Ballad Beauty (16 page)

CHAPTER 18

Jenny awoke instantly to a scream that tore from her throat. Noah shook her and then held her close, his hands running through her tangled, golden curls.

“It’s fine, darlin’, you’re here with me. No one’s here but us. Go back to sleep.”

Sleep eluded them both. At first it was Ned Perkin’s face that bothered her, then the quivers that ran through her body which kept her awake. Noah simply held her fast. His very nearness comforted her.

Gradually, though, she became more aware of that nearness. She realized he wasn’t asleep either.

“Noah?”

“I’m here, Jenny.” The low voice and gentle tone made her feel safer than she ever had.

“Kiss me, Noah.”

“I am always pleased to oblige a lady.” He pressed his lips against hers tenderly. As he moved away, she leaned up and caught him around the neck. She brought his lips down on hers again. He needed no further invitation. His mouth touched hers hungrily.

He feasted on her mouth, her earlobes, her neck, and her breasts. His unshaven face ran along her stomach as he placed fervent kisses over it. His hands roamed over her shoulders and up and down her arms.

Finally, he stopped, his breath ragged in her ear. “Go to sleep, honey.” He pulled her next to him so that her head rested on his chest. Soon she heard his breathing slow and knew he’d finally fallen asleep.

What a world of discovery had gone on this night. She cuddled close to him, basking in happiness. The act of love had surprised her. She hadn’t really known what to expect, but Noah seemed talented at everything. It didn’t really surprise her that he was an expert at this.

She wondered what it would be like, being married to a cowboy. She remembered he spoke of giving up his cowboying ways, due to his consumption. She wondered what they would do in order to make a living. She was an excellent seamstress and could always get work that way. Despite his dark, dangerous looks, Noah was very knowledgeable. She knew he was much smarter than he let on. Maybe he could take a position as a teacher. The territories were growing so fast, she was sure they could find a community that needed one. She’d watch over him and make sure that he didn’t tax his health.

She would love to have a garden, too. She’d never planted a vegetable or flower in her life, but the idea appealed to her. She’d make curtains for the windows and slipcovers for the sofa. She sighed in contentment, ignoring the light snores that came from him. Well, no one was perfect. Not even Noah Daniel Webster.

Still, she needed to find Sam. Funny how she’d begun to think of him as Sam and not Papa. It had been that way ever since she saw his wanted poster in the post office. She was grateful Noah knew the circumstances and still accepted her anyway. Perhaps they could talk, man to man, and he could convince Sam to give up his outlaw ways. Maybe Sam could retire from his life of crime and come to live with them. If he chose not to, at least she still would have Noah in her life.

She laid a hand on his chest. He was a good man at heart, despite his gruff ways. She fell asleep wondering where they would be married.

Jenny awoke to the smell of freshly-brewed coffee. She stretched, one bare arm leaving the warmth of the blanket. She looked around for her shift and saw it folded neatly next to her. She smiled. Noah was so thoughtful. She couldn’t ask for anyone sweeter. A tenderness rushed through her. She couldn’t wait to have his babies.

She reached for the shift and pulled it over her head. She finger-combed her hair and groaned. It would take a lot of work to get her tresses untangled. She rose and slipped on her petticoat and dress. Both were almost dry to the touch. Only her stockings remained a bit damp.

As she stepped out from their shelter, she shielded her eyes against the sun. She wondered for a moment where her bonnet was. She would hate to have a flood of freckles spill across her nose and cheeks, in time for her wedding day.

“Good morning,” she called to Noah. His back was to her as he poured coffee into a tin cup.

“Morning.” He handed her the cup. She cradled it between her hands and dipped her head to smell the brew.

“Did you sleep well?” she asked sweetly. She figured it was the kind of question a wife would ask her husband. Or in this case, her future husband.

He shrugged. “Suppose so. Best under the circumstances.”

She frowned. He was being awfully abrupt with her. She had expected a little more . . . well, she didn’t know what she’d expected, but it wasn’t this.

“Did you wake up on the wrong side of the cave, Noah?” she joked.

He looked up at her blankly from where he sat by the meager fire. “No.”

“Noah!” she exclaimed, exasperated by his lack of conversation. “I expected—”

“Nothing to expect, Jenny. Let’s get some grub in us and head on out. We’ve lost a little bit of time. I’d like to hit it hard for a few days.”

“Pick up the pace? Is that all you can talk about this morning? Noah Webster, we had
relations
last night.” She stamped her foot for emphasis. “The most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me passed between us last night, and all you want to do is hop on a horse and ride out?”

He shrugged. Again.

It infuriated her.

“When are we going to get married? Or where? Do you have any preferences?”

His face was unreadable, almost empty of emotion.

“Where is the man who protected me last night? The man who loved me tenderly and completely. Where is he, Noah?” She heard the rising hysteria in her voice and tried to calm herself. She wrung her hands in front of her.

“We’re not getting married.”

Her jaw dropped. It seemed as if she were drowning. No words came out. She couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe.

“I do regret how far things went last night. I know you’ll understand why we can never do that again. I—”

“We’ve been
intimate
, Noah. I’m not some fallen woman who dallies about. You’re supposed to
marry
me!” Her outrage showed despite her shaking voice.

“We didn’t even make love all the way, Jenny,” he interjected. “No one need ever know what went on between us last night. Don’t worry. No baby will come from what we did together.”

His words confused her.
There was more to it?
And then a thought occurred to her. “You don’t want me. Because of my father.”

She caught the guilty flush that crossed his face. She saw it in his eyes. He thought her no good—because of Sam.

“You’re wrong. I just can’t marry you. I won’t ruin your life.”

“You’ve already ruined me,” she said dully. She sank to the ground, her throat dry, her eyes hot and itchy. She wanted to cry, but she was so stunned, no tears came. She had given everything a woman had to give to a man to Noah. At least she thought she had. Had he taken her virginity? She didn’t really know. She did know she loved him. She thought he felt the same about her.

Suddenly, his rejection poured through her. Why didn’t he want her? Why did men constantly find her inadequate? Her papa abandoned her for a decade and found more satisfaction in a life of crime than in providing a home for his only child. Now the man she had come to trust—
to love
—also found her lacking. He’d discarded her faster than a used handkerchief. She wished she could crawl in a hole and die. How could she look at him after what they’d done, much less continue on as if nothing had occurred?

She jerked when he put a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t touch me,” she said icily. She met his steady gaze. “If we weren’t in the middle of the desert, I’d be through with you, Mr. Webster. As it is, I’m stuck with you. For now.”

She rose and angrily dusted off her skirts. “Don’t expect me to be a sparkling conversationalist for the remainder of this trip, sir. And when we reach Prairie Dell, I want you gone from my sight.” She raised her chin a notch and tossed out her coffee.

His eyes narrowed. “Have it your way, Miss McShanahan.”

The next few days were by far the most miserable Noah ever spent. Jenny scarcely spoke to him, only the bare minimum necessary to communicate.

He couldn’t blame her. He knew she was hurt and bewildered and feeling betrayed. He, too, was in a state of shock. He could have kicked himself to hell and beyond. He should have fought his attraction and been done with it.

Instead, he acted on it—not once, but twice—and they would be the sweetest memories he’d carry with him till his dying day. Jenny was more than a man could ever dream of having. She was passionate and intelligent, with a spirit within her that seemed to bring out the best in him.

But he couldn’t see her saddled with him the rest of her life. He wasn’t good enough for her. Oh, he might pretend to be as good as the next man, but he knew he was tainted by Pete’s bad blood. He owed it to himself and his sweet mama to fight against it. That’s why he had to keep at Rangering. It was all he had to try and help him make a difference.

Besides, even if he wanted to settle down with her, she wouldn’t have him. In less than a week his deception would play out. She would know he’d used her to get to Sam so he could bring him to the authorities. She wouldn’t have a blessed thing to do with him after that—and he wouldn’t blame her.

No, he had to give up any fantasies of being with her. It was for her own good. He cared more for her in this short time than he could have dreamed possible. It was best for her that he squash any feelings she had for him now. Better that she hate him.

And yet each time he looked at her, the memories of what passed between them threatened to bring him to his knees. The ache inside was physical, stronger than a bullet wound. His heart had broken in two. He knew when they reached Prairie Dell that it would shatter into a thousand pieces when she learned the real truth about him.

They reached their destination around ten in the morning. He told her the night before how close they were. He thought he might finally see some kind of emotion—excitement or happiness—but her face was void as a blank slate. She didn’t even acknowledge that she’d heard him, though he knew she had.

She continued to spoon beans into her mouth, chewing slowly, no words passing between them. He wanted to shake her from her damn complacency, but he didn’t trust himself to touch her. He longed to, but he had to be strong now. For her. He couldn’t have anything more to do with her.

Prairie Dell was much as he remembered it, which meant there wasn’t much to it at all. It consisted of a few broken-down buildings, most empty now. No saloon, no church, no school—just what passed for a general store, though from the looks in the window, it didn’t seemed well-stocked.

A lone geezer sat outside in a rickety chair. As they approached, he rose on unsteady feet and grinned at them. Most of his teeth were missing.

“Hey, there, folks. Welcome to Prairie Dell, a thriving town in the State of Nevada.” He swept off his sweat-soaked hat in a courtly gesture. “Whereabouts are you from?” He eyed them up and down.

“Do you have any crib girls around?” Noah asked.

The man cackled. “Hoo-ey, boy, you don’t go wastin’ time, do you?” He glanced at Jenny, who sat silent and straight in the saddle. “You’d be lookin’ for Mo, I’d imagine. Go down this main thoroughfare, now, till you git to the end. Mo’s the last on the left, son.”

The old man loped back to his chair and sat down, ready to watch the show unfold. He even waved congenially as they passed by him.

Noah sensed Jenny’s eyes on him. He decided to answer her unspoken question. “I figure your daddy being who he is, if he is here, he would be with the local whore.”

She stopped Sassy. “Then if that’s the case, Mr. Webster, your services are no longer required.” She reached into the reticule that hung on her saddle horn and pulled out an envelope.

“You may count it if you like, but it’s all there,” she said crisply, the teacher voice back in full force. “Thank you for your assistance.”

She gave Sassy a slight nudge. Noah reached over and caught her reins. “Just wait a cotton-picking minute. I said I’d take you to your daddy. I am not going to ride off now. What if he’s not here?”

They held a staring contest for a good two minutes before she finally backed down and placed the envelope back in her reticule.

“All right. You may come with me.”

He gave her back the reins, and they proceeded down the pitifully short street. They reached the end of the road. He threw a leg over Star and went to help her from her horse. As he lifted her down, he let her body slide against his. He had to feel her one last time, inhale her lavender scent, hold her the only way he knew how. They looked at each other a long moment before he released her. She stepped back, her eyes still on him. He saw the sparkle of tears in her moss green eyes.

He knew she ached as much as he did. He mentally kicked himself for the umpteenth time for allowing things to have progressed as far as they had. More than anything, he wished he could sweep her into his arms and ride fast and far away to where nobody knew who they were.

Jenny broke the spell. She turned and lifted her reticule down and slipped the cord around her wrist. When she faced him again, she had full control of her emotions.

“Shall we?”

He nodded and walked her to the shack’s ramshackle door. He raised his hand to knock, but the door opened with his hand in mid-air.

Mo stood there. She was certainly older than when he’d last seen her almost half his life ago, but he’d know the warm smile anywhere.

“Hello, Noah,” she said in her rich, husky voice. “It’s been a long time.”

He tried to warn her off of being too friendly as she spoke her greeting. He saw the confusion on her face.