Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose (12 page)

It was hard to be frustrated by the situation, because we fully understood the reason why, and we were still in a sense of shock over what had happened. However, we also knew that we still had obligations and responsibilities to fulfill. Val had to get to his new job, and we weren’t sure how we were going to be able to get there. Even if we could have gotten Val to Florida and come later ourselves, we didn’t want to take that option. After the events of the past few days, we wanted our family to be together. Who knew what else might happen? We needed a solution, and we needed one fast.

As has happened many times in my life, one of my managers came up with a solution that would help us all stay together and get to Val’s new job on time. He found us a tour bus. Yes, that’s right—a tour bus, just like rock stars use. We had two drivers, so they could take turns driving and sleeping and we could pretty much go nonstop.

So we loaded up the kids and dogs and set out for Florida in our tour bus. It took us about forty-eight hours to get there, which included stops every four to five hours so the kids and dogs could run around for awhile. Somewhere along the way, one of our drivers discovered that I had never had a Krispy Kreme donut, so we pulled the bus over to allow me to indulge in that little piece of heaven. I also had my first meal at Cracker Barrel as we drove through the South.

I can only imagine what the neighbors thought when we pulled into our gated community in the tour bus and parked in our cul-de-sac. They quickly discovered that we weren’t rock stars, but I was a little curious about how they would respond to having a grown-up D.J. Tanner and a professional hockey player living down the street. As God would have it, He put us next door to a hockey-loving family who are now lifelong friends, and the rest of the street was filled with the best neighbors one could ever have.

New Neighbors, New Friends

When we found out Val had been traded to the Florida Panthers, we were ecstatic. Val’s brother Pavel played for the Panthers, so we would be living near family for the first time in our married lives. And I was excited because it was warm and sunshiny in Florida. I didn’t care that I didn’t know anyone there; I just wanted to be warm. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the cities where we lived in Canada and got to know so many great people there. But I’m a California girl and I like my warm weather, so after nearly seven years of cold Canadian winters, I was ready for Florida.

After we got the call about the trade during the summer of 2001, Val and I went to Florida to find a house. We had spent four days looking and couldn’t find one. There was one area I really wanted to look at, but our realtor kept telling us it wasn’t a great location for us and she didn’t know why I kept wanting to go there. I had heard really good things about it and kept pressing her, but she kept showing us houses in other areas. Finally, our time was up and we hadn’t found a house. Val and I said we would extend our trip by one more day if she would show us properties in the area I wanted. She finally agreed, and the first home we walked into on that final day was the one we bought.

There was a clubhouse in our new neighborhood, and soon after we moved in we started playing tennis and working out at the gym and meeting people. Everyone was so nice and helpful. I was so grateful that our new neighbors welcomed us with open arms . . . and open doors. I had never lived somewhere that people would just “pop by” unexpectedly like they did in our Florida neighborhood. In fact, I had never lived anywhere that I even knew my neighbors. It was a little unsettling at first, but I quickly grew to really enjoy our close-knit community.

My first experience with this new, extremely friendly and neighborly culture was with my neighbor Debbie, who lived several blocks over. She came over within a week or two of our arrival and brought homemade cookies to welcome us to the neighborhood. My garage door had been open, so she came to that door instead of my front door, which was unusual to me. She also mentioned that if I needed anything during my pregnancy, like someone to pick up groceries for me, to just let her know and she would help me out in any way she could. I had never had anyone extend herself to me that way, and I wasn’t sure how to respond to it. Don’t laugh, but I’m fully admitting to you that in true L.A. fashion, I trashed the cookies because the friendliness was actually odd to me! (Maybe she poisoned the cookies?) But I soon came to realize that kind of familiarity and kindness was typical for Debbie and our neighborhood in general. Debbie ended up being my Bible study leader during my years in Florida and is still a great friend and mentor to me today.

Growing in Faith

One of my first priorities after settling into our new house in Florida was to find a church. Yes, 9/11 had given me a renewed sense of commitment to my faith, but I had already been experiencing a spiritual awakening.

As I mentioned before, I started going to church at the age of twelve and soon thereafter I asked Jesus to be my personal Lord and Savior and I was baptized. I was extremely excited about what I thought was my new Christian life . . . but it really didn’t end up being any different than my old life.

During my teenage years, I had what one would consider a very good life. I was on a hit TV show, I was making a lot of money, and I had a loving and supportive family. I also had a lot of fans that admired and looked up to me and I was considered a good role model. I traveled all over the world meeting people, fans, and other celebrities. But as my life got busier and busier, church became more of an afterthought. I’d go when I had time or when I wasn’t too busy, but it wasn’t my first priority anymore.

I didn’t grow in my Christian walk through my teen years or even my early twenties. I used God’s forgiveness and grace to live my life the way I wanted. I would knowingly sin and then pray to God to forgive me for it, just to go back and commit that same sin all over again. Since my sin wasn’t as “bad” as most other people’s sin in my opinion, I figured I was a pretty good person and it wouldn’t bother God if I sometimes did things that were wrong.

Being a Christian was a label for me. I was a woman, a daughter, a wife, a Christian. It was one of many things I was. But what I didn’t realize is that unless you’re putting those words into action, they don’t mean anything. You can believe something, but if you’re not doing anything about it or living by it it’s just an idea.

Just before we left Canada, Kirk and his wife Chelsea began working on the
Left Behind
movies. I was curious about them, so I started reading the
Left Behind
books and began rethinking my Christian life. I really identified with the character Bruce Barnes. He was a pastor, but he wasn’t really a Christian. He was one of the people that was left behind when God took the Christians up to heaven in the rapture. I couldn’t understand how a pastor could be left behind. I thought maybe the authors didn’t know what they were talking about.

But I started to read the Bible and I came to realize that the
Left Behind
authors were right. I had called myself a Christian for all of those years but I was certainly not living the way God wanted me to. Like Pastor Bruce, I had been using God’s forgiveness as a license to live my life the way I wanted to, not the way He wanted me to. I asked myself, “If God came back at this very moment, would I be left behind?” I came to the conclusion that maybe I would.

Shortly after that I talked to Kirk, who asked if he could send me a book by Ray Comfort called
The Way of the Master.
He said it had opened his eyes to something in the Bible he hadn’t seen before and he was hoping I might read it too. That book changed my walk with God forever. It talked about the Ten Commandments and showed me my sin in its true light. You see, when I prayed the “sinner’s prayer” that day in church when I was twelve, I asked God to forgive my sins, but I didn’t even know what my sin was. But God’s Law showed me my sin. As I went through every commandment, I saw that I’d broken all of them. Then I learned that God was going to judge me by His standard of goodness, not my own standard or the world’s standard. So, while I thought I was a good person compared to other people, I saw that I would never measure up to God’s standard.

The Bible says in Acts 17:30–31, “Therefore, having overlooked the times of ignorance, God now commands all people everywhere to repent, because He has set a day when He is going to judge the world in righteousness by the Man He has appointed. He has provided proof of this to everyone by raising Him from the dead” (
hcsb
). That “Man He has appointed” is Jesus, who lived a sinless life. We will be judged compared to Him, and none of us measures up. He was perfect, and we are not. But He came to earth to live and to die to take the punishment for all of our sins.

It was when I truly recognized and understood my sin and what Jesus did for me that I finally began to follow Him and take my faith seriously. And God has changed me in ways that words can’t describe. He has transformed the way I think and live my life. Things that were once important to me no longer have any significance. I know there is nothing more important than my faith. I know that without Christ, the eternal consequences are devastating. And I know that I can always count on Him to guide me.

So after we moved to Florida, I knew God would guide me to a church. Unsurprisingly, He used my brother to do it. I had looked around at a few churches, but I hadn’t found the right fit. Then Kirk called and said he had scheduled a speaking engagement at a church in Fort Lauderdale. The event was a year in the future, so he hadn’t been there yet, but he had talked to the pastor, Bob Coy, several times and really liked him. He told me to check out Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale. It was a thirty-five minute drive from my house, but I took Kirk’s advice and went there one Sunday. I loved it. I had found my church home, and there was no question that God had led me there through my brother.

At first, just the kids and I went to church. Val was often either out of town or practicing on Sunday mornings, but once he saw how committed I was to it, he started coming with us when he could. He became a Christian a couple of years later, and to say the least, it was great to be able to have that extra bond between us and really start honoring God together through our marriage and the decisions we were making.

My Ultimate Priority

God is the ultimate priority in my life, and He helps me balance everything else. He is always there in the midst of it all. My relationship with Him colors every aspect of my life. My goal is for all decisions I make and the things I do to be what God would have me do. I don’t always succeed, but that’s not God’s fault. Sometimes it’s simply because I misread a situation, need some character building through failure, or simply take my eyes off my rock: God. I find that when I leave Him out of one part of my life, everything gets out of balance. When I allow Him in every part, He will help me keep my life focused and in balance.

I know not everyone agrees with my beliefs or the way I talk about them publicly, but I have experienced what it is like to be changed by God and I can’t help but share the Good News with everyone. I know there is nothing more important than faith in Jesus Christ. Without Him, the eternal consequences are devastating and life on earth can’t be all that it should be.

If you don’t know Jesus, my hope is that you won’t wait until the next big tragedy in this country or in your own life in order to take stock of your spiritual life. Instead, I urge you to talk to God right now. Surrender your whole life to Jesus, turn from your sin, and trust in Him with all your heart. Pick up a Bible and start reading. It will change your life, just like it changed mine.

Chapter 11

Be True to Your School

Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance.

—Proverbs 1:5

A
s soon as you have kids, you start thinking about their education, right? Wrong! Well, maybe you did, but school wasn’t even on my radar during the first few years of Natasha’s life. That doesn’t mean I don’t think education is important; I just didn’t realize that many people start planning out their children’s education even before they are born.

My dad was always a huge proponent of education. He wanted all four of us kids to get a college education, and that desire didn’t change even after Kirk and I became successful in the entertainment industry. Dad wanted us to have something to fall back on if our acting careers suddenly ended. My dad simply desired for us to have as many opportunities as possible. As it turns out, Melissa is the only one of us who has gotten a college degree, but I’m glad Dad wasn’t completely disappointed in that area!

Since I don’t know what the future holds for my kids, I also want them to get a great education so they can have as many opportunities as possible. They may end up in a career that doesn’t require higher education, like their dad and I did, but they may not. Since we don’t know God’s plans for them, we know that right now a great education is their best bet. We also know that the ability to read well, understand math, and analyze information will serve them well both now and in the future, no matter what they end up doing.

The thing that Val and I have learned when it comes to choosing educational opportunities for our kids is that we need to make the best decision for the family as a whole. The choice has to be a great one for the kids, Val, and me, and it has to work well with our lifestyle at the time. There are more factors involved than just which school has the best academic reputation—it’s really a matter of family balance.

I realize that some of you don’t have a choice about where your kids go to school. Maybe you and your spouse both have to work full-time to make ends meet and you live in an area where the local public school is the only option. Perhaps you’re a single parent and can’t afford private education or you don’t have time to homeschool. But many of you do have a choice, and regardless of my initial cluelessness about school, I don’t think it’s a choice to be made lightly. However, I also believe that it’s not a choice you have to live with forever. As with most things in life, schooling options can always be open to reevaluation.