Baked Alaska (34 page)

Sadie felt the need to take a little time to meditate on all that had happened, and since Pete was probably still in the casino, she made her way through all the levels until she found an area off deck five that was empty. She hurried back inside long enough to call Pete’s room and leave him a message about what had happened and where he could find her if she didn’t answer her cabin phone, then she returned to her little corner and let the beauty of the shoreline wash over her.

It was colder here in the bay than it had been anywhere else, but she had her new pink “Alaska” jacket on and gloves for her hands. Knowing that her kids were okay and would rejoin her in the morning gave her an entirely new outlook and made the chill of the air less noticeable.

During the therapy sessions she’d taken after her emotional breakdown last year, Sadie had learned a powerful imagery exercise that she found helpful in letting go of things. With the mountains around her and the worst of this trip behind her, she was in a perfect position to purge the yucky things from her mind and rediscover a foundation of peace.

She began by spending a few minutes thinking about Shawn and all the hard things associated with him this week: knowing he had a secret, feeling hurt by his distance, and learning about Lorraina and the fact that he’d told Sadie nothing about the journey he’d taken to find her, let alone that he’d shared Christmas with her. He’d told Breanna. He had planned to tell her the truth on this trip, and when he did, the surprise had nearly ruined everything. He hadn’t been very nice to Maggie. She listed everything she could think of that she’d been unhappy about—he was eating too much at the buffet; she really didn’t like the Afro look and wished he’d grow out of it—every little thing.

When she’d thought through everything, she imagined all those thoughts being surrounded in a huge bubble. The bubble trapped all the negative energy she’d put into those thoughts, containing it. She closed her eyes and pictured the bubble floating in the air just in front of her. Then she took a deep breath and blew the bubble away. She took another breath and blew it even farther from her. She imagined the bubble getting farther and farther away with each breath from her lungs. Eventually she could imagine having blown it out of sight, up into the atmosphere, through the ozone, and into space where it kept going and going until it became a star somewhere within that sea of stars she could only see at night. She could never know which star were those thoughts.

As silly as the practice seemed when she’d first learned it, she’d found it to be very helpful since then. All those negative things with Shawn were beyond fixing, and holding onto them would just weigh her down.

When she finished the negative bubble, she thought of all the wonderful things about Shawn: he was loving, he was compassionate, he was two classes away from finishing his degree. He worked hard, he gave the best hugs, he and Breanna were good friends, he respected Pete, he appreciated truth. He was attractive and strong. He was ambitious and kind. He had an entrancing smile. That list went on and on and on until she felt on the verge of tears at how wonderful her son was.

She closed her eyes and surrounded all those things with a bubble—a pink bubble because for her pink had always been a happy color. She pictured this bubble hovering over her head where it popped, raining down all that wonderful goodness about her son where it was absorbed into her skin and hair and heart.

She wiped at her eyes as the feelings overcame her. Shawn was
her
son and had been since the day she brought him home, and perhaps even before that if one believed in a world before this one where families were formed in advance. Shawn loved her and, even through this hard experience, their relationship was okay. That was impressive.

She went through the bubble exercise with Breanna, who hadn’t been as connected to Sadie in recent years. Sadie processed all the hard feelings left over from the separation. She let go of her fears for Breanna’s future, and her dual disappointment that Breanna would likely live the rest of her life on another continent and that she wouldn’t have a wedding that would show Sadie’s stamp of “Mother of the Bride.”

Sadie sent that bubble way up into the stratosphere, then worked through all the wonderful things about Breanna and let those seep within herself. There were bubbles for Pete and Maggie too, leaving Sadie grateful for them both and determined to make things better with Maggie as soon as she had the chance. Then Sadie had to process through the last pair of bubbles—Lorraina.

“She
is
Shawn’s birth mother,” she said out loud. “She is Shawn’s
birth
mother.
She
is Shawn’s birth mother.”

No one doubted that anymore. Lorraina shared something with Shawn that Sadie did not and never would. Sadie hated that. But it was the truth. And if not for Lorraina, Shawn would never be here. Lorraina could have terminated her pregnancy, or she could have kept him, or she could have even waited a few extra days to put him up for adoption, which may not have sent him to Neil and Sadie’s home.

But Lorraina gave Sadie a son, and regardless of the difficulties her reconnecting with Shawn had created, she was the same then-anonymous woman Sadie had thanked God for in her prayers for years. All those years, she’d been praying for Lorraina. Did she want to take those prayers back? Was the impact Lorraina had made on Sadie’s life up until these last few days diminished by what Sadie had learned since then? That was an easy question to answer.

Sadie filled a bubble full of all the insecurity, anger, resentment, and jealousy Lorraina’s presence had triggered. Then she blew it away, up, up, up until it became a star far away in the heavens. The pink bubble for Lorraina then filled up, and that one made Sadie cry more than any of the others had, because without the ugly thoughts, the good that Lorraina had done was so very good.

Sadie filled up that bubble and then burst it over her head, putting her arms out and her face up so that the feelings cascaded over her like a waterfall. She didn’t want to miss a single one.

Who was to say that the heart-wrenching decision sixteen-year-old Lorraina had made to give her child up for adoption hadn’t haunted her? Learning she was dying despite being barely forty years old, being taken off the medications that gave her a stable mind, feeling that her only child, whom she hadn’t been able to raise, didn’t care enough to save her life—those were heavy burdens for anyone to carry. And the ending was not written yet and might not be a happy one. Lorraina deserved Sadie’s gratitude and forgiveness. She deserved the acknowledgment of greatness for the part she had played in
Sadie’s
happiness.

“Everything okay?”

Sadie turned, her arms still outstretched, and saw Pete standing a few feet away with his hands in his coat pockets, looking at her with concern. She smiled and closed the few steps between them. She wrapped her arms around his neck and give him a big kiss smack-dab on the lips.

“Everything is wonderful,” she said after squeezing him tight and taking a step back. “Did you have a good time in the casino?”

He eyed her curiously. “Not as good a time as you’ve had, it seems. What exactly did the nurse give you for pain control?”

Sadie hooked her arm through his elbow. “Who needs medication when you know your kids are okay and you have a dashing man at your side?”

“You talked to Shawn and Breanna?”

“I did,” Sadie said and happily filled him in on all the details. What had been a fifteen-minute conversation took almost twenty minutes to relate because she had to add all her thoughts along the way.

“What a relief,” Pete said. They had left Sadie’s little hiding spot and were strolling along the deck.

“And I helped Tanice turn herself in.”

Pete did a double take. “What?”

It took another twenty minutes to explain how all of that had happened. Pete was impressed, and Sadie gave his arm a squeeze. “So, how was the casino?”

“Good. I made almost two hundred dollars, which sounds paltry compared with everything you accomplished in the last two hours.”

“Oh, stop it,” Sadie said with a playful slap, though she liked the praise. “Did you really win two hundred dollars?”

“I did,” he said with a nod. “Which is why I made reservations for us to eat at the Bistro.”

“Isn’t that the one with the $30 cover charge?”

Pete grinned. “Seeing as how I’m rolling in the dough, and we apparently have a lot to celebrate, it seemed only appropriate to ignore my frugal ways—which balk at the idea of buying a meal when I can eat for free—and spend my winnings on the best meal available and to share it with the most beautiful woman on this ship.”

Sadie blushed but grinned widely. Had she started this day feeling frumpy and old? Pish-posh. This was the best day ever!

They had a fabulous dinner of lemon-zucchini fettuccine, which Sadie was determined to replicate once she returned home, and all the crusty French bread and tangy tossed salad they could eat. They were going to order dessert, but Sadie remembered the chocolate-covered strawberries waiting in her room; she had to have limits somewhere. They went to the show—another Broadway review—which was very good, and after the show, she and Pete returned to their spot on deck thirteen-aft and ate every one of those strawberries.

It was super-cold, but a little snogging now and then helped keep them from hypothermia, at least for a while.

Lemon-Zucchini Fettuccine

2 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts

2 lemons, divided

1/4 cup plus 3 tablespoons olive oil, ;divided

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

1 tablespoon kosher salt

2 medium zucchini

Salt and pepper

5 to 6 cloves garlic

8 ounces fettuccine

Fresh basil (about 1/2 cup)

Fresh oregano (about 1/4 cup) or about 1 tablespoon dried oregano

1 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Prepare grill. You could also do this on the stove top in a skillet or a grill pan.

Place chicken in a zip-top bag with the juice of one lemon, 2 tablespoons of olive oil, and the red wine vinegar. Seal the bag and gently squish the bag to make sure the ingredients are incorporated and surrounding the chicken. Set aside for 15 to 30 minutes.

In a large pot, bring water with about 1 tablespoon of kosher salt to a boil. While waiting for the water to boil, slice the zucchini in half lengthwise. Drizzle with 1 tablespoon olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Press or finely mince garlic cloves. In a small saucepan on the stove, place 1/4 cup olive oil and add garlic. Turn the burner to medium-low heat. It shouldn’t be popping and frying, the oil should just slowly warm, infusing the oil with the garlic and removing that zing fresh garlic has.

When the water is boiling, add the pasta.

Remove the chicken from the bag, and salt and pepper both sides. Place the chicken and zucchini on grill.

While the chicken and zucchini are grilling and pasta is boiling, chop herbs and prepare the cheese. Zest both lemons and juice the one that hasn’t been juiced.

When the zucchini and chicken are done, remove them from the grill. Allow the chicken to stand for 5 minutes and then chop the zucchini and chicken.

Reserve about 1/2 cup of pasta water. Drain the pasta and immediately place in a big bowl. Place the chopped zucchini and chicken on top. Add lemon zest, lemon juice, cheese, herbs,> and the garlic-olive oil mixture.

Now take some tongs and give everything a big toss. If you feel it needs more moisture, add a little of the pasta water or a little more olive oil.

Garnish with a little more Parmesan on top and another squeeze of lemon if you have any left.

Serves 4 to 6.

Tip: When cooking garlic, it’s important to keep an eye on it to make sure it’s not getting brown and crispy because it cooks very quickly and can become bitter.

Serving Suggestion: Chop any leftover oregano, basil, and garlic and add them to softened butter to serve with crusty sourdough bread. Add a tossed green salad.

Chapter 38