

VIN. I would like to live with you.

You're wunnerful.

MATHILDE. I have never had this much to drink in my life.

I've never had this much bad shit.

She giggles.

The Irish – they drink – fall down.

And then all is okay.

She strokes
SADHBH
's hair.
SADHBH
stirs a little.

But / not me.

VIN. I'm okay. You're okay.

Can I live with you?

MATHILDE
giggles. She touches his hand.

MATHILDE. I feel I would like to make love.

VIN
tries to light the joint.

No. Don't try to light this –

They both giggle.

I warn you – I cry in my sleep.

Suddenly
MATHILDE
cries.

VIN. Hey. Hey.

He comforts her.

She takes the joint and tidies it up.

MATHILDE. I have so much stress. (
Stops crying and starts giggling uncontrollably.
)

VIN. I feel a bit – I'm a bit – What do you? You wanna – / (
Rubs his face.
) it's my jaw… can't really feel it…

MATHILDE. If we fuck it doesn't have to be a big drama.

She lights the joint. She draws deeply.

VIN. And then we'll live together?

MATHILDE. Of course we'll leave together. You don't think I'm gonna fuck you right here on the floor? / We just have to get up the stairs.

They start to giggle.

VIN. No I mean – living – living.

You, me –

They giggle again.

MATHILDE. I don't know what you're saying. We go up the stairs? Stairs?

They giggle.
MATHILDE
passes
VIN
the joint. He draws deeply.

I'm a bit hairy. That might frighten you, English photographer from Tring.

MATHILDE
giggles.

Or maybe it's sexy –

VIN
draws on the joint again.

Yes. Let's fuck. But if you thought you know?

I could have a quick – If I could find a razor.

MATHILDE
giggles.

MATHILDE
takes the joint.
VIN
finds himself in a bad way.

VIN. Mathilde… I need to. Sorry. I'm not up to it… it's I – think I'm going to be –

VIN
dashes off to puke. He only manages to get to the back of the couch.

He up-chucks to the end of the scene.

MATHILDE. Okay.

I don't need love.

I don't need LOVE to justify my existence.

I'm part of life you know.

It's all here.

Two

The following day.

The same space – which, in the light of day, is completely trashed.

SADHBH
is on the sofa and is extremely hung-over.

INNOCENT
enters.

INNOCENT. Excuse, madame. It's Innocent. I clean for Madame Romy.

SADHBH. Come in.

INNOCENT.
Pardonnez moi pour le retard. Ma soeur, elle est malade.

J'ai dû l'emmener à l'hôpital.

SADHBH.
Je suis désolée,
Innocent. I hope it's not serious.

INNOCENT. Please God, madame. / Please God.

SADHBH. I'm so sorry it's such a mess.

Je vais t'aider.

She gets up a little too quickly.

Oh.

INNOCENT. Sit. Sit.

Leave that for me.

Je vais arranger ça pour Mme Romy.

You have morning sickness. Yes?

SADHBH. What?

INNOCENT. I am the expert.

I have seven children.

I always know.

SADHBH. No, no. Not me.

From off.

STEPHEN. Hello? Hello?

INNOCENT. Yes, madame. I will make you a tisane.

Please one moment.

INNOCENT
lets
STEPHEN
in and then backs out of the room.

SADHBH. You made it.

STEPHEN
drops his bag and takes off his jacket.

STEPHEN. I saw them all on my way – the seekers, the preachers, profiteers, disaster junkies.

He leans over and kisses
SADHBH.

SADHBH. Familiar faces then.

I almost don't recognise you in your suit.

You play the part well.

STEPHEN. This is me, Sadhbh. I am that guy in the suit.

He looks around.

Humanitarians by day – wannabe seventeen-year-olds by night.

SADHBH. One night is hardly living like seventeen-year-olds.

STEPHEN. There's vomit behind the couch.

SADHBH. Are you serious?

SADHBH
gets up to have a look.

SADHBH
tries to find something to clean up the mess.

It all got a bit out of hand.

STEPHEN. Sadhbh, it always gets a bit out of hand.

You know that.

SADHBH. I feel so awful.

STEPHEN. Have you not learned that R and R stands for rest and recreation?

SADHBH. Sweetheart, you sound middle-aged.

STEPHEN. Hoo-ray.

I'm delighted I'm not puking my ring up after an ICRC party.

SADHBH. How was your flight?

STEPHEN. Uncomfortable.

I hitched a ride on a UN Boeing. Unfortunately our pilot intends to fly back to Dar Es Salaam this evening.

SADHBH. You can't stay?

STEPHEN. I've got to be in London by Monday.

Pause.

I have a lunch at the Dutch Embassy.

SADHBH
is very disappointed.

SADHBH. Of course you do.

STEPHEN. I have to be there. I hate it but, you know –

SADHBH. I hope you're teaching that unmentionable to be a good corporate citizen?

STEPHEN. Sure.

SADHBH. Do tell all about the Jolly Yellow Giant and its further misadventures in human rights?

STEPHEN. This conversation invariably ends in verbal – directed at me. Can we not…?

Pause.

Where's Romy?

SADHBH. At the clinic. We have the place to ourselves – and there is Mathilde, of course.

STEPHEN. How's she doing?

SADHBH. Better than I expected.

STEPHEN. I did wonder how she'd cope.

SADHBH. Cope? She's spent this morning having noisy sex with a young man she met last night – that only hours ago was barfing in the bathroom.

STEPHEN. Ah – banging and barfing – those were the days.

SADHBH. Do you want to go to bed? You look exhausted.

STEPHEN. I want to talk.

SADHBH. Okay.

Oh my – Oh –

SADHBH
gags.

STEPHEN. You okay?

SADHBH. Jägermeister, beer – (
Gestures behind the couch.
) puke.

She gets up.

STEPHEN. Just leave it.

SADHBH. I can't have Innocent cleaning up puke.

STEPHEN. I'm sure he's cleaned up worse.

SADHBH. That is not my puke.

STEPHEN. I'm not sitting here with it steaming behind me.

I've got a paper in my bag.

He goes to his briefcase.

Why don't I just – Are you okay?

SADHBH. Yeah.

STEPHEN
lays some newspaper at the back of the couch.

He starts to pick up bits and pieces to clear a space for himself.

SADHBH
lies back on the couch.

STEPHEN
sits beside her and she puts her head on his lap.

She holds his hand.

Hello.

STEPHEN. Hello.

VIN
enters – barefoot, shirtless and wearing jeans – rubbing his chest and pulling at his hair.

VIN. Morning.

STEPHEN
raises his hand in greeting.

VIN
wanders around.

I think – I left… my shit down here –

STEPHEN (
to
SADHBH). Not that as well.

SADHBH
starts to giggle.

VIN
searches around
SADHBH
and
STEPHEN
. He reaches underneath
STEPHEN
's legs.

VIN. Sorry.

STEPHEN. You alright?

SADHBH. This it?

SADHBH
pulls a small pouch from the couch.

VIN. Cool. Yeah.

He wanders off and then stops.

Do you guys want a smoke?

STEPHEN
and
SADHBH. No.

SADHBH. Thanks.

He wanders off.

VIN. No worries.

STEPHEN. Mathilde's playmate?

SADHBH. It appears so.

STEPHEN. What else have you been up to?

SADHBH. What do you mean?

STEPHEN. You've talked to Jerome Mburame.