Ballad (Rockstar #5) (20 page)

I bend my knees, dropping to her level, and when she looks at me, I tell her the only thing I have left to say to her.

“I’m going to enjoy killing you.”

W
E GOT TO
the hotel nearly two hours ago and no sign of Ben. What the fuck? I sigh. I should have known he’d go back on his word. I sit on the bed and let out another sigh. I don’t bother fighting the tears, I just let them go. There’s no one here to see.

I love that idiot and, God, how I wish he loved me in return.

There’s a soft knock on my door and I quickly wipe my eyes and face. When I open it, there stands Lucian.

“Hey baby,” he says, his smile fading as he sees my red, blotchy face. The joys of being a redhead. “What’s wrong?” he asks, guiding me into my room.

I just shake my head. “Nothing.”

He quirks his brow.

“Really,
nothing.
”

I see the light bulb moment for him, then the sad smile.

“What happened?”

“You already asked that,” I tell him with a shove to his shoulder.

“You didn’t answer—not really.”

“It’s stupid really. I mean, why did I think he’d want to be with someone like me? Someone who’d only slow him down? He’s a fucking
rockstar
. What was I thinking?” I wonder aloud as I pace, trying to bite back the tears.

“Stop that right now. He might have gotten hung up doing some shit, you know how it is.”

I shrug my shoulder skeptically.

“He’s Lucy’s bro-in-law, which means he’s going to have to cater to her needs when Jesse needs help, and I’m sure it’s not easy getting set up in their suite with a woman toting around three Kingstons in her belly,” he says.

“Maybe.” I still don’t believe it.

“Did he make plans with you?” he asks, reaching out to wipe an errant tear. Damn tear.

I nod. “He said he wanted to take me out to dinner and that we were going to spend time together.”

“Maybe he’s setting some things up. That takes time, even with the pull Cage has,” he reassures me.

I nod again. “Possibly. He didn’t really say which day, either.”

“Why don’t we go take a walk and see if we can’t find the fucktard that is Ben Kingston,” Lucian suggests.

I shrug. I don’t even know if I want to bother. My excitement and hope has fizzled quickly to mere specks.

“C’mon, baby,” he encourages, throwing an arm around my shoulder.

I sigh. “All right. Let me grab my key.” After I do, we head toward the elevators.

Twenty minutes later and still no Ben. I’m getting tired but I don’t want to admit that to Lucian. The last thing I want is for everyone to get more protective than they already are.

I sigh and take a seat on a sofa in the lobby.

“I’m sure he’s around here somewhere,” Lucian tells me.

“I’m sure he is,” I agree. In some girl’s bed… a bed that isn’t mine. He doesn’t want someone sick
and
inexperienced. I’m such an idiot.

Justin walks in the front doors, the noise from the street following him inside and quickly extinguishing as they close.

“There’s my Nikki girl,” he teases.

I really hate that name. I just give him a weak wave and his brows furrow.

“What’s going on?” he asks, looking between me and Lucian.

I just shrug.

“You seen Ben?” Lucian asks.

“Uh,” Justin begins, looking sideways at me in discomfort, then he looks to Lucian. “Yeah.”

“See, there you go,” Lucian exclaims, pulling me to my feet.

“Uh,” Justin says again. Lucian isn’t listening—but I am and I hear the caution in his tone.

“Where’s that fucker?” Lucian asks.

Justin swears under his breath, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck.

“Just tell us,” I say meekly, and Justin’s eyes snap to mine. He sees it. The defeat. His eyes spark with anger.

“I’ll do you one better. I’ll show you,” he says, then mutters, “so I can punch that fucker in the face,” under his breath quietly, but I still hear. This isn’t going to be pretty.

We get outside and then walk around the side of the building and see some of the guys from the bands standing around with a bunch of groupies and I take a deep breath. No, this definitely won’t be pretty. It’s going to be ugly and it’s going to hurt.

Lucian’s grip on my hand loosens, and he pulls me to his side.

“Son of a bitch.”

I can’t see what he sees because I’m too short, but it’s coming. Dread settles in the pit of my stomach, fear fills my chest, my heart frozen.

And then I see him. Standing in a crowd of scantily clad women, autographing their chests.

“Classy,” I mutter.

“Isn’t it though,” Lucian bites out.

“Hey, dick!” Justin shouts as we walk a closer. Ben immediately looks over and when his gaze meets mine, regret fills his features.

“Too late, fuckwad,” I mutter and Lucian chuckles. My hands ball into fists and it’s all I can do not to run up to him and claw his fucking face off. It’s not
them
I’m pissed at. Nope. It’s
him
. This is all on him.

“Ben, Ben, Ben,” Xander says, walking up along my other side, wrapping his arm around my waist. “What a fucking idiot. You’d think you’d have learned from what happened to Jesse. Remember that? Chicks, Lucy, fists flying, broken hand?”

“I remember,” Ben mutters. “Nicole—”

I hold up a hand. “Don’t bother.”

“It’s not what it looks like.”

“It never is,” Justin replies.

“Ain’t that the truth,” I agree.

Justin walks up behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders.

“We had a scheduled signing session,” Ben begins, lamely.

I just nod.

Xander snorts. “That was over an hour ago.”

“Not helping,” Ben says.

“Not trying to,” Xander tells him flatly. “Dumbass.”

I take a deep breath then turn to Lucian, Xan, and Justin. “I’ll be back in just a minute.”

They murmur their agreement and I straighten my spine before walking the thirty feet separating me and Ben.

“I won’t take long, ladies,” I tell them, “but could I have a couple of minutes with Ben?” I ask.

They all nod and head over to where the other band members are.

“You know,” I begin, “I thought you meant what you said.”

He opens his mouth but I hold up a hand.

“Don’t. Shut your mouth until I’m finished.”

He nods.

“I thought we’d have a nice dinner, go back to my room where you’d do all of those things you talked about last night. I thought you really wanted me, the sick girl from foster care.” I shake my head in defeat. “What the fuck was I thinking?”

I hear Lucian growl behind me.

“I had a signing and I got caught up, Coley. I swear. I have our dinner planned for an hour from now. It’s all set up. I thought that’d give you time to get ready without over-exerting yourself. I don’t want you to get tired or overdo it.”

“I don’t want you to be worried about me, Ben. I want to have you
take
me, to ravish me with the intensity of a man who genuinely wants his woman. I don’t want your meaningless excuses. I saw you with them, how you smiled, how you enjoyed their company. I’ve never seen you look at me like that. Not once. I’ve seen sincerity and compassion, and what I thought was possibly love but now know to be pity.”

“Nicole—” he begins and I cut him off with a look.

“I want to be wanted and taken with all the passion that the man who claims to care about me should have within himself. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. I mean, I see you dish that shit out all the time to strangers with just a look,” I say and he flinches.

“I don’t think you know what you’re asking of me, Coley.”

“I’m not asking for anything, Ben.” I shrug. “I just thought you might like to have some fun, but obviously you’re not up for it.”

I pause and look down at his erection straining behind his zipper.

I tilt my head to the side and it hits me. “Or maybe you are, but you’re too afraid of anything more than a random fuck.”

I give him one last look and shrug again as I turn around and head back toward Lucian, Justin, and Xander.

“Your loss,” I call over my shoulder.

Chew on that a while rockstar.

I don’t get but a foot away before a hand clamps over my upper arm and spins me back around. I’m too startled to speak.

“You’re not going to dismiss me this time, Nicole. Not this time,” Ben tells me, backing me up against the wall.

“You need to listen, and listen good because I’m fucking pissed and I never want to talk about this again, got it?” he asks. When I don’t respond, he gives me a slight shake. “Got it?”

I nod.

“The reason why you haven’t seen that look I give those other women is because none of them matter.
You
matter.”

I snort and he gives me a look that has me shutting up.

“You fucking matter, Coley. You walked on that bus and got under my skin and I haven’t been able to shake you since. I don’t want to shake you. But I don’t want to hurt you either. What you want me to do, to take you the way I want, you’ll be sore, bruised, and exhausted for days and I’m not sure—”

“Dude,” Xander cuts in. “Fucking take your woman up to her room and give her what she wants. She may be sick but if she couldn’t handle it, she wouldn’t be wanting it.” He turns to me. “And if it gets to be too much, she’ll say stop,” he questions and I nod.

“There you go, dickhead,” Lucian tells him. “Either you treat her how she deserves to be treated, or I will and you’ll never get her back.”

Ben’s eyes narrow. “Keep dreaming, Cordero.”

He dips down and throws me over his shoulder.

“You want it wild, you want it passionate? Here we go,” he mutters as we walk past the guys. Xander lets out a whoop.

We get to the front of the hotel and the doorman holds the door, a grin on his face. I’m sure I look just lovely. My ass in the air and on display for all the world to see.

“You want me to take you unrestrained? Fine,” he says, talking more to himself than to me and I want to laugh, but I don’t. I just grin. The elevator doors open and we step inside. Thankfully it’s empty or I’d be blushing right now with the things Ben’s muttering.

“I’m going to take you every way I want to tonight and you’re going to let me. I’m going to lick your pussy and make you come again and again until you’re begging me for mercy. But this first time, I’m going to fuck you until you’re screaming my name,” he tells me. “Give me your room key.”

I reach into my back pocket and hand it to him. He unlocks the door and steps inside. He stops and the door closes behind us, silence greeting us except for the faint sound of the traffic below.

“There’s only one rule, Nicole, and you have to promise you’ll follow it.”

I nod against his back.

“If it becomes too much or you’re tired or don’t feel well, you’ll tell me. If you don’t, I’ll be majorly pissed off, so promise me you will.”

I nod.

“The words, honey. I want the words.”

I gulp. Holy Hannah. It looks like I’m going to get what I wanted after all. He does want me.
Me
. The sick nobody from nowheresville who just might be dying. I close my eyes and swallow back the emotion.

“I promise.”