Ballistic (35 page)

“Hello?”

“We
’re walking a few houses down to see the house I think Lina bought, or wants to buy,” Jules said. “Her buying anything is a big deal, Tony. Hear her out before you bitch at her, got it?” When I didn’t respond, she asked again. “Tony?”

“I got it,” I
told her, making my way toward the house. “Thanks, Jules.”

“I need to thank you
, Tony,” she said quietly. “If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think Lina would be who she is today.”

“Who is she today?”

“Today she’s happy,” she said. “Because of you. No matter what happens, remember that. You put that smile back on her face and I owe you for that.”

Jules came through.

In truth
, she was the last call I suspected. When she told me they were walking over to the house they believed Lina had just bought, I flew over and parked down the street. I was in the area anyway, being that I was stalking the streets looking for two short-stacked girls possibly hustling on a corner or beating a pimp’s ass. The last thing I expected was to walk in and see her sitting alone in a dirty room with a busted window. I stood there watching her quietly. Normally she senses me before I even enter a room, but today she was far, far away. She had so many emotions dancing across her face that I didn’t have a chance to name them all. When a smile crossed her face, I backed off; walked back to the door I entered and slammed it alerting her to a visitor.

When I heard her voice letting Jules know where she was, I was able to function again. Less than twenty
-four hours without her and I couldn’t fucking handle it. A lifetime of that wasn’t possible either, so I decided to follow her lead and take Jules advice in assuming she’s not leaving me.

Standing in the door again, I would have stood there forever watching the sunlight worship her had she not turned around and ran to me. Wrapping her up
, we both hold on tight.

“I was getting ready to come by,” she says
, kissing my chest.

“I was impatient,” I tell her
, kissing her hair. Unwrapping her legs, I set her down on two feet and wait for her to take the next step.

“What do you think?”

“So you bought a house,” I say, quietly devastated and equally proud of her. “It needs work, but the bones are sound.”

“Are you handy?” she asks
.

“Yes,” I answer her quietly
.

“Good. Come on, let me show you around.”

Taking her hand, I follow her on the tour. It’s bigger than it looks. Four bedrooms, one bath and a huge kitchen that’s seen better days but, it’s the bedroom that guts me. It’s enormous and quite possibly hers alone. When we finish, we find ourselves back in the room she was sitting in. There is so much to say and yet I can’t open my mouth. There’s a happiness about her I’ve never seen before and in truth, I was terrified of it.

“Anthony?” she asks in a hushed voice
. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the depo.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed children on you,” I offer
. “I should have left you to live your life. I’m demanding things that you aren’t ready to give. Things I shouldn’t even be asking for.”

Blinking at me first
, then dropping her eyes to the floor she whispers, “Did you come here to tell me goodbye then?”

“Is that what you want?”

“No,” she says, looking up. “I want you to be happy I bought us a house.”

“You weren’t happy with me if you felt you needed a house--- say that again.”

Smiling that megawatt smile she only uses sparingly, her eyes sparkle and dance when she says, “I want you to be happy I bought
us
a house.”

“Us?”

“I wanted to show you I can commit to things,” she whispers. “You said your house is a rental so I thought we could start fresh here. I don’t want kids right this second, but someday I do and I want to know you better, fix this place up together and be close to our friends too.”

“Lina
…”

“I’m not floating like I used to
. It’s different now. I’ll always do it because it’s a part of me, but it’s you that I come back for. I know what I want, who I want and I thought if I showed you that I’m serious, that you’d be patient with me. Thing is, I need you to teach me the things I don’t know. Your parents taught you those things. Mine didn’t. Your parent’s loved and respected each other. Mine didn’t. I need you to guide me and I’ll follow your lead, Anthony because I truly want to learn from you.”

“Lina
…”

“Being selfish isn’t a bad thing if you do it for the right reasons,” she says
. “I won’t be selfish forever, but I don’t want to share you now. I want to travel and sleep in. I want to stay up late or walk around naked. I like having coffee and a cigarette with you in the kitchen every morning. I want to wake up knowing my day starts with you.”

“Lina
…”

“I don’t want to spend nights without you either
, Anthony,” she says, wrapping herself around my waist. “This is me showing you. Maybe it was a stupid idea. I’m impulsive like that, but you asked me to bet on you and I did. I’m asking you to bet on me too.” Reaching under her arm, I do it again. “Ow fuck!” she squeals. “What is it with you and pinching me?”

“Do I have your attention now?”

“Your communication skills suck,” she growls, so I pinch her again. “Ow fuck! Okay, okay I’m listening! Dammit I was on a roll too.”

“You love me,” I tell her while walking her back to the wall. Bracing her arms above her head
, it’s when our eyes meet and she smiles, that I tell her the truth. “I’ve waited a long time for you to love me, Sherlock.”

“I need you to lie to me
, Anthony,” she whispers, looking terrified. “Right now, I need it. Show me what a lie from you feels like.”

“Ask me.”

“Do you love me?”

“No,” I growl
, nipping her lip. “I don’t love you so much that I ache with it.”

When her eyes fill up and she kisses me back
, she whispers, “I love the way you lie and I don’t love you either.”

“Is this too fast for you?” I ask
, pulling her up so she can wrap her legs around me.

“No,” she whispers
. “I’m here, Anthony. You’re my anchor.”

“I won’t let you float
, Sherlock,” I whisper back. “And if you run, I’ll find you. I will always find you.”

“Anthony?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t mind getting dirty do you?”

“Dirty?” I ask, confused by the question, but then she pushes off the wall so hard, I take us both to the floor where I found myself being straddled. “Oh this kind of dirty I can do.”

Leaving him to sleep this morning, I
made a pot of coffee, grab my smokes after pouring a cup, and grab what I needed from the back seat to change my oil. Playing my music loud enough for me, but not enough to wake him, I tied my hair back and crab crawled under Mrs. Mathers. Independence has always been important to me. Being able to do things without asking for help was the only credit I could ever give my parents. Since they refused me everything, I had no choice but to learn on my own. Grabbing the drain pan, I moved out of the way, giving the oil free reign while I checked the pressure in my tires. Once that was done, I topped off my fluid, added washer solvent and then wiped off the excess oil from around the cap, and set out to refill it.

Then I took picture of the damage from my NASCAR stunt and
sent it to a collision shop for a price on repair. Wiping the dirt on my jeans, I looked up and Anthony’s there watching me. It didn’t creep me out anymore, but the look he gave me makes me feel like a bug under a microscope. Lighting up, I turned my music off as he approached.

“Did I wake you?” I ask
ed, hoping that I didn’t. I’ve noticed he’s been trying to adjust his sleep schedule to mine and I feel like shit that his gorgeous eyes have bags under them. Taking a hearty sip of his coffee, he leaned down and kissed my mouth.

“No pienko,” he
whispered against my lips. “You didn’t wake me.”

“Oh,” I mutter
ed thoroughly confused by his heated look. It wasn’t lust, which is a look I understood. It was something more. “Good.”

“Did you just change your oil in the driveway?”

“Oh balls,” I groaned. “Did I violate a code or something?”

“No,” he
said, still giving me that look. “Who taught you to do that?”

“I did.”

“By yourself?”

“Yes?”

“Why didn’t you take it in for service?”

“I like doing it,” I
admitted, taking another hit which gives me time to think. “It’s something I can be proud of, I guess.”

“What else can you do?”

“Depends on where this is going.”

“Change a flat?” I nod
ded. “Repair a garbage disposal?”

I
thought on it. “I suppose that depends on the horsepower, but I’d feel confident in saying yes.”

The list goes on and on. Cook, change a diaper
, (which I haven’t done but it can’t be that difficult), winterize a hot tub, reach for a dish that was high up (weird but, whatever, that’s what chairs are for) and my favorite, fix a roof.

“Is this a test?” I ask
ed him, stealing his cup for a sip. “If so did I pass or fail?”

“There isn’t much you can’t do,” he
said, looking almost sad. “I have to ask myself, what could I possibly do for you that you can’t do for yourself?”

My own sadness takes over. My independence
bothered him. Are women not supposed to be self-sufficient? I wouldn’t know, I haven’t had a choice but to rely on myself. This is who I am, who I’ve worked hard to become. It may be the only thing I truly like about myself. Staring down at my feet, I whispered my answer so only I could hear it. “You could love me.”

Because I certainly didn’t know how to love myself and I was also pretty sure it wasn’t something I could teach myself
, either. I’ve loved a few things in my life. The girls, my truck, and now him. I wish I could love me, but I’d settle for him doing it.

All of my life I have searched for this. I looked for so long that in time, I hadn’t realized I had given up. He’d been there even when he was hiding in plain sight. To find him all I had to do was look up. Then when I least expected it
, he came barreling into my life and gave me the truth I’d been looking for.

Love.

There is nothing truer than that. Did I love him at first sight? No. Did I love him when he showed up in my hotel room? No. I wish I had an exact date and time so I could etch it into my skin, but I decided that wasn’t necessary either. Love happened for me when I was ready to receive it and not a moment sooner. The man underneath me challenges me, infuriates me, believes in me, and I pray never leaves me because I wouldn’t survive it.

“Look in my eyes, Lina,” he says
, breaking me from my moment of clarity. “I will not ever leave you.”

“That’s not right,” I mumble
, blinking rapidly. “I’m awake.”

“We’re both awake,” he says
, gripping my hips. “I’ve never been more awake in my life.”

“Me either,” I whisper
, leaning down to take his mouth. “I don’t ever want to sleep again.”

“When you do,” he growls
, rocking me over his jean clad cock, “it will be next to me.”

“Okay coach,” I say
, biting his lower lip. “Okay.”

“I need you now,” he orders me
. “Show me how dirty those knees can get.”

Silently I squat to balance myself in an effort to free him from his jeans. He isn’t wearing underwear today
. Nice. “I was in a hurry to find you,” he says, catching me staring. “Now I’m in a hurry to get back where I belong.”

So this whole thing I had about him not talking? I admit I was wrong. Because when
he
speaks, I listen. Problem is, when he speaks, I can’t find my own words because his are so perfect. Lucky for me, he’s speaking for both of us. When his jeans meet his ankles, I slide my own down while he watches. Where his rest at his ankles, I have to battle unlacing my chucks, which I double knotted and can’t seem to undo.

“Let me,” he says
, reaching over and with nimble fingers to unravel both quickly and efficiently. Smiling in thanks, I stand back up to kick them off and undress myself, but when my right shoe refuses to leave my foot it causes me to tip over. Losing my balance again when I try to right myself causes me to crash into the chair. Hitting it hard I send it flying into the corner where it lays on its side with two legs broken. Putting his hands behind his head, he doesn’t even try not to laugh.

His laugh
is infectious and I start giggling too.

My face is red
, no doubt, my ass probably is too. Shucking off the last of my clothing, I leave it in a heap on the dirty floor. Tip toeing back to him, he pulls me down on top of him. Then he takes my mouth, grips me and I see where this is going.

We’re about to fuck on a dirty floor,
nice.

Grabbing his cock with one hand, I remind myself to get this cast off like yesterday. “Harder,” he groans
. “You’re stronger than that.” Tightening my grip to shut him up, I use the angle to make his already stiff cock like steel. “Now Lina,” he orders, thrusting up through my hand. “Give me what’s mine.”

Stroking him harder
, my arm feels like it’s on fire, but it can burn endlessly for all I care. I watch him growl and swear like he’s too pissed to get off. But I know better. He wants this pussy and I’m not ready to give it to him yet. Or maybe I am, when he practically dislocates my arm then slams me down on his cock. “I’m done asking,” he says, finding a rhythm. “Now fucking ride me.”

Pleasure I never knew was possible
finds its way inside of me. Maybe it is freedom, freedom of knowing you’re loved and loving in return. I’m no expert, but even here on this dirty floor, this feels different.

This
feels, permanent.

Using the pads of my feet as leverage, I’m able to bounce
, meeting his thrusts. Amidst the grunts, groans and creaking floor, I open myself up to this, to him completely, and that’s when things really get interesting. Sitting up, I’m forced to wrap my legs around him and hold on. Biting my neck and shoulders, my response was to scratch his back marking my territory. “Never,” he says, pounding into me, “leave me,” harder now, “like that,“ pulling my hair back and exposing my neck to him, he growls, “again” before sinking his teeth into my neck.

Screaming his name and possibly the Lord’s Prayer
, my orgasm hurts in its strength. It is so violent and beautiful that it has me crying. He isn’t done though, not yet. Anchoring my nails into his sides, he rips apart the only wall left standing. “You will never know what being without you felt like for me,” he says, slowing down to a softer pace. “Wondering where you were, if you were safe.” Laying my head on his shoulder, I close my eyes and listen, but he orders me to look at him, and I do. “I thought you
left me
.”

Blinking at him in shock, I remain mute. He thought I left him? “I didn’t leave you,” I whisper
.

“You fucking left me!” he yells
, holding me in place. “The key was on the table, what was I supposed to think?”

“I left to do this,” I try explaining
. “I wanted to surprise you, show you.”

Closing his eyes he tightens his grip even further
, then grinds into me. “Please,” he whispers. “Don’t walk away from me again.”

Feeling the truth of his words, I mean
really
feeling it, I kiss his lips and whisper, “I promise.”

Something changed in him. Seconds after my promise he was saying words I couldn’t understand
. I secure my arms around his neck and I lean by his ear. “Tell me what you’re saying.”

P
umping into me with a force I have never encountered in my life, he tells me. “Your eyes see things in me, your heart does too. I feel you inside of me, healing me. I fucking ache for you even when we’re like this. I thought I lost everything, but you changed that, you changed me. I will worship you every day of our lives, I swear to god I will. That smile, though…”

“What about it?” I ask with my breath lodged in my throat.

“When you show it to me you’re giving me the god damn world. This is me giving it back to you. You knew I was hiding, that I wasn’t perfect when we met, but you loved me anyway. You saw the man before I did. You’ve got all of me, Lina. My heart, my soul, all of it is in your tiny hands. Nothing and no one will ever take you away from me. I fucking vow it.”

He takes me to my back with aggression and care
, forcing me to hold on. Another orgasm is on its way and I want him to know how I feel too. I want us to be equals in the feelings department. “You were wrong,” I moan, trying to stay focused. “I know something that’s more powerful than love or the truth.”

“What’s that?” he grunts
, causing sweat from his forehead to drip onto my face. Reaching up, using the fingers of my casted hand, I look in his eyes and whisper. “You.”

“Fuck!” he screams
, bruising me with marks I’ll wear gladly. “Watch me,” he orders and bringing my eyes up to meet his, I do. “This is me loving you, fucking you, thanking god for you.” As we explode together, he chants all of his names for me like a prayer and all I can do is hold back the tears and listen. Even minutes later when he rolls me on top of him and tickles my back, both of us covered in dirt, he’s still the most beautiful man I have ever seen.

And he belongs to me.

Wow.