Badger (30 page)

The rest of the officers filtered out of the room, their chatter forming a somewhat pleasant backdrop to the thoughts running through Jacob’s mind. Most of the officers he had been assigned had recently been through a battle; in fact, many of them seemed to be in the same category as him, having barely escaped from ships lost in hard action. Obviously Admiral Nivrosky intended to sideline as many of the traumatized officers as he could in the same project. It was a logical choice, but once the ships were finished it would leave the crews he needed to command with some serious morale problems.

Jacob smiled to himself at the irony inherent in that thought. One night free of horrifying dreams and he was already prepared to start seeing weakness in others. If Al-shira had been privy to his thoughts, she likely would have smacked him upside the head.

Suddenly reminded of the commander, Jacob looked over and saw she had not left with the others. Her eyes were still locked on him, and her obvious anger made him hope he hadn’t been thinking out loud. He frowned and looked to the doorway, only to see Isaac shepherding Laurie out at the tail end of the officers. His friend paused long enough to wave jauntily at him before sliding the door closed, leaving him alone with Al-shira.

Jacob turned his attention back to her. He tried not to settle back into a defensive stance when she came to her feet. She smirked at him and walked over to lean back against the far wall. Still studying him angrily, Al-shira crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

The silence between them stretched until Jacob finally shifted his feet and cleared his throat. “Well then.”

A mocking smile curved her lips. “Yes,
captain
. Well then.”

Jacob looked toward the closed door. “It was…surprising…to see you here, Commander Al-shira. You made it abundantly clear you did not enjoy serving with me.”

Al-shira pushed herself away from the wall and walked toward the door. “Well, I’m glad you got that out of your system,
captain
. Now, if I can be dismissed, I think I will leave.”

He felt his temper flare, and he clenched his hands in spite of his determination to show no sign of it. “Commander Al-shira.” The words came out terse and his frustration was far more exposed than he had wanted, but she stopped. “I was working toward a question here. Why did you come?”

She turned back to him, and her face twisted in a grimace. “I had orders,
captain
. The same way you occasionally have them too.”

“Is that the only reason?”

Al-shira didn’t answer, and Jacob stepped forward. He settled both hands on the table to keep from clenching them further. “If you had been ordered here only, you could have petitioned to be reassigned to a different post. There’s no way you could have served so badly aboard
Badger
that they wouldn’t have listened to you. So why did you come if you hate me this much?”

Al-shira stared at him. Then she spoke reluctantly. “I…I read the message you sent to me. You sounded like you needed help to do what you needed to here.” She lifted her chin. “I know duty as much as you do,
captain.
”

Jacob nearly threw up his hands in frustration. “All right, fine. So you came here from duty, and duty alone. Tell me, since you’ve already had all of the information I gave the rest of them. How are you going to help?”

Surprise wiped some of the anger from Al-shira’s face. She blinked a couple of times before answering. “What are you talking about?”

Sensing a hint of something, Jacob came around the table and swept out his hands. “Well? You’re saying you were duty bound to come here to help deal with the problems I was having with the project. So tell me which one of those obstacles you are going to help remove.”

She folded her arms and stared at him. “Which problems are you talking about? The ones in your head or the ones in the construction process?”

Jacob grunted. “Frankly I’d take either, but let’s focus on the ships’ problems first.” Al-shira’s eyes widened, and he tried to force the words past the sudden lump in his throat. “The problem with the weapons I have Isaac working on, but do you have anything else to contribute there?”

Al-shira’s eyes narrowed as if she suspected he was avoiding something, but she answered the question. “Not really. Lieutenant Bellworth is probably the best qualified to address that particular issue.”

“And the reporters?” Why did he suddenly feel so tired? Jacob leaned against the table, trying to take some of his weight off his legs.

She continued to watch him, dark eyes sharp as a hawk’s. “The reporters we could ask Laurie to take care of. She’s probably the best Countermeasures officer we have, and that mindset might help her to anticipate and deflect their questions.” Al-shira paused. “You didn’t mention the riftjump mechanism problem, but I assume your message to your sister’s boyfriend had something to do with that. They’re both already on their way here.”

He straightened up in shock. “What?” Jacob composed himself with an effort and shook his head ruefully. “He’s dragging her out here with him? What is he thinking?”

Al-shira smirked. “As I understand it, she pushed things along when she realized you were trying to separate them. Your sister is not one to hide things from, Jacob.” She gestured to him disdainfully. “She seems to have realized you don’t communicate very well, and that you wouldn’t have kept track of how she is doing.”

“I’ve done my best, Al-shira.” He stopped, and tried to bring the conversation back on topic. “Is there anything else you haven’t told me about from home, or can we talk about the ships again?”

“The ships are going to do fine, Jacob. Once your officers work out the details, they will be the epitome of perfection, ready to tear out the heart of the Oduran League and finish the war once and for all.” She accompanied her words with grandiose gestures, and Jacob felt his hackles rising again. “And I am sure the great Captain Jacob Hull will be along for the ride, ready to sweep away everyone who opposes him.”

Finally, Jacob couldn’t stand it anymore. He shook his head. “You aren’t making any sense to me. No sense at all.” She didn’t give him an answer, and he continued. “Al-shira, I know you don’t trust me in command any more. You made it clear when you told me I shouldn’t accept the promotion to captain. You made it clearer when you requested to be transferred out from under my command. With all that behind us, why are you here? Why did you come to the last place you could possibly want to be?”

Al-shira glared at him, her expression indignant. “I never said I didn’t trust you,
captain.
”

Jacob levered himself away from the table. He took a step toward her, like a bull pawing the ground. “Yes, actually, you did! Why else would you want me to turn down the promotion? Why else would you leave as soon as I took it? You think I’m incompetent, and anyone under me will get killed.” He felt bands of iron around his chest again, and he had to force himself to continue when his breath grew short. “Well you were right, Naomi. I did get them all killed, just like you thought I would.”

His voice grew ragged, almost desperate, but he couldn’t stop talking. “So why, after everything I’ve done wrong, are you here? You’ve seen what happened to the
Terrier
. If you had been there…” The bands abruptly squeezed the air from him, and he had no breath left to continue.

“No, not this time.” Al-shira’s glare could have stripped the paint off a wall. She took a step forward again, her hands clenched. “I’m tired of answering questions. I’m tired of trying to warn you about every threat you keep stumbling into. And I’m sure as hell tired of having to explain myself. So let me ask you something,
Captain
Hull. What do
you
want from
me
? Because I’ll be damned if I can figure it out on my own.”

The panic had started to fade. He met her eyes, and the answer came instantly. “I want you to trust me again. Like you did before.”

She was watching him, still silent. Her eyes went wide for a moment, and as he struggled to keep upright, she took a step forward. He glared at her, and she drew back, her mouth firm. “Jacob, I trust you. I always have.”

Jacob gritted his teeth. The bands around his lungs loosened, and he could force the words out much easier. “Then you need to act like it!” Her eyes grew hard, but he forged ahead, undaunted. “You can yell at me however much you like Al-shira. You can pick at me and taunt me and call me
captain
to your heart’s content, but when the chips are down I need to know I can count on you. That you’ll stand by me, instead of just saying I told you so. I need an ally to help me, someone I can depend on.”

Her eyes blazed. “Is that all,
captain
? Someone willing to take the bullets for you when you screw up? You don’t think that’s a little too much to ask?”

He didn’t back down, though inside he felt more fear than he ever had facing Oduran guns. “No, Naomi, I don’t think so. Because you know damn well I would do the same for you.”

They both fell silent for a moment, their eyes still locked across the distance that separated them.

Then Al-shira smiled. “All right,
captain
, you’ve got a deal. But I hope you’re not expecting me to suddenly make things easy on you.”

The statement tore a laugh from him. “Naomi, when have you ever been easy on me?” She grinned, and as he continued to chuckle, he felt the paralysis fall away from his breathing. For a moment at least he felt whole.

Then he fell quiet again and asked another question. “Naomi. I need to know. Why did you leave the
Terrier
?”

She dropped her gaze and turned away. “I know you. You take the loss of your crew hard. It was hard for you at Reefhome, but it was harder for you with every new responsibility. And you weren’t letting anyone else help; you had to bear the whole burden.” She wrapped her arms around herself as if warding off a chill. “I was already seeing it tear you apart, and I could see how it would only get worse with a higher rank. When you accepted it, I couldn’t stay and watch it happen again and again. I couldn’t. So I left.”

Al-shira turned back to him again, and her eyes were filled with a kind of exasperated rage. “Then I realized you were going to keep on burying yourself in guilt, and I was
still
going to feel it, no matter where I was. I had to worry about you when you were all the way out on the border, and any message would take days to reach you. Not that you were sending many.”

Jacob raised his hands in surrender at her glare.

She continued before he could apologize—as if it would have saved him in any case. “So when you sent me a message, I saw my chance. Maybe this time I could convince you. Maybe
this
time you’d listen before you turned yourself into a wreck.” She raised an eyebrow. “Not that I had much hope, of course. You’re kind of stupid that way.”

He turned away, embarrassed for a moment. After clearing his throat, Jacob spoke quietly. “So that’s why you came back?”

“You single-minded bastard.” She laughed and shook her head. “Yes, that’s why. You’re not going to get rid of me this time.” Al-shira paused. “The others came to fix the ships, but I came to fix you.”

Jacob laughed. He couldn’t help it. “Glad to give you something to work on in your spare time, Commander. I might be a bit more than you can handle.”

“I’d like to see you try to live up to that,
captain
.” He settled his gaze on her and she smiled. “I can handle quite a bit. And if you hadn’t been trying to soldier through on your own the past few months, maybe I could’ve been helping before now.”

“Maybe.” Jacob nodded slowly. He paused and looked away. “I’m sorry, Al-shira. For everything.”

She snorted and started toward the door. “Oh, an apology won’t be enough,
captain
. You owe me now, and I intend to collect a favor that makes this little routine look like child’s play.” Al-shira stretched and glanced down at him. “Are you going to stand around all day, or will we get some work done?”

He smiled and followed her to the door. “Work sounds good, Commander Al-shira.”

As she reached the door, she turned and raised an eyebrow at him. “You know, Jacob, I hope you’re worth all of this. I’ve gone to quite a bit of trouble for you, and I’d hate to see it wasted.”

A quip rose to his lips, something Isaac would probably say, but Jacob smashed it down. “Well, I’ll try to live up to your high expectations, then.” She chuckled, and Jacob found himself surprised to realize how much he had missed that sound. He smiled and shook his head. “So if this hadn’t worked, what were you going to do? Clock me and finally get it out of your system?

Her smile could have outshone any star. “Pretty much, actually. Let’s say there’s a practice dummy on
Badger
that’s going to be very relieved we talked this out.”

It wasn’t the only one feeling relief then. Jacob grunted. “And if that hadn’t worked?”

“Sergeant Calderon owes me a favor. If a punch hadn’t done it, a railgun round might have.” He stared at her and she gave him a smile far too bright for his comfort as she led the way out the door. “Well, Captain, what shall we do first today?”

Chapter Fifteen

Jacob was working on a simulation when he heard the knock on the door. Or, more precisely, the doorframe, since the door was wide open. He cursed himself silently for leaving it open and looked up to see both Isaac and Laurie entering. Isaac had a reader in his hand. “Isaac. Laurie. It’s good to see you again.”

Isaac smiled at him. “Good to see you too. What are you up to all the way down here?”

Jacob barely suppressed a grimace. The simulation was not something he’d wanted to share with anyone, let alone someone as capable of taunting him about it as Isaac. He’d barely managed to convince Al-shira to use her access to
Badger
’s codes to retrieve them for him, and it had taken a few days to do that much. She hadn’t understood completely why he wanted the simulations the High Admiral had asked him to do during his time on
Badger
, but she had finally thrown her hands up in despair and given him it, if only to shut him up about it.